Shadow Unit LJ

Daphne: Yankees Talk About Sex Toys*

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:09:42 -0800

Cousin Joe: The twenty-first century has reached the Northeast Kingdom.
T: I'll believe it when there's cell service.
Cousin Joe: The Vermont Country Store is offering marital aids now.
T: ...
Me: What's the "Vermont Country Store"?
T: Wholesome Yankee products for the wholesome Yankee home.
Cousin Joe: Or it used to be.
T: What's unwholesome about marital aids? Marriage! We believe in it! It's as American as apple pie.
Me: *does not make American Pie joke.*
T: *kicks me under the table anyway*
Cousin Joe: It has to be. Everybody else has given up on it.
T: Even the Quebecois.
Me: I would think resourceful Yankees would, you know. Improvise. Be resourceful.
Cousin Joe: We would. That's the problem--
T: Too many ER visits about that cell phone that won't come when you call it. So to speak. Practical Yankee says, "If we just provide people with a discreet way to shop for things with flanges--"
Me: They wouldn't have to make up some story about slipping in the shower and falling on their cell phone?
Cousin Joe: You know, if it were me, I would just 'fess up. You know, you'll get less hazing if you just walk--
T: --hobble--
Me: You can actually walk okay once it's all the way inserted. This is professional knowledge, not personal.
Cousin Joe: ...as long as you're out there, would you bring me back another beer? --less hazing, as I was saying, if you just walk in and tell the admitting nurse "You know, I was trying to reach that special place and I kind of lost control of the situation. Next time I'll use something with a flared base."
Me: They might give you a sticker for being so brave and honest.
Cousin Joe: It's not so bad for you girls. You can just slide a cucumber into a condom, rock and roll, and be reasonably certain of getting it back.
T: Cucumbers are really too fat, by my lights. The cross section is a little hefty.
Me: And this year, with all the rain? They're huge.
Cousin Joe: Unless you use one of those skinny English ones.
T: Some of them have prickers. And they're kind of brittle.
Cousin Joe: And that is why the Vermont Country Store now offers vibrators. Safety first! It's the Yankee way.
T: Well, you know, in New England you can buy cock rings next to the condoms in CVS now.
Me: Really?
T: Only the rubber ones.
Cousin Joe: They're condom retainers. Stuff shrinks when it's cold.

*quoted with permission

Todd: Untitled

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:11:48 -0800

Beautiful place.

Todd: Pretty much me.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 07:51:08 -0800

Todd: On a more cheerful note:

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:06:09 -0800

Whatever was wrong with your day, this will fix it.

Todd: Untitled

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:15:39 -0800

Really, we need to circulate those white papers more widely.

Daphne: Untitled

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:47:27 -0800

Oh, look. A coastal flood watch.

*joy*

Todd: Some people figure stuff out faster that I did.

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:51:23 -0800

"Oh, what a gift I've been given. That's the best way I can put it. The gift to move on and do something with the rest of your life."

Habiba Nosheen interviews Lt. Col. Michael Sternfeld.

Daphne: 0.o

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:39:42 -0800

He's eating pink lumpy sugar that smells like fish.

They do not PAY me enough to sit in this office.

Todd: It was twenty years ago today, Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:01:57 -0800

Nov. 9, 1989.

"Visas will be granted immediately by police stations all over the country."

Twenty years ago today I was a rookie field agent drinking schnapps in a bar in Cleveland with a woman in her late seventies who was telling stories in a German accent about what really happened when the Russians rolled into Berlin. She had gray hair stylishly cut, and was full of schnapps and also coyly-worded hints about secret marriages and clandestine escapes to South America*.

In return, I told her about meeting Gyula Horn in Budapest in 1977**, some time after he went to work for the Hungarian foreign affairs department (and long after he spent a couple of long weekends crushing anti-Soviet revolution) but long before he posed with Alois Mock and a couple pairs of pruning shears along the fences at the Austro-Hungarian border.

Heady times.

