Indian TV on Aspi's Drift

Is Indian Idol Season 4 the year of the voter mutiny?

Aspi — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:01:00 -0800

Something happened last week on II4 - which was just hitting its stride mind you - that stopped everyone dead in their tracks. The last singer who could hold a tune without losing sur or occasionally issuing a croak, Rajdeep Chatterjee, bit the dust. Eliminated!

All of this came as a bit of a shock. Why? Two reasons. First: Rajdeep had been a judge favorite throughout the season. And for good measure. He has a pleasing if somewhat stiff personality. And he could sing better than anyone else on the show. Second: the hot favorite for elimination last week was Torsha Sarkar, possessor of a fine voice but also a highly nervous personality that led to numerous shaky performances. Just the previous week she had rendered a version of "Laila Mien Laila" so horrifically out of tune (3:30 in this vid) that it sounded like the opening bars of an alley cat symphony.

More horrors! One after one fellow contestants Kapil Thappa and then Sourabhee were ushered into the safe zone. And when the final name was read, Torsha jumped up for joy and that smile on Rajdeep's face - well it looked more frozen than a Slurpee.

So why did Indian Idol 4 lose all its good singers? To that question you might say: dude, you are missing the point. II4 has never been about good singers. Its been about decent enough singers who could be good. And to that I'll say: fair enough. But its still a singing competition - and you can only get so far unless you have a good set of pipes on you.

Let's zero in on the judges shall we? II4 has four of them: Anu Malik, Javed Akhtar, Kailash Kher and Sonali Behl. Anu and Javed are the card carrying members. The other two are temps - or at least in their first season. Both Anu and Javed bring tons of experience with them. This makes them ideal judges. But they are also - how to say this politely - professorial. Which is perfectly ok until we get to the root issue.

All season long, Indian Idol 4 has resembled a classroom. Students come in, take a test (i.e. perform) and then the teachers have a go at them. Like all teachers the II4 judges also seem have students they love and who can do no wrong and students who they hate and who can do no right.

What used to happen to teachers' pets? Most people in class disliked them - I remember issuing mock gags whenever a teacher used to issue a radiant smile at her favorite just for showing up. And what about teachers' whipping boys? I found myself rooting for them.

Rajdeep was the teacher's pet on II4. Sure he sang well, but even on occassions that he issued thanda performances the judges genuflected in his presence.

On the other side of the fence, an early season disagreement with Javed Akhtar landed Kapil Thappa in the hot zone. The judges played gilli danda with the poor guys emotions - berating for him for acceptable performances. At one point this got to be so silly that the charming train wreck of the season - Remo Ghosh - would molest a song and get green lights all over the place. Kapil would come in and do a decent job and he'd be staring down the barrell of a gun.

This kind of judge contestant dynamic existed in the previous season as well. But it was offset by the fact that the judges often got into fights - thus dispelling the notion that they were adults for long enough to not let the Classroom of Doom fiza to settle in. This year the regal Sonali Behl seems to have had a calming effect on everyone, inadvertantly issuing the show a disservice because now the judges don't appear so juvenile.

Add the fact that Anu has been getting petulant with the voting audience. Often he's lost his temper at the voting junta for not dispensing their duties correctly and not understanding music and sur. This often ended up looking like (a) he was digging into the viewers for not agreeing with him and (b) he was a teacher who played favorites with one student and looked down on the rest of the school! You could just feel the voting audience squirming in their seats.

If judging the man rather than the performance is the fastest way to lose credibility with the audience, disrespecting them is the fastest way to establish battle lines. As far as phaltu Drift theories go - mine is that the way the judges positioned themselves this year did poor Rajdeep in.

The audience voted for Kapil because the guy came out with full confidence, sang his heart out and just swallowed hard when the judges called him bhulla bura. They voted for Sourabhee because she is this year's Indian Idol. They voted for Torsha because they didn't empathize enough with Rajdeep (after all, didn't he already have the judges on his side?).

None of this bugs or bothers me. The entertainment quotient of Indian Idol 4 has steadily gone up with the season, thanks to the hosts and ironically enough the judges themselves. Its poised to deliver a fine finale. Entertainment, rather than delivering a genuine breakout star, may well be Indian Idol's destiny.

Indian Idol 4: Gala

Aspi — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:00:00 -0800

Bollywood's fastest rising power kutumb - the Akhtars - showed up on Indian Idol last week.

And here are the things that annoyed me: the director of Luck By Chance Zoya Akhtar is sitting right there and host Hussain asks Farhan instead to introduce the movie. No one sings anything from the fantastic Luck By Chance soundtrack. Farhan is asked to headbang to Rock On!! instead of shake a leg to Baawre. Clearly this was all intentional to promote just how hatke the movie might be. Otherwise, I can't explain it.

The guests were regaled to some tremendously shaky singing all around. Kapil Thappa did his imitation of a young, reckless Kumar Sanu. He charmed everyone's pants off by doing a jig with Saurabhi - who probably looks closest to being a real Idol. Later, the judges and invited parents bust into spontaneous match making for the two. This both the kids seemed to handle with much grace.

In any reality show, all you can do as a producer and writer is create a situation. And then you have to let the personalities take over. On this count, Indian Idol is making some progress on the entertainment front.

Take the whole 'lets surprise the staff' bit in which the family members of the judges and host were invited to film short clips. Hussain's lissome wife Tina took everyone into Hussain's bathroom and tried to show everyone what a slob he was by pointing to a carelessly tossed lens holder. Wow, if that's messy what would we call Pritam? But later propelled by Tina's complaint that Hussain never wears his shaadi ki nishani in public, Hussain was forced to wear his wedding ring on national TV. This embarrassed Hussain no end. "Nahi, aisi koi baat nahi" he spluttered. Major points!

In another video clip, Goldie Behl delivered a rather sweet message to his wife Sonali. "And don't worry" he concluded "your hair is looking great!" Chuckles!

Can I just say how grateful I am that the funeral march-like elimination episode was spruced up by the lively presence of Kunal Khemu. Kunal created a very amusing self-referential drama around II's train wreck of the season - Remo Ghosh. All of this put me in enough of a good mood that even the usual elimination whining followed by Anu Malik's trademark desk thumping out of indignation hardly made a dent on me.

Finally since I'm such a style icon myself, I'd like to hand out some Phaltu Drift advice to a couple of women on last week's show.

Soha Ali, pleasure to see you on II. Crossed legs when standing are cute but project a lack of confidence. Avoid.

And Saurabhi, looking good. But please find heels that fit you.

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009 Grand Finale

Aspi — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:00:00 -0800

Here is the thing about SRGMP that is so entertaining. It throws up stuff from left field when you least expect it. But allow me to explain.

The finale of SRGMP - all eight hours of it, or so it seemed - was scheduled to climax with Akshay Kumar and Deepika Padukone, stars of the mega hit Chandni Chowk to China. At least that is how the thinking must have been way back when the stars were booked. Unfortunately, Chandni Chowk went belly up faster than the Titanic and the producers didn't make any adjustments to the show's script.

The first indication of this came when Deepika walked out on stage, looking long and angular in a white saree and had to jhelo questions from Head about her movie. This must have been painful. But Deepika negotiated this moment with grace, calling the audience reaction "mixed" but thanking those that had supported the flick.

Later Akshay showed up. Undeterred by the Deepika awkwardness, Head went hammer and tongs at Akshay with praise of his "hit". A montage of positive audience reaction was displayed.

Akshay looked distinctly depressed and launched into a monologue of how when you are down people throw stones at you, but you should pick them and use them to fortify your own foundation. "I'm telling this to the contestants who are waiting for the results inside" said Akshay. Beshak, my man. Beshak.

More was to follow. Calling Head 'Aditya sahab', Akshay said that by referring to his movie as a hit, Head had shown his badhappan. At this point Head began to grasp the delicacy of the situation - which he indicated by sticking his tongue out. Years of seasoning then prompted Head to ask Akshay to announce the results and move the show along. "The results are already in" wailed Akshay. "I've failed!"

Although I could feel Akshay's pain - and I continue to wish him the best - I couldn't help but chuckle. A lot. I was absolutely transfixed at this drama (when it comes to SRGMP, I entertain easily).

Besides this if there was one moment that really stood out, it was at the very beginning - a moment that veritably defines SRGMP. The grand finale was stage with the recently ravaged Taj as its backdrop. Clearly people had worked hard to deliver a gorgeous stage. The entire setting was beautiful. And it was very touching. Wow, I thought to myself: has SRGMP gone all classy on us?

Then the show started and the three finalists - Soumen Nandi, Vaishali Made and Yashita Sharma - strutted on stage to sing. Fwoosh - a gigantic gush of air blew Vaishali's kameez straight up, threatening to expose the poor girl's midriff. Vaishali cocked her waist and grabbed the flying thing, holding it down while trying to look cool and sing. This little wardrobe malfunction restored my faith in the show instantly.

Although I'm not particularly interested in who wins the competition - I should mention that the steady stream of regional revelation of votes (International votes! North Zone votes! East Zone votes!) had me thinking Yashita might well beat the odds here.

But the West Zone votes came in and Vaishali ended up winning the entire thing. Happily, the remaining two contestants didn't sulk glumly. Yashita joyfully bounced around the stage declaring how khush she was. Well done!

Finally, a word about Head who might well have hosted his last SRGMP episode as a regular host. I loved that all black outfit - clearly a tribute to Batman. Head looked styling throughout the show although his pants were too long (I'm just saying). And when he got dropped on stage via a flaming crane, the pride in dad Udit Narayan's eyes was very cute to behold. Head has gotten better each year. Don't go by that montage they showed of him as tribute - you know the one in which he inexplicably tried to imitate drag queens. Repeatedly. Head was terrific this year. I'll miss him.

But not more than Himesh. Now, I need to go crack open my Himesh collection to console myself.

Final Stretch on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:00:00 -0800

Usually when SRGMP gets down the last stretch, a frenzied vote appeal gets launched, those that are beholden to sur suddenly become beholden to region - and I get the crap bored out of me. For some reason though SRGMP this year seems to have escaped that trap. And they have done it by piling on the cheese.

Let's start with Yashita's Vote Appeal Episode. Because she is up against SRGMP Maharashtra champ Vaishali, the poor girl was asked to refrain from campaigning in her hometown Mumbai and instead dismissed to her dad's jamnabhoomi Delhi to scrounge for votes. She showed up on the streets in an open jeep and I can guess what happened next.

Shopkeeper 1: Arre Bablu jara dekh. Someone important seems to be in a procession

Bablu (eating a mathri): Chomp! Wonderful, I'll tell all my friends. Who is this woman? Our chief minister?

Shopkeeper 2: No, no, she seems too stylish to be our CM. Must be an actress.

Passerby 1 (eating golgappa): Gulp, gulp! Those signs have her name on it. She's Saregamapa!

Passerby 1's wife: (eye roll) Kiss gadhe se paala pada hai!

Passerby 1's children: Daddy, daddy, let's join the procession, we are getting way too bored with petha shopping!

(Everyone heads on over to get a closer look of Yashita)

SRGMP Voiceover: The people of Delhi did a jamke swaagat of Yashita!!

All this amusement had barely died down when Yashita was ushered into - wait for it - Tihar Jail! What a khaufnak place to send a young girl. A cricket match was going on and none other than Virender Sehwag was watching it. Viru greeted Yashita with all the enthusiasm of a pet who's found out its about to be neutered. Then Viru went back to watching the convicts playing cricket and probably thinking: Aah, Australia ki yaadein.

In general, this vote visit made a lot of sense. We all know that our country is run from prisons by criminals with cell phones. And after they are done with their business and all bored, might as well SMS a few in for Yashita. Innovative? That's SRGMP for you.

Fortunately, I caught a glimpse of Himani Kapoor. People kind enough to read this blog know I'm a huge Himani ka chamchaa. So let's get this out of the way: Himani looked great and had a winning presence on stage during the show that followed. The uniqueness of her voice stands out enough that you want her to show up more on soundtracks. Himani, great boots but more of that trademark shaava, shaava move next time please.

All through the show Head looked spiffy - he wore an argyle sweater and a shiny jacket that the Drift Memsaab tells me, is very 'in' these days. Just one problem: that jacket was so spanking new that it refused to fall properly over Head's midriff. Thus it stuck out at both ends around the waist, making Head look somewhat like a mini pagoda.

What about Yashita on stage? She still sounded a bit shaky - but she's learning fast. And she has a natural way with people that doesn't seem forced. Other singers who accompanied her: Harpreet Deol from last season and this season's Salman Khan: Tarun Sagar.

Later the other title hopeful Soumen Nandi from Kolkatta had his own show. This was even more fun than the previous episode. A number of terrific reality singers showed up to support Soumen: Ujjaini, Debojit and Aneek among them. There were a couple of standout moments.

First, Mamata Bannerjee showed up on stage and said a few things. At one point everyone urged her to sing because apparently she used to sing before. Mamata dug her heels in and refused. Nope, she said: I don't sing anymore. It takes practice to sing on stage. I ain't doing it. Just as all the argees were dying down, she inexplicably trotted out and said "Well, now, if you insist!". Here she revealed herself to be a fine linguist. She broke out into French saying: "Oui lavaar kaantri" before belting out a desh bhakti ditty.

If that wasn't enough, the SRGMP producers had also invited Mithun Chakraborthy. Amidst some dhamaal - I might have seen bodies flying around at his arrival - Mithun showed up looking dapper and clearly enjoying all the attention. When Asma joined him on stage, he unleashed an accent that I think was meant to be Arabic. B movie acting ki jhalak. "I have four legal children and innumerable illegal ones!" he boasted while shilling for his new show Dance India Dance.

Later Head had Mithun dance to I am a Disco Dancer on stage. Mithun gamely bust into all his moves. This I liked tremendously. Not only because I am a huge Mithun fan. But also to move forward, one must never forget the sins of the past.

Yashita's episode Part 1
Soumen's episode Part 1

Rating Indian Idol 4

Aspi — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 17:00:00 -0800

If Indian Idol 4 were a map this year, someone seems to have gone over it with an eraser and deleted all the talent markers. Sure the producers have been working hard to jazz up the contestants - I once saw a contestant strumming a guitar on a decked out moon - but there is no real replacement for voice and personality. Add to that those nutty, commercial inserts that stop the show dead in its track and bump up the eye roll factor.

Fortunately, the Indian Idol staff in front of the camera is having a banner year - having risen to the challenge of providing the entertainment missing from the contestants. Let's see how everyone has been doing, shall we?

The Hosts

We've talked about Meiyang Chang before and his hiring as co-host was an early win for the creative team. But just as importantly Hussain Kuwajerwala has filled in the considerable void left by last year's co-host Mini Mathur. Its hard to walk the line between classy and goofy bindaas - but Hussain seems to be able to do that, pulling off even the most staged dialogs with just the right amount of cheese. Week after week he shows us what a great clothes hanger he is - be it an outfit that is innovative or just plain confounding.

Best of all, he's great at hustling eliminated singers with respect for both the contestants and us, the viewers, who have to put up with the same sob drama every week.

Anu Malik

By embracing his inner curmudgeon and positioning himself as the blustery but loving Daddy, Anu Malik made himself entertaining on Indian Idol 4. He's still maddeningly inconsistent in his judgments - picking people rather than performances. But its part of his allure - and because he's not exactly separating the wheat from the chaff, how he judges is immaterial on this show.

Off and on he'll lose his temper - especially when he senses baghawat on the show. But for the most part he comes across as a short tempered, yaar-dildaar types. And this is good positioning - because look how many people like Salman Khan.

Javed Akhtar

This year's most entertaining hasti on the show, Javedbhai cut loose this year in the auditions. Faced with a sea of very modestly talented hopefuls, Javedbhai let a bunch of them have it. (Pri has a great collection of Javed zingers on her blog)

Lately he's developed the "Javedbhai Look of Encouragement". This look basically says "we all know you are as close to being a real singer as a watermelon is to a banana" while wonderful words of cheer come out of his mouth. He retains a sweet articulateness (his mini-speech at his birthday celebration left me touched) but also unleashes his ire periodically. "You kept your feet within your sheets" he admonished poor Kapil Thappar once "but that sheet wasn't spread out much in the first place!"

Speaking of which, Javedbhai: that Kapil is such an endearing boy - leave him alone, na?

Kailash Kher

Kailash fills the spot of "giant singer hasti" on the show. But he's turned out to be such a Pillsbury doughboy that he simply won't pull anyone up - even when the contestant has clearly declared war on sur. This leaves me disappointed, not to mention feeling cheated. What is the point of having a mahasinger on the show (and clearly Kailash has proved that he is), if all he will do is find words to avoid saying the inevitable, which is: you suck!

Heck, if we needed a cheerleader on the show, we could just have hired Celina Jaitley and given her pom poms.

Sonali Behl

Sonali's done what I didn't think a woman could do on Indian Idol - held her own without shedding class. It helps that she is majorly gorgeous, but more importantly her no-nonsense approach means that no one walks all over her.

Key to all of this is how she's placed on the judges panel. Pushing Anu Malik to the end of the table means Anu has only one alliance he can form - that with his neighbor Kailash Kher. And Kailash is too nice to gang up on anyone. Shorn of allies, Anu is much easier to keep in check and because Sonali sits right down the middle she just turns her head around towards Javedbhai and Kailash to recruit them to her point of view.

Did I also mention that she looks hot?

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009: Exit Shankar, Enter Hellboy

Aspi — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 17:07:00 -0800

Boy, who knew that Shankar Mahadevan had been holding it all together on SRGMP.

But we found out soon enough: when the surprising exit of class topper Pratibha Baghel resulted in the departure of her guru Shankar, it took just one weekend for all hell to break loose. And who else played Hellboy but Himesh Reshammiya!

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

First, let me praise the producers of SRGMP for their comic homage to one of the greatest movies of our times.

Early on in the show, Head introduced the SRGMP trophy. As the camera trained its lens on the object, we were regaled with the theme from Star Wars. Wow, I thought to myself: how loopy! But I saw the connection as soon as I laid eyes on the trophy - which clearly looked like it had been designed by some artist at ILM over at Skywalker Ranch. Once I understood this clever reference, I could not stop admiring how sharp SRGMP had become as a show within a show.

More was to come because you could sense judge Aadesh Srivastava straining at the leash over frustration with Himesh. For long now Aadesh has been taunting Himesh with a straight face. First it was a reference to Himesh's Chanakyagiri. Then when Head announced Vaishali as a previous winner (she is the SRGMP Marathi champion), Aadesh pounced on Himesh via his mentee Vaishali.

"Hey, even (my chela) Soumen is a previous winner!" Aadesh protested. More goody two shoes posturing as he proceeded to jab Himesh in a few (soft) places with some choice remarks directed at Vaishali about "playing politics".

This was all getting way too delicious. How long before Hellboy answered the pukaar, I thought to myself and made myself a huge pot of chai in anticipation of digging in my heels for a long and boisterous ride.

