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Suzie Says: When You Fear the Holiday Blues {{GIVEAWAY}}

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0800

Jeannine* dreads the upcoming holidays. Her mother-in-law will politely backhand her with remarks that make her feel "less than". Her husband feels caught in the middle. The remarks aren't overt, so if Jeannine calls her out on them she looks like the bad guy, the one who is ruining the holiday.
Cynthia*'s mom is an alcoholic. Her mother promised that she won't drink, but she's made those same promises, and then broke them a thousand times. Should she expose her children to another drunken outburst, or inappropriate conversation as her mother blames Cynthia's father for everything that has gone wrong?

Cherie* feels torn. Again. Her parents are angry, and there's no way to win. "Mom, can we visit you on Thursday, and leave Friday morning so we can spend time with my husband's family? It's not fair to them that we always come here." Even if her mother does agree, she'll sulk in silence through Thanksgiving, and wipe away a tear in honor of "how things used to be".

Does this, or a similar version, sound familiar?

Holidays are special, and memories are being made -- for you, your family, your children. So, if a pattern of unhealthy events or actions are part of them, it has to be addressed.

How?

One of the hardest steps to take as an adult -- whether 21 or 55 -- is to set boundaries to work toward a healthier relationship with a parent or in-law. And yet that's exactly what we are talking about in these cases.

What is the real issue? Not how you feel, or what you want to happen, but what is the heart of the conflict?

In Jeannine's case, it's a lack of respect. It's modeled in front of her children -- who feel conflicted because they love mom, and they love grandma.

In Cynthia's case, she grew up in chaos. She's a good mom and the last thing she wants is to continue the cycle for her children. She's promised to give her children something greater.

In Cherie's case, her parents are using manipulation to get their way. Their motivation might seem pure -- we love our daughter and we want to spend time with her -- but the methods are less than healthy.

What is your plan of action? What are the reasonable consequences to unhealthy behavior?

Throwing a fit is out of the picture. As is engaging in any type of verbal or physical or emotional warfare. Decide in advance what to do. Keep in mind why you are doing it. It's not to punish that person, but to BREAK A PATTERN.

If Jeannine's MIL says something snide, her son needs to address it privately, giving his mother a gentle warning that it's not to be tolerated. But she'll get angry? Sure she will. It's breaking the pattern, something that has worked for a long time. It may take more than once, or ten times, before she realizes she's hit a unified brick wall that says, "we love you, but this isn't acceptable". It's not done in anger. It's consistent. It's reasonable.

And when she "gets it", it's rewarded with hugs and affirmation.

Remember, boundaries are designed to work toward a healthful relationship.

In Cynthia's case, she tells mom that if she drinks, unfortunately she and the kids leave. Cynthia has a back-up plan for a fun holiday, whether going to a cool restaurant or cooking with the kids at home and doing fun activities together.

Will mom be happy? No, Cynthia will be breaking the pattern. It's unfamiliar to mom. After all, Cynthia has always stayed, even if the mom drank or got completely drunk.

And Cherie? She's going to work to create a schedule that first benefits her family (kids and hubby) so they can create fun memories at home, and then balance the schedules as best as she can.

Will everybody be happy?

Do you see the pattern? Not everyone can be happy, but rather than a lose-lose situation, you are working toward a compromise that benefits you and your family, and works to find a holiday that is more restful, fun, and balanced.

When?

One of the problems is that the issues aren't dealt with before the holidays. Jeannine or Cynthia or Cherie might stay away during the year, feeling that if they can just endure the day or weekend, then that's enough.

It has to be dealt with long before the holidays. It's not too late to do it this weekend for Thanksgiving. But itt's better to do it now for Christmas.

I'd love to talk about this more. Questions? Comments?

I'd love to give away one copy of my book, The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future. In it, I share how:

* To forgive, let go, and move forward when you've been hurt in the past
* Enhance your relationships by setting tangible boundaries to work toward healthier interaction
* Gain fun and healthy parenting skills and methods even if no one ever showed you how
* Create longlasting memories for your children, even if your childhood memories were not what you hoped
* Grow as a woman, a parent, and discover who you were meant to be from the beginning

Just Jill: Top Tips On Finding a Telecommuting Opportunity Today

Jill Hart — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:30:00 -0800

My first step into the work-at-home world was as a data extractor for a company in my local area. Believe it or not, I found that job in the Classified Ads section of the newspaper. That, however, was ten years ago. Alot has changed in the last ten years - the internet alone has grown by leaps and bounds. So, what are some of the best ways for people in today's market to find a telecommuting opportunity?

Classified Ads
One good thing about the technology available to us today is that most Classified Ads are now not only listed in print newspapers, but online as well. Take a look through these to see if there are businesses in your area looking for local at-home workers.

Online Job Sites
Most online job websites now offer telecommuting listings. Use the search term "telecommute" to help give you the best results. There are even websites that cater to the work-at-home crowd such as HireMyMom.com. Remember - always be sure to read the fine print, and research each company/opportunity that interests you.

Freelance
More and more at-home workers are freelancing on a contract basis. Writers, web designers, graphic artists, and more are finding this a viable option to allow them to work from home. There are websites, such as elance.com, that cater specifically to the freelance community and make it easy for freelancers to connect with companies and individuals looking to hire them.

Start A Business
Another trend among telecommuters is heading out on their own. Taking the data entry and executive assistant skills that they've gained over the years, these at-home workers are now launching their own Virtual Assistant (VA) services, copy-writing services and other such businesses.

There are an amazing amount of resources for telecommuters today. These positions are in high demand, so be sure to polish your resume and tailor it to fit the type of work that you're searching for. Be persistent - it may take a while to locate the right opportunity, but it will be well worth the wait.

About the Author
JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has published many articles and is a contributing author in Laundry Tales, The Business Mom Guide Book, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and Faith Deployed. She holds a bachelor s degree in human development and family studies. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home/ .

Carla's Corner: Gather around the Table: The Importance of the Family Dinner Part 1

Carla Williams — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:00 -0800

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and we typically think of the family coming together for dinner. It’s a time of catching up with loved ones and sharing a good meal. But why does it have to happen only a few times a year? CASA (The National Center on Addictions and Substance Abuse at Columbia University) released a study this past September on the Importance of Family Dinners.

CASA discovered that “one of the most effective ways parents can keep their kids from using substances is by sitting down to dinner with them.” Teens from families have dinner together less than three times a week, (compared to ones that have it five to seven times a week) are twice as likely to use tobacco or marijuana and more than one and half times likelier to use alcohol.

Families who have infrequent dinners together do not give their kids undivided attention when they are together. Teens say that the people at the table are talking or texting on cell phone or using other devices such Blackberries, iphones, and Game Boys.

The dinner table provides a chance to share ideas and find out “what’s happening” in each other’s lives. It’s understandable why teens from families who eat together regularly are less likely to have addictions. The atmosphere of the table allows parents a chance to discuss rules, monitor activities, and discuss friendships. Now that my family is grown, I miss the daily interaction and discussions we had at our table.

Over the years we shared our home with more than a hundred people, including at-risk teens, college students, single adults, displaced families, battered wives and their children, and more. Typically twelve to eighteen people gathered around our table. My husband made a point to draw each and every person, especially the children into the conversation. It was the highlight of the day.

A Typical Williams Family Dinner

We made a commitment to eat together every night. It was a rare occasion when the entire family was not at the table. Like most families, we opened with prayer, thanking God for his blessings and for our family. We read a scripture from the Bible, or one of the kids quoted their favorite verse. Often my husband led the discussion to cover topics like peer pressure, abortion, drug abuse, choice of entertainment—depending on the age levels of our children at the time. Occasionally, a food or water fight might break out—usually instigated by Dad, in spite of my protesting. When our social hour drew to a close, no one was allowed to leave the table until Dad said we were finished. He would close us in prayer or ask one of our boys to do so. It’s easy to think of God when you’re hungry, but according to the following passage we should give thanks when we’re full.

(Deuteronomy 8:10) When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you.

Afterward, depending on where the dinner discussion led, there would be playful cleaning up or deep contemplation. Either way there was unity and love. While I admit I enjoy not having to cook so much now that our nest is empty, I certainly miss having my family around the table each evening.

What is dinnertime like in your home? Is everyone running in and out between soccer games and dance lessons? Is the microwave the main cooking utensil? Or do you make a point to gather around the table as a family several times each week? Share with us your family’s dinner rituals.

Suzie Says: So you want to be a writer

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:30:00 -0800

I receive hundreds of e-mails a year from women who want to write a book, or a blog. Where do I start? Is it even possible? Who would want to read what I write?

Great questions!

If you want to write, then start writing. Make it a daily discipline. Journal. Blog. Write a page, or 500 words. Why? Because writing is hard work, and it has to be more than a dream. It has to be a practice, a part of your life.

I'm currently collaborating on a project with a man who has wanted to write his story for 20 years. It's a powerful story, and it has the potential to minister to a lot of people. Last week we were sitting at his table with his wife nearby. We had worked for hours. His brain was in a fog. I was tired. But the fruit at the end of the day was several great chapters.

"Who knew?" he said.

I looked up. "Who knew what?"

"Who knew this was such hard work?"

But it's also rewarding. Every day I get to connect with people all over the world and talk about faith, or parenting, or overcoming a painful past. I don't have a clue how many are impacted, but I trust that this is exactly where God wants me, and whether it's 10 or 10,000, it's a privilege.

So, if that's your dream, too, start writing today. Set aside a time. It might be 30 minutes. It might mean sacrificing something, like a favorite show or even sleep. But sit down and begin to write.

Where do you start?

Start with your life basket. What's in it? What experiences are in there? What talents? What are you passionate about?

And then sort through it. One question that I ask writers to ask of themselves is, "Do I want to be talking about this 10 years from now?"

Because when you write books, that becomes your ID -- your brand. If you don't want to be talking about it 10 years from now, and be identified by it, then it's probably a great blog post, or article.

Second, get with other writers. Are there writing groups in your community? If so, connect. There are also writing groups online. One free and great community is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TWV2 - it's comprised of authors, agents, publishers and beginning to intermediate writers who are learning about the business and art of writing for CBA (Christian market).

Third, decide if you want to write articles or maintain a blog. Mombloggers are HOT right now. Some of them are shocked at the following, and the opportunity to connect. But take your time to decide who you are as a blogger, and create a great web presence and a tag line (a brief line describing what you are about).

Last, who will listen to you? You might be surprised. If you have a message, or are funny, or encouraging, or a great cook, or photographer, or frugalfabulicious, or just about anything else, there are women who will tune in to what you have to say.

On a separate note, my article "Pursuing Your Passion" was just featured in Proverbs 31 Magazine. I hope you'll check it out, and that it will give you a little more information about how to run after your dreams.

Just Jill: The Mom Spotlight - Profiles of Successful CWAHMs (Christian Work-at-Home Moms)

Jill Hart — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:30:00 -0800

I love reading the stories of other moms' success. I love to hear how they got started, how they've built their businesses and what they wish they would have known when they started out. There's nothing more powerful - or more encouraging - than a behind the scenes look at a fellow successful mom.

So, today I thought I'd share with you one of those stories. I've known Megan for a while now. She's a professional organizer and now writes an organizational column for work-at-home moms on CWAHM. She graciously allowed me to pick her brain about how she's found success. Here is what she shared:

Name: Megan M. Spears
Company Name: Disorder2Order
Website Address: www.disorder2order.com

Tell us a little about your business:

Megan: First and foremost, I am a stay at home mom of two boys (4 and 6). When I am not doing the SAHM things, I run my own business as an organizing consultant and speaker. Creating household management systems for busy families and new moms is my main focus. However, I do work with small business owners, home office professionals as well as corporate clients in creating effective systems. I love to teach (I knew I should have been an educator like my parents told me) workshops and share my knowledge with people who want to learn how to be free from the clutter in their lives. We no longer have the luxury of being disorganized.

How did you decide on your business:

Megan: I started my business in 2004 after helping a friend organize her photos for a scrapbook. She kept telling me how good I was at working with people and that I should start my own business helping people get organized. At the time, my first child was about a year old and I thought it might be fun to have something on the side. I started my business with the intention that I would be doing it only part time for the next 5-6 years, in hopes that when the kids were in school full time, I could make a go of it as a full time/part time gig.

Name the one thing you love best about your business:

Megan: I love setting my own rules and taking on what I feel is best. I had a period of time with the boys, that I really needed to focus 150% of my time on them and it was nice to put the business on the back burner to focus on them, when I had more free time, I started working more. I also love it when people tell me that I have changed their life. It reminds me why I do what I do. It's happened more than once and it's an amazing feeling. I never feel like I am doing anything that extraordinary, but just helping someone with a simple task like managing their mail can be life changing for some.

How do you market your business?

Megan: I base most of my business on referrals and word of mouth. I do have a website, blog and newsletter that I enjoy and builds my presence in the marketplace. Another source is from speaking engagements and teaching classes. Reaching out and talking to the masses gives me the exposure to tell people what I do and what I can do for them. Almost every speaking gig, rewards me with clients.

What is your biggest lesson you've learned in business?

Megan: The importance of asking for the referral, appointment, meeting or opportunity to work with/for someone. If you are not comfortable speaking out, self starting or being bold, it will be a real challenge for you starting your business. You have to be somewhat aggressive and willing to put yourself out there. I know there have been a lot of opportunities I have missed because I didn't 'ask,' but I have learned overtime how to ask, and it's paid off.

How do you balance work/family?

Megan: At first, it was really hard. I floundered not knowing what to do when, for probably the first two years. With limited time and energy to work on work, it made it hard to get much done. Family is always first for me, no matter what, so it did hamper how much work I would get done. Now, my time and day is structured by a schedule that stays the same (for the most part). It's important to draw the line on your time from the start. Routine is key, not only for a business but for kids and a family!

What tip would you give to those wishing to start a business?

Megan: I always have a lot to say to new business owners, so here goes ... do your homework and write a business plan. Even if you are not going to a bank to get money, write a business plan. As a small business owner, you don't have a boss standing over you telling you what to do, so it's important that you know you can hold yourself accountable in getting things done. If you have a business plan of sorts, you can use it as a guide. Use every experience as a learning experience to make your business better, and be prepared to wear every hat and don't be discouraged when people don't want to work with you ... you won't make every client happy and that's okay. Step out of what has always been comfortable. You are going to have to ask for business, ask for opportunities, so be sure you are comfortable with that. How do you think I got to start writing for Jill at CWAHM? I asked. :)

Carla's Corner: The Homework Trap

Carla Williams — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

By now your children are into the full routine at school and no doubt have homework assignments. For some parents homework can become a real battle ground. Teachers vary on their expectations. Some expect parental involvement, while others want parents to back off. Personally, I see homework as being between the child and the teacher. How is a teacher going to know a child’s strengths and weaknesses if his mom corrects his misspelled words and math problems? The purpose of homework is for a child to establish independent study habits and to practice what he has learned at school—not to test what his parents know. But I admit, that wasn't always my perspective.

My most vivid “homework memory” with my kids happened when our son was nearly thirteen. We took Josiah to the emergency room for what turned out to be a severe sinus infection. At the time, we had no idea our son was on the life and death edge of meningitis and would undergo emergency brain surgery the next day. I had brought his homework along with us to pass the time. To be honest, I knew my son was getting behind in his schoolwork due to his recent illness, and I wanted to help him catch up—not a good time for such frivolous worries. My husband, Timothy, still teases me, thirteen years later, because I had the kid doing homework in the middle of the emergency room. (Ironically the homework assignment included coloring a drawing of the brain.)