I work with people who were in grade school when that happened. Ten years from now, wherever I am, I'll probably work with people who weren't born. Unless I'm--horrors!--retired by then.
~~~

*I'm pretty sure she wasn't actually Eva Braun. But she did have big, beautiful light-brown eyes and the remnants of a redhead complexion. And they were awfully good stories.***

**It was in the line of duty. For both of us.

***She said the dress was blue. If you were still wondering.****

****My stories, of course, were all completely true.

Daphne: Peace Out

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:54:50 -0800

Witches For Darwin!

Todd: Mighty Mouse

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:56:07 -0800

"She's a real good cop."

I'll say!

Todd: Cancer is caused by bad thoughts, didn't you know?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:08:19 -0800

I get so tired of the outrage.*

I wonder what's going on in this guy's neighborhood that he has absolutely no clue he hasn't figured out? How many rapes, spousal abuse cases, child molestations? Basement meth labs? Elder abuse or neglect cases?

Yeah. It couldn't happen to us, could it? We wouldn't make those mistakes. Those people it happened to, they somehow deserved it.

Us? We're doing everything right. We follow the rules and drink our green tea and always pay our insurance premiums on time. We're safe.

No monsters under our beds.

Jimuny crickets. I wish I could bring these people to work with me for just one goddamned day.

*(context)

Todd: Untitled

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:36:33 -0700

New Scientist photo gallery on the history of mental asylums.

Of course, now the old ones are being repurposed for all sorts of things, including a puppetry museum.

Daphne: Florida: Don't Go There

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:44:09 -0700

I think the next time I have to visit Florida, I'm going to bring my own food and sleep on the plane, just to avoid contributing to the local economy in any fashion whatsoever. They rely a lot on tourism dollars, the last time I checked.

Equal rights now.

Todd: Untitled

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 12:05:39 -0700

Air support is like health insurance. You don't need it until you need it, and then when you need it you need it now.

Daphne: More overheard at the climbing gym--

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:04:07 -0700

"In winter, the climbers return to the indoor walls like the swallows to Capistrano."

"He's got these little stubby fingers. That's the only reason they don't-boom!-just snap off when he does that."
"Yeah, he got captured by the mob this one time and they were gonna break his fingers, but he wouldn't tell them anything."
"You'll get no beta from me, Nunzio!"

"I'll be upstairs watching Lost. Call me if you need to go to the hospital."

"Neil's 5.8--"
"A Neil 5.8 is a 5.10."
"Whereas one of mine is really just a 5.9. See? It's easy."

"Shit! Gravity Works!"

"What you have there is beautiful specimen of a hematoma. Also, your nail's going to fall off in a couple of weeks now."

"I can't get my foot off the ground. What is with this?"
"Is it stuck?"
"To the carpet?"
"Stranger things have happened."

"You know, it's totally the shoes. I can't stick that in my 5.10s."
"What are those?"
"La Sportiva."
"You know, the 5.10s are supposed to be stickier."
"The map is not the territory. That's all I'm saying."

"Why am I sitting when I could be lying down now?"

"Why do we do this again?"
"It's fun."
"No, that's not it."
"For the endorphins?"
"For the shoulders."

Also, hey. Did you know I'm now legally married?

Daphne: overheard at the crag:

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 13:22:23 -0700

Nothing like coming home from nearly a week on the road to get in a few quality hours on a rock face.

"If I'd known there was a sport where I could lie on the floor and people would lower shirtless boys at me, I would have signed up years earlier."

"Everybody got off the pitch safely, but then five climbers broke their ankles on the way down the approach."

"That big black X means don't use that hold. It's not safe."
"That big black X has been there for twenty years."
"Maybe we've had it wrong all this time, and it's really a treasure map."
"You mean like--ROCK! Ooops, BULLION!"

"Falling!"
"Fall away."
(that one never gets old)

"So if he knocks the cliff down on us, I'll duck under that overhang. Worthy, you step behind that tree, and... (to Tasha, who was halfway up a 5.10 at the time), I'm sorry, you're on your own. Try to surf it."

"So what the hell do I do about this roof here?"
"Try being Tasha. She didn't have any trouble with it."

"Hey, Mike, I guess I should have told you about the cut in the rope."
"Just one? Yeah, well, that's okay then."
"Yeah, it's not like it's gonna break in two places."
(There really was no cut in the rope. Bushy was just being Bushy)

"That thing on your left is called a foothold."

Todd: [friendslocked] We win.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 09:35:30 -0700

Yay.

Todd: What's a little volcano between friends?

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 09:41:29 -0700

Todd: Canyonlands via Crackberry

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:34:13 -0700

Todd: Setting out

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:57:32 -0700

Daphne: Dear Mom,

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 08:50:58 -0700

I'm sorry I was late to work today.

A bunny ate ~~my homework~~ the cord on my alarm clock.

Love,

trollcatz

Todd: Off like a prom dress!

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:13:18 -0700

I'm informed that I'm not to report to work tomorrow, as apparently three weeks of leave have suddenly become mandatory.

So I've fed the fish and checked my tires and I'm going to Alaska. With a friend. By indirect routes.

And when we get there we're turning around and coming home again.

Don't wait up, but maybe I'll post from the road if something really interesting happens.

Todd: The world has never known a day quite like today.

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:18:00 -0700

Walter Cronkite died yesterday.

He was the anchor of the CBS evening news from 1962 to 1981, but his influence extended far beyond those nineteen years. The very term anchor was coined in 1952 to describe his role in covering the Democratic and Republican conventions. His authority as a newsreader has never been equalled in the western world, and some credit questions raised in his trusted voice as being instrumental in bringing about a change in American attitudes towards the Vietnam War.

I had just turned fifteen when he made this broadcast. It infuriated me. Intemperate words may have been spoken regarding Mr. Cronkite's patriotism, journalistic fitness, and the presumed marital status of his parents.

I was very young.

In a month or a year or so, I may be able to write something that reveals obliquely the impact he had on the course of my life. Something that demonstrates without explaining, something that allows the reader to fill in the blanks. Today, all I can say is that I changed my mind sometime later, under circumstances complicated by personal experience, and so Walter Cronkite is probably the reason I became a reporter. It seems odd to be writing about his death now, when I've just started dabbling in public writing (albeit for this very small audience) again.

Mr. Cronkite has been ill for some time, his faculties reportedly failing, and 92 is a fine ripe old age for anyone. The good, thank God, don't always die young.

NASA gave him a moon rock. That's a mark of a life well lived.

#

Today, in Britain, the world's oldest man died. Henry Allingham was 113 years old and fought in the war that was raging in Europe the year Cronkite was born. Allingham was the last remaining veteran of the original Royal Air Force, and the second-to-last remaining veteran of the Great War in England. He was born during the reign of Queen Victoria.

According to AP reports, he attributed his longevity to "cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women."

#

So much has changed since March 30th, 1979. Three Mile Island is no longer the world's worst nuclear disaster, for one thing. The calm voice telling us about it is stilled. And I have gotten older.

Some of you reading this were probably not even born when it happened. It's history, for you. But for me, it's an event I covered, and it doesn't seem possible that it was thirty years, three months, and nineteen days ago.

So indulge me for a moment, and think about what it was like when The China Syndrome was in the theatres, the wind could shift at any moment, and we didn't know yet how the story would end.

Someday, we will all be history.

What sort of day was it? A day like all days, filled with those events that alter and illuminate our times ... and you were there.
--Walter Cronkite

Daphne: Losers on Friday Night on The Computer*