It didn't take long. At one point Aadesh accused Himesh of using Vaishali's sad sack back story for audience sympathy. Now, Hellboy exploded. He grabbed the mike and somewhat inexplicably went after Aadesh and Pritam both. This startled Pritam no end. "What'd I say?!" he pleaded. "When!?" Hilarity!

Undeterred Himesh took both of them to task. "What have I done wrong by highlighting someone's tough ride to fame?" Himesh asked no one in particular. "If I have done wrong by talking about someone's insaaniyat, let the audience not vote for my pillu" he declared.

Tempers flared. Aadesh started having a tough time keeping that indulgent smile plastered on his face. Everyone gave up and walked off.

At this point a narrator showed up and summarized events for us in an ominous AajTak type voiceover. Clearly this was a searing satire of the sensationalism that our news channels have descended into.

Pritam and Aadesh locked themselves into Hellboy's room. I would have paid good money for a camera in there - but the producers were shut out. All three emerged later and the show continued. "3 Hours Later" SRGMP announced via captions.

On to the singing: the only thing worth mentioning as far as I am concerned is the recent meltdown of Yashita Sharma.

On an upward arc to win the show and establish herself in the industry, Yashita faltered badly (watch 5m into this vid) in the Kavi Sammelan episode in which Jagjit Singh and Hariprasad Chaurasia showed up with the expectation that everyone would sing in some classical raaga. Jagjit (rightfully) chided her for being full of shortcomings. In her second performance, she virtually imploded. Robbed of significant confidence, Yashita couldn't seem to hold a high note to save her life even last week.

Has Yashita lost the title already? This would be unfair for several reasons. Primary among them is that a good singer is a matter of definition (take a bow, Himesh for making this point repeatedly on SRGMP). What a Hindustani classical singer should be able to sing doesn't apply to an R&B singer, for instance.

And the changing rules of music in Bollywood is giving rise to the need for a particular type of singer: one who is versatile in the mid range and brings spunk and verve to a song. Yashita is that singer. For that, at the very least, she deserves to finish on top.

Aamir and Zayed on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 13:39:00 -0800

What with the strike and everything - none of the details of which I seem to be able to find anywhere - its been a while since we watched a new SRGMP episode.

But after a few weeks, and I'll admit the break was a good one, SRGMP returned with not one but two stars on back to back episodes. One was promoting a movie and the other was promoting khuda jaane what.

I've never been a fan of Zayed Khan - the only time I've watched him was when I went to see SRK in Main Hoon Na years ago. But I must say his appearance on SRGMP completely made a fan out of me. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Zayed showed up on the Arabic special episode. This is a rather smart turn by the SRGMP producers because it gives them a chance to reuse all the props from the Qawwali, I mean Sufi episode.

Honking wine pots? Check! Huge golden balls with pointy bits sticking up? Check! Belly Dancer? Check! Harem Pants? Check! Half melted candles? Check! But this is entirely the greatness of my beloved show that the producers could have, but chose not to let their creativity stop there.

Also joining these props was a sand pit which replaced the usual stage. If that didn't take your breath away, a flat screen TV behind the singers constantly depicted videos of camels plodding in the desert. What do they say about cheesiness begets cheesy goodness? Towards the end Zayed picked up the mike and made some sadela joke about how those were shots of Bollywood actors crossing the desert to go to Oman to act in Asma's movie.

Speaking of Asma, SRGMP pretty much let that girl lose on the show. She co-hosted with Head, which is another way of saying she was on display for making fun of for an extended period of time. Why this special treatment? Khuda jaane! Probably this was the channel's way of making nice for the terrible roasting Asma had to endure a few weeks ago at the hands of her fellow contestants. Or perhaps SRGMP doesn't want to lose its Oman audience.

Back to the reason why I really liked Zayed. At one point Yashita Yashpal, who I should add with much fondness is continuing her love affair with wacky outfits, asked Zayed to come on stage and dance with her. And what does Zayed do? He bounds up on stage and immediately starts executing a Subhash Ghai type overwrought dance performance. There were ghutne-tek poses, shoulder shimmies and hip thrusts. Arms were thrown about. Much hopping ensued. Thus Zayed deftly promoted his upcoming Ghai movie and looked beyond his carefully constructed cool image to embrace his inner Bollywood junkie. How can anyone not love that?

In the very next episode, Aamir Khan showed up wearing a rumpled black jacket over jeans and a smart white shirt. Surely he was there to promote Ghajini? Nope, not a word from him about the movie. Instead we all had to wallow in Tare Zameen Par wimpiness for an hour. More discussions of adhuraness pervaded the mahol. At one point after Debojit had rendered the raundu song of the millenium - Maa - Aadesh Srivastava was so moved that he ordered Aamir and Shankar Mahadevan on stage. Then he saluted them. No, like with a proper military salute. What did Ma tell me about not acting out when drunk or moved? It always leads to regret later.

For a guy who is the most sought after actor in Bollywood, Aamir is fairly unassuming and business-like. And you can tell because he doesn't do anything that is supposed to look cute just because he is a superstar. Thankfully, he doesn't do any one ghisa pita thing or dialog to "entertain" us. (Hey Akshay, you listening? Time to ditch that laugh. Kareena, ditto with that "Bhatinda ki Sikhni" dialog) Instead he made some loose, mildly engaging jokes and kept the show going.

He was enough of a sport to sing Aati Kya Khandala on stage. He snuffed out a machees with his tongue. He endured some crazy ass bananas dancing by Debojit Dutta on stage. Later Aadesh brought out a drum kit which Aamir shakily played over Pappa Kehte Hai.

Salman and Katrina on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:03:00 -0800

There are two types of Salman you always get to hear about in the film industry.

One is Salman, the creative, loving, dildaar superstar. And the other is the paaji, shaitan Salman, prone to mischief and fiery bursts of temper. His repution is such that the worst is said about him in his relationships, yet there is no denying the fact that Salman also lands cosily in the laps of primo babes.

And much to my entertainment, both Salmans were on display during his appearance to shill for the upcoming Yuvraaj.

First let me congratulate the producers of SRGMP. Why? Well, Salman - clearly trying to outdo the recent hair missteps of Shahrukh Khan and Abhishek Bachchan, but in one fell swoop - showed up looking tame and strutted on stage casually. No sooner had he settled down in his seat that SRGMP regaled him with a montage of his cavalier and sharaarati behavior during previous appearances.

In essence, SRGMP was priming the pump. And with his engine warmed up thus, Salman went hammer and tongs at everything thrown at him with much gusto.

What I absolutely love about Salman is the way he talks when he's in the mood (catch a couple of episodes of Dus Ka Dum when you get a chance). Salman's speech is like a train wobbling on a narrow guage - he demonstrates scant respect for Hindi as it was meant to be spoken. He breaks his sentences in all the wrong places - prompting me to start quick family room pools as to whether he will finish the sentence at all. He's positively Christopher Walken-like in this regard. (For the record, I love both Salman and Walken.)

So it was that Salman provided bharpoor entertainment by engaging with the contestants. And here is where that other Salman showed up in flashes.

One of the first things he did when the show started was ask about how the contestants from previous years were doing. SRGMP minimized it by playing a laugh track over it, but I can't remember someone returning to the show who stopped preening enough to ask about some acquantainces from years past.When told that everyone seemed to be doing well, Salman happily settled back in his seat.

And it was in the way he played along with the singers that gave you glimpses as to why he is such a people's superstar (certainly the press and parts of the industry would have liked him to have gone under long ago). Nothing was off limits with him. He regaled Pratibha, dispensed relationship advice to Soumen (Chowmein, if you know whats good for you, avoid!), sparred verbally with Asma and in general did things that many would consider below their celebrity.

When his costar from Yuvraaj, Katrina Kaif showed up - looking simple and whip smart - things got a bit more interesting. She showed little patience for Salman's gallivanting. Eye rolls ensued. At one point she slapped Salman's hand. Yet again she picked up the mike and asked Salman and Asma to zip it. When she is genuinely tickled a vein pops on her forehead - its a bit endearing. She told Head that Udit Narayan was her favorite singer and had him sing a song for her.

No Salman appearance would be complete on SRGMP without a pangaa with Himesh, of late dumped by the shirtless one in favor of Sajid-Wajid.

When Asma finished essaying an arabic song, Salman told her she had made a huge mistake because Himesh would now copy that song. Himesh muskuraya and said "When have I ever copied a song?" Some sparring ensued with Salman. Inexplicably Himesh blurted out: "I copied only that one song when you insisted! That Santana song - for which I had to take so much shit from everyone!"

Hilarity! Now, what would Salman go after Pritam too? Sadly Salman only braises the ones he loves (kind of like the Drift) and so Pritam escaped with a minor reprimand: "your singing is all wrong!"

Why Meiyang Chang will save Indian Idol 4 (If SONY will let him) - An Exclusive Drift Interview

Aspi — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:05:00 -0800

Let's not mince words: Indian Idol is under siege. It's failed to throw up a genuine superstar in any of its seasons save the first one.

Its contestants have struggled to make a mark in the music biz. Some have had playback opportunities that haven't gone anywhere. Others have tried to make a name for themselves on the reality show circuit. But might I remind everyone that the name of show is Indian Idol, not Indian Hopeful! In the rising face of competition, both from other reality shows and shows that produce big names - Idol ended last season with the risk of being overrun.

Worse was to come. Idol started season 4 with a clutch of raw, inexperienced singers. And in the early Piano rounds, it lost almost all the really good ones. Crisis mode, engage!

But Idol 4 got one thing right: inviting Meiyang Chang to host the auditions and then promptly extending the offer to continue through the Piano rounds.

Meiyang's tall, easy rider presence has been a sparkling one - he's struck up a bromance with co-host Hussain and his punchy introductions inject much needed life into the show. He is able to mingle easily among the contestants - allowing their stories to come to the fore (the show's USP) but still commands respect from them and the judges.

Forget the guys who have won the competition, Meiyang has the potential to be the show's biggest idol since Abhijit Sawant. And if SONY is watching the same show I am, they'll be quick to recognize this and invite Meiyang to host the Galas for them.

I invited Meiyang to stop by the Drift and tell us about what life has been like on Indian Idol this season. And he's so engaging that a short exchange turned into a long one and we added in pictures from Meiyang's personal photo album in as well.

NOTE: All pictures and their captions are the property of Meiyang Chang. Don't copy those without his permission. The text in this article on the other hand, is mine and something you can go to town with. Here is the Drift Copyright for reference.

AspisDrift.com: Meiyang, how did you end up hosting Indian Idol this year?

Meiyang: After Idol 3, I was fortunate to be approached by Sony BMG to sign up for Artiste Management as well form a Boy Band with two others, the perks of which were having our own music album and videos.

Six months passed by, performing live and meeting people, learning the ropes. In this entire period, it was impossible to let go of the memories of the life altering time I had spent as a contestant in Indian Idol 3. I wanted to be associated with the show once again, but I wondered how it would be possible, since as per the format of the show, I am not allowed to participate again.

Around March 2008, I came to know that the auditions of Indian Idol 4 would be held shortly. I was excited and called up Mini Mathur ma'am, our host for last year and was excitedly chatting her up, telling her how eager I was to see her on the show again. It was she who told me that she was not doing the show this year due to personal reasons and that Hussain sir was not available for the auditions period. There was an audition going on FOR the person who would host the auditions! Many prominent TV personalities were being discussed.

At this point I thought, THIS would be a perfect manner to be re-associated with the show I love the most. But at the same time, I also knew how fruitless my attempt could have been, considering the names that were up for grabs. Still, having my record of popularity last year, plus the fact that I am a decent orator and my looks are novel and work for me, and that I am part of the show, I put forward a request to the production house to consider me.

After watching me audition, they were impressed but thought I'd do a better job in a younger show like something on MTV, and that I looked too 'young' (I guess they wanted to say not authoritative-looking enough) for a premium show like Indian Idol. I was dejected but took heart from the fact that I had made a good impression.

Fortune shone upon me and within 2 weeks time I got a call telling me I was in. I thank the channel and the production house for taking the risk of casting someone who was a newcomer and who also did not fit the image they had for an Indian Idol anchor, a gamble that thankfully seems to have gone down well with the viewing audience. The channel also tweaked the format of the show since Idol does not accomodate ex-contestants as anchors in any of the versions worldwide.

Initially, I was offered only the auditions phase which was a hurricane - hectic and fast paced!!! But then they decided to continue with me in the Ru-Ba-Ru segment as well. The biggest surprise came when they called me to co-host the Piano rounds with Hussain sir (who was back by now) as an equal! Now I'm anxiously waiting to see whether they retain me for the rest of the show as well

AspisDrift.com: What is a typical week for you like schedule-wise these days?

Meiyang: I shoot three days a week for Indian Idol that includes two days for Piano rounds and one day for Ru-Ba-Ru. These three days are extremely unstable in terms of timings. We always try to shoot smoothly and finish within the stipulated time but depending on the technical acuity, celebrities joining us and many other unavoidable things, the end-time always fluctuates.

I usually take 1-2 days off completely to relax or spend time with friends and family. Of course, the remaining days go into music classes, daily chores, networking (and being in a humongous traffic city like Mumbai, every simple chore takes an eternity to finish).

As of now, all my concentration is on Indian Idol. I have live shows lined up in the next few months, and am also going through a couple of movie scripts. I wouldn't say I'm a very busy man. I'm living a chilled out life but am raring to find more work and slog it out!

AspisDrift.com: What is co-host Hussain like to work with?

Meiyang: I would like to thank Hussain sir immensely for giving me the confidence that radiates on screen. Working with Deepali for auditions was easy since we're good friends and at par. But he is someone who's been in the industry for a long time and has carved a niche for himself on television. And I knew him as a TV personality then and was completely in awe of him.

I remember the first day I met him I told him "The problem is how do I address you on the show, because I'm used to calling you sir?"

And he said, "Brother, in terms of achievement you might be my junior, but on this show we are equals. And from now on, let's be friends rather than junior and senior"

And that's how, he came up with the idea of "Partner-Buddy" to make it comfortable for both of us. He has taken immense pressure off my mind and constantly keeps giving me tips without being preachy. He is extremely supportive. We share many light moments on the sets where we talk about anything under the sun (read- studio lights lol ;) - from judges to contestants to our future plans to fitness etc.

Very few people would be so generous as to let a newcomer get equal standing and make them so comfortable, and he is one of them. And I'm immensely grateful and love him for that

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009: The Final Eight Contestants

Aspi — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:40:00 -0800

Say what you will but Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009 has better singers overall than last year. I'm not surprised - the music industry now has genuine money in it, creating a swell of new talent willing to exercise patience for a break. SRGMP has now become one of their premier platforms to get noticed. And its driving them all to the show.

Plus, SRGMP has the concept of judges right - they pick music directors. It works on so many levels that I'd have to write a new post just about that. So back to the contestants which is the focus of this post. Here are the remaining seven in order of my own level of anticipation when they come in to sing.

Yashita Yashpal Sharma

Every year SRGMP throws up a winner and a breakout singing star. Often they are not the same person. This year's singer who will get much roji roti in Bollywood - despite where she finishes - is Yashita. She has a strong voice that can be downright powerful in a few years. As far as I am concerned her pitching is a work in progress. But she has great focus and spunk.

Vote Appeal Angle: Bindaas Mumbai babe ke liye vote karo!
Sounds Like: Sunidhi Chauhan on a pub crawl with Suzanne D'mello
Among her best: Yashita sings Suneeta Rao's Pari Hoon Mein, Vaishali Samant's Aika Daji Ba

Pratibha Singh Baghel

Easily this year's most accomplished voice, Pratibha is genuine talent blended with early training and hard work. She seems incapable of singing badly - her worst performances are better than anything you would hope to hear on say Indian Idol. Lately SRGMP has rather amusingly been pairing her up with a fellow contestant - they've been doing it with the roving camera, the TV equivalent of the filmi akhiyon ke isharo se.

Vote Appeal Angle: The girl from the Heartland needs your help to win!
Sounds Like: The love child of Shreya Ghoshal and Shobha Mudgal
Among her best: Pratibha sings Abida Parveen's Baghban

Debojit Dutta

The Virender Sehwag of the show - capable of monster performances and dismal failures. Interestingly with Debojit you can tell he'll bomb within the first few lines. He might be great economic option for some music directors if they pick the song carefully.

Vote Appeal Angle: I'm adhura but I'm happy!
Sounds Like: Suraj Jagan imitating Kishore Kumar on one of their saner days
Among his best: Debojit sings James' Hamari Adhuri Kahani

Sara Raza Khan

Sara sings in two voices - one is a kitchy-koo girly voice that entirely limits her range. Once in while she'll break into a full throated voice which sounds terrific. Unfortunately that doesn't happen often. But forget the consolation praise the judges heap on fellow competitor Asma for marked improvement, the fastest improving singer on SRGMP is Sara.

Vote Appeal Angle: Vote for your cute neighbor from up north!
Sounds Like: Suraiya before she hit puberty
Among her best: Sara sings Himesh's Mashah Allah

Soumen Nandi

Vastly underrated as a singer on the show, if Soumen (who I like to call Chow-mein) has a killer voice in the middle octaves, his low notes ain't bad either. But he gets a little screechy on the high notes, which limits his appeal as a playback singer.

Vote Appeal Angle: Please, I'm trying really hard to look cool here. So vote for me!
Sounds Like: KK. But on the high notes, sounds like KK after he just found out he lost another song to Shaan
Among his best: Soumen sings Kailash Kher's Saiyan

Vaishali Made

Vaishali's excellent range if somewhat shrill voice texture is an indicator of how deep talent runs this year on SRGMP - she's barely been among the top singers. Sure Himesh is building a rather eye-roll worthy back story for her (she sings for her husband!) and she sings boring songs, but her approach to life and singing are both genuine and touching.

Vote Appeal Strategy: I worked really hard all my life, now its time to be a star!
Sounds Like: Lata Mangeshkar Lite
Among her best: Vaishali sings Lata Mangeshkar's Der Na Ho Jaye

Zaheer Abbas

Hugely capable, wonderfully dedicated, refreshingly down to earth. He's a niche singer who hasn't yet found his precise niche. If he finds a supportive music director, that niche can be found.

Vote Appeal Angle: Vote for the god-fearing bandaa!
Sounds like: Sukhwinder Singh after riding a bike with a very small, hard seat
Among his best: Zaheer sings AR Rahman's Khwaja Mere Khwaja

Asma Mohammad Rafi

Easily the weakest singer on SRGMP, Asma is the train wreck of the season. But she has a vulnerable, semi-loony personality that audiences seem to connect with. And riding that wave, she has negotiated repeated finishes in the bottom three with safe passage into the next round.

Vote Appeal Angle: I'm a ditzy Arab girl with an amusing accent. Vote for continued humor on the show, I mean me!
Sounds Like: Mauli Dave on a cell phone
Among her best: Asma tackles Himesh's Jhalak Dikhla Jaa

Why Indian Idol 4 is such a compelling show

Aspi — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 17:37:00 -0700

Let me quickly tell you why Indian Idol is becoming such a compelling show. Yes, it is the train wreck that happens when everyone starts to sing. But its way more than that too.