After that I realized there were a lot more important things than homework and started using these weapons to fight the homework battle:

1) Keep plenty of supplies on hand. I bought poster board in bulk so we never had to run out at the last minute for it.

2) Set a specific time for homework. Our afterschool routine consisted of Meditation time (15 minutes of quiet reflection and prayer), snack time, a few simple chores, 45 minutes of homework, then playtime before dinner. After dinner, it was homework time again, but we limited the time according to each child’s mood and needs.

3) Don’t sweat it if the homework doesn’t get done. If something important came up with the family or we had church activities, we didn’t worry about homework. Sometimes a child simply cannot finish it because it’s too difficult. If I felt it would alarm the teacher, I wrote a note stating why the homework was not completed.

4) Show interest and offer help when needed. Allowing your child to be responsible for his homework doesn’t mean you don’t care. Ask questions about his work to see if he understands what he’s learning. Or have him read aloud from a chapter of an assigned book.

5) Post a homework calendar. Help your child break an extensive project into smaller parts so you don’t find him staying up the night before an assignment is due.

My husband helped me not to overstress or micromanage our kids’ homework. Timothy's outlook is that life is too short for kids to have to sweat about school all the time. When I would stress over homework, he would say, “I graduated from school so I wouldn’t have to do homework, so why are you doing theirs?” That made me realized that the more I worried about it, the less the kids accomplished and learned. Once I let go, homework became a fulfilling and enjoyable opportunity to discover my children’s interests and skills--and we had fun in the process.

A Touch of Takiela: How Can We Protect Our Children?

Takiela — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0800

This morning my sister emailed me a disturbing article that literally made me sick to my stomach. I want to pose the question: We have almost 500 members in our group, surely one of you can advise us on how we can do our part in helping to put an end to this kind of abuse. Maybe someone is a social worker and deals with these types of situations on a regular basis or maybe one of you knows of or belongs to an organization that wants to spread the word about this type of crime and how we can prevent it. Also, how we can help if we suspect a child is being abused.

Please ladies share your thoughts.

This story is almost 2 years old, however in our society things like this happen daily.
I warn you to read with caution.

The baby’s birth at University Hospital on Nov. 4 was routine.

What wasn’t routine was the fact the infant’s mother was just 10, impregnated by her mother’s boyfriend.

Now, social workers are trying to figure out how to unravel the mess involving one of the youngest children ever to give birth in Greater Cincinnati.

Prosecutors were in court Wednesday to discuss what to do with both children, the newborn and her now 11-year-old mom.

The court session in Hamilton County Dependency Court on Wednesday was primarily a status session on how both the baby and young mother are doing.
At the same time Wednesday, Lockland police were in Columbus talking to a convict whose DNA shows he’s the baby girl’s father.

Michael Chaffer, 40, is accused of impregnating his girlfriend’s 10-year-old daughter, according to Hamilton County prosecutors.

The baby’s birth set off an investigation by the Hamilton County Department of Job and Family Services and stunned social workers because the baby’s mother is so young.

The baby has been taken from her mother and put in a foster home while the child-mother is now being taken care of by a relative. Her mother is not allowed to see the baby and can only see her daughter when supervised by social workers.
Lawyers jammed the courtroom Wednesday, representing the prosecutor’s office and all three generations of the family.

The girl’s mother was warned not to let any adult men in her Lockland home while caseworkers tried to track down the infant’s father.

Paternity was not determined until Wednesday morning.

Prosecutors say the girl’s mother ignored that order to keep adult men away from her child, and when a caseworker made a surprise visit to her Lockland home Jan. 4, they found Chaffer.

Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Lee Slocum said Chaffer faces criminal charges for impregnating and sexually molesting a girl under the age of 13.
Lockland Police Chief James Toles said two officers were interviewing Chaffer on Wednesday in a Columbus prison, where he is serving a one-year sentence on an unrelated charge.

Sex with a child under 13 is considered statutory rape, a crime punishable with a life prison term.

As JFS investigated the case, several relatives of the 11-year-old girl contacted the agency saying Chaffer sexually abused the girl for a “period of time.”

The 11-year-old girl’s mother is also under investigation, Slocum said, for allowing her daughter to be abused.

Job and Family Services workers can’t remember a case in which a girl so young gave birth.

“Unfortunately, sexual abuse is pretty common in the cases we see,” said JFS Director Moira Weir. “But it is highly unusual and extremely sad to see a case where a 10-year-old becomes pregnant.

“This is an example of why everyone in the community needs to be extremely vigilant about watching for the signs of abuse and notifying us through our 241-KIDS hotline,” she added. “The sooner we can intervene, the sooner we can make sure the child is in a safe situation.”

Hamilton County prosecutors want a court designation that the 11-year-old girl was abused. They allege the 11-year-old’s mother failed to care for her by allowing Chaffer near her.

Prosecutors also want to take the infant away from the mother because the sixth-grade student is too young to care for the baby.

As she waited for the hearing to start, the child, who was wearing faded jeans and a T-shirt hoody with her hair tied into a ponytail, sat next to her mother. She chatted about school, music and Disney video games.

During the hearing, as prosecutors and attorneys discussed the case and the possibility that the 11-year-old could lose her baby, she wiped away tears with the palms of her hands.

At Wednesday’s hearing, Magistrate Charles Milazzo determined the girl could visit her baby at least twice a week.

But he said the 11-year-old girl’s mother may see her only if social workers can supervise the visits, and that she may not see the baby.

Authorities became aware of the birth after the 11-year-old girl delivered the baby at University Hospital. Hospital officials notified JFS because the mother was so young.

The 11-year-old girl and the infant were allowed to remain in the mother’s home while JFS investigated the case. Two other men were eliminated as the baby’s father before Chaffer’s DNA was tested.

When the caseworker found Chaffer in the home Jan. 4 – a violation of JFS’ order that no men be in the home – they arrested him on a charge of obstruction of official business.

Court records show Chaffer slammed the door on the officer and refused to open it.
Chaffer pleaded guilty to that charge the next day, which violated his probation on an earlier drug charge. As a result he was sent to prison for one year.

JFS immediately took the 11-year-old girl and infant from the home.

Suzie Says: How do we teach our kids to care?

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:30:00 -0800

I just returned from Quito, Ecuador after a tour of several Compassion International projects. I've traveled to many countries and seen poverty, but for a few of those on the trip this was their first exposure.

Later, one of the women struggled to express in words how this trip had affected her.

"How do I go home and teach my children to appreciate what they have?" she asked. "How do I ever buy another toy, or give in to a whim for a material item, when so many have so little?"

Great question.

And also a complex one. For your child isn't responsible for third world poverty. He or she isn't big enough to carry the worry and concern over whether a child eats tonight or is huddled in a bed with seven others on a cold, mountain night. But at the same time, we do want to teach our children to care for others, to not be materialistic, and to grow into responsible young adults who make a difference.

Teaching our children to care begins with us. It's tangibly caring with dignity. It's not just shelling out a gift at Christmas or handing $5 to a homeless man. It's truly caring. It's seeing the person beyond the need. It may be volunteering on a regular basis at a homeless shelter, or mentoring a youth who needs a little extra attention, or sacrificially buying food for a food pantry at your church or in your community.

Second, involve your child in those things. Don't preach. Just show them that we have an opportunity to change our world, or maybe just our little corner of our community, through caring. Give them a broader perspective. That's when our children begin to see a world beyond their own, and needs beyond their own.

Statistics show that in this area moms have the biggest influence upon a child.

For me, sponsoring a child through Compassion International equals hope. Sharing pictures with even my grown children, or the letters I receive from Buli, the 6-year-old child from India I am growing to love, has created amazing opportunities to talk with Ryan, Leslie, and Melissa about real world issues, but also how a small act can change a life of a child's future health, education, spiritual development, and environment. Leslie and Melissa have sponsored children of their own, and one day we hope to take a trip together to India to meet them in person.

Start today mom. Care with dignity, no matter what that looks like. I promise that your child is watching.

Just Jill: Work at Home Q & A

Jill Hart — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

Q: I'm not a mom, but I am a Christian who would really like to find a way to work at home. I have a hobby of training and showing dogs and it would be really nice to set my own schedule to better accommodate that hobby. I would still like to have an EMPLOYER! I don't feel ready to start my own business. Any advice?

A: First, I just want to make a note that I actually wasn't a mom when I began CWAHM. I was newly married and hoping to be a mom soon, but we didn't have any children yet. I get lots of emails from women (and a few men) who aren't moms and want to know if they can be a part of CWAHM. The answer is absolutely YES! :)

Now, on to your question. I remember feeling this same way when I first started out. There is security in having an employer and knowing that you'll be getting a paycheck (and how much that paycheck will be) every week.

You have a couple of options. You can look through the Telecommuting Resources and Telecommuting Job Listings that we provide on CWAHM. I'm confident that if you look long enough and hard enough you will be able to find employment from home.

What you may find, however, is that many of the companies that hire at-home workers will consider you an 'independent contractor' as opposed to any 'employee.' This saves them money as they don't have to provide insurance, they aren't responsible to withhold taxes, etc.

I encourage you to check out all of your options:

* Speak to your current employer if possible and see if it's possible to work from home for them

* Check out telecommuting jobs where you'd be an independent contractor - just be sure that you know what your responsibilities are (such as withholding your own taxes)

* Starting a home-based business

You may find that a combination of these works at first - maybe you can telecommute while your business is getting started or maybe you can work at home part-time for an employer and part-time as a contractor. After thinking things through and maybe a bit of trial and error, you'll find what works best for you!

Carla's Corner: November is Adoption Awareness Month

Carla Williams — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

November must have been chosen for Adoption Awareness Month because it’s also the month of thanksgiving and gratitude. I know our family is certainly grateful for our adopted little Hephzibah "Eppie" Grace.

My son Josiah and his wife Jayme chose to adopt their first child before having their own.They went through several “close calls.” We even held one child in our arms for three days before the mother changed her mind. So we’re very thankful for Eppie. I truly believe it was God’s plan for Eppie to be part of our family; in spite of the struggles we faced getting her. Josiah and Jayme got their little bundle when she was less than a day old. She is now two and a half and loves her baby sister, Moriah Hope. Josiah and Jayme hope to adopt more children in the furture.

If you’re considering adopting, or know someone who is, I suggest connecting with Laura Christianson, author of The Adoption Decision (Harvest house). Friend and fellow writer, she held my nervous Granny hand during the ups and downs of the process. Her ministry helps parents network with others adopting. Our company, WinePress Group, has published many books on adoption, including Laura’s book, The Adoption Network. Laura gives this book away to ministries devoted to adoption.

Celebrate Adoption! Last November Laura guest posted on The Spiritual Mom blog site Thirty Ways to Celebrate Adoption Awareness Month. I celebrate it every time Eppie gives me a hug. This past Sunday, she stayed overnight at our house without her mommy or daddy for the first time--a big girl step. I was thrilled she had finally bonded with her Granny. She did great and we had a wonderful time.

Adoption is a beautiful reminder of how God has adopted us as his children. Just as we chose to make Eppie part of our family, God has chosen us. What more could we be thankful for in this life but being adopted by God?

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves, (Ephesians 1:4-6).

A Touch of Takiela: New Movie - Jesus No Greater Love

Takiela — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:48:00 -0800

The Jesus Movie for

the Next Generation

www.NewJesusMovie.com

Guest post by Bruce Marchiano, producer of Jesus...No Greater Love The truth of the gospel never changes. But Christianity has many faces. They reflect the customs and cultures and the beautiful diversity of the global church. They are lined with the wisdom of age and vibrant with the passion of youth. One gospel for all the world…but how will we deliver it in a way that reaches the whole world? How will we reach the next generation?

Young Christians today are more like St. Francis of Assisi than a circuit riding preacher. “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary, use words.” This is a generation focused on being the hands and feet of Christ and meeting the physical needs of those in both the local and global community. They are building houses, planting gardens, taking food and clothes to the poor and helping the widows and orphans… and then they are sharing the gospel. And they are using technology like never before. They communicate the message through audio, film, video and the internet, and they strive for excellence within those mediums. They must. This is how they will reach their generation for Christ.

I share their passion. In the film, The Gospel According to Matthew, we were able to capture the heart of Christ that is so often missing in Christian films, but the quality of the film making was constrained by an $800,000 budget. Now we are inspiring a movement that will bring Jesus to film in a version that literally leaps off the screen and into the hearts of viewers.

Jesus…No Greater Love, the new Jesus movie, (http://www.newjesusmovie.com/) will be a word for word, verse by verse film adaption of the Gospel according to John. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation. That’s really our concept, that the gospel would go out in the power of the film medium, unaltered by any human script writer.

The budget for a typical Hollywood production is $100-110 million. Actors’ salaries account for much of that cost. Because the new Jesus movie will be not be paying big name actors, our team believes we can produce a world class, state-of-the-art film incorporating the latest cutting-edge technology for just $45 million. The production will be shot on location in Jerusalem and shot digitally using CGI backgrounds and a green screen stage, providing unlimited potential for sharing the gospel for generations to come.

We are inviting people from all nations and all generations to join this movement to bring the gospel to all people. A movement made of 4.5 million people contributing a tax deductible donation of $10 each would fund the cost of the film. The Gospel belongs to everyone, and the new Jesus movie will be produced expressly so it can be accessed by everyone, no matter their financial situation. Our team's vision is to see the film translated into as many languages as possible and supplied to mission organizations and churches all over the world.

You can become a part of the movement to reach the next generation. Please help us spread the word to your friends and family. If you would like to make a donation, you can do so at http://www.newjesusmovie.com./

Also, you can keep up with our progress by visiting any of these links:

www.facebook.com/newjesusmovie

www.twitter.com/brucejesusmovie www.youtube.com/newjesusmovie

www.tangle.com/newjesusmovie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce Marchiano is an actor, author, international speaker, and the founder of Marchiano Ministries, a non-profit organization reaching out to people both spiritually and practically in the USA and across the world. He is best known for his joyful, passionate portrayal of Jesus in the film, The Gospel According to Matthew.

Just Jill: Something All My Own

Jill Hart — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Owning my own business has taught me many things about myself. I’ve learned that I can make wise business decisions, I can manage the accounts and taxes for my company, and I can type with one hand while holding a sleeping 6 month old. All of these things have helped me develop into a much more confident person. My business has also given me the freedom to test my limits and see what I can accomplish.
Running a home-based business has become a large part of my identity. Not in a selfish, "See what I can do!" way, but in a positive sense. It has given me the confidence to know that I accomplish things that I never thought possible. Before I was a work-at-home mom, I wanted to be able to be at home with my children, but I also felt that I needed more. I needed something for me alone that would make me feel strong and confident. I also needed the opportunity to keep in touch with others to avoid the isolation that often accompanies stay-at-home moms.

There are three keys areas in my life that I believe my home-based business has helped me develop:

Passion

When I began my website it truly was something for ME. I wanted to compile work at home information all in one spot so that I could find the perfect opportunity that would allow me to stay at home with my children. However, in running CWAHM I have found that I have a passion for helping other moms work from home.

My business has taught me that to succeed you must give to others and expect nothing in return. This may not seem like a sensible business technique, but it is a biblical principle. Put others before yourself, help others to succeed and you will be successful yourself.

Gina Neef with The MOM Team, told me recently, "I didn’t realize I even wanted "something of my own" three years ago. When I began – it all unfolded… so nice to have my passion fueled."

Confidence

In college I was shy and very unsure of myself. I felt like there was not any one thing that I was truly good at. My grades were average, my athletic ability was average, and on and on. Being a successful business owner has opened my eyes to the fact that there are things that I am good at.