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:28:44 -0700

Is it wrong to covet the hot air balloon lamp? And the drunken vodka glasses?

*TM Amanda Fucking Palmer

Todd: Valor.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:17:19 -0700

Major Ed Freeman was real, and he was an honest to Betsy war hero. He was a veteran of WWII as well as Korea and Vietnam, things we don't even qualify with the words Conflict or War anymore when we mention them casually.

He died on August 29th of last year.

He was eighty.

According to Snopes.com and other easily accessible internet sources, his Medal of Honor citation reads as follows:

Captain Ed W. Freeman, United States Army, distinguished himself by numerous acts of conspicuous gallantry and extraordinary intrepidity on 14 November 1965 while serving with Company A, 229th Assault Helicopter Battalion, 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile).

As a flight leader and second in command of a 16-helicopter lift unit, he supported a heavily engaged American infantry battalion at Landing Zone X-Ray in the Ia Drang Valley, Republic of Vietnam. The unit was almost out of ammunition after taking some of the heaviest casualties of the war, fighting off a relentless attack from a highly motivated, heavily armed enemy force.

When the infantry commander closed the helicopter landing zone due to intense direct enemy fire, Captain Freeman risked his own life by flying his unarmed helicopter through a gauntlet of enemy fire time after time, delivering critically needed ammunition, water and medical supplies to the besieged battalion.

His flights had a direct impact on the battle's outcome by providing the engaged units with timely supplies of ammunition critical to their survival, without which they would almost surely have gone down, with much greater loss of life. After medical evacuation helicopters refused to fly into the area due to intense enemy fire, Captain Freeman flew 14 separate rescue missions, providing life-saving evacuation of an estimated 30 seriously wounded soldiers — some of whom would not have survived had he not acted. All flights were made into a small emergency landing zone within 100 to 200 meters of the defensive perimeter where heavily committed units were perilously holding off the attacking elements. Captain Freeman's selfless acts of great valor, extraordinary perseverance and intrepidity were far above and beyond the call of duty or mission and set a superb example of leadership and courage for all of his peers.

Captain Freeman's extraordinary heroism and devotion to duty are in keeping with the highest traditions of military service and reflect great credit upon himself, his unit and the United States Army.

Thanks, Major.

I salute you.

I mention this today because there's a chain email going around claiming Major Freeman died on the same day as Michael Jackson, and that an acknowledgement of his service to his country has been lost in the media furor over Jackson's passing.

In fact, Freeman was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor in 2001, while he was still alive, a feat that approximately one in six recipients do not manage. Freeman received the thanks of a grateful nation from the hand of the President--thirty-six years late, but some things are slow in arriving.

After his death, they named a post office in his hometown after him.

Ed Freeman lived, and was real, and saved uncountable human lives. Some of the things he did to save those American soldiers may very well have resulted in the deaths of other human beings, because among the supplies he airlifted were cases of ammo for those engaged.

This fact does not lessen or qualify his heroism. But in an honest assessment, it must be acknowledged.

None of this is meant to denigrate the contributions and sacrifices of Mr. Jackson (I wonder how many lives he saved? And the media spotlight he endured almost certainly cost him his own.), but to make a simple point.

When you repurpose someone else's narrative, their heroism and their sacrifice, for a didactic purpose, you are already on shaky moral ground.

When in order to do so, you lie--sir or madam, you become a monster.

For whoever habitually suppresses truth in the interests of tact will produce a deformity from the womb of his thought.

--Captain B. H. Liddell Hart*

Thank you, Major Freeman. And thank you too, Mr. Jackson. I very much hope you are both now at peace.

*Quoted in full irony. Really, a textbook example of leakage.

Daphne: Untitled

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 09:18:36 -0700

Hey, ace_cub_reportr--

No, you can't believe your eyes.

Todd: Untitled

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 07:25:47 -0700

This is not gun control.

Todd: This is pretty much my day.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:22:08 -0700

Every day.

Todd: This is what it looks like when somebody you love dies in the road.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:15:47 -0700

I wish I could say I've never seen anything like this before.

...blue jeans. You know, I could learn to hate those goddamned things.

Todd: Intentionally cryptic venting.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:50:10 -0700

Oscar. Mike. Golf. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Bravo. Bravo. Quebec.

Todd: How not to die.

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:35:21 -0700

This came around the office email again (every four months, without fail, somebody else discovers it). I'm pretty sure it's an abbreviation/evolution of this classic piece of useful internet wisdom, adjusted for law enforcement use. (The bit about yelling "Fire!" is great advice. An appeal to the hearer's self-preservation instinct is never a bad thing.)

Handy things to know in a firefight.

1. In a combat situation, you are never adequately armed or adequately defended.
2. Or smart enough, or quick enough, or lucky enough.
3. You also never have enough ammunition.
4. Almost only counts with horseshoes, hand-grenades, and H-bombs.
5. Hesitation kills.
6. Making sure of your target is not hesitation.
7. If your shooting stance is good, you're not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.
8. Nothing is bulletproof. However, hard cover is better than soft cover, and any cover is better than no cover at all.
9. Bring a friend. Bring two, if you have them. Dead men ditch their backup.
10. Communicate.
11. Move. Specifically, move away. Erratically. If you can get behind the other guy, you've already won. But remember, he knows that too.
12. Your accuracy will suffer under stress.
13. After the second shot, you will lose count. Have another magazine handy.
14. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
15. Cheat to win. There are no rules.
16. Have a plan, and decide now that you have the gonads to go through with it--or to discard it when it fails.
17. Plans are cheap. Have two.
18. Practice in suboptimal conditions, one-handed, off-handed, in the dark and the rain. Be sure of your equipment. However, when you are actually involved in a gunfight, use both hands.
19. Forget everything you have seen on TV.
20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
21. It is better to be remorseful than to be room temperature.
22. You have nothing to prove. Spilled pride cleans up easier than spilled blood.

NuChaz: potentially extended internet vacancy--

Tue, 12 May 2009 08:05:41 -0700

I may be gone for a while, guys.

Don't worry and don't wait up. I'm fine.

Sorry for the Intentionally Cryptic Transmission.

Todd: criminy.

Mon, 11 May 2009 06:27:26 -0700

"Call on God, but row away from the rocks. "
--Hunter S. Thompson

Tell me something good.

NuChaz: Okay, who implanted the David Byrne DNA in Jack White? Fess up now.

Sat, 09 May 2009 06:17:00 -0700

NuChaz: 7:22 PM on a Thursday...

Thu, 07 May 2009 16:22:54 -0700

Guess where I am?

There's not enough comp time in the world, Spleen.

Is it just me, or is that Roy Orbison song a little... suggestive?

NuChaz: Untitled

Thu, 07 May 2009 11:32:22 -0700

Thursday's date, 5/7/09, is one of only six this century that will feature three consecutive odd numbers.

Hafidha: mah Confucian bureaucracy: I shows u it

Wed, 06 May 2009 13:11:14 -0700

From the massive, finely-engineered conspiracy that hushed up the Kennedy assassinations, to this.

We must be out of practice.

Daphne: Untitled

Wed, 06 May 2009 11:36:59 -0700

Five.

NuChaz: Untitled

Wed, 06 May 2009 10:19:52 -0700

This morning's blues euphemism collection:

"You've gone to get your bucket spiked."
"Somebody's been fishing in my pond."

...what have you got?

NuChaz: [locked/work] Hey Duke--

Tue, 05 May 2009 09:34:09 -0700

That thing I was trying to explain in Miami?

This is it here:

Weird, except you know, not. Because I couldn't explain it, but apparently Ed Robertson can, even though he's not me.

Daphne: Strawberry Salsa

Tue, 05 May 2009 06:03:22 -0700

Upon experiment, not sure how I feel about that....