Take last Saturday for instance. Both hosts Hussain and Chang kick-started the show with hazaar enthu introductions. Disco lights flashed. Everyone perked up.

After a rather complicated introduction, Hussain brought on the first contestant - Kuldeep Singh, who instantly appeared embarrassed at the welcome. Dressed in a pathan suit that looked a little leprachaunish, Kuldip launched into Jee Karda from Singh is Kinng with an Irish jig.

Instantly Anu Malik narrowed his eyes - deep in concentration about what he wanted to say about this guy when he finished. Often you sense that the judges commit to their comments well before the delivery has left the bowler's hand. In cricket this is called pre-meditated slogging. If it connects thats great, otherwise it looks comical - and II4 is no exception to this rule.

Kuldip continued, his pacing and pitching careening around the set. The camera focussed on a swaying Tullika Ganguly who has been appointed one of the hotties of the show - the producers constantly cut to her on the sidelines. More groanworthy amusement.

Cut to a shot of Kailash Kher looking like someone was torturing him slowly - which might just have been the case. And may God strike me down if I lie - but Kailash let loose a belch (at 3:12 in this vid). You couldn't hear it above the music, but his body heaved ever so slightly and settled down with satisfaction.

This reminded me of K. K. Shah in our neighborhood who would announce the end of dinner in the Shah household with a series of carefully punctuated, loud belches which would reverbate across the colony.

For jogging my childhood memory thus and making me all teary eyed and reminiscent, I burrp, I mean thank you, Indian Idol!

Indian Idol 4: Piano Round

Aspi — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:00:00 -0700

A week (or maybe two or three) ago, I watched a few Indian Idol 4 auditions.

These were quite amusing - a number of cartoony characters made their way through the show. Contestants were scared witless with tasteless pranks. Some forced camaraderie was established between contestants. Some performed well, others bombed. One guy emotionally blackmailed the judges and then cried incessantly on camera. A girl couldn't bring herself to sing a single line (generally a bad sign) and promptly asked for a "personal" meeting with one of the judges. Standouts, both.

Honestly its hard to judge the quality of the singers during these rounds. But I noted with some satisfaction that the judges were in tremendous self-congratulatory mode after it was all over. "This is the best batch!" they said and patted themselves on the back at having picked such a fine bunch of potential superstars. Heck, they picked a few more than the allocated number of slots. All because there was just too much talent to be ignored.

Excellent, I said to myself. We'll have some good singing and be spared the early round kaan-khajuras of last season.

Thus encouraged, I settled in to watch a random episode of the Piano Round. It was the girls' turn to sing. But Hells Bells - the singing sucked so bad it blew chunks. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

II4 is judged by four maharathis. There is Anu Malik, of course, who is an Idol fixture. He seemed to be in fine alpha male form. Fellow judges' opinions' are summarily dismissed by him if they happened to cross his. In fact, once he even dissed the junta for disagreeing with him. Then he pointed out that he was one of the junta himself - thus pulling off the considerable feat of castigating himself for disagreeing with him.

Javed Akthar also carries over as judge from last year. He is his usual low-key self and often picks up the mike with what looks like a heavy heart. He seems to be saying: "Wow, I'm going to have to make up something nice to say about this one too!"

Kailash Kher, fine purveyor of sufi songs and one of the finest talents of our generation, is the judge responsible for providing the singer's perspective. Kailash tries to retain a sunny, encouraging demeanor which he conveys with lines like "Hum prabhaavit hue!" Shades of Mogambo-like grandeur.

When Kailash speaks he acts like he's singing - he waves his hands around his face with the palm cupped upwards - like he's half-heartedly trying to catch a ball. He is also Anu Malik's nemesis - they once both fought over fellow judge Sonali Bendre!

Finally there is Sonali Bendre who tends to pretty much wait for one of the other three to say something before she aligns herself with their opinion. Ok, maybe I'm harsh here, so let me say this: she looks terrific, seems to have a fine sense of style and is more articulate and less giggly than last year's janaani judge: Alisha Chinai.

Anyways, back to the girls singing. I chuckled through the entire episode. Why? Because contestant after contestant came and sang badly. And the judges kept encouraging them instead of rolling their eyes and saying "WTF!? Go to your room (and watch SRGMP)!"

One singer came and howled through a song. Sonali gave her a standing ovation. Another squealed through an entire tune. Javed Akhtar called her voice "junta ki amaanat". Yet another played hide and seek with sur. Anu Malik hit on her. One more shakily navigated key parts of a song. She was given a silver coin.

Later all the contestants participated in product placement. This was done by inserting fake AirTel ringtones in what appeared to be a "hostel moment" where the boys and girls were just "hanging out" on a bed. (I would like to point out that two of the boys appeared to be making out with each other on camera. I kid you not - it all started with a head massage, but you should watch this show for yourself).

Fortunately II4 has the winning presence of co-host Meiyang Chang. Meiyang has the uncanny ability to build up an easy chemistry with almost everyone he encounters. He gives the show a lot of its youthful mojo. While he is clearly still fine tuning his act and once in a while tips over on the cuteness, he gives me enough indication he is going to be a huge star someday.

If Preity Zinta were an American and I were Bappi Lahiri, I would hold Meiyang's hand and say "Tum India ka Preeti Zeenta hey!"

Rest of the singers, aur mehenat karo!

My Real Luv Story with Himesh: by Bunker Swahadevan

Aspi — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 18:16:00 -0700

Hi, my name is Bunker Swahadevan. For those who might not know me, I compose music in Bollywood along with my partners, forming the trio: Bunker-Fashion-Coy.

A few months ago I decided to become a judge on a show called Sa Re Drama Pa.

"It'll be great" the producers told me. "You'll be on TV. You'll get the chance to mentor kids". Plus there was the money and the prospect of finding good, cheap singers. So I said yes.

From some of my buddies who shall remain unnamed, I had heard a lot about this Himesh character and how he drew people into fights. So on the first day I told everyone that I wasn't that kind of a judge. But lo and behold, pretty soon we all got into a horrible fight, prompted by none other than the aforementioned troublemaker. All on national TV!

I was devastated. I came home and heard Coy playing the theme from Kal Ho Na Ho on his keyboard.

"Can't you play something less manoos for once!" I snapped at him and stormed into the bathroom.

There I cried in front of the mirror. You know how on the show that karun basuri starts playing whenever someone starts whining? Well, that started playing in my bathroom. It freaked me out. I sang Ma from Tare Zameen Par three times and wallowed in self-pity. Then I slipped into a troubled sleep.

I had the weirdest dream! I dreamt that I was walking down the corridor of a dimly lit dungeon. It was moist in there. Hair grew on the walls. I smelled Brut in the air.

In the first cell I passed I saw Hansika Motwani. "Help me!" she said "I was stuck in a movie with him!"

In the second cell I saw Bappi Lahiri. His song Disco Badshah played continuously on a loop. "Bankor my baadi!" he pleaded. "I'll kiss Abhijit if you get me out of here!"

In the third cell I saw my friends Shekhar and Vishal. Someone had put Shekhar in pants with no pockets. Poor Shekhar didn't know where to put his hands and out of sheer shyness was hiding his face with them instead.

Vishal had been chained in front of a TV playing the Mothers Day special episode of Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar. At first he put on a brave face and said "Bring it on Dude!!" But when his eyes fell on me his voice shook: "Bunker old pal, any chance you have some jasmine tea on you. I don't think I'll make it otherwise!"

Further down I saw Satish Kaushik in a cell. He looked fine but his mouth had been taped shut. I remember thinking this was actually a good idea. But clearly, Satish was in turmoil and that wasn't good.

I kept walking. An unearthly cackle filled the dungeon. The narrow corridor flared into a huge room. In the center was a tall pedestal with exactly ten steps. Seated at the top of the pedestal was Himesh - a fierce wind billowed through his clothes. (For some reason his hair remained perfectly in place). He bared his teeth, pointed at me and cackled again. "You will soon be HISTORY!" he bellowed. I trembled with fear - certain I was about to breathe my last.

When it seemed all was lost, out of nowhere a magnificent shadowy figure swooped upon Himesh, unseating him and sending him tumbling to the floor. His toupee parted company with his head. Himesh whimpered and scurried into a corner. The figure turned, the light from behind me lit her face. It was Urmila Matondkar.

"Urmila!" I exclaimed with joy. "How did you do it? How did you make Himesh your bitch?!"

"Listen carefully to what I have to say" said Urmila to me. "Because your life depends on it"

I clasped my hands and fell to my knees in front of her.

"Bunker" she continued "The only way to get the better of Himesh is...." she paused for effect. "Chato him endlessly. Get good at it. Get better at it than Himesh himself!"

"But how can I bring myself to do that?" I said, stunned by this advice. "I'd rather shave my soul strip!"

"There is no other way!" she said as she faded before my eyes.

"Don't leave me!" I screamed. Just then, I woke up in my bed with a start. The scream was actually Fashion playing guitar over a Jimmy Page song. Sigh! On the positive side, I've never had to spend money buying an alarm clock.

I showered quickly, scarfed a couple of idlis and made my way to the ZeeTV studios. With Urmila's advice ringing in my ears I approached Himesh with a whole new attitude. I praised him endlessly. I told him he was a path breaker. I begged him to let me compose music in one of his films. I started calling him Sir.

And well, whadyaknow? It worked! Himesh and I now exchange loving looks constantly on the show. I've even adopted that silly "History" phrase of his, yelling it in every show with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. In return, Himesh calls me The Nose of India and keeps his baying in check.

Both of these, I can live with. I have found peace and connected with inner goodness. I've apologized to Fashion and Coy for thinking rudely of them. I keep my cool even when Fashion tries to pretend he is Richie Blackmore or Coy doodles with the Barney theme on the keys. I couldn't be happier.

Thank you for saving my life, Urmila.

Himesh, flying kiss!

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009: Literary Edition

Aspi — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 18:08:00 -0700

Just the other day Mind Rush and I were discussing SRGMP over email and the thought occurred to both of us: if the varied denizens of our beloved show took a year off to pen a memoir or a self-help book, what would it look like?

But why let the fun stop there? It takes much more creativity to imagine what the citizens of SRGMP could not write about. And so we came up with this list of

The World's Thinnest Books Ever Written

Himesh Reshammiya
Avoid the Spotlight: A surefire way to gain respect and make the A-list

Pritam
Manscaping Made Easy

Shankar Mahadevan
Himesh Fan Club: My journey from skeptic to life-long fan

Adesh Srivastava
Sabse Alag! How to highlight your unique qualities and stand out in the world

Kapil Dev
The Zen of Cricket: How cricket can solve all your problems in life

Tarun Sagar
Safaai! How to avoid Foot In Mouth disease and wash away your sins by periodically uttering Jai Matadi!

Asma Mohammed Rafi
Don't Fall Into The Stereotype Trap: Creating a new identity for Arabs in the Asian World

Sara Raza Khan
Fashion 2008: How not to dress like a behenji

Urmila Matondkar
Down To Earth: Say no to Diva-like behavior and embrace your inner earthiness

Himesh Reshammiya
Tandoori Chicken Dance: Become an overnight Bollywood dance dhamaka

Chatoo Nation on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:12:00 -0700

Happily the fine singing in SRGMP is still overshadowed by the ego blinging. Its called the best of both worlds. So what happened last week that was worth noting? A couple of things.

First, remember Debojit and how SRGMP did the whole cringeworthy "Debo is adhura" bit? Well that took a turn for the worse on Saturday. Here is how it all went down.

Pritam, who houses Debojit in his Dhoom gharana, has been touting the guy as his winner. This apparently led to some envy mongering among the other participants.

Now contestant bhailog, I need to tell you this: it always sounds like a good idea to come clean in front of the camera on a Sunday or Monday - when the taping of the live part of the show is still a few days away. This is the time when the producers maro the chabee and tell you to "rock it" and "tell the world what you're thinking". And you go ahead and say a bunch of things like: "Pritam is playing favorites", "He shouldn't be doing this" and "He doesn't love us as much as Debojit".

But when that little clip gets played on the show in a bhari mehfil, you suddenly realize what a bad idea that was. Its called Being Had By Producerji. Not that I'm complaining - its a nifty trick that is the life blood of any reality show worth its name.

In any case, this happened right after Debojit had finished singing. Pritam picked up the mike and ordered Debojit off the stage - specifically out of earshot. He asked the plaintiffs to get on the stage. "Edit all this out later" he muttered.

Then he launched into the story of a young boy who used to stutter all his life and how he thought he was no good. He wouldn't respond to questions he knew the answers to. But through love and encouragement from his parents and teachers, the boy became a success later in life.

"That boy is me!" finished Pritam displaying a fine propensity for drama. The Tare Zameen Par theme started playing in the background. (Boy is this the most "special" soundtrack of all time or what?)

Now this bit of drama would normally sound really cheesy. And not that it didn't - but coming from a supremely mellow cuddlebunny like Pritam it was downright touching. His fellow judges did wah-wah. The plaintiffs must have felt like heels because they fell on their feet and begged for forgiveness. No, seriously!

At this point all hell broke loose. If I remember correctly, Himesh and Shankar Mahadevan (who Himesh hilariously refers to as "The Nose of India") announced an alliance. Aadesh countered with a one-sided alliance with Pritam. Everyone got on stage and Yashita Yashpal, terribly charming purveyor of fine performances and wacky outfits, was used as the rope in a tug of war to decide if she was a boy or a girl. Please, don't ask!

Second thing of note happened when Abhishek Bachchan showed up on Sunday to promote his much maligned dud Drona. Faster than you could say "Slurp", the judges rushed to heap praise on him.

Now this I don't mind. After all, praising someone isn't a bad thing - it brings good cheer and encouragement all around. But calling Abhishek the "best hip hop singer in the country" is about where I'd draw the line.

That announcement was made by Pritam and even he didn't look entirely convincing while saying it. Abhishek preened. But because Himesh is the best at this particular activity (chatoing) he said something entirely nutty and entertaining.

"You are NUMBER ONE in everything!" Himanshu declared. "First of all, you are the NUMBER ONE Amitabh Bachchan's son" At this point I thought, if he says 'and you are the NUMBER ONE Aishwarya's husband' I'll become Himesh's slave for life. Unfortunately this did not happen but Himesh's declaration that Drona was a super-duper hit was still a lot of fun to listen to.

Abhishek then responded by announcing that he and Goldie Behl had started a Himesh Fan Club during the making of Drona. "On the Internet" he added. "And you weren't allowed to step on the set unless you didn't join the fan club". Himesh shifted in his seat with nervous delight - he wasn't quite sure if he was being had.

Luckily he didn't pick up the double negative Freudian slip in Abhishek's statement. Abhishek probably didn't either.

Now that is not what I don't call good entertainment.

Battles lines are drawn on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:16:00 -0700

After a long time harnessing his somewhat quick temper, Himesh Reshammiya finally decided to unleash his inner Battle Droid - much as some of us had hoped for. He built some bridges, then burned them and then went ahead and half-heartedly tried to patch the charcoal. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the last few weeks - and I confess I have missed several episodes - fellow judge Shankar Mahadevan had effectively put Himesh in his place. This he did by not mincing his words whenever his opinion differed from Himesh. At the same time he back-slapped the other two judges - Pritam and Aadesh Srivastava - and cajoled them into providing somewhat veiled support.

Himesh, not doing himself any favors, gradually realized he was being pushed into one corner. And Mr. Roji Roti became Goody Two Shoes and the SRGMP show sputtered on in aman and shanti. Yes, that was me you heard snoring.

Thankfully the knife's edge was been restored on the show thanks to some rather silly disagreements - the best kind when it comes to judge jhagdas.

This week Himesh decided to announce that the judges would not dismiss a good singer over one bad performance . It might have helped to consult his fellow judges because as soon as he said that both Shankar and Aadesh jumped in to undermine him. Himesh, looking visibly troubled, trotted up on stage - perhaps not realizing that this grandstanding would piss people off even more. Finally to salvage it all, Himesh declared that Shankar and Aadesh were in one corner and Pritam and he were in another. Poor Pritam look a little shell-shocked if you ask me at this impromptu recruitement.

Later, Himesh announced his support for the girls on the show by stating that a girl should and will win SRGMP this year. But the taalis he was looking for instead came as a gaali. Somewhat inexplicably Aadesh referred to Himesh uncharitably as Chanakya. "I don't have any girls in my gharaana" he sniffed, implying that Himesh was shutting down Aadesh's house by throwing his lot in with the girls. Sa Re Ga Ma Kindergarten Pa.

On the second of the two shows this weekend, Imraan Khan and Minissha Lamba showed up to promote their new movie . The SRGMP producers manufactured a promo subplot of tremendously infectious silliness. This required Head to pretend that he had been kidnapped. Head freed himself and took the entire show to realize that Imraan had done it.

This brilliant bit of comedy showed that not satisfied with spanking the TRP covers of Voice of India and Indian Idol, SRGMP now had the kiddie shows squarely in its sights.

I enjoyed the presence of Imraan and Minissha quite a bit. Imraan seems to be of a new breed of actors - those who consciously try to act un-starry and strip any semblance of adaas from their body language. And Minissha - because she spoke articulately and didn't once try to "charm" us via unnecessary giggling - got major points from me.

All wasn't done yet. At one point Tarun Sagar delivered a rather lukewarm rendition of Gadar's mega hit Mein Nikla Gaddi Leke. Himesh immediately jumped to his defence by informing everyone that Tarun's throat was not in good shape. Yes, nodded Tarun sadly. Pritam issued an eye roll and warned Himesh not to play the galleries for sympathy. Himesh waved his middle finger around - supposedly unintentionally.

Aadesh, by now stewing over Himesh for some reason I can't explain, asked Tarun to prove it by singing the same song. Tarun croaked something out. "Beta" Aadesh shook his head "acting mat karo!" Tarun tried again - this time it sounded better. He got a hammering from both Aadesh and Himesh, who looked a little embarrassed.

But enough about the judges. Next week, I'll have to force myself to talk about the singing on the show.

Also:

Shubhchintak is happy
Bella is underwhelmed by Imraan but loved the tattoo
dockaul is looking for a name for Aadesh
Something is wrong with Minisha says j, who is enjoying Pritam, Shankar and Aadesh on the show
bee knows why Himesh is supporting the women now
Busy Bee shudders at the thought of a Drona related skit on the show
girlie girl can't believe Himesh was waving the middle finger around
j on Reva, Kaushik and Naina Saxena
m defends Shankar and bemoans the lack of a hottie on the show
Lin can't understand Asma's presence and the drama surrounding Sarah Raza
Something is wrong with how Asma's Hindi is wrong thinks m
Lin empathizes with m on the loss of a loved one on Junoon
Nepali Head identifies two more redos on Indian Idol

Regional Drama on Star Voice of India

Aspi — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:15:00 -0700

Since SRGMP was so boring this week and my blasted DVR started acting up again (give humans something simpler to use and they'll find a new way to screw it up), I decided to tune in to Star Voice of India. And I must say, if I had time I would be watching this show every week!