Melody Spier, owner of Ballyhoo Virtual Services, felt similarly. She states, "Owning a business has taught me so much about myself and my capabilities. I used to let fear of the unknown, fear of success and of failure hold me back, but now that I’m a business owner, I’ve learned that it’s okay to succeed at some things and fail at others. I take each experience and learn from it – what worked, what didn’t? Today if I want to do something but don’t know how, I find someone who has knowledge of the topic and I ask for help. Owning a business has taught me to believe in my skills and myself. My fear of success has long since vanished as well; I can now say that I’m proud to own a successful virtual assistant business."

Courage

Being a business owner has given me courage. Courage to take chances and go beyond my comfort level. Once I have a few successes behind me, I realized that I could do it all. Also, even my failures make me stronger. I found that my business didn’t shut down with each mistake I made and I always found a better way of doing things. Diana Ennen, president of Virtual Word Publishing, agrees. She states, "Owning my own business has inspired me to do more in all aspects of my life. I love the warmth of success so I try and take the right steps to achieve it. Just as I want the best for my family, I also want the best for my business as well. I’ll often find the courage to go the extra mile and reach far beyond what I think is possible and what I find is that most of the time, I reach those goals."

Having "something all my own" has benefited me in many ways – passion, confidence, courage – and so much more. I’ve been inspired to do things that I never thought possible. If you desire to work from home you’ll find that it’s worth the time and effort that it takes to get started. Take the chance, step out on faith and work until you succeed.

Carla's Corner: A Disability or a Gift from God?

Carla Williams — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 05:27:24 -0700

Our three-year-old grandson Micah loves to “read.” For over a year he has recognized certain letters, like “G” is for Granny. Now he identifies and sounds out simple words. Yesterday, as I listen to him “read” a book, it brought back memories of when his daddy Joshua was learning to read and the day his first grade teacher said my son’s reading skills were way below for his age.

“Joshua reads his Bible to me every morning without skipping a syllable, so why can’t he read other books?” I demanded. Our requests for testing throughout first and second grade were answered with, “He’ll outgrow it. All children this age reverse letters.”

“But do all kids recognize the number 3, call it three but write down 9?” I knew something wasn’t right.

By third grade, my persistence paid off. Instead following the teacher’s recommendation to hold him back in the second grade, I insisted that his perceptual and auditory skills be tested first. As I suspected, our son had dyslexia and dyscalculia and several other neurological disorders. We were finally on the road of understanding and dealing with his disabilities. There were a lot of bumps in the road, but we learned many spiritual lessons along the way, here are just a few.

• Psalm 139:13 became our anchor scripture in accepting our son’s special needs. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” Joshua’s disabilities opened doors for outreach unavailable with our other children. And his struggles caused him to rely on God in deeper ways. He worked and prayed twice as hard as most children.

• Joshua’s weaknesses became his strengths in other areas. For instance, his struggle with visual processing, strengthen his auditory skills. His eyes only followed half way across the page before dropping down to the next line, explaining why he learned to read his two-column Bible before other books. Unlike other kids, he actually read National Geographic and didn’t simply look at the pictures. Books on tape and music were his best learning tools. Playing an instrument or reading out loud helped him to “hear” all the way across the page. Today Joshua ministers through music and has an incredible gift for writing lyrics and music.

• Many children become frustrated and fight against their disabilities. Teaching Joshua to accept and explain his difficulties helped him to find ways to compensate and express to teachers the best tools he needed to learn.

• Learning to rejoice in seemingly failure at times, strengthen Joshua’s character. James 1:2 became a favorite memory verse, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” Laughing in the face of disappointment gave us courage.

During Joshua’s senior year I once again insisted on testing beyond the normal requirement. I wanted him eligible for help in college. The technician first interviewed our son and stated that he didn’t think Joshua really had learning disabilities and didn’t need further testing. Again I stood my ground. Afterwards, he expressed amazement that Joshua had made it to graduation with such success –good grades, drum major, taking flying lessons. He actually said that most kids with as many neurological and perceptual difficulties as Joshua usually end up in a closed classroom environment due to frustration.

Looking back, I’m glad the Bible was the first book Joshua learned to read. At twenty-nine, he still sometimes reverses letters and is a terrible speller, but he runs a successful Christian bookstore, The Salt Shaker, and he and his brother Joisah have their gourmet coffee line, Book Brew Coffee. I will never forget Joshua telling the technician that day over ten years ago, “God didn’t give me disability, he gave me a gift.”

Boy-Sterous Living

Takiela — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 07:39:27 -0700

Hey everyone I just had a great interview with Jean Blackmer which is the publishing manager for MOPS International, she is the co-author of Where Women Walked: Powerful True Stories of Women's Perseverance and God's Provision.

Jean is the mother of three boys and is loving it! Being the only woman in a house full of guys has given her some serious insight on what it's like mothering testosterone to the third power.

This book is a hilarious survival guide to all things boy. Jean talks about how mothers play an important role in the lives of her sons, constantly observing how mom treats dad and visa versa. There are quotes, ideas on fun things you can do with your sons that will play a part in their growth and development, and suggested scriptures to read.

This is a great book and I recommend it to all the parents (moms and dads) who are raising loud, sticky, gooey BOYS!

Suzie Says: A praying mama

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I interviewed my friend, Mickey (pictured with a grandchild from her other son, Nick, and his wife Amber), about the time she prayed and it seemed like nothing was happening with her son, Austin. He was in trouble. He was stealing. He was doing drugs.

He was raised in church and once loved God like crazy, but was now completely lost. I share the full journey of this mom and her son in a devotion, Encouragement for Today. But this is the "rest of the story". I hope it encourages you today.

Suzie: If you knew then what you know now about Austin, how would it have helped?

Mickey: Had I known that Austin was going to end up being the amazing young man he is today I would have probably spent a few less sleepless nights. The powerful thing about God is that He allowed me to see in Austin what He sees in Austin. I saw visions of my son talking and sharing his story with groups of people, sometimes small groups and sometimes large groups.

I heard him in my spirit telling other young people about the love and saving power of Jesus Christ. Seeing my son doing the things I saw in my spirit several years ago makes me realize it is all about walking by faith, not by sight. It is not about the days that emotionally and physically you are so tired that you cried out to God just to allow you to go home to heaven so you would not have to deal with living this nightmare anymore. It is knowing that when you woke up the next morning still on this earth that God must have a plan and those tears and prayers are not going unheard and unanswered.

Suzie: What would you say to a mom whose son or daughter is making destructive choices?

Mickey: If your son or daughter is making destructive choices first make sure that you are not burying your head in the sand. The signs that your child is in trouble are always there and sometimes we do not want to admit it out of pride, fear, you do not have time to deal with it, or any other excuse. You must also make sure you are not enabling your child to continue the downward spiral. You cannot help your child if you want to be their friend instead of their parent.

House rules are house rules and cannot be broken for any reason. If your child is an alcoholic or a drug addict it is the alcohol and drugs speaking to you, not you child. It took me a while to realize these things and when I did I was able to act on my faith. I did not allow Austin to live and do ungodly things in our home. God has been established as the head of our household for many years and I was not allowing Satan to destroy that.

Faith without works is dead so begin speaking life into your son or daughter. Your enemy (Satan) is not going to go quietly so hang on to the horns of the altar and fight in the spirit like you have never fought before. The thoughts and feelings that you are having as mothers are not abnormal. There were times I cried out to God to send someone to love my child because at that moment I was not sure I even loved him. During those moments, God would send someone to intercede and stand the gap for me. Several years went by and I even told God I was mad at Him for not answering my prayers.

God would always rebuke me by sending a mom into our prayer group whose situation was much more severe. I was always in the altar at church sometimes crying and sobbing so hard it took my breath away, but I never left feeling empty. The Holy Spirit was always there comforting me. Remember other people who are new Christians or do not know Jesus as their savior are watching you. They will watch to see if you give up and walk away from God or hang on to your faith. If you give up they will say, “Well God did not work for them, why do I need Him?” If they see your faith in action they will want to know that Jesus inside of you.

Many times I reminded God (as if He needed to be reminded) of His promise in Proverbs 22:6 which says, “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old (grown) he will not turn from it.” A promise is a promise and God’s promises are irrefutable. Find a scripture that you can hang on to and stand on that word of God. Confess your promise and take authority over doubt and unbelief from the enemy. God is bigger than addiction and Jesus wins!

Suzie: Can you tell me why you started praying with other moms of prodigals?

Mickey: I started praying with other moms of prodigal children because I needed a support group that understood what I was going through. I also understood that I was in spiritual warfare and that God’s blessings would be upon those living in faithfulness to Him. In Deuteronomy 32:30, God’s blessings were on the troops of Israel because of their faithfulness to Him.

That same Old Testament principle could be applied to the group of moms praying as well: One can put a thousand to flight, but two can put ten thousand to flight. The more mothers of prodigals that are praying in agreement against the enemy increases the effectiveness of those prayers 10 fold. That biblical principle excited me and I knew there was power in numbers. Every Tuesday when we met, God had spoken to one of the ladies during the week a word of encouragement that all of us needed to hear. It was incredible and long-lasting friendships grew out of those prayer meetings.

Suzie: Did you really believe you prayers were being heard?

Mickey: I would be lying if I said I felt my prayers were being answered all along. There were moments when I was so low that it felt as if heaven were brass. The power of the women’s prayer group was being honest with each other and ministering to each other. We would not let each other give up. We all realized Satan was not giving and just stepping aside and saying, “Okay, you moms win, here is your children back.”

We understood that prayer involves spiritual warfare and that the violent would take it by force (Matthew 11:12). We had to put our boxing gloves on and believe God would deliver to Satan the final knock-out blow.

Suzie: If someone else wanted to start a prayer group with other moms of prodigals, what do they need to do?

Mickey: If you are a mom of a prodigal and you would like to start a prayer group I would suggest you talk at your local church with the pastor. Most pastors are excited when people want to pray and you want your pastor on board with you. Contact others within your church who have prodigal children or grandchildren and share with them the idea and goal of such a prayer group. It only takes a few to get started, and remember one can put a thousand to flight, two can put ten thousand to flight.

Choose a time that is convenient to the majority of the group. Do not limit the number of people and you may open it up to moms outside the church also. This may open up a whole new ministry to you.

Suzie: How has God answered your prayers?

Mickey: All things changed one evening when I was once again in the altar praying and crying out to God for Austin. My biggest fear was Austin dying and going to hell. God spoke to my spirit very clearly and told me I had not fully given Austin to Him.

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As I often do, I argued with God. I said to Him, “What do you mean? I am the parent who has acted with tough love and Donnie (my husband) was the rescuer and the enabler.” He spoke to me again and told me to give Austin completely over to Him. I instantly knew what He meant and began to argue again. After a little while I told God if He promised me that Austin would be in heaven with me some day I would pray that prayer. It was the hardest prayer I ever prayed.

I began to pray, “Jesus, take Austin to his last breath but let him breathe the name Jesus and be eternally with You.” The minute I spoke that out of my mouth a warmth and peace started at my head and continued down my toes. All fear left me and I knew Austin was going to be alright. Within two weeks, police called our house in the middle of the night and told us our store had been broken into. I told my husband that my spirit instantly poke to me and said it was Austin who did it.

A day went by and my husband began to get phone calls from our son. Austin had come down off of his Xanax and Ecstasy high and realized what he had done. This was finally Austin’s low and he was remorseful. He called my cell phone and asked me for a ride. I told him I could give him a ride but no money, food or a place to clean up. I made him wait four hours before I picked him up because he had lied to me before. When he got in the car he asked me to take him to the church and that he needed help and to get saved. Hallelujah! That was the beginning of his deliverance and his new life with Christ Jesus.

I took Austin to a crisis center as far away from Oklahoma as we could find. I knew he needed to be away from his familiar. Austin spent sixteen months at Teen Challenge and graduated in the fall of 2005. He was saved and delivered from every drug except alcohol. We went through one more arrest and DUI before Austin totally sold out to Jesus. He has been totally clean since July of 2006. God had answered my prayers. It is worth every tear and every amount of time spent on my knees.

Today Austin ministers to young people every time he gets the chance and works with the youth group at our church. He is engaged to be married in December to a beautiful woman of God. (Austin and Alyson are pictured above.) That is another prayer answered, to God be the glory!

Suzie: Last, can you share a short prayer for a hurting mama who is reading this today?

Mickey: Dear God, touch hurting moms of prodigal children everywhere. Let them see what you see in their children, and let that vision be stamped into their hearts and minds. Father you did not give them the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound minds. I speak healing and rest into their weary bodies and minds in the name of Jesus. Give them revelation knowledge that the enemy has no authority over their children or themselves. In Jesus name, loosen the angels of heaven to come and do warfare over these moms and children. In Jesus name, bind the enemy in every direction and no weapon formed against them will prosper. Father, thank you for never leaving or forsaking them and remind them daily that Jesus wins!

Amen. From Suzie: Thank you to Mickey for such a vulnerable and honest interview.

Just Jill: Practical Parenting for Weary WAHMs

Jill Hart — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

There are many nights that I lay awake long after my husband begins snoring lightly beside me. My mind whirls as I think of all the ways I’ve failed that day. Phone calls and emails that didn’t get returned; laundry that didn’t make it from the basket to the drawers; and worse yet time I could have spent with the kids that I whittled away working or collapsed in a chair trying to catch my breath.
How do we find the time to be a great parent amidst the chaos? The answer: we must realize we can’t do it all. As work-at-home moms, we need to relax and strive not for perfection, but for doing our best despite the circumstances. We need to strive to be parents who are:

Playful – Motherhood is a job that most of us take very seriously. However, the day-to-day life of a mom can be full of joy, laughter and fun as well. As moms, we set the tone for our household. When we have a positive attitude anything can be fun, even teaching times such as helping with homework.

My daughter began kindergarten recently. She now has homework to complete a few evenings each week. She is learning to read and become frustrated when she can’t figure out a word. I’m learning that by being patient with her, allowing her to express her frustration (in a calm manner) and encouraging her when she succeeds, even homework can be enjoyable time spent with her. Whenever possible, we turn homework into a game and have fun learning together.

Prayerful – The greatest part of a healthy prayer life is seeing God answer your prayers and sharing these experiences with your children. Answered prayer is a powerful spiritual teacher in the life of a child.

Jane Evans, author of Raising Children Without Going Insane, explains it well. "When you are lost and can’t find your way, stop and pray and ask God to help you. Teach your children the power of prayer in everyday situations…even you may be surprised, as I have many times, at the way God answers when you call!”

Purposeful – When working from home it’s important to take the time to teach our children about the Lord whenever the opportunity arises. When talking with your child, there are many subjects that will come up that will give you an opening to teach them about God.

For example, this past summer my daughter, Katy, was having trouble with two of the neighbor girls. They had gone into their backyard and told my daughter that she couldn’t come in and they didn’t want to play with her. Seeing the hurt in my daughter’s eyes was hard, but I knew it was important to try to teach her about forgiveness and loving others.

Even at five years of age, Katy was able to understand that just as God loves us despite our failings, we are to love others when they hurt us. We also talked about choosing friends wisely and I explained that once school started she would have the opportunity to make new friends. We chatted about my experiences with friends and how God brings people into our lives for a reason – sometimes, like this instance, it may be to learn forgiveness. It turned into a great conversation and I’m pretty sure I learned as much from it as she did.