Maybe I did it wrong.

NuChaz: I was halfway paralyzed.

Mon, 04 May 2009 19:11:05 -0700

The guy in this song sounds as if he could be, you know, That Guy. And nobody wants to be That Guy.

Except sometimes you just are. Because, well, she stood just like Bill Wyman. All you can do is try not to be obvious about it.

I kinda like this song, you know? Even if it is almost as old as I am.

Daphne: You knew this was coming.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 08:36:31 -0700

First, read this.

Then, assemble one of these.

Third, get plenty of rest and exercise, drink fluids, eat nutritious food, and handwash, handwash, handwash. Your flu vaccination (which you got, right?) will not protect you from this one. If you get sick, call your doctor (if you have a doctor) and stay home. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

Don't panic.

(Note large friendly yellow letters.)

No, you cannot get the swine flu from eating pork or from going out in the cold.

The "good" news is, all the known deaths so far are in Mexico, and cases reported elsewhere seem "mild" (as mild as flu gets, meaning, not requiring hospitalization (ETC: One US case required hospitalization)). Which may mean that there's a second, opportunistic infection piling in in Mexico City (though that's total speculation on my part) or it may mean something else entirely.

*political commentary about the lack of current heads for certain relevant government agencies redacted*

Daphne: Scenes from a weekend:

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 10:07:17 -0700

1) Friday night: arrive home safe, if tired, from Extensive Journeying. Greeted at door by spouse, who is holding something behind her back. Do not get hug, because whatever she's holding behind her back is... squirming.

Say, "Honey?"

Spouse says, "Don't be mad."

Spouse then produces a small black and white squirming thing that bears absolutely no resemblance to the First Dog, other than utter cuteness. In fact, it's not even a dog. Nor, despite the fact that it is white with a black face, feet, and ears, is it a Siamese cat. It has long floppy ears and a little spotted nose and it looks distinctly... disapproving.

Say, "You got a... bunny?"

Spouse says, "He's a baby Himalayan and he can be housebroken and he won't get very big and he likes people and--"

Say, "Somebody in the Department was giving them away and you've wanted a bunny since you were twelve?"

Spouse says, "Six."

Say, "What's his name?"

Spouse says, "UmTiger."

"Tiger?"

Spouse nods.

Reflect that Spouse is even cuter than the rabbit. Say, "Okay, but you have to take him for walks."

Saturday morning: Wake up early to doorbell. Open door to find itinerant monotreme co-worker bearing bagels, cream cheese, lox, capers, mysteriously decent tomatoes, red onions, mangos, strawberries.

Say "STRAWBERRIES!"

Notice calculating expression on monotreme's face as you dive upon the strawberries, still in your pajamas. Usher him into the still-half-disassembled kitchen anyway, to show off the working sink. Hand bagels and cream cheese and lox and trimmings to spouse for assembly. Mouth full of strawberries, ask monotreme "So what's the occasion?"

Monotreme, who is currently leaning over the (working!) sink sucking the leftover pulp off a mango seed with his eyes closed in bliss, takes his time finishing. "Well," he says, "I'm meeting Tasha and Keck at Catwalk, and I figured you probably wanted a day home with Spouse, but I figured the least I could do was drop by and say hi and let you know we were going."

Say, "You exist to torment me," simultaneous with Spouse saying, "I know where she keeps the guns."

Monotreme says, "Hey! Is that a bunny? Do bunnies like strawberries?"

Decide that now would be a good time to make coffee.

Saturday afternoon: Picnic in the park, complete with takeout chicken and a personal watermelon. Get a sunburn. Bliss.

Come home to your bunny.

Sunday morning: Sleep until noon.

In conclusion: best weekend ever.

NuChaz: Which reminds me. It's time for second breakfast already.

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:42:46 -0700

*Interesting blog summary of the Minnesota Starvation Study. Could be pretty triggery reading for some. Here's Wikipedia's article on same, for context.

Please note, in 1944, starvation for an adult male was defined as somewhere in the range of 1600 to 1800 calories a day, depending on the participant. How many modern diet books recommend that as a maximum intake?

Let me quote from the Wikipedia article.

Among the many conclusions from the study was the confirmation that prolonged semi-starvation produces significant increases in depression, hysteria and hypochondriasis as measured using the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), a standardized test administered during the experimental period. Indeed, most of the subjects experienced periods of severe emotional distress and depression. There were extreme reactions to the psychological effects during the experiment including self-mutilation (one subject amputated three fingers of his hand with an axe, though the subject was unsure if he had done so intentionally or accidentally). Participants exhibited a preoccupation with food, both during the starvation period and the rehabilitation phase. Sexual interest was drastically reduced and the volunteers showed signs of social withdrawal and isolation. The participants reported a decline in concentration, comprehension and judgment capabilities, although the standardized tests administered showed no actual signs of diminished capacity. There were marked declines in physiological processes indicative of decreases in each subject’s basal metabolic rate (the energy required by the body in a state of rest) and reflected in reduced body temperature, respiration and heart rate. Some of the subjects exhibited edema (swelling) in the extremities, presumably due to the massive quantities of water the participants consumed attempting to fill their stomachs during the starvation period.

What do we learn? We learn that being hungry makes you crazy and sick.

Thank you, William Anderson, Harold Blickenstaff, Wendell Burrous, Edward Cowles, George Ebeling, Carlyle Frederick, Jasper Gardner, Lester Glick, James Graham, Earl Heckman, Roscoe Hinkle, Max Kampelman, Sam Legg, Phillip Liljengren, Howard Lutz, Robert McCullagh, William McReynolds, Dan Miller, L. Wesley Miller, Richard Mundy, Daniel Peacock, James Plaugher, Woodrow Rainwater, Donald Sanders, Cedric (Henry) Scholberg, Charles Smith, William Stanton, Raymond Summers, Marshall Sutton, Kenneth Tuttle, Robert Villwock, William Wallace, Franklin Watkins, W. Earl Weygandt, Robert Wiloughby and Gerald Wilsnack.

*Blogger agenda warning, but it's one I mostly agree with, with the caveats that for those of us who don't have a healthy metabolism things are a lot more complicated and I disagree with what appears to be her implied advocacy of processed food.

NuChaz: Untitled

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 10:02:37 -0700

Lunch today: brown and wild rice, diced avocados, diced tomatoes, grated cheddar cheese. Carrot/orange/beet/pear juice.

By the whirr of their juicers shall ye know them.

I'm bored and the office is empty today.

NuChaz: Fortunately, my camera was still on the floor beside my bed, next to the laptop.

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:17:26 -0700

You know, sometimes when you work different shifts, the only indication you have that you have a room-mate is used towels in the bathroom and vanishing food, or maybe fresh groceries in the fridge--if they're a considerate sort of roomie, I mean?

So four weeks ago there was a dead, stiff, uneaten city rat on the landing. Not near the Angry Kitteh's food and shelter box, but over under the window. It had no obvious wounds, so I decided it either died of plague or a broken neck, and dealt with it in a manner of which the city of Arlington would probably not approve (tossed it in the dumpster).

I hadn't actually seen her since February, but I kept leaving the window open a crack, and sometimes I found muddy pawprints on the sill. Also, one time the butter disappeared out of the butter dish, and the dish was very clean. Polished. Not even greasy. Must have been ghosts.

Butter-eating ghosts.

So I have this thing in my bedroom, kind of a stacked black wire baskets organizer thing for socks and stuff. Well, earlier today I woke up from a totally recreational nap with the weirdest sensation that I was being watched.

...from the bottom basket.

Thirteen seconds after this was taken, she hissed at me and bolted for the window and the city beyond. But I got a photo!

And I think it demonstrates clearly how she got her name.

NuChaz: World's easiest chilled spicy soba (from cristalia, whose futon bears my buttprint)

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 04:36:25 -0700

Slice up or pre-cook or otherwise prepare small veggies--green onions, peas, diced carrots, diced tomato, radishes, sprouts, mushrooms, julienned ginger, whatever.