Why so? Hold that chai a little tighter while I explain. We don't want any stains on the sofa.

Last year VoI played the regional card willy nilly down to the finals, issuing pukaars to the home states of the contestants to send in SMS votes. This year if you can believe it, VoI kicked it up a notch.

In its current format, VoI has contestants picked from each state called "Voice of this-state or that-state". Having established home (and vote) base as part of the premise of the show, VoI then allows itself to shamelessly play the Regional Vote drama.

Often someone on the show (like the host Shaan or an audience member) will take on an admonishing tone, implying that the people of a state are not patriotic enough or maybe they are just plain lazy.

Sweet Mother of God! Is this what India has come to? I mean people who won't be bothered to pick up a mobile - a mobile I tell you - and not punch in a few buttons to vote for their brother or sister? In the time it would take them to roll their eyes and switch to a different channel, someone could just as easily get suckered, continue to watch the show and spend hundreds on SMS votes!

Last week the Voice of Punjab (let's dispense with names shall we?) didn't get enough votes to keep him out of trouble. A bunch of people shook their heads and admonished their fellow Punjab ke vaasi. "Kya ho raha hai!" yelled one. "Its shameful" another shook his head.

Yet, I must confess this drama gave me pause. I even stopped eating my aloo bhujiya for a while. Judge Monty Sharma picked up the mike and declared: "Why Punjab!? All of India should vote for this boy!" Everyone shook their heads solemnly - the boy himself nodded vigorously - and applauded.

Monty laid down his mike and looked around as if the point had been made for the first time. And then it was back to more State-mongering. This bit of amusement made up for the fact that Monty did not say "Attack!" even once while I was watching.

Finally, in my opinion it is unforgivable for a show that is a singing competition to have its contestants lip sync. Sure SRGMP does it, but only for the opening act - and I can't say I like that either. But when the show kicks in, everyone sings live and lives and dies by it.

But it was Disco Night and the producers of VoI decided to have their singers jump and shimmy around in the name of top class entertainment. And in such a situation, we all know that singing properly is like chewing lohe ke channe. So every single contestant mimed - even the handicapped guy who sat it out.

Often someone would be caught napping and try to catch up with the words - they would dart off a guilty look and then immediately execute some exaggerated move to try and deflect attention. The camera would helpfully move quickly to a wider shot.

This provided continuous fun - I even rated the contestants on their ability to dupe the viewers. Voice of Delhi - great work!

Cringeworthy Entertainment on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:48:00 -0700

There are lot of times when watching SRGMP is just so embarrassing, I can barely bring myself to watch. And let it be said that I enjoy those times immensely.

Last week a ton of crap happened that made me put my hands over my eyes and whisper: "Man I can't take this anymore". At times SRGMP became so cringe worthy that it entertained me by virtue of emotional trauma.

First, Head hosted the entire thing in a silly shloka sing-song voice. Well, I thought, if I give it enough time it might grow on me. But is SRGMP a show that takes the predictable route? No! And so it was that Head ended up just as nutty as he was when the show began. I'd like to state this briefly: this season Head has displayed a welcome understanding of the show's tacky values. And his efforts to embrace that are appreciated.

More fun arrived from - surprisingly - the normally soporific Suresh Wadkar.

Let's start with Yashita Yashpal - who has been a bit of a revelation on this show and because she sang that much maligned Aitraaz song (albeit as soon as Asha Bhonsle had left), is one of my favorites. Yashita scorched her way through Vaishali Samant's playful lavni hit Aika Dajiba.

After it had ended, Suresh Wadkar asked Yashita if she was Marathi. "I'm Punjabi but I was born and raised in Mumbai". Yaar, Suresh interjected, you sang Marathi so well even though you are Punjabi!

This confusion between ethnicity and statehood used to annoy me back when I used to tell everyone I was Gujarati only to have someone say "But I thought you were a Parsi". Nowadays this stuff just entertains me. In fact, I would like to nominate Wadkar as Maharashtra's Global Cultural Emissary. Sure he'd piss people off, but think of those cool YouTube videos that would result.

But Wadkar wasn't done. At one point Head - putting forth his best straight face - informed the singer that fans had questioned his credentials to judge hip-hop and rock singing. This seemed to wake up Wadkar. "Because I have taleem (in Hindustani music) I can sing anything!" Wadkar thundered, waving his arm about for effect. "Give me a rock song to sing!" and here I detected a note of pleading in his voice "and if I don't do it justice, I'll quit!"

Thus in one fell swoop, Wadkar devalued the singers of every jonar of music but Hindustani classical. I would like to suggest that Wadkar's first assignment as Maharashtra's Cultural Emissary be a meeting with these two gentlemen.

And then - killer! Debojit bombed his way through Sonu Nigam's Aisa Pehli Baar. After listening to some do-chaar from Himesh, Pritam opened up his Puran and handed it to Head. And Head basically told Debojit that he had been left adhura and unfinished by God and was considered abnormal by usual standards. This was followed by some patronizing encouragement.

The go to music at times like this - Taare Zameen Par's theme - started playing in the back. Debojit looked up and blinked. At this point I covered my eyes again and couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.

Thankfully Debojit's Mom took charge and without unnecessary drama or rona-dhona narrated that Debojit had been evaluated by multiple psychologists who couldn't come up with a definitive diagnosis. So, she concluded, our boy is different from others and unique. Much clapping ensued.

And who can forget on Sunday a jyotish showed up. Smilingly he asked each one their birth date and followed it up with some Linda Goodman style advice. Head introduced Mitika by saying she was in some sankat because she loved someone in Chandigarh. "Achieve something of note!" advised the jyotish man "so that he may love you!" Wow, India sure has changed: looking hot gets you nowhere these days.

One of these days, when the entertainment value in SRGMP downsizes, we can all talk about the singers. But that might not happen anytime soon. Already a noteworthy cold war is brewing between Shankar Mahadevan and Himesh Reshammiya. And Himesh is still sulking from his chela Sunwinder's exit last week. Its only a matter of time before Monty is back...with a vengeance.

Aren't we all glad that SRGMP is so deliciously...adhura!

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009: Katti Nation

Aspi — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 02:52:00 -0700

Early on SRGMP this weekend, Shankar Mahadevan scared the living daylights out of me.

The end of fun?

"There will no more jhagdas!" he declared. "We will judge this competition in a respectful way!" Tie me up and call me Salman Khan, but why would anyone do a teerth yatra to ganga tat ke kinare and not dip in the water just because it happened to look a bit dicey? Just don't go then!

Happily Shankar proved that my fears were unfounded by setting up one of the most hilarious situations in the history of our beloved show. Who knew the man had the devil in him like that? Here is how it went down.

Early on during the singing and judging-shudging, the judges - Himesh, Shankar, Pritam and Aadesh sat stiffly, keeping their thoughts to themselves. Were they all just embarrassed from last week's high drama scrap? Head - bless the man - picked up enough courage to ask them the very same question.

No more jhagdas!

Shankar was on the mike in a flash and explained that the judges had decided to stop talking to each other to promote more harmony. He also said something unconvincing about keeping their interpersonal relationship intact."Its best we stay choop!" piped in Pritam.

Gali ka bachcha bachha - at least the ones with a good head on their shoulders - will tell you that the worst way to resolve differences is to shut down. But such is the loopiness of SRGMP, that smart insaans make entertaining decisions like these.

Himesh, unplugged

Clearly, Shankar and Himesh are both alpha males and a struggle was on the cards despite Shankar's memorable previous declaration that he was not that kind of judge. A black & white sankat moment ensued with the space between the judges split by terrific snake-like lightening.

Himesh looked pissed beyond words. He looked bored and unhappy. At one point all the judges shouted out their naaras. The House of Reshammiya glumly kept his chapped lips sealed.

All this was making me depressed when something really cool happened. Shankar asked Head to tell Pritam something because no direct conversation between the judges was allowed.

Proxy Conversations

Then Aadesh asked Head to convey a message to the other gharaanas. Pretty soon all the judges were using poor Head as proxy to talk to each other. This is the equivalent of a simmering domestic dispute in which someone says "Pappu! Tell Daddy ke khaana lag gaya hai!" Hilarity! An amused Head quipped "I should get you pagers"

This delicious and fresh take on jhagdas engineered by the SRGMP gurus restored my faith in the show. But there was more.

SRGMP Special Effects

We'll talk about the singing separately, but for now I'd like to congratulate the SRGMP producers for introducing those dhaasu special effects.

Screens were split. Stuff was turned sideways and upside down. Screens were stop motioned in time with the beat. If I remember correctly Pritam ended up stop motioned with a goofy expression on his face. A couple of times I got vertigo. This peaked during Naina Saxena's performance and was an absolute pleasure to watch.

Producers, please keep it up (and also make sure the budget for these effects stays exactly the same)!

Also:

Bee regrets missing this
j takes issue with the outfits on the show
The elimination crying has girlie girl annoyed
leera's review includes mini Liberace and Emo Unkil
What's with all those invited sardars? says Kruti
Mein Bachara links to Ismail Darbar calling Pritam a chor
Anon wonders about Ghulam Ali and Wadkar judging the hip hop special
The contestants look like clownshoes says m
invalid can't sit through any of the episodes
sumanti on why Zaheer Abbas is so impressive on the show

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009: Song and Country

Aspi — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 02:00:00 -0700

Boy, there is nothing like a SRGMP August 15th episode to get everyone talking about Indo-Pak bhaicharaa. Thankfully this week we were spared clips from old movies of jawaans getting their limbs strewn all over the place - although I get the feeling that might yet happen later in the season.

After a tremendous national pride song and dance - in which one contestant had to suffer through pounding fake chillis on stage - Head trotted out and said something about how this Independence didn't feel right because we were a nation divided. A loose case was made for how SRGMP was blazing a trial no politician can. This was interspersed with a map of India, Pakistan and Bangladesh representing - and this is something people kept saying on the show - Akhand Bharat.

My respect for SRGMP shot up even more - if its possible. After all what show on this planet can make geo-political boundaries its bitch? In any case, Head dragged every Pakistani singer on stage and asked him that clunker of a question: how do you feel about being in India? Thankfully the Pakistani contingent is an articulate one and said wonderful and florid things.

Then it was the turn of Lahore's Sara Raza Khan - possessor of a dazzling smile, a woman-child voice and several redonkulosly cute performances. "I love Pakistan!" she said with enthusiasm, smiled at Head and compared India and Pakistan to two members of the family who didn't get along, went to live their separate ways, but still found time to meet and share the love. "This is a good arrangement" she said.

This seemed to wake up everyone on the show. SRGMP mein bagaawat! "I hate the word Partition!" Aadesh thundered. Anandji, guest mahaguru on the show and witness to azaadi, rebuked poor Sara for declaring her love for her country on stage. Sara gulped and nodded profusely. It was left to permanent mahaguru Kavita Krishnamurthy to save the day with some gracious comments. I know Partition is a touchy subject and a highly serious one, but because this was SRGMP, the whole thing left me very amused.

Yet, SRGMP has made invaluable contributions to South Asian togetherness. After all didn't we see how last year the show brought fans from across the border together worrying (about Mussarat Abbas's elimination), bickering (about Amanat Ali's loss in the finale) and agreeing (about Junaid Shaikh's hotness)?

And speaking of Kavita, can I suggest we replace Asha Bhonsle as mahaguru next year with Kavita? She handles those rowdy boys (also called judges) with detached aplomb, has a ready smile and a fair and even hand when deciding on singers. Besides she's got Mum's undying admiration. In fact, we should make her President of India. She could sing for all of us - something we don't get to hear often enough. Think about it: no more dozing off during Presidential addresses!

Moving on: the following day's episode was a Rakshabandhan special. Congratulations to the producers for dragging Ekta Kapoor along with brother Tusshar to the show. Ekta so looked like she didn't want to be there. How? For starters she wore an expression on her face that communicated boredom. She parked a honking purse on her lap and hid behind it. And you could see her tapping her feet with impatience on various occasions. This had the unfortunate effect of making the giant bag on her lap jiggle - allowing all of us to see how badly she wanted to get out of there.

But when some saas-bahu stuff came up, she perked up and said something dense that will make its way into a saas-bahu strategy book soon. She identified a Himesh song as her favorite, making the House of Reshammiya blush and break out into a terribly romantic song. She then commanded Shankar Mahadevan to sing. Soon enough, she high tailed it off the sets, leaving me hugely sad.

Happily, SRGMP in the US seems to have caught up with its Indian counterparts. In the interim episodes I must confess Pritam has become a personal favorite. His special episode was much fun to watch and that Pritam Puraan idea scaled the heights of tacky goodness. Who knew Pritam fainted at the sight of blood or that the cute insaan (Himesh's words not mine) once saved a caterpillar but threw his cell phone out of his window in the process, that he can't pour water into a glass (according to his lovely wife) and composed the Dhoom theme in a kitchen.

More Pritam on the show, I command you!

Also:

Ekta for president! says j
Tusshar seems to be a permanent house guest, says Over Rated
Ekta annoyed Mind Rush no end
j psychobabbles Ekta
leera reviews the August 15 and August 16 episodes
~mad munky~ has a scheme for paying off her wedding
Sara Fan hopes Sara's outspoken words don't result in vote loss
svr warms up to Sara and digs Kavita
Pitu is compelled to watch for Ekta Mata's sake
Megan rolls her eyes at the joke that rakhi has become and rants about her least favorite themes on SRGMP
What Sara has to do to fall from grace, according to j
Ekta on her purse and shoes
Deep goes JELR!
The Tusshar-Sara rakhee moment? Fake! says Anon
maxdavinci is bowled over by Sara
Bappi and Obhijit fight over Adnan Sami
Why was Sara dressed like an extra in Pakeeza? asks j

A thousand ways to suck on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009

Aspi — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:04:00 -0700

Anyone who's watched that circus on crack, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, will tell you that the singing can't be faked on this show.

Unlike other shows where you can jiggle your hips through a short song and tide over the occasional croak, on SRGMP your hips don't lie (that phrase a small tribute to Bappi, who I miss a lot this year). The focus is always on your pipes.

Small mistakes are caught, even the slightest lack of energy is noticed. The judges come ready to pick apart sur and taal. And there are no high energy performances you can hide behind.

But because the judges try hard to find the faults in every performance they sometimes come across as meanies - risking the ire of those high-strung SRGMP fans. As a result, the judges have devised some wonderful ways of telling the contestants if they suck.

Here is a guide to what the judges say (and what they really mean) on SRGMP.

You started really well!
(But it was all downhill from there)

We have a lot of expectations from you!
(And you hardly lived up to them today)

You sang better than last time!
(You blew then, you merely sucked today)

The standard of this show has gone up lately!
(And guess who's not up to it baby)

You must sing better next time!
(Good luck with having a next time)

Your performance was kamaal!
(Wish your singing was as kamaal as your performance)

You must do more riyaaz!
(You aren't going to make the cut, thanks for coming)

You have a very good voice!
(But your singing, well, that's a different story)

You were out of tune!
(Pack up your bags already)

Also:

~mad munky~ likes "you have a unique voice"
maxdavinci adds "tonal quality" and "aaj ki awaaz"
squarecut.atul envisions the legends of the past on SRGMP
girlie girl enjoys the drama on SRGMP
anu g wishes the US catches up with India
Tania adds "you are well suited for another jonar"
j tries to make sense of the ZeeTV marathon
The judges ticks' during the singing amuses Kanan
How about those excuses contestants make? asks Mind Rush
svr has one on the on-demand singing
The behen ki shaadi guy is an established Jagrata singer announces Anon

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2009: Better late than never

Aspi — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:11:00 -0700

Man, it sure sucks that SRGMP in the US is running behind India by several weeks. But this also makes me feel less guilty about making fun of their biggest show week after week. Its payback for cocking this season up so badly.

I ended up watching the first show (some seven weeks later) this Saturday. What happened? Plenty to bamboozle us all.

First Head showed up trying to look all gangster-like only he looked like the Indian version of L'il Bow Wow. He got into a motorcycle-escorted white limo which was inexplicably driven over some ubad-khabad kachcha rasta. This must have shaken up Head because when he came out of it, he jumped on stage and kept bouncing around.

As if to focus attention on his well, head, Head had slicked his hair into my younger son's favorite hairstyle - affectionately called The Rhino around the house. This bit of deft identification with the masses made me sit up and take note that a smarter, friendlier season of SRGMP was at hand.

Later Head said some long winded nonsense by way of introduction and announced that there would be Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi and videshi singers on the show. This startling bit of news made me switch to BBC briefly to check if India had indeed annexed its two neighbors. After making sure that they hadn't, I marveled at this wonderful bit of South Asia against the World bit of bhaichara and meri aankhein nam hui.

Barely had this excitement subsided that Himesh was introduced with much fanfare which in the House of Reshammiya these days means: Wind-blown Hair and Explosions! Luckily mahaguru Asha Bhonsle wasn't around to witness all this manliness.

Himesh along with that Lego head of hair has developed a fascinating walk - he swivels his shoulders with every step. This catwalk strut - which would shame the likes of Heidi Klum - was Himesh's way of telling us that as far as adaa was concerned, SRGMP would go for broke this season.

All of this was extremely appetite-whetting. And Shankar Mahadevan hadn't even fallen out of the sky yet. But he promptly did and executed a smart walk joined by his chelas - a sharp looking bunch of boys and girls who turned out to be the weakest bunch of singers. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Shankar got on stage and immediately announced that he wasn't that kind of a person. Here he squinted at Himesh and shook his head ruefully - meaning he wasn't a dramebaaz like nudge, nudge, you know who. Himesh barely blinked, snapped up the mike and said something that I didn't fully understand but which sounded dramatic.

Here I will take the liberty of ignoring judge Aadesh Srivastava's entry - blandness ki liye there is no place on the Drift.

We all met the final judge Pritam as he emerged from under the waves of a roiling sea - all soaked and delirous. This was SRGMP's way of tweaking social Bollywood stereotypes in which actresses are subjected to this kind of treatment. Pritam jumped up, sloshed his wet hair around and aligned himself with his chelas. Then the whole sea behind him exploded in a ball of fire.

After his snaan, Pritam walked on stage and issued a mild challenge to Himesh in the Chatoo Sweepstakes. But Himesh defused this by calling Pritam a cute insaan. You could sense the love between these two. Pritam later happily settled down and turned out to be the most focussed judge among all.

On to the singers! Lest you think that SRGMP is all judge drama, a number of promising singers came out and tested their pipes. I look forward to listening to their talent in the weeks to come.