Motherhood is a twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week profession. There are no days off, very few coffee breaks and even fewer accolades. Despite this, we can choose to have a good attitude and make the most of each moment. By being moms that are playful, prayerful and purposeful, we’ll set a great example for our children. I think my kids may be picking up on my positive attitude. I overheard my two-year old talking to his daddy last night about his day. I could hear the smile in his voice as he summed it up, “Me happy. Mommy happy.”

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…
Colossians 3:23

About the Author
JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has published many articles and is a contributing author in Laundry Tales, The Business Mom Guide Book, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and Faith Deployed. She holds a bachelor s degree in human development and family studies. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home.

Carla's Corner: The Greatest Commandment Part 4: All Your Strength

Carla Williams — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength, (Mark 12:30).

We usually think of “strength” as energy or zeal. I like to think of “loving God with all our strength” means the skills and personalities that have been knit into us.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb, (Psalm 139:13).

I see the emotional characteristics and intellectual abilities of a child as the pearls strung together that make a whole person. For instance, growing up our youngest son Josiah, now 26, had a moody temperament which sometimes drove me crazy. His random learning style, creativeness, and touch of messiness revealed a lot about his personality. As he grew, we began to see how God had knit these characteristics in our son. Josiah always had a love for younger children. At the age of eight, he asked to start helping in the preschool Sunday class. At twelve he directed a neighborhood Vacation Bible School—completely his own idea—and did so for three years. String all these things qualities and interest together and it’s easy to see God’s plan for our son.

As Tim and I steered Josiah’s individuality toward God, we saw His purpose forming. As an adult, Josiah took charge the youth ministry at our church, writing curriculum and leading the other teachers. His creativeness comes out as he works for our Christian publishing company, WinePress Group, as a graphic designer and marketing consultant. As Josiah learned to harness his creativity, the more organized and disciplined he became and his love for music comes out in playing worship songs on the harp. His love for kids is fulfilled in writing and illustrating children’s books. He and his wife, Jayme, chose to adopt their first child before having birth children. (They two daughters—one adopted.) They hope to adopt several more children. The pearls have connected and our son is using his strengths to express his love for the Lord.

Ways to teach your child to love God with all his strength:

* Watch for personality traits, interests, and skill that seem to stand out in your child. Guide your child to use those strengths helping your family or others.

* Children learn through play and through play they develop interests and skills. Provide a wide range of things to explore and learn with such as arts and crafts, nature, and musical instruments. Josiah loved to play with dolls, and family members gave us a hard time about letting our boy play with “girl” toys. But he soon set them aside and started helping with the “real” babies.

* Celebrate when your child learns a new task. For example, have a shoe-tying party when your child learns to tie his own shoes. Pull out everyone’s shoes and let him show off his new skill. Then stop and thank the Lord for helping your child with this accomplishment.

* Celebrate the failures as well as the victories. We tend to celebrate A’s on a report card or a home run at a baseball game. Teaching children, however, to find joy in their struggles and failures as well as their successes and triumphs helps them to love God with all their energy, no matter how weak or how strong.

* Don’t allow your child to give up on commitments, activities, or homework lessons unless special circumstances dictate a change of course. Not only will he learn to keep his word, but you will discover his true strengths.

* Teach your child to do “everything without complaining or arguing.” Encourage him to respond to homework, chores, and new skills with joy and thanksgiving.

Looking at your child’s personality, interests, and skills as characteristics and qualities knitted by God, gives you an entire different perspective in parenting. You will find it exciting, as we have, to see your child expressing his love for God through his strengths. We have an awesome responsibility and gift on raising our children to love God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength.

A Touch of Takiela: Integrity as a Christian in Business

Takiela — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:27:11 -0700

As a Christian in business, I am bound to a different set of principles compared to those of a traditional business owner. For example, my mission statement, the vision for my company, and company name and/or company description all has a biblical foundation. Other business owners may be money, power, or fame driven but my company is driven on my love for Christ and a desire to please Him in every aspect of my life. This includes the area of my business.

Integrity is a broad term that a lot of people in business like to use, but what does it mean to have integrity? Webster describes the term integrity as firm adherence to a code of especially moral values. Another way of putting it is – doing what’s right, even when no one is watching.

Integrity is a way of life that should reflect in every area of your life, not just one or two areas. You can’t expect to have integrity as a business owner but not have it in your personal life and visa versa. If you’re honest at home then you are most likely to be honest at work as well. It’s a character trait that can’t be turned off or on. Either you have it or you don’t, it’s trivial.

Can you have integrity without having Christ, of course, but to what extent? It may not bother a business owner who has integrity to exaggerate his earnings. However, to a business owner who has integrity and who has Christ, this would be considered a lie, even if it is “just a little white lie,” it’s still a lie in the eyes of a loving God and He would not be pleased with lying no matter how small.

Therefore, as a Christian in business, I strive for excellence. I don’t strive for it because I am perfect, I make my share of mistakes, but because God is perfect and He has given me excellence and it would be unethical not to at least attempt to give Him my best.

The only piece of advice I can offer to my fellow colleges is to manage your business as if God Himself is your partner, because after all, He is. (wink)

Suzie Says: The Value of Now: Living Life One Moment at a Time

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:11:51 -0700

I was leaving the netlab yesterday evening and suddenly I stopped.

Two trees towered over me. Their leaves were mauve, almost see-through purple, with hints of pink, red, and green. In the distance the Oklahoma hills were splashed with color. I looked up into the branches, almost getting lost in the color of the season.

And to think I almost missed it.

My head was bent down, my arms loaded with a laptop, books, my Bible, and a strawberry-banana smoothie. It was misty rain, cool. I had one goal: to get to my car without getting wet.

But those trees…

How many times do we miss the beauty around us while we strive toward goals or destinations?

The other day I had friends over. We had enjoyed her wonderful baked brisket and suffered through my grilled veggies and chicken (I still don’t know what went wrong). We had hiked. We had walked along a stream. We had shared stories. Most of all we had talked about our dreams, because her husband is also in grad school. Her husband graduates in December so all the options are open to them, and it’s almost overwhelming.

As we talked I shared one struggle that I have, and have always had.

“Sometimes I’m so busy planning for the future,” I said, “I forget the value of now.”

“What do you mean?” my friend asked.

“Look around us. Listen,” I said. “The fountain in my garden is flowing. It’s a beautiful sunny, cool fall day. I’m sitting with good friends and having good conversation.”

I paused. After a few seconds, I said, “I don’t want to miss this. I don’t want to be so caught up in my future plans or my destination that I miss this moment.”

There is value in the “now”.

Take a second. Listen. What do you hear? Look around you. What do you see? Okay, now, don’t look at what you need to do, but look at that child playing in the corner. Notice the curl in her hair. Notice her smile. Look at the flowers in your garden. Take a deep breath. Smell.

Don’t worry. You won’t be that “odd one” taking in every second, savoring every moment, but when you stop to value the now, it slows down life just long enough to savor some of the sweetest things in life.

It’s those things people talk about at the end of life. I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t want to wait until then to realize the significance of the smallest yet greatest things.

What do you see? What can you hear? What just came alive to you as you appreciated the value of right now.

Just Jill: Sharing Your Faith With Your Customers

Jill Hart — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

As Christians our faith is part of everything that we do and say. But, that can sometimes feel confusing when trying to apply it to our business life. How can we incorporate our faith into our businesses and share it with those we want to sell to? I wanted to get another perspective in addition to my own on the subject, so I talked with my friend and the director of our local Christian Business Women’s Fellowship, Debbie Blank. Debbie has been in business and ministry for more than 35 years and shared this great advice with me:

Act Godly
The most important thing that you can do to point others toward Christ is to be who you are. Live in a godly fashion not only at church, but at home, in public and in your business dealings. As the people you deal with get to know you, they will notice that “something different” about you and it just may spark an interest within them to learn more.

Build Relationships
People want to be cared about. If you build genuine relationships with the people that you serve in your business they will learn to trust you. When tough times arise or when they begin to have spiritual questions they will know that they can seek you out and trust you to share the truth with them.

Ask For Opportunities
One way to begin sharing your faith with business contacts is to pray and ask God to put those types of opportunities in your path. Begin praying regaularly for the chance to share the good news … and then keep your eyes open for those opportunities.

Don’t Be Shy
Another great way to share you faith to add a symbol of your faith to your business. That can be something like adding the Christian fish (ichthys) to your business cards, having a cross displayed at a home party or a Bible verse on your website. These small “faith touches” not only allow other Christians to make that connection with you, but also bear silent witness to non-believers.

These are just a few ways to incorporate your faith into your business life. As you begin to put these into practice have faith that God will show you new, creative ways to share His love with those you serve.

About the Author
JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has published many articles and is a contributing author in Laundry Tales, The Business Mom Guide Book, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and Faith Deployed. She holds a bachelor s degree in human development and family studies. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home.

Carla's Corner: The Greatest Commandment Part 3: All Your Soul Plus Book Give Away!

Carla Williams — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

We’re looking at how to lead our children to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Two weeks ago we looked at the heart, and last week the mind. As a tool for helping our kids think of biblical things during this season of witches and monsters, I’m giving away copies of My Bible Dress-up Book. Leave a comment if you would like a copy.

This week we will discuss how to guide our children’s souls towards God. From the Bible we know that God knits characteristics into each child before birth (Psalm 139:13) and determines the exact times and places for each person to be born in order to spur us on to cry out to Him (Acts 17:26). Therefore, I believe that a child’s basic likes and dislikes, individual personality, and purpose in life were woven together in the womb in order to draw him toward following God.

The line between the heart, the center of our desires, and the soul, the center of our will, is very thin. As we impress the commandments of God on our children’s hearts and minds, we divide their desires and motives. As Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active.Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

While we may win the heart of a child and influence his mind, ultimately his soul belongs to the Lord. As Ezekiel 18:4 states, “For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son—both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die.” The context of this passage tells how the people of Israel blamed their forefathers for “sour grapes”—in other words, their sins and misery. God steps in and says that each man is accountable for his own sins. Each man must make the decision for himself whether or not to obey God. Parents can do their best to influence their children, but in the end each individual child must make the decision to love God with all of his soul.

The first step we take in helping our children to love God with all their souls is to see them plainly. We have to see each child’s weaknesses and strengths honestly. That’s a tough one. I personally battled with not wanting to think my children lied sometimes. As a result, unacceptable behavior slipped past me at times.

Another temptation is to react way too fast to a behavior or lay down strict standards, causing children to conform to please their parents. On the other hand, it’s easy to ignore a child’s behavior and faults because you want to keep peace. In my nearly 35 years of parenting, I’ve learned that placing my hope in God rather than my parenting techniques allows room for the Father to work.

Saving a child’s soul is a lifetime process. God had a plan for His children after they disobeyed. But it took several thousand years for man to be ready for Christ. God doesn’t look at us and say, “They’re born again, so everything is fine.” He perseveres in molding and perfecting us, and we can do the same with our children.

A Touch of Takiela: Special Needs Child Part II

Takiela — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:12:22 -0700

When my husband and I first began our journey as parents to a special needs child, we shed more tears than I think either of us had in our lives up to that point. We cried together, we cried separate, we cried when we prayed for our daughter, and we cried when she cried. One night when I put our daughter down for bed instead of praying for her I felt the urge to read the bible. That night I found the scripture that I kept inscribed on the tablets of my heart; Psalms 126:5 KJV – They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. That scripture encouraged my soul and it helped ease my restless spirit. I knew my husband and I sowed a sea of tears into the situation with our daughter. It was at that point that I began to imagine the joy that we would one day reap. I didn’t know when or even burden myself with the details of how, but because God promised it that gave me the hope I needed to make it through another day.

As parents, we tend to think that we must be strong for our children, however, we don’t show strength by holding back our tears in front of them but rather in our weakest moments God’s strength is perfected. There were many times that as I held my baby she wiped my tears and I wiped hers. Those are the moments I’ll remember.

Crying is not the only way to get through troubled times such as those we were dealing with, prayer plays a huge role as well. We all have different motivating factors and reasons to pray especially when it pertains to our children. However, for the parents of a child who has special needs healing is on the top of the prayer list. As time went on, my husband and I discovered that en route to her healing we needed money, medicine, gas, nutritious meals, long distance calling cards (to inform our family of news), favor on our jobs (for time off to attend her appointments), friends (because we had no family) who were supportive, etc. But somehow along the way my husband and I forgot to pray for us, for our marriage, for our strength, and for our faith. While we were going through such a difficult time, naturally all energy focused on the well being of our child, but in the process we allowed our own needs to be neglected, which only makes things more difficult. Situations like this leave parents feeling emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. Therefore, the parents, as well as the child must have as many needs met as possible under these types of strenuous circumstances.

Lastly, I’d like to discuss laughter. I know how hard it is to laugh when faced with the obstacles of parenting a special needs child. I can tell you from our personal experience that there are times when you’d rather cry than laugh. But laughter can accomplish things that medicine cannot accomplish. We would take a bunch of goofy pictures, make silly noises, or ready funny books to get my daughter to laugh. Laughter is such a joyful noise, it’s what you want to remember should anything happen, and it’s priceless.

Crying, praying, and laughing are my three unique strategies for getting through those tough parenting moments of children with special needs. Do you have some suggested strategies you could share with us regarding how you made a through a tough situation? It doesn’t have to pertain to parenting a child with special needs, we simply need to be able to apply it to our own situations. Looking forward to hearing from you!

BTW – There is this great book entitled A Different Dream for My Child by Jolene Philo I’d be willing to mail to the first person who comments on this blog. It’s for parents of children who are critically or chronically ill. To learn more visit www.JolenePhilo.com or www.DifferentDream.com.

When your child has cancer

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Just this past month an acquaintance of my husband's found out that his young child has cancer. Their whole world has stopped as they go through treatments and try to support a two-year-old who has no clue what's happening.

That's why when I read the new book, Perservance by Carolyn Rubenstein, I was amazed to see the other side of the story.

It is the stories of college students and graduates who had cancer as children. Their stories are honest, and at times heart wrenching, but there was one very surprising thread that emerged.

None of them regretted their experience. Each said that surviving cancer had given them a gift. It was motivation and inspiration for living a full life, for helping others, for going into the medical field or helping-people professions.

The author is a young woman who has dedicated her life to helping others. Her book is inspiring and would make a wonderful gift to someone whose child is a cancer survivor, or who has been diagnosed with cancer. This is a quick look at the book, why she wrote it, and about what it means to perservere.

Just Jill: Intimacy in Marriage

Jill Hart — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:00:00 -0700

Whew! That title woke you up, didn't it?

I had the opportunity recently to speak with her about her newest book, No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage. She shares openly and honestly about the struggles that women face when dealing with intimacy in marriage and draws from her own experiences to help women find joy in the marriage bed.

Dr. Slattery is the author of several books including Finding the Hero in Your Husband: Surrendering the Way God Intended, Guilt-Free Motherhood: Parenting with Godly Wisdom and Beyond the Masquerade: Unveiling the Authentic You. Her passion is applying biblical wisdom to the everyday lives of women and families. She shares her message with a combination of humor, candor, and foundational truth.

Carla's Corner: The Greatest Commandment Part 2: All Your Mind PLUS Free Book Give Away!

Carla Williams — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

This series of posts examines how we can teach our children to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, (Mark 12:30). Last week we look at the heart, today we will see how our kids can focus their minds on God and his character.

Television, billboards, tabloids in the check-out line battle for our children’s minds—and ours.

Filling our children’s minds with good and rigtheous concepts can begin as early as birth and increase as they learn to think and reason. Now is the time to take advantage of this learning time to fill their little heads with spiritual truths and pure thoughts. But how do we combat all the pictures, words, and music that bombard them each day? We’re commanded to love God with all our mind and that’s hard to do when so many other things fill our thoughts.