Take some soba, cook according to the package destructions, drain, and douse in cold water (icewater is best).

While the soba is chilling, in a bowl of appropriate size to the soba, mix 2 parts (good, fermented, not fake brown salty rancid water) soy sauce, 1 part rice wine vinegar, a shake or two of sesame oil (chili oil is fine), and some Thai chili garlic sauce/hot cock sauce/chili seed sauce (to taste). I also add a little bit of Thai roasted chili paste, but this is an elaboration. Add a diced raw garlic clove or five.

Whisk or fork this together until it's blended into a vinaigrette.

Drain the soba well, mix in the veggies, and dump the whole mess into the bowl with the sauce. Toss. Grab utensils. Go sit on the porch/balcony/fire escape/lawn and eat while watching the world go by. Make appreciative noises. Fawn on the cook, or, alternately, pretend you slaved all day.

Any leftovers are still good the next morning for breakfast. If you should happen to have any leftovers. Which strikes me as unlikely.

Hafidha: [locked/work] Hurm.

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 11:04:09 -0700

Think fast.

Hurm. Hurmity hurm. HURM.

...now I have a head full of questions about neuroplasticity and flatlines and jammers and the Bug.

I know we have Dr. Frost and Dr. Baylor and Dr. Reyes and Dr. Ramachandran. But we need a damned neurologist. Of oourse, then she'd just want to poke me in the brains. Maybe nevermind.

Harpy, we're sending you back to school. Don't worry: El Jefe and I will make sure the government pays.

NuChaz: Untitled

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 11:18:33 -0700

Lunch today: approximately 3000 calories of guacamole, baked tortilla chips, and salsa from last summer from the freezer. I'm declaring avocado a good fat, dammit.

Because I said.

Nom.

Harpy, Outside tomorrow?

Daphne: For a friend...

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:19:46 -0700

...since the subject came up.

NuChaz: Sigh. Still hungry. But too tired to eat any more.

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:11:30 -0700

So there's a problem with adding parkour, yoga, swimming, and t'ai chi to my already busy schedule of work, WoW, climbing, life...

I can't freaking stop eating. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get 8000 low-fat, low-protein, low-refined-carb calories inside you in a day?

On the other hand, I have gained fifteen pounds since this time last year, and I think all of it is muscle.

(N.B: they were actually Clif Bars. I do have some standards. The peanuts were actually peanut butter, on the banana bread, but Fitday doesn't think you can make peanut butter that is just ground up peanuts and salt. Fortunately, beer has calories.)

NuChaz: So it's not a very good scanner.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 09:06:54 -0700

So I just got called into the boss's office so he could give me something in a brown envelope. And it wasn't a pink slip.

I think I totally have her nose.

I remember what she looked like, but I didn't have any photos before today. Some just found me. (My grandparents' house burned down last year, and I thought everything in it went, too, but the photos were saved by a first responder. El Jefe said he didn't want to tell me until he was sure he could get them released for me. There are perks to this job.)

She would have been about seventeen when that was taken, and she looks older. Which is also like me, I guess.

...you know, if I put it on the Internet, it's forever. That's satisfying to think about.

Hafidha: Even I won't eat these things.

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 07:55:29 -0700

So it's nice to know they have a job to do on this earth in spite of it.

(Special props to #7. Please note toupee.)

(Thanks to gerisullivan, even tho the WaPo is my local rag.)

Daphne: Woof!

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 18:38:01 -0700

Gotta go with the Catholics on this one. They have a better sense of humor. (NB: Tongue in cheek warning. Via joeboo_k)

Also, time traveler's cheat sheet, via el_jefe.

NuChaz: best salsa evar

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:13:48 -0700

1 ripe mango, diced.
2 tsp of red onion or green onions (yes, scallions, you Eastern heathens), diced very very small
1 small chile (your choice of variety: I use habaneros, but I understand that some folks find them challenging.) with the veins and seeds cleaned out, also diced very very small
squeeze of fresh lime juice
sprinkle of sea salt

Combine the ingredients. Let sit five minutes.

Serve on everything, but especially on salt-fried salmon with crispy, crispy skin, over heroic quantities of brown rice, with garlicky vinegary turnip greens on the side.

If scaling, you don't really need to add another pepper until you get to three or four mangoes.

Failure modes:
You cut your finger off.
You left the onion or pepper chunks too big (think milimeters, here).
You tried to do this by whizzing everything in the food processor and made soup. Use a knife.
Your mango wasn't ripe.
You didn't seed and vein the chile.
You did seed and vein the chile, but you didn't wear gloves and then you touched your eye.
You ate your lovely romantic dinner with a partner, and said partner was so impressed they promptly dragged you into bed, where mouth-to-mucous-membrane contact resulted in an unforgettable experience. Ahem. You don't need the endorphins that bad.*

Yeah. Don't do those things. Take it from me.

*Pure capsaicin, by the way, is a hydrophobic, odorless, colorless, waxy solid at room temperature. Birds are immune to its effects: it is biological warfare targeted specifically at mammals. However, it also has potent analgesic properties and appears to be effective in helping people (like me) with blood sugar issues to stay regulated.

Chiles are chock full of vitamin C, beta carotene, and B vitamins, by the way. So it's not the capsaicin that's good for you when you have a cold: it's the vitamins (anecdotal evidence aside, chiles do not seem to have a positive effect on rhinitis. On the other hand, the analgesic effects probably help with cold symptoms!).

I knew you were curious.

Hafidha: Avast, vast, reluctance.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 08:05:16 -0700

If I were in a different unit, I could be fighting pirates.

Also, there is stupid, and there is OMFG DID YOU LEAVE YOUR HEAD ON THE PILLOW WHEN YOU GOT OUT OF BED THIS MORNING?

NuChaz: Untitled

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 07:53:38 -0700

Friday morning freedom yoga class report: OMGYAY Filipina goth chick with the long loose braid who pitched her mat next to mine today. Talk about your basic day-improver. Amazing how you can tell she's a goth chick even in yoga togs. The eyeliner and bangs give it away. And the black workout socks. Who has black workout socks?

Music included Everlast (with swearing, very much embarrassing the instructor, who must have forgotten that the F-word was in that song), Lennon (instant karma will have to get in line), Bonnie (and the angel from Mongomery.) Also, somebody new to me--Professor Trance, a song called "Breath Connects Us All." Good stuff.

P.S., there's blueberry poppyseed bread in the kitchen. Because bribing your coworkers begins at home. And if you all fail your drug tests, can I have your jobs?

NuChaz: When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, we'll all be sitting around snarking on the internet:

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 21:36:19 -0700

Metairie man says stranger chewed, swallowed after taking bite out of his arm

Bonnie Lancellotti also has concerns about the suspect, who apparently had been treated at East Jefferson General Hospital earlier in the day for a finger injury. Vargas was released 45 minutes before the attack, according to the incident report.
Bonnie Lancellotti wondered whether hospital staff noticed anything amiss while treating Vargas. "This person's clearly lost his sense, " she said. "I mean, what else can you say, eating people's skin?"

...and apparently patient zero is still out there.

Gonna be a big lurch next year.

NuChaz: [flocked/peeps] I'm not sure yet if that was a mistake or not.

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 06:37:48 -0700

Stayed up wayyyy too late last night reading Steph Davis' blog. It made me all restless, and I wound up layering up in hoodies and gloves and taking the Holstein out for a couple of hours in the cold and pretending to be a teenaged vagrant. (No tickets this time. Or contusions. *g*)

She makes me homesick. Homesick for... me. For the person I used to be, the one I gave up for this job and this life and... well, family, though I didn't expect to get that back then. Maybe answers. I think I was hoping for answers.

What a weird sensation. Like a funhouse mirror into the life I walked away from.