Also:

How about the Khiladi Kapoor and Salman Khan shows asks yajnaseni
j narrates the emergence of the hero and villain on the show
girlie girl loves the tension between Ashaji and Himesh
Khiladi Kapoor show - waste of time according to maxdavinci
svr discovers the connection between SRGMP and Kekta soaps
j is tired of gareeb bhai naataks and Pakistan tourist questions
Pitu is tempted to start watching
Are the four gurus representing the earth, fire, air and water? wonders Mind Rush
Mind Rush has ideas for the producers

Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar: Grand Finale

Aspi — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 20:45:00 -0700

Thanks to the magic of the skip button on my DVR I enjoyed the JJWS finale weekend. But I confess I enjoyed the pre-finale a lot more than the finale and it had to do with the presence of Sukhwinder Singh.

I say this with the utmost fondness - Sukhwinder is a prodigiously talented goofball. Most of the times I see him his hair is either standing up like in a 21 gun salute or it flops around his head in a tapeli-cut. He's always up for a laugh - and when he speaks the tiniest voice comes out of him, it makes Bappi's voice sound like the equivalent of Charles Bronson. But give him the mike and ask him to sing and clearly he is powered by a nuclear reactor.

Sukhwinder sang some ghasaa pita songs through the evening, but such is his ability to have fun with a song that it didn't seem to matter. Right after his first performance, he hailed Vishal and Shekhar as pioneers of mixing Techno with Melody. Later towards the end, he called Mandira Bedi on stage, did a Punjabi tease-item and serenaded her like a snake. This is the closest you can get to hog heaven if you are a Sukhwinder fan.

But on to the finale: this is just my opinion but JJWS did give us a deserving winner in Rahul Vaidya. He was easily the most consistent and entertaining performer of the show - and towards the end he even showed a new found ability to do the achha insaan bit.

Back to my skip button - which saved me from from the silly comedy and sillier games - boy, that finale went by quickly and had only good moments in it. First, Sonu Nigam walked in and pooh-poohed all the chaat he got from anya people. Whenever he opens his mouth to sing you realize what a tremendous talent we are all enjoying this generation.

Shahid Kapur and Vidya Balan both shilled for their romance Kismet Konnection. (I noted in one of the previews Vidya in a huff calls Shahid a Male Chauvinist Pig - how cute, funny and fresh!) On JJWS, both displayed an inter-personal chemistry resembling that between an avocado and rice noodles.

Finally, some public service messages:

I wish Shahid Kapur luck in the new auto mechanic role he will play soon - not that its been announced but his new look makes it pretty clear.

Sonu, its ballroom dance or ball, not ball dance. The latter is a little like all those people in Amdavad saying Ellisbridge Pool - in other words, its redundant.

Vidya, bow on butt: No.

Thanks to anu g and Sidekick who recommended that I watch JJWS way back in April.

Also:

Megan on the yawnfest,sonu, Sumitra's hips, Shahid, Vidya and Bips
Sukhwinder speaking reminds anu g of a certain rodent
A proposal for megan - from Lil Mo
Back to karaoke for the competitors says Over Rated
Rambunctious Whippersnapper has some drink options for Harshit
That Bips segment was odd says j
Pitu links to the reason Bipasha and Shahid couldn't be together
What's with Sonu and indie music asks Tina
Pitu and j recollect Mandy's tremendous dance
Lil Mo pines for Megan, sings a song, sings another, and another
Teddy is prompted to write the Drift Lau Story 2050
Lil Mo sings again
meena is amused by the scintillating human drama
Mind Rush overhears a conversation at the megania mansion
Hritu R shows up
svr made notes during Rahul's performances
Pitu reveals the origins of the Shahid-Kareena-John-Bipasha jhagda
Lil Mo threatens Hritu R

Jai Matadi Let's Rock! How to say NO to Kya Baat Hai and save Hindi pop culture

Aspi — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:41:00 -0700

Months ago when Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2007 was kicking butt (and getting better I might add), we invented the Mindblowing Shots Game. This was because that annoying word Mindblowing was being used so much, that it was important to appropriate its use by downing a shot every time someone uttered it on TV.

And these days the phrase "Kya Baat Hai!" has reached the same irritating proportions. I know its just a phrase - and on JJWS its mostly mouthed silently - but bear with me here because the objective is to squeeze entertainment out of a situation that has none.

Kya Baat Hai is a terrible way to praise someone - it should be mothballed along with the shababi kababi mujra era that it belongs to. Instead I would like to propose Jai Matadi Lets Rock - or its shorter counterpart JMLR! - which will surely make its way to Wikipedia one of these days.

While waiting for this wonderful phrase to be adopted universally, I suggest this for the mind numbingly long Grand Finale that is sure to follow as Star tries to squeeze its show for those confusing TRPs.

Whenever you see (or hear) someone mouthing Kya Baat Hai, reach for a shot of your favorite drink and yell Jai Matadi Lets Rock! Tequila is recommended but otherwise mint or ginger chai will also suffice if alcohol is not your cup of tea, so to say.

Pretty soon the JJWS finale will stop feeling laborious and a party will be at hand. Trust me on this.

Also:

Himesh is destroying Amrita's childhood
Pitu lines up some projects for Himesh
j has visions of Himesh bragging
girlie girl suggests Don as Himesh's next remake
That picture proves a theory says unfobbishlyfobbified
Kanan creates more projects for Himesh - including one hilarious song
Mind Rush declares JMLR has one huge problem
Teddy can't figure out Himesh's hair
Tina links to recent pictures of Himesh and has a dilemma
Himesh's hair = Lego hair says ~mad munky~
Amrita has Shashi nostaliga
So does Kanan
j misses the old 70s multi-starrers
megan has a theory about Himesh's hair
Teddy on Bollywood Hair
Bee links to Himesh's new roji-roti speech
Rahul Vaidya is ecstatic
Himesh gyaan from baal ki dukaan
Joules gives 1/2 thumbs up to Vidya on the finale

Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar: Enter, Grand Finale

Aspi — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:55:00 -0700

Now that JJWS has entered the finals, I'd like to not give it the benefit of doubt. So I'll assume that things go downhill from here - in other words, now that the show is more about competition than entertainment, I will lower my expectations.

However, there are a couple of things worth mentioning which I will.

First, interestingly enough in the last round of competition, Debojit and Toshi both created a vibe which felt all too familiar. They appeared intent of making the other guy look bad.

On the other hand Abhijit and Rahul, both similar singers and possibly competing for one spot in the top three did nothing of the short. They played the trash talking game but with enough playfulness that you didn't take it seriously. They egged each other on to some excellent performances and they kept it positive.

Result: Both Toshi and Debojit delivered tepid singing and had to leave the show. On the other hand Abhijit and Rahul created entertaining performances and snagged spots in the finale along with Harshit.

No comment from me except that I hope some desi technology professionals read this. Heh heh. There is a lesson worth learning here.

And second, its probably extremely difficult to choreograph dances around singers in a singing competition. But congratulations to the choreographers on JJWS who I felt did a stellar job for a show like this. They had some interesting costumes, decent dancers and they staged dances that were playful and inventive without getting in the viewers face.

Grand Finale is on July 12. Yawn, already.

Also:

Joules on Toshi, Harshit and Rahul
Anyone watching Kaun Jeetega Bollywood ka Ticket? asks Filmi Geek
Does anyone want to see Shahid hook up with Vidya? asks Anon
Debojit could have picked a nicer song says Pitu
A rundown of the noteworthy contestants on SRGMP 2008 from Anon
Why no lols on this site? wonders unfobbishlyfobbified
No SRGMP Challenge on Zee USA till August reports Tanny
Joules links to the stars who will be in the JJWS finale
xoxangelxox makes a Drift debut
leera covers the Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2008 opening ceremony
anu g is already Himeshed out on SRGMP 2008
Staying positive might get your more votes: Mind Rush ponders the bad vibes case of Debo-Toshi
It is about the image agrees svr and recalls Debo playing goody two shoes
xoxangelxox falls for Abhijit Sawant and links to his wife's pictures
unfobbishlyfobbified is unimpressed with Abhijit
Over Rated gets hold of secret plans for a new reality show

Global Temper Warming comes to Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar

Aspi — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:42:00 -0700

JJWS is about to enter its final round - which these days means three contestants remain. This week will see the elimination of two from the remaining champs and our exclusive little Drift poll on the side tells us its likely to be Abhijit, Harshit and either Rahul Vaidya or Harshit.

On form alone, Rahul should be in and Abhijit out - but the latter remains India's biggest non-filmi musical success of late and carries a significant vote bank with him.

Last week JJWS had a challenge episode. And one incident in particular made it highly worth watching.

Each contestant was asked to pick a particularly difficult song to sing for one of his mates. Everyone ran off to sabotage their singing brothers. Toshi picked Himesh's breathless uper-neeche hit from Aap Ka Suroor called Jhoot Nahi Bolna. But while explaining his choice to the judges he went a bit overboard with the trash talk. If I recall correctly he pointed out deficiencies in Debojit's singing using words like "never" and "always" - dicey because they tend to unfairly typecast a singer.

Debojit got pissed. Black and White sankat ensued.Toshi was stunned - he thought he was being muhphat cool. It was a Jai Matadi Lets Rock (JMLR) moment if I ever saw one.

The end result of all of this was that Debojit announced his sensitivity to one and all by taking Toshi to task. But not before delivering a game and entertaining performance.

Later Debojit returned the favor by making Toshi sing Suno Na (Chalte Chalte) - whose delicate softness put Toshi in some sankat of his own. Judge Vishal - quite rightly - ripped right into him.And then he castigated him for creating a bad vibe with Debojit via his earlier comments.

Here's the interesting part in all this. Often contestants who have been on these shows will tell you that just as much learning to sing, these shows teach you how to present and brand yourself in the world of Bollywood music. And Vishal - who has been constantly encouraging the contestants to speak their mind - was essentially saying this: your lesson on boundaries begins now. Its a tough but essential lesson to learn. Want to be bindaas? By all means do so - but it takes careful calibration and you have to know when to pull back.

But enough about lessons in the business of music. Just a few weeks after I mentioned that I enjoyed singers coming on the show instead of unappreciative movie stars - Harman Baweja showed up on the show. Not that I have anything against Harman - in fact, his little dance contest with the singers on the show engineered a moment of hilarity for the ages.

First Harman danced and then the contestants tried to measure up. And watching people try to dance is always funny in an endearing sort of way. But nothing prepared me for Debojit who shimmied and shashayed in slow motion and executed a move that can only be described as Helen doing a nagin mating dance. Hilarity!

Yet while Harman on the show might have provide a much needed boost to ratings - it didn't do much for me. I'd much rather have watched Sukhwinder or Kay Kay come on the show instead and grapple with the dicey sound on these shows.

Also:

m declares which side she's on
Guess who has been eliminated? anu g breaks the news
Debojit > Harshit! Anon is now sad
The Toshi drama disappointed Pitu
~mad munky~ has visions of Jo Jeeta 2050

Jo Theek Gaya Wohi Superstar

Aspi — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 21:43:00 -0700

Boy, things can sure change in a couple of weeks.

Just when we thought it would be hard to dislodge Abhijit Sawant from the top on Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar, the man crashed and burned through four performances in a row. In fact, his rendition of Vishal-Shekhar's own Falak Tak (Tashan) so displeased the duo, that they saraasar piled the daat on Abhijit.

But more on that later. First, can I just say how happy I was to finally see Mahalakshmi Iyer come and sing on the show.

And this is why I like JJWS: instead of piling on the big stars who express fake interest in singing just so they can shill their movie, we get to see really good singers.

But wait, JJWS also knows how to have fun. Prior to Mahalakshmi's appearance, guess who showed up? Yup, that same guy Mika who drove his co-contestants on Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa to bouts of apoplectic rage and frustration. And remember how he got kicked off and went on to say it was time for him to give lesser lights some air time? Such a saint!

Mika was almost in a similarly fine mood here. He showed up in a silver jacket, white cap and honking sunglasses. And then he proceeded to warble through Ganpat and executed some tremendously pioneering dance moves - including one that can only be described as the tire-screech. Later he serenaded a dumb founded Mandira Bedi, giving hope to Garfields everywhere.

I noted with amusement that all three judges Vishal, Shekhar and Farah kept a safe distance.

Then in the next episode Mahalakshmi showed up and set the studio ringing with her voice and V-S and Farah warmed up visibly but kept proceedings matter of fact thus squashing any WWHD (What Would Himesh Do) possibilities.

Back to the singing: Abhijit now reminds me of homeboy Irfan Pathan, i.e. he's a rhythm performer. One six and he's bowling rubbish. Not that many fared well at all. And to their credit, the judges let it be known that the singing had started sucking.

What was noteworthy? As a fan, I thought Rahul Vaidya ripped up the stage with a sparkling rendition of Jhoom Baraber Jhoom - he sang for all four singers but wisely clipped either Kay Kay or Sukhwinder's parts out at opportune times. Harshit's attempt at Devdas' Chalak Chalak was brave and entertaining.

Everyone else (including Debojit who scored perfect marks but had me snoring at Hmmm) - aur mehnat karo!

Also:

Sidekick explains the fall of Abhijit and reckons JJWS doesn't deserve special credit for the guests

maxdavinci found Mika to be a buoy out of water

Mind Rush was disappointed Mika didn't get the same crap for Ganpat that Himani got for that song

J would have liked Sunidhi instead of Mahalakshmi

Mika might make this episode worth watching for meena

Rahul Vaidya put Pitu to sleep

anu g is amused by Abhijit and Farah asking Vineet to do Himesh on demand

anu g links to the secret behind Mandira's hair extensions on the show

Mandy's hair is mushroom cloud meets Bandra aunty, says Pitu

Jo Jeeta Wohi Supertar: The remaining champions

Aspi — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:41:00 -0700

A few surprises, some artificial insertions and plenty of participant-induced drama later JJWS is now left with eight champions. Who are these singers and what are they like? A closer look (in alphabetical order)

Abhijit Sawant
Winner of the first Indian Idol and India's only bona fide CD seller outside Bollywood, Abhijit has shown sky rocketing growth as a singer lately. Delivering fine performances on some very challenging songs, he's managed to stay honest when judging his fellow contestants and focused when singing to head to the top of the class. Besides the judges seem to love him.
Chances: With the kind of vote bank and on-show support he has, the crown is his to lose

Debojit Saha
Kishore-lite in terms of the jonar he plays in, Debojit is fairly experienced and has the uncanny Udit Narayan-like ability to pace a song unhurriedly. He's a class act but he remains suspect outside of pop songs - he recently bungled the sufi episode. Plus he has a tendency to put people to sleep when he sings.
Chances: Not too shabby, but Abhijit has to go first

Harshit Saxena
Probably an undeserving loser on Star Voice of India as first runner-up, Harshit possesses an excellent range - able to deliver softness and throw in one package of decent voice quality. He is also hugely ambitious and plays the competition like the game it should be played as. But he's been accused of too much chatoing - based on charges that sound a bit naive.
Chances: Good to great

Ishmeet Singh
Winner of Star Voice of India, Ishmeet has a pleasing voice and seems to possess a hard working, laid back personality. Unfortunately his voice comes with a clutch of limitations which force him to adjust his key on several songs, resulting in loss of respect from the judges. Its beginning to show in the scores.
Chances: Diminishing, especially if the judges have given up on you

Prajakta Shukre
JJWS's only remaining female contestant seems to be pretty popular with the remaining champions. She is a fine singer in the traditional mould. Tendency to get nervous on big occasions and shove that mike virtually into her teeth, but that doesn't stop her from showing the judges her range with carefully picked songs.
Chances: Puh-lease, not unless she finds a long-lost Y chromosome in her DNA

Rahul Vaidya
Hugely popular loser on the opening season of Indian Idol, Rahul is a Sonu Nigam type of singer. Which means, he has super voice quality and he makes up for his lack of range by displaying a dumdaar ability to connect with the song. His song selection is excellent but he tends to come across as smug - which could turn voters off.
Chances: An Indian Idol redux waiting to happen unless Rahul discovers an ability to maro achha insaan dialogs

Toshi Sabri
Toshi left mid-way on VoI but the drama he generated was testament to his fan following. In general most singers who can kick butt in the sufi genre tend to whip up all kinds of frenzy (see: Raja Hasan). Toshi doesn't have great voice quality but he has excellent control. His uncompromising tendency to improvise with a song leaves him a rewarding, but unpredictable performer.
Chances: Mediocre, unless he hits levels of consistency not known to him till now

Vineet Singh
Loser to Debojit in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa 2005, Vineet has a tuney voice that can scale up and down quickly, excellent clarity and lungs of steel. Vineet also has the ability to bring youthful exuberance to a song (see his work on that dance-bhajan Koi Tumsa from Dashavtar). His playful personality comes across as juvenile on screen - and we all know goody two shoes tend to get more love on these shows.
Chances: Talent-wise, his only competition is Abhijit. But he probably needs to also see the back of Debojit to stand a real chance.

Who will win Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar?

Aspi — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 08:28:00 -0700

We are down to the final stretch of JJWS. Of the five who are left - after much crying and fussing - will be whittled down to three by July. And only one will win. Since Himesh isn't around, its an open race.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

The cracking of the whip on Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar

Aspi — Tue, 27 May 2008 22:01:00 -0700

We've all run into stories of how Farah can make people cry on the sets.

Last week Farah made a couple of girls cry and had everyone else hanging their head in shame. Before I go on I'd like to thank Farah for saying what everyone really wants the judges to say on these shows. Farah, shukriya for being Anu Malik but one who makes sense.

So what happened? A week or so ago, Farah dug into Neha Kakkar for putting on too many airs. This move - called putting a sister in her place - got to the point where Neha had to stand with a veritable poker face while receiving comments from the judges. Even a slight tick of the lips and Farah was on her in a flash. Much amusement!

Then this week Neha Kakkar bombed. Yet again. (She was eliminated last week). The judges tore into her. Neha left the stage sobbing, red flags waving in her face.

Next it was Himani (and the entire champions' section) who was reduced to tears. Its too complicated to explain how it happened but Farah wagged fingers at everyone and essentially told the champions to zip it and sing. Heads were hung in shame. More amusement!

We haven't hit Summer yet and JJWS has already turned out to be the best singing competition show this year. How so?

For one, it has some pretty terrific singers. Importantly enough, they all sing consistently well. The judges are focused enough that the show doesn't become a parade of nonsense (although I loved the nonsense on SRGMP).

Here Farah plays an important role. Both Vishal and Shekhar focus on the music. But because the music of a film starts its journey with the director, Farah has a lot of credibility to decipher tunes.

This she does by analyzing the mood and ambiance of the performance. On JJWS, the judges vote as a cartel. On the few occasions they disagree, they don't question each other's judgment and move on.

Still there are a few things JJWS could do better. For one, Mandira is doing a fine job by squeezing the lemon just right and keeping the show moving at a fine clip. But she's started screaming into that mike - thus making me feel like I've done something wrong (call it desi conditioning). It wouldn't hurt to stop that.

JJWS could also try to take a leaf out of Indian Idol's book and infuse more Realty TV into their competition show. Its a worthwhile experiment because JJWS relies on its competitors to drum up the drama - an essential component of any show. And given these fine talents (and some nifty egos), there is plenty of drama to be had.