The Bible refers to meditation as focusing our thoughts on God and His Word. The spiritual discipline of meditation quiets our souls to hear God’s voice. My blog post on The Spiritual Mom expounds on this discipline. Here are some suggestions for helping your child meditate on God and his truths, starting in infancy and moving on to older children.

* Use repetition. A child learns through the process of habituation—the repetition of particular stimuli or experiences. His memory lengthens and he associates behavior with consequences. Start each day by reminding your child that “This is the day that the Lord has made,” so that he focuses his thoughts on the Lord. Establish the routine of a daily quiet time early. See Quiet Time Box on my personal website for an example of what I did with my kids and now my grandkids.

* Thinking is a learned skill. Children will have thoughts, but do they really know how to think? They need to be taught how to think and reason and make good decisions. Allow your kids to think for themselves. Don’t give the answers right away. Ask questions to help them reason out solutions. This helps them train their imaginations and discipline their minds, enabling them to think about God. When they start the “whys” turn their questions around to help them reason the answer—before you’re driven to “Because I said so!”

* Memorize bible verses.Tape a Scripture verse on the bathroom mirror or beside your child’s morning cereal bowl. My husband started doing this for our children while they were in grade school. By the time they were teens he was leaving them full page letters with passages to meditate on during the day.

* Surround your child with things of the Lord. Hang pictures of Bible characters and events in your child’s room. Provide games, music, and activities that teach them biblical truths. As they grow older, monitor their music, reading material, and room decor.

* Remember every child is a unique. One child might have more concrete, black and white thoughts, while another reacts from emotions and feelings. One child can quickly come to a logical conclusion and another must repeat the thinking process. Pay attention to such clues and reason with each child according to how he thinks and processes information.

Guiding what goes into your child's mind will help reach his heart for God.

Controlling Thoughts during the “Monster Season.”

It’s Halloween season, and the stores are filled with ghouls and goblins. Several moms have shared with me that their young kids have nightmares after a shopping trip, so I would like to offer an alternative. Have your children dress up as their favorite Bible character. Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. 3 John 1:11

I’m giving away copies of My Bible Dress Up book here and another five on The Spiritual Mom blog to the first five moms who leave a comment about how they help their kids focus on God.

Sign up for Carla’s The Spiritual Mom Free E-zine for FREE Mom screen saver and inspirational articles, tips, and resources. This month’s theme Taking Our Thoughts Captive.

Special Needs Child

Takiela — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:53:05 -0700

Most of you know that I am a special needs mom because of the blog posts that I’ve written on Christian MomLogic. However, I am also the mother of a child that has special needs.

At the age of two, my husband and I took our daughter to a routine doctor’s appointment. We’d recently noticed that a mound formed on one of our daughter’s legs. We didn’t think anything of it, maybe that she’d fallen, or bumped it, and out of concern pointed it out to her pediatrician as we finished our appointment. Some tests were taken and a few days later the results were in and the pediatrician requested my husband and I come in to discuss the results.
We walked into the office concerned because of course, if the results were good, the receptionist or nurse would have relayed that over the phone. I felt nausea creep its way into my stomach as we sat in the chairs and the pediatrician struggled to find the words. Your daughter has a rare bone disease…– the statement that changed our lives forever.

We were newlyweds who were thousands of miles away from home with no family & friends, and an extremely sick child. She needed to have surgery right away. A hazy fog filled the room, it began to spin, and the doctor’s mouth moved but I could not hear the words. A dream, no a nightmare, this had to be a nightmare. I’d wake up, have a little cry, check on our baby and everything would be okay. My mind tried to rationalize what my heart could not fathom.
For years my husband and I dealt with surgeries, casts, leg braces, walkers, hospitals, doctors, and specialists. She had intravenous treatments every other month that required a two day stay in the hospital. The side effects from the i.v. treatments would make her sick anywhere from 4 to 7 days. The doctors talked to us about a bone marrow transplant. Our medical insurance dropped our daughter from our policy. We had to take her to a specialty hospital six hours away, and the list goes on.

I know this may seem like a bit much for some of you to believe but unfortunately my husband, daughter, and I experienced this first hand, I wish I could tell you otherwise. Some of the things I’ve shared, my family and I are still going through, I wish I could tell you otherwise. However, to all the moms, dads, and guardians, who may be finding themselves in a similar situation, I can tell you: Don’t Let Go. There may be times you feel like you’re unraveling, hold on to God for support. There may be times you feel like you’re alone, hold on to each other, you’re an extension of His arms. There may be times you feel like giving up, let faith encourage you. Don’t. Let. Go.

Next week we will discuss some applicable ways to find strength in some of the weak moments when you’re parenting a child who has special needs.

Suzie Says: Taking It Personal: when your memories make it hard for your kids

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 08:16:21 -0700

"I hate you!"

"I want it, momma. I want it now!"

You know those moments. Every mother has faced them. Even the best behaved children sometimes does it. They are tired. They want something even though they know the answer is "no". They are angry, or frustrated, or even out of control.

This is when many mothers lose focus. It becomes personal. We think things like:

Don't you know how hard I work for you?

Don't you know you are embarrassing me in front of all these people?

If you really loved me, you wouldn't say/do/think that...

The truth is that your children don't know those things. And rather than taking it personal, the real question is: what does my child need to learn right now, in this moment?

Maybe she needs to learn that you can't always have what you want. Or if you throw a big fit in Wal Mart, there are consequences. You don't get a reward, but reasonable and patient discipline.

Maybe he needs to learn that in the "your last name here" household, we treat each other with respect. If you say "I hate you", we're not going to tangle in a verbal word-fare, but we're going to talk through it, really listen, and come to a resolution. But in the meantime, those words aren't allowed. Not from him. Not from you.

When your memories as a child were painful, you can become super sensitive to the words from your own children. After all, it's your greatest desire to have something better for you, and your children, than what you received.

That's why some mommas take it personal. It hurts. It's going against everything you want: a peaceful, fun home that is safe for everyone.

But this is the scoop: 1) your child is a work in progress, and 2) he or she has no idea of your past pain, and isn't big enough or wise enough to make your hopes for a good family come true.

So, what do you do?

Take personalization out of the equation. Your child isn't trying to hurt you, embarrass you, or make your life difficult. They are little warm bodies with a brain that is still developing (and will be until their early twenties), and you and I have the most amazing responsibility and gift of helping them become good, responsible, caring human beings.

So, when they throw a fit in Wal Mart, forget the people around you. Don't worry about what they are saying, and focus on your child. What lesson needs to be taught right in that moment?

Stay calm. Be the adult. That's the defining moment: Your child has what you did not: a calm, reasonable, loving parent who is willing to tough it out through the bad moments to teach a child in the right way.

And suddenly you are shaping your children's memories, instead of your old memories shaping your children.

Suzie is the author of The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future and other parenting books.

Just Jill: 4 Ways Busy Moms Can Make Time For God

Jill Hart — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:30:00 -0700

In the weeks and months after having my first child I began to realize all of the ways that she had changed my life. Not only was I perpetually exhausted, but I seemed to get very little done during the day - even showering was an accomplishment. One of the major things that suffered during that season of my life was the time I spent with the Lord each day. I found myself thinking, "I'm so tired. I'll take a nap instead and spend extra time reading my Bible tomorrow." Of course, that very rarely happened.

One day, I was complaining to a good friend of mine that I just couldn't seem to get past the frustration I was feeling. As we talked I began to realize that I felt far away from God and that my spiritual frustration was creeping over to other areas of my life. I realized that I needed to get creative and find some ways to spend time with God, to build up my relationship with Him.

Here are a few ways that I discovered to help me along the way:

1. Email Devotionals - These are great because they only take a few minutes to read and they come right to you. When my son was an infant I would read these while I nursed or even while he just slept in my arms.

2. Memorize Scripture - Now, I'm not talking about memorizing entire books of the Bible here. I would choose one of my favorite verses and work on committing it to memory. Then, no matter where I was (sitting in line at a drive-thru) I could say - or think on - the verse.

3. Prayer - I must admit that this is my favorite spiritual discipline. I love that (because of Jesus) we can talk to God whenever we want. In the shower, while we're feeding the kids, and even in the wee hours of the morning when we're up with the kids, but desperately wish we were asleep. But, I think the most amazing part about prayer is that God wants to hear anything and everything going on in our minds. He tells us that we can literally "pour out our hearts" (Psalm 62:8) to Him.

4. Be Still - Most of us have hear this verse, "Be still, and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10) How many of us actually take the time to slow down, look around us and just KNOW that He is God, that He is in control and that He's given us everything that we hold dear?

Carla's Corner The Greatest Commandment Part 1: All Your Heart

Carla Williams — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength, ((Mark 12:30).

Why would the Bible distinguish heart, soul, mind, and strength? Because these attributes are distinct parts of the whole person, each with a different way of responding and learning. Children understand the concept of all at a very young age. They want all their toys. They eat all their cookies, while refusing to eat all their vegetables. The greatest commandment is to love God with all our hearts, soul, mind, and strength. God doesn’t want 51 %, or 90%, not even 99%. He desires 100 percent! Our job as parents is to help our children make room for God. In my upcoming blog posts I will look at each of these and how we can steer our children toward God. Today let’s start with the heart.

All Your Heart
The heart muscle pumps life through our physical bodies and our life center. Likewise, the spiritual heart is the core of a person. It’s the center where feelings, emotions, and motives drive the life. Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a “spiritual ultrasound” that could peek into the hearts of our children? We could see where they were “naughty or nice” and deal with them accordingly. Unfortunately, if such a thing were possible, we might not always like what we see. Here are a few ways to see into the heart of your child.

• As you get to know your child, certain personality traits will emerge. Research has shown that by the age of three the personality of a child is clearly defined. Have you ever felt that you were looking in a mirror when watching your child? Perhaps our own behavior is the “ultrasound” that gives insight into our children’s hearts.

• When identifying your baby’s temperament, remember not to worry too much about what is “normal.” Realize that your infant's motives for his behavior are based on his immediate needs. By recognizing his behavior patterns and how he reacts, you can help steer his motives toward the Lord as he grows older.

• Once you understand some of your child’s behavior patterns you can begin to instill godly attributes in his heart, such as obedience, honesty and kindness.

• Whining and tantrums occur as a child begins to test his boundaries. All my children threw the usual “terrible twos” tantrums. Joshua, however, often threw the kind that embarrasses a mother in public. Recognizing that small indications of a quick temper were part of the big picture of Joshua’s personality helped us to deal with his heart. Incident by incident, we encouraged and admonished Joshua to turn his frustrations over to the Lord. Letting him know we loved him but that we were in charge helped to steer Joshua’s independence into dependence on the Lord.

• Take note of your child’s likes and dislikes. What kinds of games and toys does he prefer? We were often ridiculed for allowing preschooler Josiah to play with dolls. But as he grew, we saw that the Lord was putting a love for younger children in his heart. At the age of nine he began teaching Sunday school lessons to the younger kids at church. At twelve, he led a Vacation Bible School for the kids in our neighborhood.

• Watch how your child’s personality traits become clearer as they mature. For example, Josiah was extremely messy as a toddler, always making pictures or sculptures out of his food, play-dough, mud—anything that he could mold or squish became an art form. Today he is a professional illustrator and graphic designer.

As your child chooses friends, careers, and life goals, you will see how the Lord was guiding and steering him all his life.

Adapted from my book As You Walk Along the Way. Check out The Spiritual Mom blog site for ways to teach your kids to practice spiritual disciplines that will help them to love God with all their hearts.

A Touch of Takiela: Thumb Sucking Blues

Takiela — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:00:00 -0700

Aaaahhh! Mothers around the world, I am in desperate need of your help! I can’t get my son to stop sucking his thumb! My husband and I don’t know what else we can do to get him to stop sucking his thumb.

It all started six years ago. My husband and I walked into the hospital excited about the birth of our last child. I had to be induced due to medical reasons. Because I’m a high risk pregnancy my doctor thought it best for me to be induced, she thought it would be a more controlled labor and delivery. Boy was she wrong.

Everything had been going smoothly until she broke my water. Well, monitors started going off like crazy. My son’s heart beat began to drastically slow down. The doctor had to perform an emergency C-Section.

Well, in a matter of minutes my doctor prepped me for surgery. As she prepared the monitor that recorded my son’s heartbeat flat lined. Well she put my husband out of the room and put a mask on my face to put me completely asleep.

I woke up from my medically induced sleep asking if my son lived. The nurse smiled and said yes. Tears fell from my eyes. My doctor entered the room and explained to me that she doesn’t know how my son made it through. She expected to deliver a still born baby. Needless to say my heart skipped a beat as I asked to see my son.

The nurse wheeled me to my room, where my husband and son waited. My husband handed me our son with streaks of tears running down his face. As he handed me our son, I heard this weird smacking sound. I peeked in the bundled up blanket and this little face looked at me with his thumb in his mouth.

My doctor explained to my husband and I that she’d never seen a baby delivered into this world sucking it’s thumb. He obviously sucked his thumb while in the womb.

My question to you my sisters in Christ and Christian Momlogic is, if this child has been sucking his thumb while nestled in my belly, how on earth are we supposed to combat this bad habit?

We tried everything from hot sauce to medicine and nothing works! I don’t want to have a teenager who sucks his thumb. Ladies please help me! I need your suggestions and advise, please.

Suzie Says: Making Good Memories

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

This YouTube video made me laugh until I cried. I once had a chatty baby and it's been almost impossible to explain, until I watched this video.

It's still a sweet memory, remembering when I listened to my Leslie "talk".

Memories are one thing that we can give our children. It's also the one thing that is hard to take back, when we mess it up. How can we ensure that we are giving our kids good memories to take with them into adulthood?

My next few blog posts will be about making memories--good and bad. Today let's look at one thing we can to make memories positive!

We can enjoy the moment.

Slow down, mom. Do you ever feel like you're going 100 miles an hour? Are you juggling 25 different activities? Are you trying to keep a perfect house, perfect yard, perfect family?

When I had three under the age of 2-years-old, people told me that time would fly. I didn’t believe them. And yet, now it seems like it zoomed. Just like then, there's pressure to do it all. To work. To say yes to a hundred different things. To have your child enrolled in every activity. Some of these work and are good, but moms, we can't do it all. Is it okay to admit that?

Look at the calendar. What's really important? Is there a way you can say "no" to something so that you can say "yes" to a slower lifestyle?

When you slow down, don't cut out the fun stuff. It doesn't have to be big. It can be flying a kite or reading a book, or putting Dawn dishwashing liquid on a slip'n'slide and watching the kids fly across the lawn.

Today my children are twentysomething adults and I’m a mother-in-law to three amazing additional grown children. When they all come tumbling in for a weekend or family get-together, the things they remember aren’t my perfect house (because it wasn’t) or the lovely smell of Pine Sol or soccer practice. They remember the little things – zipping across a yellow slip and slide, jumping on the bed together, adventures in the park.

The little things really are the big things in the long run.

What's a special memory of you and your child?

Just Jill: This Is Gonna Be Good

Jill Hart — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

I love traveling. There is something about seeing new sights, exploring new cultures and learning about how others live that I can never get enough of. I traveled as often as I could finagle during my college and young adult years. I saw everything from Alaska to Germany to Israel and more.
When I became a wife and mother it became, quite understandably, more difficult to travel. So, I traded in my traveling adventures for books set in London, Paris and other places I hope to see someday.