If I had made different choices, that would be my trip to Patagonia, my sponsorship deals, my travel schedule, my food- and dog-blogging. Or I'd be dead, which is always a possibility. You know.

It's still sharp back there, if I look for it. What it was like, what it felt like to be up there, jamming a crack, nothing between you and the world but a couple of hundred feet of air and the contact between the rock and your skin and your shoes, knowing that when you get there you'll leave the rock behind too, to buy a few seconds of flying.

Belonging to nobody, owing nothing to anyone.

I couldn't go back to it now. I can't trust my body that much anymore. It doesn't always work right the first time, and you don't get a second one.

You give stuff up for other stuff. But if you don't lie to yourself, you know what you gave up. And it's good to remember that, because it reminds you how much what you have now is worth.

I'm not sad about the price. Don't get me wrong. I figured out a while back that I wouldn't give up what I have now.

Just right this minute, I'm remembering that there was a price, is all.

Daphne: and the Cowboy yells across the aisle, "Hey, Worth, did you see this?"

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:01:14 -0700

...I think I get to have a second wedding in Vermont.

NuChaz: "It's okay for things to go away. And I'm even more free."

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 07:28:54 -0700

Steph Davis, totally rad.

Steph Davis - Castleton And Diamond Free Solo from Andrew on Vimeo.

Steph Davis- Climbing Castleton, and Jumping Off of it from Andrew on Vimeo.

Guh.

She reminds me a little of somebody I used to know.

Daphne: It's the same direction: Up.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 13:11:08 -0700

So why am I sore in different places after yesterday's expedition Outside?

But it was awesome. New route (for me, anyway) on Old Rag. It was tough and tricky and I had three utterly embarrassing flail sections in spite of excellent Platypus advice, but at last I triumphed, like this: ! And was so full of adrenaline that we had to go throw ourselves at a bouldering problem downslope, which I fell off halfway up, which, for some reason, was hysterically funny. To me, anyway. But this is my journal, so it's, you know, about me. *g*

And I sunburned my nose. So it's totally spring, and I am a Happy Harpy.

Good thing, too, since the house is demolished. Well, partially. Mighty Contractor J adores the Platypus; she says if he ever gets tired of shooting at things, he can come work for her. She also regrets that neither T. nor I are as tall as Platypus, since we have high ceilings. She says it's wasted on us. *g* During the planning meeting they bounced around our intact-if-inadequate kitchen like kids with new Legos. MCJ has figured out how to re-use all the good 1950s solid birch cabinets (and where to rent the dumpster for the horrible fiberboard and laminate 1970s ones, presumably).

The refrigerator is plugged in in the dining room, and the microwave and the coffee maker sit beside it on a folding table. We won't starve. Yet.

Other Wisdom of MCJ:

1. Kitchen islands are a sub-optimal location for a range top. By definition, a lot of traffic moves around an island. Some of that traffic may be distracted, or may slip on a spinach leaf. Said traffic would be better off not running the risk of putting its hand down on a hot burner.

(I startled her by saying I'd once responded to three home emergency calls in one month that involved burns and kitchen island stoves. MCJ is not used to remodeling kitchens for AdventureSquad! members.)

2. You do not want a bigger kitchen. You want a kitchen two people can work comfortably in. After that, you want a more efficient kitchen. Bigger will only mean that the colander is always too damned far away.

3. Though you can have too many square feet, you cannot have too many electrical outlets. Or well-placed light sources.

4. Figure out where you'll spend the longest stretches of time in the kitchen, and put it where it has a view. We have a rowhouse, and no kitchen windows, so I figured this was a moot point. But MCJ gave me that "Don't make me slap you upside the head, Grasshopper" look and pointed out this is an open-plan remodel. The good view from the kitchen is into the dining room and living room. Oh, duh!

(She also worked out a totally sneaky way to get natural light into the kitchen via a skylight, even though the kitchen is on the first floor. It would add mondo bucks to the total cost, though, so we're holding off deciding on that 'til the last minute. We'll probably pass.)

Yes, there was dancing Friday. Our progress along the Trail of Clubs was interrupted only once: OMG unanticipated karaoke nightmare! We fled. *g*

NuChaz: Genius.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:23:59 -0700

NuChaz: Why I like girls, by Chaz, age 26 and a half.

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 09:00:32 -0700

In my yoga class this morning: 24 women, including the instructor, and me.

Old women, young women, in-between women. White and Asian and black and one Middle Eastern woman doing a shoulder stand in training pants, long-sleeved t-shirt, and her khimar (!). Chubby women, skinny women, women in tank tops with muscles like I'm only used to seeing at the climbing gym. (My crush on the instructor is intact, but I was having a hard time today not gawking at the brunette in the red Prana top with the shoulders like Mia Axon, despite the fact that she's got to be mid-forties. I really wanted to ask her if she wanted to come climb on Monday, but I chickened out.(I'm such a dog. It's terrible. I need blinders like a carthorse or something.))

I was kind of hiding in the back this time (okay, every time), but the other guy who comes didn't show up, and it was really interesting to watch them all kind of forget I was there after a while and just go about being girls without being wary of the man in the room. They were like puppies, unselfconscious and playing as hard as they could and testing out their limits. And at one point the instructor (still totally hawt) reprimanded us for paying too much attention to everybody else and not enough to ourselves--"Stop competing!"--and I felt like it was probably aimed right at me, but the woman in red said "But we're all so beautiful!" and cracked up the whole class.

So I guess I wasn't the only one.

And that's why I like girls.

Daphne: Oh. Wow.

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:17:12 -0700

I spend all day indoors looking at and thinking about yukky stuff. Which I don't mind, because I signed on to reduce the amount of yukky stuff, so it comes with the territory. But, it being April, I thought I'd take my lunch outside today. Kinda cool, a little overcast, but still, spring!

The cherry trees are blooming on the Mall. Hokey tourist stuff. They do it every year. Big deal.

Except they're beautiful.

I came back to work with a big stupid smile on my face and a petal stuck in my hair.

That is all.

NuChaz: Mmmmmm.

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 08:20:00 -0700

Caffeine is an effective painkiller during exercise.

Dude, climbers have known this for years. Aleve and 'spro before you climb, Aleve and bheer after.

Which reminds me, time for a refill. Harpy, you need your cup topped up?

NuChaz: [locked/work] It's just barely within my power

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 07:26:43 -0700

not to be dancing around the bullpen singing "T.F.A.T.P." to the tune of "and Bingo was his name-o."

This is probably not what they really want out of somebody who's working on being licensed to carry loaded firearms on civilian passenger aircraft, is it?

If I get tired of this job, though, I bet I'd make an awesome air marshall.

NuChaz: Untitled

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 06:11:03 -0700

All right, which one of you lot epoxied my file drawer?

Wabbit?!

Oh well, guess I can't work today....

...hey, wait a minute. This isn't my desk.

COWBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duke, tell me where he put it, and I promise I'll tell you what Wonder Woman did with your helmet.

NuChaz: [local interest] When we hang out it's always upside down.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 11:48:17 -0700

Anybody up for tour of local dance clubs on Friday night?

Daphne: The rare American climbing monotreme

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 09:10:12 -0700

Dude, nice forearms, but we really need to find you some clothes that fit:

(Tasha got a good one of me, too:

)

Damn, I want to take that lead climbing class. Unless you want to teach me? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Daphne: Untitled

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:52:36 -0700

Gorgeous photos by robotsdream.

Daphne: overheard at the gym tonight:

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:08:26 -0700

Harpy: Bushy, you changed something. New glasses?
Platypus: He shaved off his goatee.