So instead of creating fake black and white sankat moments at the drop of a hat - last week we even saw some fake lightening - put some backstage cameras in front of these hugely entitled singers and just sit back.

Come on producers, do it already!

More: Richa Sharma on JJWS last week

Gattuman does Himesh on Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar

Aspi — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:00:00 -0700

I have always been a huge fan of my gujju brother Himesh Reshammiya. And no one misses him more since the lights went out on SRGMP.

Recently there was an impromptu - lets call it homage - to Himesh on JJWS and it killed two birds with one stone for me.

First, let's dwell on this Vineet Singh character - or as I like to call him: Gattuman. (For those not fortunate enough to know Gujarati, Gattu is slang for short). Most of the time he runs around being annoying. He's hugely entitled, doesn't think much of his competitors and generally ends up issuing psychotic Heathers-like giggles.

Fortunately for him he has a terrific voice and a nascent understanding of how to essay a tune. And thus, he survives (Vishal once tried to cut him down to size and ended up having to eat some humble pie - which he did honestly and without fuss)

But last week on the comedy episode - after clearly haranguing fellow-singer Debojit - Vineet got perfect scores. And thus encouraged, he giggled some more and launched into an imaginary song called Jodhaa Akbar as it might have been done by Himesh. Vineet did a terrific job - he sang some of it to the tune of Aashiqui (36 China Town) and got most aspects of Himesh-style right: the baying into the mike, the left-arm googlies and the stateside roll of the R.

Not only did this make a true-blue Himesh fan like me really happy, but now I think of Vineet differently - annoyingly entertaining. Everyone: welcome Gattuman, the new Aneek and my new phavoreet.

The Bald and the Beautiful: Splitting Hairs

Aspi — Sun, 18 May 2008 13:07:00 -0700

Our resident analyst Mind Rush has much to say about the Drift's favorite musicians (and one tough director)

After pulling my hair out during the Nirupa Roy attack of JJWS, I had some deep insights while watching this week's episodes. The three venerable judges have very distinct styles. And I am talking about their hair styles.

Although no academic research is published on this topic, Dr. Rush is convinced that your hairdo is a window into your 'Mind'.

Are our three favorite judges dealing with stresses? Let's decide, based on their tresses!

First up, Judge Vishal

Observation #1: He has a shaved head. This indicates a man's deep confidence in himself. He has no need to hide behind a comb-over or a hair implant. Men like him value transparency and honesty.

Evidence: When making judgments, he calls it like it is. He dislikes false diplomacy and can be blunt and straight.

Observation #2: He has a bit of facial hair. His beard gives him a unique look. Men who wear off-beat beards can truly live life on their own terms and in the moment.

Further Evidence: When deeply moved by a song, he stomps and whistles and "lets his hair down" in a heartbeat.

Verdict: Straightforward and bindaas personality.

Next in line, Judge Farah

Observation #1: She has shoulder length hair, and it looks like it has been straightened. Women who wear their hair neither long or short are looking to achieve a balance between various parts of their lives. The hair straightening represents a need for control.

Evidence: Farah juggles multiple gigs, not to mention multiple kids. (That also explains the need for control)

Observation #2: Farah's bangs are flipped off her forehead and outwards. This symbolizes a no-nonsense comfort with her own authority. She is definitely not a submissive wall-flower.

Further Evidence: She can wield a lot of power in her comments to the contestants. She keeps them in line. Even though a non-musician, she holds her ground against the two musical giants on her left and right.

Verdict: Balanced, competent, authoritative.

Finally, Judge Shekhar

Observation #1: His hair looks casual but has been cut and styled carefully. Men who take care of their hair are very aware of their image especially in relation to the opposite sex.

Evidence: Hordes of female fans...need I say more?

Observation #2: Shekhar's hair partially covers his forehead. This type of style is favored by people who are somewhat shy or private.

Further Evidence: Arey! He has to guard his private space, na! Hordes of female fans...need I say more?

Observation #3: He has this stubble thing going on his face. Men who sport this look are either the artsy type or too busy to shave. Either way, it drives women crazy!

Obvious Evidence: Hordes of female fans...need I say more?

Verdict: He has hordes of female fans. More Shekhar on the Drift

Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar: Mother's Day Special

Aspi — Tue, 13 May 2008 23:26:00 -0700

At the risk of sounding like an insensitive clod, let me confess that super emotional mata-pita reality show "special" episodes leave me feeling hugely uncomfortable.

Squirmworthy moments ensue when parents are dragged on the stage by their kids and serenaded with recycled Bollywood sentiments. Fortunately, back to back episodes of The Office on long flights have schooled me in humor that can be derived from awkwardness. Plus I never thought I'd say this but sometimes I miss Nirupa Roy.

And thus it was that while the Drift Memsaab emptied cartons of Kleenexes, I chuckled through the entire Mother's Day special of JJWS like a twerp. But more on that later.

JJWS has three judges who appear downright straitlaced by SRGMP standards: the composer duo of Vishal-Shekhar and their newest filmi benefactor - new mom of triplets - Farah Khan. These three seem to be a balanced lot: Shekhar focuses on the music, Vishal makes sure the BS is down to a minimum and Farah provides the no-nonsense gut feel type of feedback. So where does the drama come from?

Turns out JJWS has a curious format. Contestants are divided into two lots: champions and challengers. And every week, after the judges scores and incoming SMS votes are tallied with equal weight, the lowest ranked competitor is booted off the show. But the highest ranking three are put in front of the reigning champions. The champions cast a ballot to decide which of the three will join them.

This seems to result in a lot of emotional dhishum dhishum - jealousy seems to abound, cliques might be forming. And the judges and host Mandira Bedi - who keeps the nok-jhok to a minumum - have no problems fanning any small sparks that may arise between the contestants into a full fledged fire. Last week a rather cocky kid called Vineet joined the upper ranks after much teeth gnashing that resulted when Mandira revealed the voters behind the votes.

This is entertaining enough to carry the show because the singing is excellent - the best I've heard since SRGMP was mothballed.

Back to the rona-dhona. Copious tributes were offered to Moms. The judges joined in making appropriate noises about mamta. Everybody ki aankhen nam hui. Mandira Bedi bawled her head off. When it was her turn to say something nice about her mom, she bawled some more and said: "I'm sorry I fight with you Mom!"

Also:

anu g is back and has tales of Mother's Day ambivalence

Bitterlemons is amused by the Mother's Day channel blanketing and is off Reality thanks to RNR Family

.m.a.n.o goes from emotional to mortified

What's reality without rona, asks girlie girl

Lin is hating the proliferation of Mother's Day in India

Over Rated accidentally watches JJWS

Mind Rush analyzes the Mother's Day reaction

Joules on the homogeneity of the American experience and her Tuscany vacation

Why girlie girl doesn't need Mother's Day

The JJWS judges seem to be helping with technicalities says Lin

Only Debojit made Cinderella emotional

megan is turned off by Rahul, Prajakta and Amit Sana

Indian Idol Nation

Aspi — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:30:00 -0700

Indians have always been fond of songs - one of my fondest memories of growing up was standing up front on the scooter while my Dad drove it and sang songs loudly and horribly off-key. India is one big antakshari nation - only you can play all by yourself (see pic).

Now Indians spontaneously breaking out into song is long standing tradition. But of late I've seen a resurgence of this in crowded public places - like packed trains, airports or medical waiting rooms. Perhaps this is the legacy of Indian Idol where every hopeful sings out loud in crowds hoping to chance upon some music composer.

While most people tend to get annoyed, and some even make the loony sign with their fingers and roll their eyes, I tend to enjoy this.

Lately I've been accompanying Dad to doctor's offices on visits. These tend to be fairly torturous - you're normally squashed in tiny places waiting for the hallowed one to show up and see you (and I'm talking about the doctor personally referred to us by a friend).

In such circumstances, the Indian Idol effect is a blessing because its instant entertainment. Thus it was that on a recent medical exploration I found myself startled by a skinny guy in a Mithun mullet who broke out spontaneously into that song from Race (with rap and all) in a crowded urologists' office.

And while everyone looked irritated I smiled broadly. This caused pseudokishore to raise his voice a few decibels. When he finished I encouraged him with my best "kya baat hai" expression. I got some dirty looks from nearby sick people. I ignored them.

I continued to review each song wordlessly in this way. Pretty soon pseudokishore was taking requests from me. "Yaar, jara Chappa Chappa Charkha Chale ga do" I said. And he did - jolting the waiting room with some bad ass high notes. Slightly before this ended, the doctor was ready for us.

To all who share their talent with me selflessly in this way and make my waits easier, I thank you.

Also:

Bhajji's song cracks up Lin

Songs over conversation for Over Rated

anu g agrees

Pitu startles hunnybunny

rabindra sangeet at the doctor's drives leera crazy

girlie girl recalls one rude doctor in Surat

Singing is way of coping says Mind Rush

Joules returns and recalls a Chinese sing-along in Rome

Bitterlemons is aboard the impromptu singing bandwagon

Lil Champs Grand Finale

Aspi — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 05:04:00 -0800

Having sat through two song competition finales already, I pretty much know what to expect in these shows. Its really a test of will with the fun long having been squeezed out of the premise. However with Lil Champs, I must say the second half worked really well for me.

Why? Several reasons - and most of these had to do with things getting a bit out of hand. It all started when Wadkar ushered someone on stage who always reminds me of Mini-Me. Come on now, you know this is true. This put me in good spirits.

Then, as Anamika launched into "Crazy Kiya Re" with a chorus of "sexy lady on the floor..." I watched to see if this would be the heart attack ki ghadi. Happily it wasn't but the tension in the air was entertaining. Later yet, overwhelmed with the number of things that needed coordination, Anamika seemed to forget her moves and ended up looking like she was rehearsing wearing a saree. This seemed apt enough because over the weeks, I've come to stop thinking of these precocious kids as children.

I also noted that poor Tanmay could barely remember what to do when it came to the dances. And even though - bar a few misguided costumes (open chested lace shirts for little boys?) - Shiamak Davar did a fine job putting enough interesting things on stage to keep things going. But with Tanmay declared the second runner up, the competition then boiled down to Heart Attack Dad versus Akhada Dad.

And at this point for some reason I couldn't stop laughing. Perhaps it was the gigantic envelope/box that descended from the air with a voice over that sounded like an Amitabh Bachchan knock-off. What? I told myself, they put a 70 year old in a box and launched him the air?!

You know I wasn't the only guy thinking so, because as soon as the thingamie landed, the guy who was supposed to open the "envelope" ignored Head's instructions and rushed to peer at the back of the box half expecting Amitabh to emerge. More hilarity!

In any case, all is well that ends well. Its hard to say that the top 3 was the best selection, but the way they ended up seemed fair enough. Anamika has been clearly the top of the class. Rohanpreet showed great heart while singing and since boys' voices break at puberty in significant ways, he'll be a better singer with time.

And Tanmay, dude, thanks for the great entertainment. But next time avoid beating a joke to death. And if you see that cringe-worthy Nagin girl again, bite her or something.

Also:

A satisfying end for Mind Rush

m thinks its all staged anyway

More lip syncing from the singers points out girlie girl

sidekick's review of the finale

anu g gives us the skinny on the Nagin girl and an update on Chhote Ustaad

Rohanpreet's mum looked pretty glum notes LP

The finale was too long for Bella and so was Jodha Akbar

Pratik is betting on Anwesha on Chhote Ustaad

Aamir Hafiz's exit killed the show for Madhumita

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs: And then there were three

Aspi — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 02:25:00 -0800

Last week Akshay Kumar walked in on Lil Champs and introduced a girl called Tejaswini who didn't speak for the first several years of her life but straightaway started singing. And she had a pretty decent voice to go along with a lot of support from her family.

But as she sang, Motorsandal asked me "How can someone not speak and still sing so well?". To which the Drift Memsaab replied "Everyone has a special talent". At this point Youngling, who just turned six and gets away with murder around our house turned to his mother and said "I have a special talent too, Mom. I'm lovable".

Sounds like someone has unusually high self-esteem in our house.

Akshay Kumar arrived in a strange mood - part crabby, part engaging - like he had been dreaming his favorite dream and then had been rudely woken up (that would also explain the sarso-da-khet type stubble). However he did us all a gigantic favor when he broiled Tanmay for that hugely insensitive and unfunny commercial antic that kid pulls on all the guests. Bravo Khiladi Kumar! Your crabbiness has been forgiven.

Now that there are only three contestants left and just a week to go before the final votes are tallied and the winner announced, various vote-grabbing stunts were pulled. And I would like to congratulate the producers for meeting this part of the show (which I lovingly call the House of Reshammiya stretch in fond memory of the rug-pulling antics staged by the newly-hirsute one) head on.

How did they do this? Well, they dressed the kids up as netas and staged vote rallies, thus skewering politicians and themselves in one fell swoop. Can these guys get any wink-wink smarter?

Some SRGMP seniors showed up to sing duets with each of the remaining three little champs. Raja Hasan sang something with Tanmay - he was gracious as he always is and made that I'm-oh-such-a-simple-guy face once or twice, which made me chuckle. Aneek showed up wearing what looked like Mel Gibson's wig from The Patriot and kept putting his foot in his mouth when talking. Both sounded fabulous once they sang.

And then there was Mauli - who played hide and seek with sur once or twice while singing with Rohanpreet - but in general reminded us of her appeal. And that is best explained by this anecdote. Once, hugely confounded by the nationwide appeal of Jessica Simpson I asked the teenybopper daughters of a friend what was so special about her. Both girls thought for a while, shrugged and then said "Well, she seems nice!"

Mauli did really good nice on Lil Champs last week.

So who is singing really well? Clearly Tanmay isn't in the same league as Rohanpreet. And Rohanpreet, despite singing really well, is falling short of holding his own against Anamika, who is trailing in vote tallies so far. But what is nice is that ever since that avoidable fracas where Anamika almost quit over concerns for her father's health, Heart Attack Dad has been in all the shows smiling widely and enjoying his daughter's singing. Well done.

Also:

girlie girl wishes Amanat had been brought back

A(droit) K(hiladi) can't get any R-E-S-P-E-C-T around here

Tanmay's cuteness keeps him around says Sidekick

There is hope for Anamika, thinks anu g

Spruha feels that Aneek is beginning to look like mini-Himesh

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs: Family Drama

Aspi — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:26:00 -0800

Before we dig into the humongous jhagda on Lil Champs, lets spare a thought for Anamika shall we? No one will now remember how she walked in and tore the stage up with a bravura rendition of Lata's "Kuhu Kuhu Bole" and then came back and kicked the pieces around with Shobha Mudgal's low-slung classipop "Ab Ke Saavan".

There is a lesson in this for all those participants on Dhoom Macha De: a really good live performance doesn't involve trying to kitchie koo the audience. Its more organic than that.

But on to the jhagda. What transpired was this: Head first announced the top India votes for each kid. The order was Rohanpreet, Anamika, Aamir and Tanmay. Much happiness ensued for Aamir, his big brother and his Dad. Head cautioned him - probably knowing fully well what was to come.

Then when the international votes were brought in and tallied with the local ones, poor Aamir finished at the bottom of the barrel. And to his credit, the young one seemed dejected but in good spirits. Why, earlier when goaded by Head on what he would do if he was cut, he even appealed to the viewers to vote for his friends along with him. Well done kid!

But just as Head was wrapping things up, Big Brother grabbed the mike and presented logic that made my head spin. "Why didn't you eliminate one kid that day when Aamir was in the top three!" he thundered. "Because if you had, Aamir wouldn't be here!" He was trying to make an argument about momentum, which had changed and placed itself squarely against Aamir in the last two weeks.

For a while Head gamely took up the challenge and went toe to toe with Big Brother - this got me excited. At last! I told myself, we would get to see the Master of Milquetoastness finally kick some butt. But guest Amjad Ali Khan shut Head up by asking him to take it outside. Thus Head zipped it, poor Aamir was left gesticulating to his family to stop the drama and a massive walk out was staged.

Much as I love jhagdas on stage, I should probably clarify that the only ones that entertain me are the ones between judges, guests or contestants themselves. The entire family getting involved isn't fun.

On the other hand, it was entirely fun watching Sonu Nigam prancing around half naked - appearing to pay tribute to Julius Caesar - and displaying his one-pack in the video for the new single of his album Classically Mild.

Also:

leera review of sonu's video in three words

Spruha links to Sonu's video on YouTube

anu g pulls up Slouching Wadkar

Mind Rush isn't amused by Sonu Nigam's "gareeb" tirade

Zee makes money too, just like Aamir points out H&R

Spruha is glad Aamir emerged personally unscathed

anu g is perplexed by Tanmay's shenanigans and enjoyed Kajol's presence

LP weighs in on money making on the show and relates an encounter with Amjad Ali

Kajol is too paindu for M

minnie is terribly disappointed with the "vatan" comment

Souvik shows some Ajay Devgan love

Devgan, full of himself. Kajol, crass says M

Its the money that drives families to the brink, says Shantaram

Sur reproduces (I think?) an article that distributes the blame

Judge Javed ko bahut gussa aata hai...aakhir kyon?

Aspi — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:30:00 -0800

Sidekick returns to check in on Mission Ustaad

Aspi has acknowledged on a couple of occasions now that he misses TV’s resident fighter cock. I’ll admit that I’ve missed Javed Akhtar’s (The Drift’s Judge Javed (JJ) - our favorite angry man) spectacular phataakas too! So with not much hope beyond some entertainment from JJ’s angry antics I went back to Mission Ustaad.

The show was the same utterly futile formula of combining a social cause --- educating the aam janta about the UN’s Millennium Development Goals (MDP) —with madhur sangeet. “Same old, same old”, I thought and in some ways this was comforting.

Lara still looked utterly glamorous, Rahman was still awkwardly inarticulate (but much less so than the beginning), the polished Simone Singh still wore strange anarkali kurtas and the singing of the four jodis was still top notch.

But...here is the giant let down: JJ seemed to be imbued with the kindest and gentlest of spirits. I was astounded, my jaw dropped and I was filled with bitter disappointment. I come back to see Mohammad Ali’s TV equivalent dance like a butterfly and sting like a bee and he turns out to be a lamb, bleating the most stultifying saccharine compliments.

Get a load of this: he actually praised Kailash Kher - his erstwhile worthy opponent in the ghamaasaan yudh of egos - for being a fine human being whose noble thoughts rang through his desh ki dharti type music. I shook my ears to make sure I was hearing right and replayed that segment to confirm. Agar JJ ko gussa na aaye, toh dekhne ka faida hi ka?

Well, what brought about this transformation? I’d be holding back much valuable information if didn’t reveal the objective of the weekend’s shows - to spread the message of universal love and bhaichaara. Nope, that is not part of the UN’s MDP; those number eight and have clearly been exhausted in eight weeks of programming. This is TV after all and what show that can draw a half way decent audience can terminate in eight or nine weeks?