This past summer my husband and I decided it was time for some summer traveling as a family. We live in the Midwest, so our kids have seen plenty of farmland, cattle and tractors. They hadn't yet had the chance to see mountains or the ocean. I couldn't wait to see their faces when they saw mountains for the first time. I remember feeling awestruck at the sight of the mountains coming into view against the horizon.

As it happened, the kids were exhausted, hungry and bored by the time the mountains first appeared. "Look!" I exclaimed, "Mountains!"

"Cool." was the response I got from my daughter, Kaitlyn. From my son? A snore.

"Okay," I thought, "Maybe that didn't impress them, but there will be other sights on the trip that will." We were planning a drive up Pikes Peak, visit Garden of the Gods and a few other "touristy" activities. Surely those activities would get them excited about the beauty of God's creation around them.

None of our activities went as planned, however. Pikes Peak was a frigid-feeling forty degrees with nearly ten feet of snow on the ground. We experienced altitude sickness and, while we did our best to enjoy it, couldn't wait to get back down the mountain.

Garden of the Gods was breathtakingly gorgeous, but by the time we got there with a picnic one evening, the sun was already setting and it was getting chilly. We sat and shivered through our meal and then clambered back into our van, substituting a drive around the park for our hiking adventure.

The following day, as we sat at a restaurant waiting for lunch to arrive, I dug out the visitors guide that I had tucked in my purse.

"Let's see if we can find something really fun to do today," I said as I spread the guide open on the table. Everyone had their own opinion ... until we came to the page with a half-page ad for a cave tour.

"Let's go there!" my four-year-old son son said excitedly pointing at the ad.

"Yeah, that looks awesome!" my daughter added.

"Really? A cave?" I wasn't so sure about the idea. "Ok, well," I stammered, "what do you think, Allen?" Maybe my husband would veto the idea.

"Sounds like fun to me," Allen said as our food arrived. "Let's eat and then we'll head that way."

All through the meal I sat dreading the trip to the cave. The only 'cave' I'd been in was the fake cave part of the bat exhibit at the zoo. The smell alone is enough to make me avoid that particular section of the zoo whenever possible. I pictured us in a dark, damp, smelly, cave crawling through the sections where the ceiling was too low to allow walking upright. "Well, it will be an adventure, I guess," I told myself, trying to psych myself up for the tour.

Soon we were headed down the highway toward Cave of the Winds. As we wound up the driveway to the entrance the kids were chattering excitedly. We headed inside, found the ticket counter and purchased our tickets for the tour.

"I can't believe I just paid that much to be dragged through a cave," I mumbled as we got in line to await our tour guide. A few minutes later she appeared and led us into the hollow tunnel that connected the ticketing/gift shop area to the cave itself.

After a somewhat lengthy warning to never, ever, touch any part of the cave and a threat to confiscate our driver's license should we decide to do so, we were ready for the tour to begin. Just as our tour group took it's first steps forward I heard my restless four-year-old sigh loudly.

"This better be good!" he declared.

My four-year-old's words echoed off the hollow walls as my face turned deep shades of red. I guess he had heard my grumbling after all. The entire group was silent for a moment and then, as if it hit us all at the same time, everyone burst out laughing.

"Well," our tour guide said as she tried her best to control her laughter, "I guess I have my work cut out for me if I want to impress him." We all followed as she turned and led us into the cave.

The cave tour ended up being the one of the highlights of our trip. We had a blast exploring and making discoveries as a family. The goofy picture they took of us is now my daughter's most treasured possession.

It struck me that night as I sat watching my kids playing with their dad in the hotel pool. This, my family, is the most amazing adventure I've had yet. This journey that we're on together as a family - this is gonna be good.

About the Author
JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has published many articles and is a contributing author in Laundry Tales, The Business Mom Guide Book, I'll Be Home for Christmas, and Faith Deployed. She holds a bachelor s degree in human development and family studies. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home/ .

Carla's Corner: There's No Place Like Home!

Carla Williams — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

We finally returned home late Monday night, (I should say 2 a.m. Tuesday), after two weeks in New York City. Our plane was delayed due to massive thunderstorms in Atlanta. We had to take a different flight which was diverted to another airport for fuel, after flying in a holding pattern for over an hour. When we finally reached Atlanta, of course we missed our next flight and had to catch a later one. We waited an hour for the pilot to come since his prior flight was delayed. It was midnight when we reached Seattle, only to discover that one of my suitcases was still in Atlanta. I agree with Dorothy—there is “no place like home.”

We had a great time. New York is a city rich in history and diversity. There was no way to see it all in one short week. We saw the Broadway hit, Wicked, which creatively weaves a tale of what happened before Dorothy’s house landed in Oz. It’s story of the friendship between the Wicked Witch of the West and the Good Witch Glenda, and the struggle of how experiences in life can affect our perspectives. While glamorous, New York is also a sad city, filled with promiscuity and greed, which I reflect on in my blog post on The Spiritual Mom. I can’t imagine how God feels when he sees such things happening. My trip also made me realized how much I love living in a small town. They can keep their traffic, crowds, bright lights, and the noise of the sirens and horns. Today when a covey of quail walked across my backyard pond, I was thankful to be home.

A Resource for all Writer Mamas

Another highlight of my trip was the Writer’s Digest Publishing Publishing Conference, where I met Christina Katz, the author of the book Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids. This book came out two years ago, but boy do I wish it was around when my kids were young. It’s jammed packed with everything you need to know about a writing career—networking, writing queries and proposals, setting up a home office, creating a Web presence—with the added bonus of how to do it all and still have time for your kids. The presentation is in bite-sized pieces that fit into a busy mom’s schedule. This month Christina is giving away prizes each day to aspiring writers at www.thewritermama.com. If you’re a writer or think you might want to become one, her books and website are a wonderful place to start. Even if you don't want to be writer, she gives great tips for organizing and working from home which would apply to whatever you do.

Expressions of a Drama Tween

Takiela — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:57:31 -0700

To all the mothers out there in cyber space (and beyond), if there is one area in our lives that we can all relate to when it comes to our children it’s COMMUNICATION. If you’re the mother of an infant, (especially one that’s a crier) you long for the days when they can simply tell you what’s wrong. If you’re the mother of a toddler, (especially one who has temper tantrums) you wish they would use their words. However, if you’re the mother of a “drama tween” what then do you pray for?

First let’s define “drama tween.”
Well, we know that a “drama queen” is a person given too often excessively, emotional performances or reactions. Merriam-Webster definition.

“Tween” is a derivation of the word “between” which means, in an intermediate space or interval. The word “tween” means a boy or girl not yet thirteen years old. A “tween” can also be referred to as a “preteen”, according to Merriam-Webster.

Therefore, a “drama tween” is a boy or girl (usually a girl) not yet thirteen years old given too often excessively, emotional performances or reactions. In other words, any given situation, no matter how minor, has the potential to turn into a dramatic uproar. – MOTHERS BEWARE.

Next, let’s discuss some of the characteristics of a “drama tween.”

• If your tween has ever started a sentence with: Mo`THER…!
• If they use the word “like” in a sentence when it’s grammatically incorrect and/or they use the word “like” redundantly (5-7 times) in a single sentence.
• If they have destroyed the sacredness of short-hand. (i.e., ttyl, ttfn, bff, pofn, lol, lmbo, etc.)
• They tend to dress in colors that are bright enough to blind you.
• Tweens have the ability to hold a phone conversation for hours at a time.
• They often display the inability to control laughter.
• Most moms would agree that tweens are musically challenged.
• More often they are dependent upon visitations from swarms of friends (at any given time).
• Some tweens actually believe that money does grow on trees.
• An over abundance of lip gloss and bracelets.

How does a mom relate to her tweenager who seems to be living on another planet? Here are a few tips:

1. Communication. This is vital in your relationship with your tweenager. Talk to them till they are blue in the face. Exchange dialog with them. Share your thoughts with them, and ensure them your trust while reminding them that they can talk to you about anything. Don’t be their friend, they have plenty of those already however, they only have one mother.

2. Quality Time. Spend time with your tweenager. This is one of the most important times in a child’s life. They are in a between stage and looking for acceptance. Reassure them that at home, they are always accepted. Sow seeds of confidence and a healthy balance of self-esteem when talking with them.

3. Unconditional Love. Love your tweenager unconditionally. Everyone has the need to be loved, and your tween is no different. Show them love by talking with them, spending time with them, and especially when they make mistakes. There are always mistakes made in life, you made them as a tween so keep that in mind when your tween makes a mistake. None are perfect, but we should be teaching our tweens to strive for perfection.

These are just a few survival tips to help you in your effort to survive the “drama tween” experience. I would just like to offer one last bit of advice to my fellow mothers: When in doubt, don’t pout, pray. Prayer really does change things. However, it should not be used as a last resort. The scripture tells us to always pray and not faint. If your tween is easy breezy you’d better get a head start on praying for those teen years; I hear they can be pretty intense and the bottom line actually is – YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET.

Suzie Says: Gearing Up for Ecuador

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 08:30:00 -0700

The other day I pulled out a box marked "baby blankets". One was knitted, pink and white. It was so tiny. My daughter, Leslie, held it in her hands. "Are you sure this is mine?"

"Absolutely," I said.

There's something awesome about sitting next to your twentysomething daughter and remembering back to when she was tucked inside that beautiful blanket.

I'm gearing up for a trip to Ecuador next month. My shiny updated passport has arrived. I'm getting a couple of shots. I'm checking out the weather so I know what to wear.

But the majority of my luggage will contain baby blankets.

You see, I'm going with a cool organization called Compassion International. I have the privilege of serving as a spokesperson for this award-winning charitable group that provides food, shelter, and care to thousands of children worldwide.

We are going to a Survival Program Center that houses and feeds infants and toddlers. My hope is to bring a pair of sturdy shoes and and minimal rain gear and clothing, so I can tuck as many baby blankets as I can in my luggage.

If any of you have been praying for a way to help children, would you consider sponsoring a child? Almost every cent of every dollar goes direct to the child. It's $38 a month, which provides food, shelter, and clothing, and lots of love. For me, sponsoring my child means that we give up going out to dinner one time as a family. I've never met Bulli, the little girl I sponsor in India, but her picture hangs on my fridge and I pray for her.

My daughters--the ones I once held in their beautiful hand-made blankets--also sponsor little girls who live in India, and one day we hope to take a Compassion trip together.

I'll be blogging and twittering while I'm in Ecuador, staying in touch with friends and family, and sharing details about the trip. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement for these beautiful little children.

Get this widget!

Compassion – Make a Donation – Sponsor a Child

An Interview with author Mary Byers

Jill Hart — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

I recently had the opportunity to pick the brain of author Mary Byers. Her books, How to Say No ... and Live to Tell About It: A Woman's Guide to Guilt-Free Decisions and The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family reflect Mary’s own philosophy of living a life that reflects your priorities. Her newest book, Making Work at Home Work, Covers preserving profit while saving sanity and includes ideas gathered from over 125 work-at-home entrepreneurs.

Jill: Hi Mary! Thanks so much for sharing your time with us. How long have you been working at home?

Mary: I've been working from home for over 11 years.

Jill: How did you get started working from home?

Mary: I left a full-time job I loved and people I adored working with when I was expecting my second child. My oldest was two at the time. My former employer was kind enough to ask me to do some contract work, which I did during naptime. When other colleagues learned I was no longer working full-time, they begin to call with projects and my freelance career was born. Since I didn’t leave full-time work outside the home to start a business from home, I joke that I’m an “accidental entrepreneur.”

Jill: Tell us about your book? How do you think it can benefit those who want to start a business?

Mary: I wrote the book because I was doing such a poor job of juggling both work and family under one roof and I wanted an excuse to be nosy and ask other women how they were managing and learn from their mistakes and advice. Consequently, the book is filled with practical tips and suggestions—most of which came from other women! I also profiled twelve moms who work from home and I love it that each one had something unique to offer without any duplication.

Jill: Do you have any tips for success for Christian entrepreneurs that you’d like to share?

Mary: Make God your CEO. I’ve had assignments that have intimidated me so much that the only way to handle them was by starting on my knees asking for courage and insight. When I ask, He provides. Also, make sure your priorities are in line. My business is very important to me but my family is more important. There were times when my schedule didn’t reflect those priorities, however.

Jill: What are some of the challenges that you see with those starting or operating a business?

Mary: The biggest challenge is unrealistic expectations. A home-based business can be a source of excellent income but it doesn’t happen overnight. And most of us don’t possess all the skills we need, yet when we’re just starting out it’s hard to justify paying someone else to do something we need done. But I’ve seen the value of making the stretch. After revamping my website, I was able to raise my rates considerably because the makeover upgraded my image.

Jill: What are you currently working on?

Mary: This has been a month of collaboration for me. I’ve reach a point in my business where I think the best way for me to grow is by forming alliances with others. I’m especially excited about partnering with you, Jill! I think it’s amazing that a simple phone conversation led to a new adventure for both of us focusing on mentoring other at-home-moms. I’m looking forward to the four-week series of teleseminars we’ll be doing for moms who are working from home or those who want to be. Anyone that’s interested in what it takes to work at home successfully or who wants to be more profitable working from home can register at www.TheWorkAtHomeGirls.com.

Carla's Corner: Sightseeing in New York City--Fulfilling Dreams

Carla Williams — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

When you reach my age—empty-nester—you start doing things you always wanted to do—like seeing New York City. That’s where I’m at this week—sightseeing New York with a friend. Many of you may have already been here, but this is my first trip to the Big Apple. During his senior year in high school my son was Drum Major for the school band and I was the uniform “mom” –150 uniforms. The band received an invitation to march in the NYC Macy’s Parade, but we were also offered a chance to participate in a band expedition in Taipei, Taiwan. When the band parent board voted to make the final choice, I was the only one who chose New York City. Oh well—but we had a wonderful time in Taiwan which was much more culturally enlightening, I’m sure. But now I’m at Time Square fulfilling my dream to see New York City. And to be quite honest, I’m sooooo glad we didn’t bring our children to this place—definitely “R-rated.” Tomorrow my hubby will meet me here and we will attend a Writer’s Digest publishing conference, and it’s back to the real world. Check out my blog on The Spiritual Mom.

As moms, we often forego our dreams for the sake of our children. Many times I’ve struggled with watching my writing buddies move on to become bestselling authors while my books went out of print. It was hard sometimes to cheer friends on in their speaking ministries, while I chose to stay close to home and speak locally. Now I look back and have no regrets about the choices I made. I was there for my kids when they needed me most—for concerts, art contests, class skiing trips, and band parades—without having to worry about my schedule. My boys say they were “school homed” because I was there for them.

I know not every mom has the luxury of working from home like I did. (Check out fellow CML blogger Jill Hart’s CWAHM for great advice for stay-at-home moms.) I encourage you to at least strongly consider and pray about the possibility. Time is short and I’m so glad I decided to forgo many of my own dreams. There are still a few things I would like to do in life, like skydiving—not sure I will ever fulfill that dream. I’m feeling a little too old for that one, but you never know. Who knows maybe I will still have a bestselling book—but more importantly I have relationships with my grown kids that fame and recognition could never give me.
Have you put some dreams on hold for now? Do you struggle with “I wish I could. . . ?”

I’ve learned that Christ can fulfill the longings of our hearts in ways we cannot imagine. (Proverbs 13:12) Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

A Touch of Takiela: Special Needs Mom - Part 3 The Finale'

Takiela — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:34:04 -0700

So ladies (and gentlemen too) I decided to stretch this article out one more week because I’ve been extremely inspired by the stories you’ve shared with me regarding your own situations and struggles with faith and being a special needs mom.