Bushy: I did. And now my face is all cold.
Tasha: Bunny! Come back, bunny! Whatever I did, I'm sorry!
Bushy: If you wanna make a clean start, the first thing you need to do it shave off a patch of hair somewhere on your body.
Platypus: Check, please!

Daphne: Not too shabby, kid.

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 11:13:47 -0800

Just now catching up with yesterday's paper. This is a nice thing to read over one's coffee and bagel.

Hafidha: Hey, Platypus!

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 08:12:37 -0800

A welcome distraction from the unpleasantness of the day:

New Kristin Hersh on the internets, donation model.

Don't say I never brought you anything!

Also, these doughnuts are lonely without you. So lonely. Guess I'll have to put them out of their misery now....

Todd: Who was that masked man, anyway?

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:39:30 -0800

Me: 56
Them: 0

Daphne: This pretty much says it all.

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 12:00:05 -0800

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Hafidha: God promised floods were off the table

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 11:51:11 -0800

But for us, he'll make an exception.

Daphne: The Teenage Zombie Walks No More.

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 11:46:59 -0800

We lost Lux Interior, frontghoul for The Cramps.

Well, shit.

Hafidha: Hey Platypus:

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:08:50 -0800

This is what you're getting for Easter.

(Not that I celebrate Easter. But it's an excuse.)

The spirochete is particularly adorable.

Hafidha: World Lion Dance championships, Malaysia.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 10:05:48 -0800

Skip to 1:30

Hafidha: Pity the peasants can't afford these things.

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:39:27 -0800

Otherwise, under the circumstances, I'd recommend we all get togged up and go to the Equality Ball on Inauguration night.

So what shall we do on the 20th? Anything to keep us out of the limo traffic around the Hill...

Hafidha: That's me in the hat.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 06:49:19 -0800

What I'm wearing under my pinstripes today.

(thank you, batwrangler, for Santa Dead Bugs!)

Hafidha: Why I subscribe to the New Scientist RSS feed

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 08:28:22 -0800

This morning's top headline: "Frogspawn learn the smell of death."

Todd: Psst.

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:42:50 -0800

I'm thankful for you.

Hafidha: Untitled

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:57:25 -0800

Ribbit.

Hafidha: [locked/work] hey guys...

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:41:43 -0800

You need me?

'Cause I was thinking of going home for the week.

Mom and Dad home, I mean. This weather is killing me.

Hafidha: Here's an idea:

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:52:40 -0800

After work, let's all go to a club that's just like work!*

*Except that you have to pay a $750 minimum. Even my job doesn't have, er, incentives like that.

Hafidha: Who needs love when there's law and order?

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 09:56:55 -0800

Yeah. I was wrong.

She's awesome, and my molecules will never be the same.

Hafidha: [locked/work] Tonight, 6 pm, 9:30 Club

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 11:15:19 -0800

Hey, kids, I gots two tickets to Amanda Palmer here. Any dibs?

Hafidha: [locked/work]

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:03:22 -0800

Guys, I have to go to the hospital now.

Tell Mom I'm sorry.

I'll call with details when I have some.

Hafidha: That's not the rabbit hole.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 10:11:11 -0800

I wouldn't dig a hole for Windows even to bury it.

(Yeah, I love this. But you knew I would.)

Notaboy: Untitled

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:56:10 -0800

An elderly Wabbit I know was telling me about these, but they're from before my time.

Uncle Wiggily on Project Gutenberg.

Chaz: [locked] Dream Journal

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:45:38 -0800

All right, unconscious mind. We're coming to an accommodation. If the dreams are you cleaning house, putting stuff we don't need anymore out on the curb for pickup, then it makes sense to release them, doesn't it?

They can go in this guy's journal. And then I can make brownies.

I'm not going to go all the way back. Just the last couple of weeks, and just the ones that fit the pattern of UNSUB me (i.e. not the bog-standard nightmares, because I'm too lazy to write all those up and really, they're mostly true to life anyway).

October 22, 2008

It's a cold room I in the dream (I-victim, I mean) don't recognize. I-dreamer recognize it from scene photos. The case is Joshua Lynch, a pedophile and killer I was helping work for Down The Hall. (My brain will introduce real details for verisimilitude.) I am tied into a hard wooden chair with clothesline or some other coarse rope. A vigilante (also in the dream, played by me) replays my trauma and my crimes for me, and then as dream-I-he is about to garrote other dream-me, I wake up.

October 23, 2008

I'm in the hotel room I fell asleep in, on the bed, and Reyes faces me from across the room. He sits in a wooden chair. He wants something from me I can't give. And then I'm him, in the chair, chained to the chair, and the chair is empty.

The Relative is there. I'm him; there's no me in the mirror. Then there is, the me... the me with the wings. And he's behind me/William. He strangles us with a ligature.

October 26, 2008

I'm at Quantico, in my dorm. Again with the ropes, again with the wooden chair. One of my classmates is a gamma and he's managed to get the drop on me and get me alone. He taunts me with the knowledge that he's here, in the midst of hundreds of FBI agents, and no one suspects a thing--and that I'll never get to tell anyone. I'll die with the knowledge that could have saved them. Of course, he's also me. Pretty obviously a conflation of current events, the standard dream architecture, and Certain Events of December 2007.

November 11, 2008

Last night's, I'm pretty sure, has something to do with traumatic childhood memories of the animated Watership Down. Again, there was the chair. Again the rope. But this time the room was familiar to dream-me. Somebody was standing behind him, pressing down on his shoulders, pressing him into the chair--(we remembered the chair)--and hissing in his ear, "So how does it feel to be domesticated?" in the same voice the cat used on Hazel-rah when it was about to try and eat him. ("Can you run? I think not!") This time, I/he didn't see the person conducting the interrogation, but the voice is mine. Except it's mine not the way your voice sounds inside your head, but the stranger's-voice you hear on an answering machine.

Notaboy: Giant-Size Partay Thang

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 10:30:35 -0700

Yo, standuponit, you suuuuck. I gotta learn to dance like that, man. Girls dig it.

In case I didn't say it loud enough last night, happy birthday, dude. Glad you're here.

Notaboy: mwahahahahaha.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 12:38:03 -0700

Needs to work on his core.

Chaz: Elvis doesn't live here anymore.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:50:59 -0700

Hey there.

Sorry about the drama. It was... it was an emotional decision, and I didn't handle it well. So yeah, I'm sorry. And I'm here to apologize, and to say thanks, and to explain a little.

But I'm not back.

See, I realized something. This lj--this is somebody I used to be. And I can't be that guy anymore. He's poison, and it's killing me to try to pretend to be him.

So even though I'm going to miss this guy, and this journal, I've got to let go of this. I can't hate him, and I can't kill him. He doesn't deserve to be expunged from the record, even if for a while I thought he did.

But I can't be him either. So I'm just going to leave him here for now and move on.

I'll be around, you know. I'm not going into hiding. I'm good, everything's good. I just won't be here.

But don't feel like you have to come find me unless you want to, and don't... expect things to be the same. They're not the same.

I'm not the same.

I love you guys.

--Chaz

Hafidha: The most wonderful time of the year.

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:37:02 -0700

Just a link aggregator for the Halloween video meme.

inaurolillium : Thriller lipsync in a really long tracking shot.

txanne : Gory Swedish folk song featuring ??electric fiddle??

ETA: link fixed. yeah, not my finest morning.

Just post them in comments, I guess. Screening is disabled. Tag is to edschweppe:

Chaz: Poppets. Puppets. Poppet puppets. Scary.

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 08:28:34 -0700