I’m not running down the need for bhaichaara, but here is an objective that any real project other than a TRP grubbing TV show would have a huge amount of difficulty operationalizing and developing meaningful metrics for. It of course afforded me much entertainment, though it was overshadowed greatly by the emergence of Saint Javed!

Not sure if it was a latent streak of masochism or a healthy streak of desi skepticism, but I returned to Saturday’s show to follow through on JJ’s startling transformation. I needn’t have worried - my faith in basic human nature was restored in resounding fashion.

After the first jodi’s (Naresh Iyer and Shweta Pandit) rendition of “Pyar karne waale pyaar karte hain shaan se”, a sher ke tarah garajta hua JJ emerged. “You make lofty speeches, yet you sing populist songs that represent the lowest common denominator. You have no conviction in the goals and yet you hope to reach the UNO with these pathetic offerings” ...he thundered at the dumbfounded young jodi. I leaped off my couch in joy screaming - he’s baaaaack! The light of battle was back in JJ’s eyes and the glint of enjoyment was back in mine.

I paused the show to stick a bag of popcorn in the microwave. Entertainment should be savored with all the trappings! For the rest of the evening, JJ did not disappoint - he was the ultimate equal opportunity sher. He tore into all the jodis equally indiscriminately!

We even got a magnificent speech on how their choice of songs was driven by populism and not fervor for the noble cause and that it was his duty as a judge to expose their duplicity! I clapped wildly and wished I could whistle. This was vintage JJ --- the Sage Durvasa of TV but a wonderfully witty one to boot.

Before I get completely carried away by JJ fever I should add that the Bhramastras (original compositions sung by the jodis) were pretty good and perhaps musically I’d missed something by boycotting Mission Ustaad for so long. I’m away on a trip next weekend, but I just may come back to catch up on the next khufiya objective (which we’ve been assured of by the suave Simone Singh) and hopefully more enraged JJ. I’ll keep you posted.

Also:

The One Minute Therapist believes JJ has turned into his own critical father

Saritha suggests some V-day love for JJ

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs: Dharam and Bhoot

Aspi — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:04:00 -0800

SRGMP LC was so good last week, it was downright scary! After being pummeled by some good natured PJs in half the show by a standup who came dressed as Chandamama, SRGMP switched to a spooky theme - the kids had to come out and sing something from a scary movie.

And you know what tickled me the most? Time and again while a kid would be singing, a woman, dressed in white with loose black hair, would walk wordlessly across the stage holding a candle in her hand. This was a brilliant send up of classic Bollywood spookiness, second only to hearing a ghungroo in the night.

Several spooky songs were sung - reminding me of times when I sat cowering in my seat cursing myself for watching a rerun knowing fully well what the movie was about. Such were the pressures of having to prove your manhood in those days.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's talk about the rishi-muni segment, shall we?

Earlier on Friday, even though Head amiably tried to spin the show as one showcasing Religious Integration, the theme was as saffron as they come. I'm not trying to nitpick here - religion is an important sociological construct and the one you pick scarcely matters to me, but scattering a bunch of extras on stage as nodding rishis in bad wigs kind of sends out a one-track signal, don't you think?

In that episode, poor Vasundhara got the long kiss goodnight. Much tear-shedding ensued. Even Wadkar sat around glumly with red eyes. This tightens the noose around the neck of the wonderful Anamika - who despite being the strongest singer among the bunch has to battle against her gender in terms of securing votes.

And speaking of Anamika, a terrific touch of drama was added by the appearance of her father - you know, the one who Anamika quit over because of a heart-attack scare.

I couldn't help but entertain myself with the possibility of some spontaneous drama were the dangerously wobbly arrow of doom to ignore Anamika's head entirely. Happily, no such thing happened. Dad went home smiling having gamely croaked a song to boot.

Four contestants are left now - of which Aamir Hafiz took the most battering from the judges. In fact, at one point Sonu Nigam put him through the grinder for ignoring the judges while they were speaking. A black and white sankat moment ensued which Aamir hurriedly negotiated.

Will the wobbly arrow favor him next week? Or will it ignore him and send him packing. Honestly, I couldn't care less. All I want is another theme that provokes over-the-top sets and guests.

Also:

Sidekick on why LC's new lows were new highs

Here's why anu g didn't enjoy the show at all this week

Megan thinks Anamika is so overrated

Spruha would have liked Vasundhara to stay longer

One joke in the show is all Pratik liked about it

Looks play a part in all of this says girlie girl

anu g remembers one special chand

What's with so many North Eastern types on the show, asks Mind Rush

Could be the diet, offers anu g

seamstress doesn't think Aamir deserved the Sonuwrath

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs: Wadkar hi Wadkar

Aspi — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 22:44:00 -0800

It's not that I am huge fan of Hollywood previews (or trailers as we call them). For one, most of them start with "In a world..." or "In a town..." or, if its a rom-com, "Lily Ann hee-ad a prob-lem" (cue hopping piano music) and they reveal way too much - like all the good jokes in the film or critical plot twists.

But they have one thing going for them that Bollywood trailers don't: they tell me something about the film being previewed.

Exhibit A: Kunal Khemu's new movie Superstar. The man came on SRGMP LC and showed us all a trailer. And here is what I gathered about the movie. Kunal Khemu is in it. So is a girl (or is it two - who can tell?). Kunal dances a lot. Girl cries - ooh, karunya! Kunal dances a lot. More chicks. Hmm....

Luckily for Khemu, LC decided to execute a high concept version of the show to tell us more about Superstar. How so? Well since Superstar is about a lookalike trying to make it into the industry, LC had all its contestants pretending to be lookalikes. Some kiddie games kicked it all off. Much good singing ensued. Fun was had by all. I got terribly confused by the end of the show.

But the episode that really had me going came on Friday. It was the Suresh Wadkar special - which means Wadkar got to be everywhere and anya people came to praise him. What touched me was that Wadkar is a singer reflective of his solid middle-class background.

Not one person came forth to tell us a story about how at age 3 Wadkar once sang a song only with his upper lip thus unveiling his prodigy. Instead we heard stories about hard working Wadkar and his slow but steady climb to fame.

His family came on stage. His wife - a younger, striking woman with a fine voice - issued a terribly sweet speech about what a wonderful guy Wadkar was and then touched his feet. This freaked out the Drift Memsaab who said "What?! He didn't even hug her afterwards!"

Tough as Wadkar's songs were to sing, the kids did really well - given that Wadkar seemed to have spent some time coaching them through it.

So whats the singing like these days on SRGMP LC? Aamir Hafiz's poor tonal quality is now catching up with him. So is Tanmay's although he keeps admirable control over his sur for large parts of the song. Rohanpreet, easily the best of the boys, had a reality check last week as his singing hit a rut.

Among the girls, Vasundhara still blows hot and cold. But Anamika consistently hits the highs establishing herself as a front runner and the girl with the best chance of winning this competition.

Also:

anu g analyzes the Wadkar family reunion on the show

Sidekick's notes on the Wadkar special and Ms. Wadkar's love letter

The Wadkar guru-sishya romance reminds Saritha of this Telegu movie

Sania encounters Telegu films and develops a fondness for Siddharth

Saritha reveals that Siddharth wrote the screenplay for Chukkalo Chandrudu

girlie girl has a Siddharth crush as well and loves the black and white moments on LC

Sidekick's link for Siddharth fans (a short film by Vishal Bhardawaj)

Mind Rush wonders about Ms. Wadkar's age and feels little Wadkar deserved more praise

anu g provides the answer

Megan is creeped out by Wadkar

minnie reveals how Suresh Wadkar could have been Mr. Madhuri Dixit and recommends Khoya Khoya Chand

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs: Parent Pressure

Aspi — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:07:00 -0800

I can see how it all happened on last week's SRGMP LC. Someone at Zee TV called the SRGMP office and left a message. "Let's have a desh bhakti episode for Gantantra Divuss. But let's make it impactful by adding a lot of violins. Make the necessary arrangements. Regards, Pappu".

And the SRGMP producers turned to each other and said "Pappu Sahab ne kaha hai we need a lot of violence in the episode". And so on a family show, with kids singing, we were regaled with shots of dead soldiers often with arms and limbs ripped off and occasionally being blown to bits. Why I think I even saw a javaan, having lost all function below his waist, dragging himself with his elbows across a landscape strewn with dead bodies just as a kid was hitting a high note.

Boy, that was the first desh bhakti episode of any kind that left me severely depressed.

This was particularly sad because the weekend had started off with a bang as the producers magnificently recreated a train station with all kinds of fake props - even sticking a bridge crossing on the set (a construct that Head tested at least once by swinging precariously from).

Now normally, taking some sane advice from anu g to heart, I stay away from commenting on the kids and their drama. But on this occasion, I feel compelled to.

What happened? This: one of the two remaining girls on the show - the promising and talented Anamika - cut herself short mid-song and announced that she'd like to quit. Apparently the previous girl Smita's elimination had sent her father to the hospital with a surprise heart attack and Anamika was afraid her father would follow suit when she was eliminated.

Call it mounting tension at home, fear of success, setting yourself up for the fall: but everyone was left hakka-bakka at this turn of events. Sonu Nigam tried to manaofy Anamika. Head refused to let her quit. Anamika stood her ground (and made a fine point if you ask me)

And in all of this what does Anamika's mum do? She tells her daughter if she quits, she will end up hurting her parents the most. Talk about piling on more pressure! Hey, can anyone not take a broad hint from a kid around here?

In the very next show, a chastised Anamika returned and order was restored in what was to become the Arms and Limbs episode.

Despite all this avoidable drama, there were several things to enjoy in the shows.

Suresh Wadkar sang a Marathi chant, er song. This not only sounded terrific but made me happy because I deeply miss Marathi being spoken around here.

Bipasha Basu showed up and supervised a rendition of the national anthem. Despite being thrown in cringe-worthy situations galore, she handled herself with her usual grace and talked to the kids like a proper adult should (unlike Lampshade Farida Jalal). I also noted that her presence resulted in Suresh Wadkar being the most animated he has in weeks.

Head's big-brotherly banter with the kids has now been fined tuned to the point where it sounds organic and serves to remind us that these are kids we are watching and not adults.

And most juicily, Sonu Nigam took a dig at Himesh Reshammiya and Ismail Darbar when he made a pointed reference to how Lil Champs did its best to avoid drama and jhagdas on the show and yet racked up the best TRPs.

Good point Mr. VIP Banyan - but guess you won't be singing in Karzzz.

Also:

Joules on star makeovers

anu g's daughter gets gored out

Mind Rush is having a hard time watching kids get the boot

Megan lists Bips plastic adventures and votes for Tanmay and Rohanpreet

Migan Ki Fan recommends Sunday for Himesh fans

girlie girl is glad Vaishali is gone and thinks Anamika is next

Saritha reviews the Star Screen Awards

anu g's take on the Awards

Joules reveals Ekta's new best pal

Sidekick fears Tanmay is going the Vaishali way

Spruha thinks Anamika's drama is entirely forgivable

Megan links to some cute pictures of Rohanpreet and Tanmay

Star Apraadhs on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs

Aspi — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 23:43:00 -0800

Kids can be forgiven for wearing anything. But adults who show up on kiddie shows? What's afflicting them?

Take SRGMP Lil Champs for example. A week or so ago Shreyas Talpade showed up. Now he has the boy next door looks - which is a polite way of saying he ain't a hunk. And it took me a while to realize that the man had something stuck in his hair. Turned out it was a headband that made it look like he had braided one side of his hair and swung the braid around his head.

This was decidedly uncool - mostly because I racked my brains but couldn't come up with one good explanation of why someone with thick, short hair would need one in the first place. Would you tie barbed-wire down with a naada?

And then last week...but wait I'm getting ahead of myself. First, let me say that I've seen Ayesha Takia in only one film - the time pass curiosity Home Delivery. And I must say I enjoyed her sweetly affecting turn and noted her dewy charm.

With that movie in mind, I filed Ayesha Takia under "Redonkulously Cute", an impression that stayed in place even after multiple views of her frolicking with Shahid Kapur in school uniforms and doing hip-hop with Ajay Devgan and Irfan Khan on B4U.

So I when heard she would be on SRGMP LC, I tuned in on Saturday. And what did I see? Horrors! Ayesha came looking like a strong whiff of Farida Jalal doing a Helen impression. Later, as the camera panned out, her dress made her look like a jiggly lampshade. I suppose the best way to describe this would be to say it was a look inspired by a lampshade trying to look like Farida Jalal doing a Helen.

Throughout the show, Ayesha adopted a somewhat shrill uptalk-inspired way of speaking to the kids. This saddened me because there seemed to lurk a sweet, smart and good looking woman behind those Fu Manchu eyebrows.

Behen, your make up artist and wardrobe assistant clearly hate you - time to do some fashion headhunting.

However, there were some fun moments as well. Whenever the camera swivelled to a non-Takia target (like a costar or a kid), Ayesha appeared to be cleaning her teeth with her tongue. This amused me considerably, saving me from certain boredom.

Finally, Arshad Warsi - he of the shaggy dog look - materialized wearing what looked like tire marks on his jacket and a pair of jeans that looked like they had been given to a bulldog for playtime. And peppy though Arshad's presence was, he also unveiled a hugely PJ sense of humor. When one contestant coughed, he immediately piped in "Aapki singing bahut *khaas* thee!"

Hilarity!

Also:

Graffiti, not tyre-marks, on the jacket says Mind Rush

Strange jacket, messed up jeans is a Bollytrend says Sidekick

Joules wonders if anyone in Bollywood dresses well

Priety Zinta, offers Saritha

Yes and here's why, says Joules

girlie girl wants Sonu Nigam to get a haircut

meena is confounded by some fashion trends that caught on

jj lists the good, the bad and the ugly dressers in Bollywood

Lata P is being amused lately by K for Kishore

Sidekick does a weight analysis of Bollywood heroines. More from Saritha, girlie girl and Joules

A tale of two Ustaads

Aspi — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 02:47:00 -0800

Most of the time Mission Ustaad makes me want to gag. Take this week’s episode for example. The theme was liberation of women. Lara Dutta made some appropriate noises to open proceedings. Javed Akhtar threw out the somewhat tired, but tested, argument of not putting women on a pedestal but instead treating them as gender equal.

Then Roop Kumar Rathod and Sonali came out and sang something and Roop Kumar talked about what a progressive male he was. More appropriate noises.

A. R. Rahman went “Mumble, mumble”.

But then something funny happened. Sonali made the rather excellent point that even though women were making inroads, even after a full day’s worth of work, they still had to come home and cook. This is called responsibility of critical function, i.e. women still have the responsibility of critical household work despite working as hard as men outside the home.

And Kailash Kher – also known as the Nemesis of Javed Akthar on this show – picked up the mike and said something extraordinary. “Sometimes it’s just that we like women’s cooking” he said to a flabbergasted Sonali “People like Mummy ke haat ka khaana. So we are just saying, compromise and come home at 4pm instead!”

For Javed Akhtar this opportunity must have looked like a long hop from Brett Lee. And he promptly picked up the mike and hooked Kailash Kher. “Would YOU come home at 4pm?!” he thundered. At this point wisely, Kailash Kher did the equivalent of a Bobble head.

Interestingly, after Kailash’s retrograde outburst, he sang the most progressive song of the show. Praise came in from a lot of quarters. His partner Mahalaxmi Iyer - with whom Kailash forms a magnificent singing pair – must have asked him to zip it because the Kher stood around quietly. But when Javed Akhtar spoke, Kailash wore an “I don’t know this man” expression on his face. More Bobble heading ensued.

A. R. Rahman again went “Mumble, mumble”.

Later, Roop Kumar Rathod challenged Javed Akhtar’s criticism of his second song by pointedly saying that his message was for the masses and not for a bagalthela intellectual.

Point well made – and Mission Ustaad, having configured itself as “Javed Akhtar versus Everyone” might well be on its way to being an entertaining show after all.

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs 2007: War and Peace

Aspi — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:27:00 -0800

Priti notes the escalating competitive sourness on the show with dismay

When a game becomes a war, when the sports arena looks like a battle field, when a creative competition becomes cut throat, the very ethos and spirit of the game takes a beating.

The winners gloat - remember Aneek’s expression of disbelief on being declared a winner? - and losers break down - Rakhi and Abhishek’s walk out on the recent NB3 results, and Rakhi’s subsequent tirade alleging the channel had manipulated them to ensure the TRPs of their show even as they ensured people from their channel’s serial win – “They have ruined us! I did nothing but concentrate on working for months for this show”, and Abhishek’s wail of “there is no reality in the reality shows!”

Such moments make these competitions such a sham. Aren’t the participants prepared to lose even if they have dreamt about winning? Do the channels actually promote these conflicts to raise the TRPs, as most losers would have us believe? Or is it just a case of sour grapes?

When this gets extended to a show that involves kids, one feels like rushing to protect those little lovable ones - from elimination and in the case of SRGMP Lil Champs even from their own parents!

These parents seem to have set no limit in realizing their dreams through their children. The very adults who are supposed to inculcate sporting spirit in their wards, seem to be a role model for exactly the opposite. Win! By hook or by crook!!! That seems to be the message they are driving home.

The Dec 21 episode saw this bitter sense of competition echoed during the results. But before that a peep into the little darlings’ performance - Vibhore’s roaring “Dardi rab rab kardi”, Rohit’s “Kawa kawa kawa”, Amir Hafeez’s “Soniye”, and Tamay’s “Jhooth nahin bolna” were superlative. Rohanpreet seems to look so much more relaxed now and his singing has improved manifold. But I wish Vaishali didn't act sooo precocious and was a little more her age. Vasundhara also pulls my sails down with her “Oh my God!” naatak each time she exults over something.

My all time favorite though is Amir Hafeez. His “Saawre” and “Teri diwani” were absolutely divine. Also Vibhore with his mop of thick hair and toothy smile is lovable. The unpretentious Sahil getting back in the game is great too. Actually each of those kids is ever so cute.

Result Time

There were to be four eliminations this work. I waited for the results with bated breath – not sure if I wanted to see anyone, least of all four go away. Even Sonu seemed to be bracing himself when he remarked that they would be sad to see some of the kids go. They had become like their own kids he said. Richa Sharma, the guest on Friday, announced the results - Sagar, Barbie, Sayon, and Loria could not make it.

Aisa Kaise

With so many kids going, the parents voiced their disappointment. Sayon’s mother wanted to know each kid’s individual vote count.

Loria’s father was the most vociferous. He demanded to know how there could be a total of little over 2 lakh votes when they had themselves set up special computers in various places for sending in more than one lakh votes, and had spent more than 70k on SMSs!

Loria’s was taken aback at this“admission” by her father. If she had her way she would’ve rushed across to him and gagged him. Aditya informed him that only one vote from a computer was registered. Mr. Doshi’s shameless demand of why they were not told of this had the judges shocked.

Sonu had to tick off Mr. Doshi with “achhe sanskar sikhao, sharafat se jeetna sokhao”! Suresh Wadkar and Richa Sharma, the guest of the evening were in agreement. Also a spot for drama, the judges staged a walk out! A tiger doesn’t change it’s spots! So the script writers furiously wrote the drama, that was subsequently enacted on the show.