In my conclusion I’d like to focus more on some of the things you can do to equip your child(ren) to better handle the highs and lows of having a special needs parent.

You’re probably thinking highs, what highs can there be to having a special needs parent? Well let me answer that for you:

The highs are the moments shared when the parent is having a good day or a day when symptoms are at a minimum. These are the times I’ve learned to cherish with my children. We do something memorable like taking silly pictures, reading aloud silly books together (Dr. Seuss is a favorite), going for ice cream, laying in the grass while looking up at the sky and naming the clouds’ funny shapes. Doing things that spark laughter after all is a good medicine.

There are tons of things you can do on the days you’re feeling good, if you’re having problems coming up with something, think about what you wished you could be doing on the days you were too sick.

Another positive aspect to dwell on is that your child(ren) will learn to pray (for you) and the value of prayer. They will begin to make it a point to pray for you on a consistent basis. My children now pray for me several times a day. I get phone calls throughout the day from my teenager simply because she wants to check to make sure I’m okay. On days when I’m not feeling the best, they will all camp out in my room so that if I need anything they’ll be there to help. That sure does make mom smile, sick or not.

I think that in dealing with the struggles of my health God gave me some pretty awesome children.
Just a few quick pointers when dealing with children who have a special needs parent are:

Always be honest. They may not understand all the medical jargon but being honest with them helps them to feel like they are included. If you try to keep your sickness a secret they may feel left out, blame themselves, or feel like they are not loved. Try to keep things simple for them with phrases like Mommy is sick, Daddy is not feeling well, etc. It’s easier for the younger children to understand.

Make them feel like they are needed. Children are sensitive, you must be careful not to hurt their feelings by being grouchy when you’re not feeling well. They want to help. My youngest son’s job is to bring me something to drink so that I can take my medicine. He is very proud of that, it’s his way of contributing to his mother’s good health. My oldest son’s job is to bring me my bottles of medication. I could just as easy sit the medicine on the nightstand next to the bed but this is my way of including him on my road to recovery.

Lastly, stay positive. I get angry, sad, and stubborn sometimes regarding my health, but I never allow my children to see me that way. They are already worried and concerned I don’t want to magnify that by exposing my frustrations in their presence. We pray together regarding my health and we stay positive. There may be days where I’m feeling lousy but they’ll never know it and if I can spare them I will.

I’m not saying that I always do things right, as a mom I’d love to believe that but it’s simply not true. However, I strive for the best interest of my children over my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs without hesitation.

Share with us some tips that you find helpful concerning your children during difficult times such as having a special needs parent?

Suzie Says: Building a Healthy "Nest"

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:20:26 -0700

Last weekend we took a three-day break on Grand Lake in Oklahoma. Twenty-six Ellers rented a lake house. Tables were loaded with foods like biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon–though I ate oatmeal and cantelope. We played card games, shot pool, played Wii, and took a boating ride on rough waters.

Then we ate again — grilled chicken and veggies, cheesy potatoes, my SIL’s famous chocolate chip cookies, and homemade ice cream.

We took the jet ski out. I played with the younger niece and nephew on the dock. I even made a save when my 3-year old nephew decided to run for the end of the dock. I was sitting close so I caught him by a belt loop, flew backwards and landed with a thud, but he didn’t make into the water!

We also fished, fed the minnows, and watched turtles and I sat cuddled with them while we had long discussions about really important things like worms and fish eyeballs. I loved it!

The best part was Sunday morning. My SIL, Josh and my nephew, Austin, led worship. After, my husband led a devotion from Nehemiah. He compared the ordinary men with ordinary jobs who somehow built a wall around a city, and stressed that it was ordinary people like us and ordinary families like the Ellers who can be used by God when we are faithful.

I passed around tissues until the box was nearly empty.

To a girl who grew up with far-away grandparents and very little connection outside my nuclear family who were dysfunctional and struggling, this still amazes me. Even after nearly 30 years, I love being an Eller. I love the closeness, the web that draws us near.

It’s not a perfect family, because that animal doesn’t exist. But it works, and I’m grateful.

A few weeks ago Richard and I visited with a woman whose family was fractured. She desperately wants the word “family” to mean something.

“Build your own nest,” my husband suggested. “You have a good husband and you are healthy. You can’t fix your parents or others, but you can make a nest for yourself. Put healthy relationships in there. Built the nest strong so that unhealthy people or loved ones can’t destroy it. Make boundaries. But don’t get discouraged. It will take time, but you’ll build your own family and community.”

Sometimes we are lucky and we are born into a nest (like my husband, Richard’s family) and sometimes we build our own. I remember back to a girl who needed a strong nest. I felt very alone. God was the first One I asked to climb in my nest. From there, Richard joined. Later my beautiful children, one by one.

There are many in my nest today, not just Ellers, but my siblings, my mom, my dad. Friends.

What about you? Are you building your nest? Do you struggle because the nest you were given doesn’t work, or is harmful?

Or are you one of the lucky ones like my husband?

Either way, I have discovered that my nest isn’t dictated by luck, or random family placement. It’s hard work and it’s intentional, but we can build a strong community called family.

Talk to me. I want to hear your story. How did you build your nest? What do you do to keep it strong?

An interview with the authors of So You Want To Be A Work-At-Home Mom

Jill Hart — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 06:30:00 -0700

Below is an interview with the authors of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom – Jill Hart & Diana Ennen.

If have questions they are happy to answer your questions anytime. Leave a comment below or email Jill@cwahm.com or Diana@virtualwordpublishing.com

How long have you been working at home?

Jill Hart - I've been working at home since 2000. I had to go back to work full-time for a brief period in 2003 when my husband got out of the Air Force. At that point I got even more serious about making my business work and I've been home full-time since then.

Diana Ennen – I’ve been working at home since 1985, when my son was born. He’s now graduated college and already working towards his own career. I absolutely love it. I can’t imagine doing anything else.

What types of businesses do you operate?

Jill Hart – I run Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com, a website full of free resources, job listings and information about home businesses. I also write articles and books (yes, more books to come!) and am a blogger for sites like Time/Warner's Christian Momlogic.com and a member of the Guideposts blogger team

Diana Ennen– I’m the President of Virtual Word Publishing. I’m a virtual assistant and specialize in marketing & publicity. I’ve also written numerous books on how to start a VA business and offer PR and VA Coaching.

Tell us about your book? How do you think it can benefit those who want to start a business?

Jill Hart - The book has been such a "God thing." He orchestrated the entire sequence of events - from putting Diana and I together as co-authors to bringing us to the right publisher. The book is a hands-on practical guide for anyone who wants to build a business from home. We cover topics ranging from how to select the right type of business for you, to how to get started, to how to market and grow your business.

Diana Ennen - I think one of the best features of our book is that it’s not only informative, but motivational as well. You’ll feel like friends are helping you on your journey to success. Also, we discuss numerous types of businesses to start and provide proven methods to achieve success. We also often hear how starting a business can be so overwhelming. That’s why we pay special attention to all the how tos. We feel very confident our book will help, not only those starting a business, but those already in business wanting to expand it.

What types of businesses are featured in your book?

Jill Hart - We have such a great range of contributors - everything from direct sales companies like Southern Living at Home and Avon to unique product-driven businesses like BSM Media and GrillCharms. These woman are amazing and give readers a great insight into how they've grown their businesses in very different ways.

Diana Ennen - We cover everything from direct sales companies to specialized areas such as medical transcription and virtual assisting. Also, Jill shares detailed information on starting a community based membership site. We think you’ll get a lot of helpful tips too from such work-at-home powerhouses as Maria Bailey and Lesley Spencer Pyle.

Do you have any tips for success for Christian entrepreneurs that you’d like to share?

Jill Hart - I think my favorite tip - shared with me by one of our contributors, Tammy Degenhart, almost ten years ago is that working together benefits everyone. She told me, "Jill, what you give to others God brings back tenfold" and I've seen that hold true time and time again. It may not be in financial gains and it may not look like what we expected but God is so faithful in that when we work together there is no competition - it's a win-win situation.

Diana Ennen - Do what you believe in and use your own skills and prior experience to find the business that’s just right for you. Research/Research/Research. The more you research, the better your business. Continue to market and be out there. So many once they find a few clients stop marketing. You need to get out there continually. You then become the go to person when someone needs services or products that you offer.

What are some of the challenges that you see with those starting or operating a business?

Jill Hart – In my experience, I've talked with many women who get frustrated because success doesn't come easily or quickly. Working from home may sound easy, but in reality it can actually be just as hard as working outside the home. There are many unique challenges, especially when working at home while raising children. If women don't prepare themselves, they can become discouraged and disheartened.

Diana Ennen– One of the major challenges I see is losing belief in yourself that you can do it. That’s why I think a faith-based book will be so beneficial. Even when times get tough, you can rely on your faith to forge ahead.

With the economy, do you believe it’s still a good time to start a business? Why?

Jill Hart – I think it's a better time than ever. The internet is so much more widely used than it was even nine years ago when I began my website. If people do their research and find a company that fits them as well as their budget this can be a great time to break into the work-at-home field.

Diana Ennen – Absolutely. In fact, I think there’s never been a better time. You might have to work a little harder, but it absolutely can be done. Plus, there are so many businesses who need us more than ever because of the economy. For example, with virtual assistants because businesses are downsizing they are seeking the help of a VA to help on an as needed basis.

Your book is written from a Christian perspective? Tell us a little about that and how you feel that makes it so unique?

Jill Hart – My faith is central to who I am and therefore central to my business. I began Christian Work at Home Moms because I wanted women to have a safe place where they could discuss not only business things, but also talk about an area that doesn't get talked about a lot in business circles - how our faith affects our businesses. The book is written in a way that doesn't hit anyone over the head with our faith, but it's true to who we are and talks about things from the vantage point that we see life - through the lens of our faith.

Diana Ennen – There are so many books out there today on starting a business. However, few have the Christian mom in mind. We provide a lot of scriptures and examples of how you can use your faith to help you. Our hope is that not only will your business thrive, but it might just give a little boost to your faith as well.

Learn more about the book at Beacon Hill Press or SoYouWantToBeAWAHM.com.

Home-based businesses are estimated to be a $427 billion-a-year industry. In recent studies it was found that as many as 105 million people in North America alone were working at home. Considering this information, it is obvious that home-based businesses can be successful and authors Jill Hart and Diana Ennen will help you succeed with your own.

So You Want to Be a Work-at-Home Mom details all the basics of starting a business in a spiritual, motivational, and comprehensive manner. From deciding what type of business to start to keeping your family and faith first, this helpful tool details every aspect of establishing a business. With proven success tips utilized by the authors and others who own work-at-home businesses, this inspiration approach will provide you with the resources you need to start your own home-based business.

So You Want to Be a Work-at-Home Mom includes: * Detailed information on types of businesses to start * Ideas and assistance for setting up, operating, and marketing your business
* Definitions and descriptions of work-at-home terminology and processes
* Help for developing your Website
* Explanations of the business nuts and bolts, including bookkeeping, taxes, and more

About the Authors JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com. Jill is a co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has published many articles and is a contributing author in Laundry Tales, The Business Mom Guide Book, I'll Be Home for Christmas, and Faith Deployed. She holds a bachelor's degree in human development and family studies. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home/ .

DIANA ENNEN has been a leader and mentor in the work-at-home industry since starting her business, Virtual Word Publishing, in 1985. She is the author of many books, including Virtual Assistant the Series; Become a Highly Successful, Sought After VA and Words from Home: Start, Run, and Profit from a Home-Based Word Processing Business. She resides in Margate, Florida, with her husband and their three children.

Carla's Corner: "Realtime" Parenting an Interview with Dr. Mary Manz Simon PLUS GIVEAWAYS!!!

Carla Williams — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Dr. Mary Manz Simon offers practical parenting advice. Her books have sold more than three million copies and are available in ten languages. Her daily radio program is heard on 200 stations. While earning a doctorate in education she had three children in 3 ½ years and loves helping those of us in the "Mommy Zone." Dr. Mary, a long-time friend in the Christian publishing industry, is one of the biggest encouragers for my own writing and speaking. I'm thrilled to have the chance to introduce you to her.

Carla: Dr. Mary, one of the highlights of attending the International Christian Retail Show each year is your workshop on "Trends in the Children's Market." You spend the entire year observing, researching, and analyzing the implications and the effects of trends on families. Why is it so important for parents to be trends savvy?

Dr. Mary: We are pioneer parents; we are parenting the first generation of digi-kids. Technology is in the air our kids breathe; tech is part of who they are. The computers we used as children are vastly different than the tech toys our children keep in their pockets. After all, today's kids belong to the Thumb Generation.

Researchers consistently note that there is a huge disconnect between what parents think their kids are doing with tech and what kids are actually doing. Life is moving at the speed of click. We simply must know what's happening in realtime and in the virtual world.

Carla: Tell us about a couple of trends you feel affect our children the most.

Dr. Mary: KAGOY: Kids are growing older, younger. This impacts so many elements of life, from clothing to entertainment. Key question: How does the pseudo-sophistication of KAGOY change our perception of what's happening with our children's lifestyles?

Tech tether: The portability of media has made a huge difference. Kids are continually connected. Today's children will never know a living room that must be designed so everyone can see the television, because kids carry a screen on the phone that's tucked in their back pocket. Key question: How can we make sure important messages cut through the tech clutter?

Carla: What do you think is the biggest challenge parents face today?

Dr. Mary: One of the biggest challenges is to make sure our children know what's right and know what's wrong. Ethical and moral issues are becoming clouded in gray. For example, many kids use cell phones to cheat during tests. Others think there's nothing wrong with using downloaded information in assignments, without crediting the source. (I trust that would never happen with readers of this blog!) Parents think kids will simply learn moral behavior through osmosis. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way. We must teach and model what’s right.

Carla: Thanks, Dr. Mary, for some great information and parenting advice.

DaySpring graciously gave me several copies of Dr. Simon's flip calendar, Realtime Parenting: Time and Encouragement for Today’s Busy Moms. This wonderful product offers pages and pages of great advice on everyday issues that resonate with parents, teachers, and anyone who cares about kids.

I will give one copy to the first four moms who leave a comment to this blog. Check out Dr. Mary’s website for other great resources! And check The Spiritual Mom blog tomorrow for more great advice and giveaways!

A Touch of Takiela: Special Needs Mom - Part 2

Takiela — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 07:30:00 -0700

I opened my eyes at the hospital as the nurse informed me that I’d be admitted immediately. Too groggy to inquire, I simply drifted back into a medically induced sleep.

Hours later I woke in terrible pain and short of breathe, so short of breathe I could hardly talk. My husband stood over me deep in prayer. When he finished he saw that my eyes were opened and smiled at me. He knew that I was short of breath so he began to explain the obvious question, "why am I still here?" He explained to me that my lung collapsed during surgery and they had extreme difficulty placing the port. He also informed me that I wouldn't be able to leave the hospital until my lung expanded back to its normal size and they were not sure how long it would take. My mind immediately returned to the promise I made to my sons and daughter. My heart ached for them while tears stung my eyes and slid back into my hair. I was on oxygen, I had a chest tube, and there were tubes all over me. I couldn't believe what was happening to my children. I knew they would say, Mommy but you promised us.... I knew they would say, you and daddy said that we must always keep your word. I knew they would say, God doesn't like it when you brake a promise. I knew they would say these things because these are things that my husband and I have taught them.