Chaz: More movie series should have Cliff's Notes.

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:49:42 -0700

Hafidha: The end of an era.

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 05:32:37 -0700

Fashion critic Richard Blackwell dies, age 86.

Hafidha: Platypus?

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 15:17:43 -0700

You scuffed my not-a-boy.

I'll let it slide this time, but if it happens too often I'm going to start charging attrition.

Chaz: Turn those lights off now, please.

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 08:46:05 -0700

How sick is it that I think she's unbelievably hot?

Because that concert happened before I was born.

Chaz: You guys first.

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 09:20:51 -0700

Chaz: Two for one day.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:16:19 -0700

Levi Stubbs has died at the age of 72. You may know him as the frontman for the Four Topps. Or you may know him as the voice of....

Chaz: ...and little teeth.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:52:25 -0700

Because there were complaints (well, one) about yesterday's post, I bow to peer pressure.

Again with the stupid embedding disabled, so follow the link for creepy goodness, with cello.

Hafidha: Ohgod, now he's got ME doing it.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:39:56 -0700

Hafidha: Who needs a holiday?

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:10:26 -0700

Some things are scary all year 'round.

(I do this because virtual pumpkin carving is no substitute for watching TV on our computers. Ahem.)

Chaz: Mother Internet Will Provide

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:02:24 -0700

Jack o'lantern carving not an option this season?

This will make you feel better.

(I made a Sarah Palin jack o'lantern, but it was too scary to post.)

Chaz: The Blue Beetle backfires in terror

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 07:07:17 -0700

And more details of the carnage:

Rural life. You grow 'em, you throw 'em.

Chaz: Here's an FYI

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:14:15 -0700

Chaz: Late...*

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 15:14:34 -0700

...just like the title character.

You have to follow the link, because Universal Music Group is ass.

*Forgot to post it this morning before climbing. Sorry!

Chaz: Nothing says doom quite like:

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 09:18:59 -0700

Chaz: The scariest video of all

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:52:04 -0700

Chaz: I wish I lived on this block.

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:37:07 -0700

Chaz: When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away.

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:53:34 -0700

(Sorry I missed a day yesterday. Traveling.)

Chaz: [locked work] Don't talk. Just listen

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:11:36 -0700

The thing that scares me most is that maybe he was right.

Chaz: "I'm lying through my teeth."

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 04:12:27 -0700

It's like chocolate and peanut butter. Like Bogey and Bacall.

It's just pure unadulterated awesome.

Chaz: One is wrong because he does right. And one is right because he does wrong.

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:07:33 -0700

"Pull the strings! Dance to that which one is created for!"

Bela Lugosi is still creepy even when he's not in a horror movie.

ETA: Oops, gotta scamper. May not be online much today!

Chaz: You are here.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 07:19:35 -0700

Did you know the Midwest is full of colleges? Billions. (Okay, not billions. But I think they were founded the way we build prisons now.) And a lot of them are tiny. What's it like to go away to a small college? Wouldn't it feel as if everyone was staring at you?

Which leads me to this totally appropriate scary video.

Chaz: Public Service Announcement

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 15:22:29 -0700

The Federal Bureau of Instigation would like to warn all citizens about the dangers inherent in Halloween. To wit:

Pumpkin carving for the obsessive, resulting in porch decoration so awesome the artist will have to sit up all night in the front yard with a shotgun to protect it from vandals:

Pumpkin-related behavior likely to increase the number of abandoned houses in the affected neighborhood:

Please celebrate responsibly. Thank you.

Hafidha: Well, it's in a good cause.

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:20:14 -0700

Coulrophilia.

Chaz: "I'm not afraid."

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 07:51:52 -0700

Where can I find a girl like Betty? Only with a climbing habit....

Chaz: "Sometimes it's good to be the boss."

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:50:55 -0700

All right. matociquala made me do it. Well, her and every other geek I know.

I too am now watching The Middleman.

And I'm not done with the first season yet, but I have to say the single coolest thing about this whole show is that the lead character is a woman of color, and the show--while characterizing her accurately--makes absolutely no fuss about it. She code switches and she's fluently bilingual and this is not at all a show about a Latina superhero.

It's a show about a superhero. Who is also an artist and a slacker hipster and a Latina.

...it's almost like the writers know real human people and talk to them on a regular basis.

Chaz: Fear me!

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:09:03 -0700

And my artsy German cinema makeup!

Chaz: Scaaaary, kids!

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 09:59:10 -0700

Boo! for you on day number 2:

Hafidha: My bad.

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 09:53:50 -0700

cvillette, I missed your one-year blogoversary! Many happy return-key strokes, li'l bruddah. <3 <3 <3

Shadow Unit LJ

Daphne: Yankees Talk About Sex Toys*

Todd: Untitled

Todd: Pretty much me.

Todd: On a more cheerful note:

Todd: Untitled

Daphne: Untitled

Todd: Some people figure stuff out faster that I did.

Daphne: 0.o

Todd: It was twenty years ago today, Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play.

Daphne: Peace Out

Todd: Mighty Mouse

Todd: Cancer is caused by bad thoughts, didn't you know?

Todd: Untitled

Daphne: Florida: Don't Go There

Todd: Untitled

Daphne: More overheard at the climbing gym--

Daphne: overheard at the crag:

Todd: [friendslocked] We win.

Todd: What's a little volcano between friends?

Todd: Canyonlands via Crackberry

Todd: Setting out

Daphne: Dear Mom,

Todd: Off like a prom dress!

Todd: The world has never known a day quite like today.

Daphne: Losers on Friday Night on The Computer*

Todd: Valor.

Daphne: Untitled

Todd: Untitled

Todd: This is pretty much my day.

Todd: This is what it looks like when somebody you love dies in the road.

Todd: Intentionally cryptic venting.

Todd: How not to die.

NuChaz: potentially extended internet vacancy--

Todd: criminy.

NuChaz: Okay, who implanted the David Byrne DNA in Jack White? Fess up now.

NuChaz: 7:22 PM on a Thursday...

NuChaz: Untitled

Hafidha: mah Confucian bureaucracy: I shows u it

Daphne: Untitled

NuChaz: Untitled

NuChaz: [locked/work] Hey Duke--

Daphne: Strawberry Salsa

NuChaz: I was halfway paralyzed.

Daphne: You knew this was coming.

Daphne: Scenes from a weekend:

NuChaz: Which reminds me. It's time for second breakfast already.

NuChaz: Untitled

NuChaz: Fortunately, my camera was still on the floor beside my bed, next to the laptop.

NuChaz: World's easiest chilled spicy soba (from cristalia, whose futon bears my buttprint)

Hafidha: [locked/work] Hurm.

NuChaz: Untitled

Daphne: For a friend...

NuChaz: Sigh. Still hungry. But too tired to eat any more.

NuChaz: So it's not a very *good* scanner.

Hafidha: Even I won't eat these things.

Daphne: Woof!

NuChaz: best salsa evar

Hafidha: Avast, vast, reluctance.

NuChaz: Untitled

NuChaz: When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, we'll all be sitting around snarking on the internet:

NuChaz: [flocked/peeps] I'm not sure yet if that was a mistake or not.

Daphne: and the Cowboy yells across the aisle, "Hey, Worth, did you see this?"

NuChaz: "It's okay for things to go away. And I'm even more free."

Daphne: It's the same direction: Up.

NuChaz: Genius.

NuChaz: Why I like girls, by Chaz, age 26 and a half.

Daphne: Oh. Wow.

NuChaz: Mmmmmm.

NuChaz: [locked/work] It's just barely within my power

NuChaz: Untitled

NuChaz: [local interest] When we hang out it's always upside down.

Daphne: The rare American climbing monotreme

Daphne: Untitled

Daphne: overheard at the gym tonight:

Daphne: Not too shabby, kid.

Hafidha: Hey, Platypus!

Todd: Who was that masked man, anyway?

Daphne: This pretty much says it all.

Hafidha: God promised floods were off the table

NuChaz: So it's not a very good scanner.