I wonder if those kids can really enjoy the winning or losing with such overwhelming pressure from their parents. I thought the advantage with children is you can’t keep them down for too long. They get over their adversities far quicker than adults. But can they get over quickly enough carrying their parents’ baggage?

Only time will tell.

Nach Baliye 3 Grand Finale: A coronation goes south

Aspi — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:12:00 -0800

It’s amazing how you can build hours worth of programming around what is essentially 1 minute ka kaam. And so it was that Nach Baliye 3 went on and on for over four hours on Saturday – even though it was the final fifteen minutes that yielded the most amusing drama.

Having danced really well as a couple throughout the show, Rakhi Sawant and her exuberant partner Abhishek Awasthi had translated their status as early forerunners into final favorites. A hugely confident Rakhi pranced with élan in pre-finale press conferences and declared her belief that she would finally win a show.

Many seemed to agree with her: she was up against the pair of Aamir and Sanjeeda – graceful and flexible dancers but with all the personality and presence of undercooked noodles.

As the results were about to get announced, Rakhi shed copious tears. Abhishek clasped and read the Hanuman Chalisa under his breath. Someone next to Rakhi’s mum looked about to keel over a statue of Mary she was holding. Both the dancers looked like they were winding themselves up for an “Oh my God! I won!” type of release.

But bhais ki pooch if it wasn’t the competition that was announced as the winners. For a whole minute, it seemed, neither Abhishek nor Rakhi moved. They didn’t even glance at the winners – let alone make a gesture to congratulate them. And when they did move, they stormed straight off the stage.

Even a guy like me – who loves tacky crap like this – cringed a bit. Because something like this has got to hurt. It means facing up to the fact that you might just not be as popular or likeable as you might believe you are.

It was kind of like Kashmera Shaw on the same show dancing her heart out and still not impressing the judges. The thought must surely have crossed her mind that perhaps she was just not good enough as a dancer.

Speaking of which, was it really necessary to cram the show with dances by just about everyone? Bhagwaan ke liye, if I wanted to watch TV stars dance to Bollywood numbers, I’d tune in to a TV awards show and drink in the Bollywood envy. This annoying practice reached its zenith when Barkha Bisht and Indraniel showed up and executed yet another loose dance. Although for a moment it was fun to see Indraniel waving (he calls it dancing).

Still I noted the fact that hosts Hussain and Tina had established camaraderie with the contestants and earned their respect thus enabling them to keep the show tight and maintain some level of positive energy in front of the camera.

And I was thankful to the judges for shaking a leg between commercials – thus giving me the impression that people were into the show even as my eyes were turning bleary and my neck was hurting.

The incredible lightness of being Javed Akhtar

Aspi — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 22:00:00 -0800

As a lyricist I enjoy Javed Akhtar's concoctions, well mostly (Meena thinks he is a Lyrics Factory). His ability to thread together interesting words on even a potboiler like OSO made me sit up and pay some attention. Although I'm not much of a consumer of poetry, his prose almost always is of interest to me. In interviews, he's engaging and full of fascinating anecdotes which he unfolds carefully like treasured possessions - he's the kind of person you would like to invite over for dinner.

But of course there is a different Javed Akhtar as well - the one who pops up on shows almost always as an evaluator of proceedings. I've watched Javed Akhtar on enough shows that I can tell you that his presence fills me with mixed emotions.

His presence is a dignified one, until you realize he has very little patience for those he marks down on perceived intellect.

His pride in Hindi and Urdu are rousing, until he carries on incessantly in it, often making the same point repeatedly.

His intellect is refreshing and so is his sense of soulful observation, until he tries to say something clever every time he is handed the mike.

No one is without flaws - or as in my case overwhelmingly filled with them (but then, I'm not on TV). And watching anyone incessantly can take away the mystique. And I believe this might be happening with Javed Akhtar.

There is a filmi template of overexposure that is prevalent in Bollywood where stars blanket themselves on hoardings, media, TV and films. But while this might work with their core audience - which is considerably younger than Javedbhai's - it certainly doesn't do the poet any favors.

So here is my phaltu Drift advice for Judge Javed:

Limit your appearances on TV - show up as a celebrity guest or trade in some favors for an occasional appearance instead of doing an entire season.

Once in a while walk in with Shabana Azmi to help promote her movie.

Definitely keep the bagalthela look, but mix in those Khadi Bhandar kurtas with some of the more colorful ones you wore on Indian Idol 3.

And above all remember that intellect comes in many forms.

Also:

It's tough to be witty and well-behaved all the time, says anu g

leera links to a Ranvir Shorey-Vinay Pathak chat for more insights

Joules wants to see a more romantic Javedji

Mission Ustaad: Rahman Jaage!

Aspi — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 22:39:00 -0800

Sidekick's curiosity brings her back to Mission Ustaad although her patience is wearing thin

Can the dual goals of raising social consciousness and providing entertainment coexist? Based on the evidence from the first full week of Mission Ustaad, sadly the answer is an unequivocal No! Not so much because this is much too ambitious to undertake, but because the creative forces behind the show haven’t the faintest clue how to execute its concept.

Case in point: this week’s theme was “Jaago”. A well-meaning, noble, generic anthem if there ever was one, but one without a context or a well articulated purpose. The immediate question that arises is: Arre yaar, kiss liye aur karna kya hai? In the first of the weekend’s two episodes, the luscious Lara Datta presented us with a set of dismal facts on how developmentally backward India is. We know the issues in the abstract, but I’ll concede that the statistics are chilling. What is missing here is the call to action - okay, so now what? How can we be instruments of change?

If you’re expecting a show with a real social mission, one that will awaken a genuine social conscience ala Rang De Basanti or Lage Raho Munnabhai, it’s time to desert this sinking ship. However on the entertainment front this is not yet a lost cause. So let’s get to the stuff that really counts - the superficial- and let me count the ways:

1 Sur, Taal aur Laye: The singing is fantastic. For two more straight episodes, I loved hearing these talented and accomplished ustaads. Dil Khush hua when Rahman opened with “Yeh Jo Des Hai Tera” to an audience swaying to the beat, holding up candles in a darkened studio.

2 Yeh Apna Fashion Hai Bhaiyya: The darjis on the show (there’s a huge gaggle of them including some big name designers) are top notch.

Simone Singh (who for some reason the captions identified as Simon Singh, my fave author!) sported a variety of elegant Anarkali kurta ensembles

Lara wore a green sari with a very interesting blouse in the currently popular pallu over one boob style (which is a no-no with the fashion forward Drift Janta) in the first episode and a sparkly fitted black dress in the next episode. In the black dress she was seated throughout, so my phaltu Drift advice to the show runners is to make sure that Lara stands up and models her outfits appropriately for maximum masti.

Sonali and Vasundhara wore really pretty kurtas with their jeans that I would love to source.

The men were a tad boring, but Naresh was unintentionally hilarious in his unkempt outfit with red jacket, flapping belt and rose colored (literally!) glasses inside the studio.

My Bitter Half joins Aspi in Judge Javed (JJ) kurta-envy. He wants to write to JJ to ask where he gets kurtas, so that he can buy some on our trip to India this week.

3 Jhagde Zindabad: JJ is living up to his glorious potential for conflict and this has unexpectedly become a three way fight between JJ, upstart Kailash and smooth operator Roop Kumar in the king of verbosity sweepstakes. Where the upstart is by turns confrontational and contrite, Roop Kumar is super slick and sneaks in a generous dose of irrelevant shayari to upstage JJ who is of course up to the challenge and answers in fitting style. More spectacular fireworks are surely to follow as the cumpteeshan heats up. But most satisfactorily, pomposity and verbosity reign supreme.

4 Rahman Jaage: Simon …. er Simone did something smart and frankly self preserving in the first of the two episodes - she sidelined Rahman. She got to him last if she did at all. He was allowed to stare vacantly into space (I mean compose Jodha Akbar’s background score!) thus permitting him to stew in peace. Perhaps this emboldened him or he isjust a slow starter, or the Rahman-chatoing JJ pitched in with advice - take your pick.

But in the second episode our reticent Rahman jaage. Silver tongued he is not, but in his inarticulate way he dissected compositions expertly. In particular his analysis of the interplay of melody and lyrics in Kya Hua Tera Vaada and the analysis of the Naresh-Shweta Bhramastra (which means an original composition by the artists) were interesting. Perhaps having come that far he was tempted to overreach - he even declared that the Rathods’ Bhramastra surprised him!

Tut, Tut, Rahman saar - love that you’ve found your voice, but while that was a nice composition that likely has repeat value – but really was it such a great surprise???

Also:

Aspi would like more Sonali Rathod on the show

Here's what to do if you really want to contribute, says Joules

Tania sees promise but is cynical about the show's future

anu g is still confused about the show's concept

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs: Setting a few new trends

Aspi — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:22:00 -0800

Tania enjoys this show and tells us why

SRGMP L'il Champs can boast of one thing: it is definitely REFRESHING. It sets a few new trends.

The judges actually focus on music and analyze each performance honestly

The guests till date haven't just walked in to add to the glamor quotient

There are no true favorites of the judges

No regional sympathy garnering...yet

The annoying "Time Please" instead of SRGMP's "Yudhviraam"

The amusing report card grades

A few things have still remained the same

Head's omnipresence - which is a good thing if you ask me

The name calling as in "Pune ke kaanchtor cricketer!" or "The poetess from Assam!"

The guests have been a refreshing change and there is no unnecessary chatoing going on during the show. Credit is given where due and the criticism is fair.

Last week featured an old and a new face. The original Item Diva Usha Uthup and the hatke superstar Aamir Khan. Usha was as energetic as ever and gave some good advice to the kids regarding singing and life in general. Aamir came to promote his directorial debut Taaren Zameen Par but I won't get into my "stars as guests promoting their movies" bashing because I've been a huge Aamir fan since his QSQT days.

Aamir was surprisingly down to earth unlike the snobbish image that is portrayed in the media. He was floored by his star fan Sonu Nigam and their mutual admiration was far fetched from the usual "you scratch my back, I scratch yours" scenario. Genuine exchanges like this makes this show worthwhile for me.

But what bothers me is Sonu - being the huge singing star that he is - results in less face time for Sureshji. I love to hear the good natured banter between Sureshji and the guests as well his fabulous critiques. I also want to see some Bs and B+s on the show instead of As and A+s being handed out like candy at Halloween. Unlike the bade bacches, its the chhutkus and chhutkis that are quite good at handling disappointments.

A few things to watch out for, with public voting starting. The sympathy factor and regionalism will likely be the trump cards the producers will start the SMS mania with. I am hoping the drama between Sonu and Sureshji will be limited - but hey, its reality TV, so expect a few things that will wow you and a few that will hit below the belt.

I haven't picked my favorites yet, but Aamir Hafiz is one kid to watch out for. And Anamika Chaudhury from Assam is another rising star. I am not sure about the already risen ones as they might fade away sooner that you expect.

Also:

Public voting for kids? That's harsh! says Cinderella

anu g agrees and admires Sonu's presence on the show

Mind Rush asks for a Himesh ego-collection

Bella is reminded of Aamir's hotness in Fanaa

anju writes an eggcellent song

Nach Baliye 3: Judges and Losers

Aspi — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:04:00 -0800

Since I'm such a laggard and Mind Rush's terrific column is awaiting - I'll keep this short. Last week's Nach Baliye raised the interesting question: how strict should the judges be without crossing the line? And its a question that begs closer examination.

With the contestants on NB clearly raising their level with each passing week, the newly inserted jodi of Barkha and Indraniel stuck out like sore thumbs. On the first show two weeks ago, the judges dug into the newbies with relish. So on last week's show all eyes were on that particular train.

And bhais-ki-pooch if the two didn't come out and do a curiously amusing circus-like routine where Barkha got lifted and twirled around like a trapeze artist. It wasn't that they didn't try hard. Barkha looked all pumped up and ready to go and executed some promising moves. Her partner Indraniel on the other hand has a bit of a hangdog aura. And his laid back demeanor during the dance pissed Vaibhavi Merchant off no end.

So it was that the judges railed on Barkhaniel. And sent poor Barkha into the crying room. Funnily enough, although I felt terrible for the fresh jodi - imagine bombing after such hoopla - I felt that the judges handled it rather well. So how did they do it?

For one, no matter how much they pretend on screen, they tend to vote en masse. Its hard to tell if they compare notes during the performance because on NB more than any other show the camera stays focussed on the performers throughout. But this block voting seems to keep one judge from collecting all the bad vibes and sends consistent messages.

Second, Vaibhavi does a terrific job of explaining why she's marking people down. You don't always agree with her (especially in the case of Karan-Amita) but she isn't afraid to pull someone up and more importantly, does it clearly and concisely without any co-dependent beating around the bush.

In all of this Madhuri's presence was a winning one - I like how she goes for the drama in a hugely game fashion (Saritha's observation also on VoI). For her to take Vaibhavi on in the opening dance sequence was bold. Measured against Vaibhavi's wonderful compactness but somewhat over-rehearsed jhatkas, the duet showcased her unhurried grace.

Also:

Why is it that all choreographers speak their mind? asks anu g

Sidekick is impressed with Krushna

Saritha decides that inserting a new jodi was a lousy idea

Rakhi shows up and besiblings Aspi

Like Saritha, Joules loved Govinda too

Ritha is digging the music of Khoya Khoya Chand

Mission Ustaad: Arre, Kya Funda Hai Yaar????

Aspi — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 14:11:00 -0800

Sidekick checks out a promising new show

In the crowded landscape of reality music shows this seemed hatke and I was curious enough to check it out. Okay, I’ll come clean and admit that with the “bitter half” away on a long business trip and faced with a cold snowy evening in Boston, adrak chai and reality TV were my refuge - a lemming-like quest, given that I’ve been lamenting on how reality TV has been eating into my movie time.

Anyway, the idea seemed both lofty and unique and of course that was enough of a hook. With idealistic calls to action from Aamir Khan, Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid, four pairs of top drawer singers, India’s most celebrated music composer in Rahman, the witty and eloquent lyricist par excellence Javed Akhtar and the glamorous and articulate Lara Dutta ----- a surefire recipe for quality infotainment surely?

It was up to a point ---- which I’ll get to eventually. But before that, the show itself ---- definitely a classy set-up. The set was swish and aesthetic - a far cry from the tacky SRGMP one. Simone Singh, the host was a polished, lovely vision in what is now the ubiquitous style statement of the season - the anarkali kurta-churidar ensemble. The singers (Naresh Iyer - Shveta Pandit, Mohit Chauhan - Vasundhara Das, Sonali Rathod - Roop Kumar Rathod and Kailash Kher - Mahalakshmi Iyer) came, vaguely bandied about the broadest generalities of the UN Millennium Development Goals, sang divinely and conquered.

At the end of each pair’s performance Simone deferred to the music guru himself and asked Rahman about his thoughts. For instance, “Naresh is your discovery, how do you see his evolution to this point?” she queried. “Umm, this is a difficult mission for both singers and judges; there is much responsibility on us” Rahman dithered. “I expect something extraordinary”. Undeterred Simone gamely tried again, “Mohit delivered a brilliant rendition of Khoon Chala in your very own Rang De Basanti; your thoughts on his presence here, Rahman Saab?” Rahman took another stab at it, “ for all of us this is a chance to take it to another level, to break free of our blinkers and think out of the box. I expect something extraordinary”.

By the time we got to the last couple of Kher and Iyer, the now wary Simone looked pleadingly at Rahman for his reaction, as if to say “dude, throw me a bone here; get with the program”! Unmoved Rahman said “Of course, I expect something extraordinary” and neatly tossed it to Judge Javed.

I admire Rahman greatly, love his music and firmly believe he is India’s true cross-over star – move over Aishwarya Rai Bachchan! – but a more inarticulate soul I’ve yet to see. Those of you who abhor Shiamak Dawar for his angrezi love and atrocious hindi, may have a bone to pick with Rahman. While everyone else spoke Hindi or Hinglish, Rahman refused to step out of his comfort zone (such as it is!) of English.

Luckily the voluble and eloquent Judge Javed (JJ) sparkled ---- and not just in one of his patented kurtas that Aspi adores, but in the way he trotted out inspiring comments and rah rah encouragement to all of the singer jodis as if to make up for the lack of firepower from Rahman. Until the upstart Kailash Kher overstepped his bounds and dared to usurp JJ’s role of bombaster extraordinaire. “I’ll have to unchain my wallet to buy a Hindi dictionary and then perhaps I can try to understand Kailash’s sentiments”, JJ ribbed mercilessly. Our bombastic upstart squirmed having been put firmly in his place while his partner Mahalakshmi Iyer cheered JJ lustily. I rubbed my hands in gleeful anticipation of more JJ-upstart jhagdas ---- they seem ripe to be plucked off Mission Ustaad’s gleaming dais.

The lovely Lara played her role as UN representative with poise and ease. I haven’t had many chances to see much of her to this point, but she thoroughly impressed me. First off, the lovely long fuchsia evening dress set off her obvious Miss Universe aura. But beyond that she seemed anything but a beauteous bimbette. There were no unnecessary giggles, no gratuitous chaatoing --- she was clear and coherent and full of dignified grace. At this point it is obligatory to offer some phaltu drift advice (what’s a column on Aspi’s Drift without it!): Rahman saar, please requisition JJ to write you some dialog and use Lara’s services as a dialog coach to put us out of our misery.

So, what’s not to like? Well, I expected to say in awe, “arre kya funda hai, yaar!” and I did by the end of the show - just not in awe but in bewilderment as I was scratching my head. Either I’m thick or I just glazed over as they explained but I just don’t get how the lofty ideal is to work.

The way I understand it, the singers are to rework their popular songs and/or sing special new compositions that create awareness and a commitment in the aam janta to UN Millennium Development Goals. Huh? But the singers (however extraordinary to use Rahmanese) are but mere instruments in the hands of powerful composers and writers, the ustaads among whom are playing judge and jury. Shouldn’t Rahman, JJ and their ustaad ilk be the participants if this mission is truly to resonate with the public?

There is however enough intrigue here ---- and a preview of Rahman singing my fave “Yeh jo desh hai mera” from Swades--- to keep me hooked for another week. Beyond that I can’t say – stay tuned.

Also:

Meena is still foggy on the premise but has begun to dig Lara lately

leera wonders if MU can balance entertainment with social consciousness effectively

Joules compares Rehman's social dexterity with that of Abdul Kalam's

anu g feels MU has been under publicized in India

Mind Rush says you can't compare Rahman's problems with Hindi to Shiamak's

anu g chronicles Rahman's kushti with Hindi and a show called Cinestar Ki Khoj

Saritha prefers "Mindblowing" to anything Shiamak might say in Hindi

Meena proposes a dream team of judges: who'd be in it? Javed Akhtar, Ram Gopal Varma and Subhash Ghai for starters