Well the next question was do I allow them to see me like this or do I make them wait to see me? Well I couldn't bring myself to make them wait, after all I did promise them I would be home right after surgery, now look at what's happened. I don't know if I'll make it out of here at all, I'm not promised tomorrow, I thought. I asked my husband to make arrangements to bring to children to the hospital. However, prior to their arrival I asked my husband to completely cover me with the blankets. Leave nothing uncovered except my head only thinking of their best interest.

About an hour later my children came and stood in a single file line next to my bed. Tears fell. I held each of their hands and told them, “I'm sorry.” In a whispered voice I explained to them that sometimes life doesn't always go as we plan but that is when we must trust that God will take care of us. They listened intently with streams of tears running down their faces and an occasional, “yes mommy.”

During my unexpected six day stay at the hospital my faith fought with doubts that seemed to flood my mind. I pushed thoughts of anger towards God out of my mind and silently prayed each time a new thought came my way. Thoughts of my children forced me to hope for the best.

My children don’t always understand the physical limitations of their mother’s health much less the internal wars that go on when my faith is tested. However, I’m their mom and even though I may not have all the right answers or do things perfectly every time, I love my family more than anything else this side of heaven. I want to instill in them godly morals and heavenly values, the only way I know how to do that is to constantly point them to Christ. In doubt, in fear, in anger, in not knowing what to do, in life, even in death, I want them to always look towards Christ.

What ways do you point your children to Christ in life’s hard moments? Share it with us!

Just Jill: Juggling Work and Family When You Work at Home

Jill Hart — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Q: I have been having my home based business for three years now and I still am struggling with how to juggle business and being a mom, wife and housekeeper. How do you juggle these? I want to make this a success, but so far it’s only been frustration.

My children are four and two years old and they are more challenging than most (not as in spoiled, but as in needing more time than the average kid). Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

A: GREAT question. My kids are now seven and four, so I now have a little bit of help in my seven-year-old. But, I found something that I had written a few years ago. In it, I listed my kids’ ages as four and one. I could tell when reading it that I had been very frazzled. I think I lived in a state of frazzled during those years when they were both so small.

My main advice would be to cut yourself some slack. Things will get easier and more manageable as your kids get older.

My practical advice is this:

1. Plan out menus each week.

I literally spend about two minutes on this. I have a small magnetic dry-erase board that I keep on my refrigerator. Each Sunday, I write out the days of the week and what we’ll have for supper that day. (Lunches almost always consist of sandwiches or something easy like that since it’s just me and the kids.)

This makes grocery shopping a breeze because I know just what ingredients I need. It also alleviates the nagging thoughts of “what are we going to eat tonight?” If possible, have one or both of your kids help you decide what to put. You’ll be surprised at how much they like having a say in what goes on that board!

2. Set a day for everything.

My days look something like this:

* Mondays – Housework and laundry (and business tasks as time allows)
* Tuesdays – Grocery shopping and business tasks (this used to be during naptime, but is now during preschool time)
* Wednesdays – Bible study and lunch with hubby (and business tasks as time allows)
* Thursdays – Business tasks as much as possible with playtime in between
* Friday – Take it Easy Day (and business tasks as time allows)
* Saturdays – Laundry
* Sunday – Church and a good, long nap

It seems a little boring on paper, but I can’t tell you how much this little schedule has saved my sanity. I know when I get up in the morning what I have ahead of me and it is broken into manageable segments. You’ll find that scheduling things amongst these “main” schedule items will get easier and easier as you get used to the schedule.

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Jill welcomes work-at-home questions at http://AskJill.cwahm.com.

Equip Your Kids to Resist Temptation

Carla Williams — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 04:30:00 -0700

We naturally hope our children will “just say no” to temptation. Don’t we wish it was that simple? Completely sheltering our kids because of parental fears prevents them from building the character or skills to deal with the trials they will inevitably face once they leave our protection. It’s important to equip our kids before they reach the age when are introduced to drugs, sex, and violence.

Yes, we need to talk to them about the “facts,” but a strong spiritual foundation will do more to prepare them for what lies ahead. Our son Joshua, now 29, says he learned more about drugs--what their names were, how to use them, what they did--from the police officers directing the anti-drug program. It was the decision to obey God no matter what that helped him resist temptations.

Paul taught young Timothy, “If anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules (2 Tim., 2:5).” Here are some guidelines to help your children have greater victory over temptation.

• Teach your children early to deal with temptations such as lying, cheating, or fighting. This gives them the skill to cope with stronger temptations later, and opens the door of communication with you.

• Help your children to understand the types of temptations they may face. Use teachable moments to point out things that are biblically and morally wrong.

• Encourage your children to admit they are vulnerable to temptation. They may understand that drugs are wrong, but think themselves beyond participating in such things.

• Teach them to pray against temptation. Jesus resisted the devil’s temptations in the desert by spending time in prayer.

• Protect your children by encouraging them to withdraw from the source of temptation. Have them memorize scriptures such as Psalm119:9, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.”

• Look up and teach your children biblical promises that they can claim regarding each particular temptation. “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” 2 Peter 1:3-4 (emphasis added).

Think of yourself as a spiritual coach involved in your kids’ lives. Teach them the rules and help them compete to win the prize.

Just Suzie: Turning 50 was fun!

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I admit it. Turning 50 is not high on my to-do list, yet it has arrived anyway. Since I couldn't delay it or push it off the calendar completely, I thought it would be fun to bring it in with fun. So we held a birthday bash on Saturday at the local skating rink.

Fun! Two friends joined me (pictured) that are also hitting the big 5-0!

I thought I'd share pictures with you younger moms, and maybe some of those who are also approaching a birthday that arrived much quicker than we ever imagined.

Who knew that turning 50 could be so fun?

I wish you could have been there with me!

Suzie Says: Just let us throw a party, mom!

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:47:40 -0700

I have a big d-day coming up on Tuesday, and this Saturday I'm having a party. A skating party! (I wish you could be there with me.)

It's the first event in my parenting life that I have no responsibilities. And maybe there's a learning curve.

Family functions have always been what I do.

Like Christmas. I buy the presents, dance around the living room in excitement, arrange the events. When my two sons-in-law and my beautiful DIL joined us these last three years, they and their families and schedules and traditions became a part of the holidays and events, and flexibility became key. But the times it was just the eight of us (Richard, me, my kids and much-loved new adult children), they looked forward to mom doing her thing.

So, as my bday approached, I just figured Richard and I were throwing a fun party and we would invite everyone to join us.

I should have known different. Lots of whispered phone calls. When they are all together, conversations ceasing when I walk into the room.

I sent out an e-mail to all of them last week. "Hey kiddos, what do you think about this for the food? Does that sound good to you? I love this cake place. Do you want strawberry or chocolate?"

My husband came to me later. "I've taken care of all that, hon. Don't worry about it."

Really?

Today I wrote out a check to the skating rink rental.

My daughter called. "Hey mom, what's up?"

"Working, babe. Oh, and writing a check to the skating rink."

Silence. Finally she said. "Mom, will you just let us throw you a party? Quit trying to do it. We want to do this for you!"

I admit it. I was clueless. I thought the conversations and whispered phone calls were my family scheming on a cool birthday present.

So, I promised her. I will step back and let them throw mom a party. And all I have to do is show up and have fun.

Doesn't that sound like fun? Who knew way back when I had three toddlers running around, or when I was driving them from one sporting event to another, or when laundry piled up like Mount Rushmore, that one day that all I'd need to do is show up and let my beautiful adult children "do their thing".

Just Jill: 10 Things That Moms Can Learn From the Proverbs 31 Woman

Jill Hart — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 08:00:00 -0700

I have to admit that when I was younger I was not a fan of the “Proverbs 31 Woman.” It didn’t seem likely to me that any woman could possibly live up to the standards found within those verses (Prov. 31:10-31). However, since becoming a wife and mother, I’ve had a change of heart towards this infamous woman. She has become a source of inspiration and I believe there is a lot that we can learn from the example she provides. I think that all of us have a little more "Proverbs 31 Woman" in us than we may realize.

Here are a few life lessons that work-at-home moms can glean from this lovely lady in Scripture:

1. Strive to Be a Women of Noble character
“A wife of noble character … is worth far more than rubies.” (v. 10)

It doesn’t necessarily sound like much to be of “noble character” (actually, it sounds rather snooty), but Merriam-Webster defines noble as meaning, “possessing outstanding qualities.” Can you think of someone in your life that fits that description, someone who has “outstanding qualities?” Chances are, this is a person that you love to spend time with and that’s definitely the type of woman I’d like to become.

2. How to Have a Happy Husband
“Her husband has full confidence in her” (v. 11)

While this may not give us an exact formula for a happy husband, it certainly is true that husbands are more relaxed when their household is calm. If we are looking out for our husbands best interests, putting them before ourselves, how could we help but develop our spouse’s “full confidence” in us?

3. Work Hard
“She … works with eager hands” (v. 13)

Being a home mom is not an easy task. Everything about it takes work. However, if you’re at home with your kids, following you dream, maybe building a business, hopefully you wake up each morning (or at least most mornings) eager to get started and see what the new day brings.

4. Live a Disciplined Life
“She gets up while it is still dark” (v. 15)

Early morning hours, naptime “jam sessions” and late night work time are all generally part of a mom’s life. The more disciplined we are throughout the day, and especially during work times, the more we can accomplish. The Proverbs 31 woman recognized this and started her days before the sun rose.

5. Take Chances
“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” (v. 16)
“She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.” (v. 24)

What a creative woman. She brings in some extra money to help pay the bills – no wonder her husband has “full confidence in her” even when she is taking a risk. Consider this: there was no online ordering system when Proverbs was written. This gal made the garments and sashes ahead of time, hoping they would sell. She bought land hoping to create a successful vineyard. She stepped out of her comfort zone because she saw a market for the products she would be creating.

6. Make Prudent Decisions
“She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” (v. 18)

This woman took time to think through each decision she made – she bought the fields with vineyards in mind; she made the garments and sashes with customers mind; she made sure that her provisions were in place for her family and servants (v. 15). We would do well to learn from this – look honestly at whether our “trading is profitable” and we can make wise decisions.

7. Be Generous
“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” (v. 20)

This woman knew that in God’s system priorities tend to be the opposite of what we find in society. She recognized that in order to truly be successful in God’s eyes she needed to tend to what matters to Him – His children. By reaching out and helping those less fortunate than herself, the woman of Proverbs showed her thankfulness for all that God had given her.

8. Get Organized
“She can laugh at the days to come.” (v. 25)

Why can she laugh at the days to come? Look back through the verses above (or better yet, read entire passage HERE) and you’ll see that she is not worried about the future for two reasons: 1) She trusts God and knows that He will care for her; 2) She knows that she has done all she can to prepare for whatever lies ahead.

9. Seek Wisdom
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (v. 26)

How do we gain wisdom? The book of Proverbs is full of sayings about wisdom and how to attain it. It all boils down to this: “For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” (Prov. 2:6) Seek the Lord, ask Him for godly wisdom.

10. Strive to Please God
“A woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (v. 30)

Above all else, what sets the Proverbs 31 woman apart is that she loves the Lord. Our goal in every area of our life – personal, family, business – should be to glorify God.

Carla's Corner: The Queen of Field Trips

Carla Williams — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

“Mom, our class is going to the History Museum. Do you want to chaperone?”

I silently counted the numerous times I had attended this particular field trip. Did I really want to look AGAIN at hundreds of taxidermy animals and old bones? After having over a dozen kids, including numerous foster children, attend public school, there wasn’t a type of field trip I hadn’t chaperoned. I had seen it all --parks, zoos, mansions, aquariums, and caves, plus museums for trucks, dolls, butterflies, coins, Indians, pioneers, and firemen. I’ve ridden in busses, planes, boats, trains, wagons, go carts, gone horseback, and climbed mountains; so my reply that day? “Of course I will!”

Ephesians 5:15-16 tells us to live wisely and “make the most of every opportunity.” After two decades of chaperoning, I found field trips wonderful chances to experience life with my children. My kids' teachers affectionately called me "The Queen of Fieldtrips." I volunteered, even when my kids were not attending. I recall those many outings and the joys of volunteering to chaperone a field trip. Last week I talked about staying involved in our children's school, this is a great way to do so. Here are just a few of the benefits:

• Parents can explore new ideas and worlds with their children. No matter how many times we visit the same place, we always learn something new.

• You get to know your children’s friends better. Watching my children interact among their peers in this setting gives me wisdom and understanding of how they think, speak, and act.

• Meeting other parent chaperones provides lasting friendships and opportunities to share my faith. It also helps me to realize that other parents deal with some of the same things I do.

• Taking the time to serve your children’s teachers helps you gain a deeper rapport with them and the school. This one benefit alone has made chaperoning worth every minute. Some of my deepest relationships have resulted from talking with my children’s teachers over a sack lunch.

• You gain opportunities to love your children in ways that you could not otherwise. Although my kids sometimes acted embarrassed that I attended practically every event, now as grownups they share memories and express thankfulness for those times. It helped build the relationships I have with them today.

On that particular field trip, we traveled across America with Lewis and Clark via the IMAX, and I realized how much I still had to learn –about this world and about my children. You may not have the time to attend every fieldtrip, but I guarantee you will make lasting memories for you and for children, even with just an occassional outing.

A Touch of Takiela: Special Needs Mom - Part 1

Takiela — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:30:00 -0700

Last Monday I found out that I'd be going into the hospital Tuesday afternoon for minor surgery, port placement. I've been battling for quite some time with an invisible illness. Due to this illness, I visit the hospital weekly for treatment, which is vital in maintaining my health. The port would be an upgrade as opposed to getting stuck each week with numerous needles (which I hate). A simple outpatient procedure that would take a couple hours max, easy breezy.

First, I told my husband, and without saying a single word, I knew that this news of surgery troubled him. He understood why the doctor ordered the procedure, however, he did not have peace about the situation. He couldn't explain why it bothered him, it just did, and he made arrangements at work to accompany me the following day to the hospital nonetheless.

After dinner I broke the news to my daughter and two sons. Tears flowed without restraint from their big brown eyes. I cuddled them and tried to offer comfort to them by assuring them the safety of the procedure. I explained to them the reason for the surgery in terms they could understand but unfortunately it caused more tears. I made a promise to them that I'd be home a few hours after they returned from school. That didn't seem to make them feel any better either. I tried to come up with things I could say to make them feel at ease about this entire ordeal, but nothing came to me. However, they began to mumble questions through their tears that caught me off guard and ill equipped.

Mommy will you die? I want all of us to go to heaven together, can we? If I ask God I bet he'd say it was okay. If I promise to keep my room clean maybe he'll make you all better and not die, right? My concerned nine year old son asked for fear that he’d lose a parent like one of his classmates.

Mommy why does God let you get sick? Won't you ever get better? God helped me get better when I had the coughs, if we ask God he can make you better too. My chest hurt me mommy when I had the coughs, what hurts you? These questions came from my six year old.

If we believe God will heal you, then he will, right, just like he did me? Now this question came from my teen daughter who wept just as much as her two little brothers.

My heart ached for my children as I tried to scrape up answers to these tough questions. I must admit that I failed terribly. However, I explained to them that we would talk about this more the next day upon my return. Unfortunately, I suffered some major complications and did not return home the next day (as promised) but six days later.

I pleaded with God through pain and tears. Anger couldn't remotely explain these feelings of rage. I get that not everyone will be healed here on earth, what I don't get is why I'm kept from a miraculous healing. It's not fair that my children are parented by a special needs mom. I yelled and screamed at God. I'm supposed to take care of them, not the other way around. Lord you made a mistake by allowing me to be sick, fix it. Don't you see me hurting, don't you hear the woes of my children? What have they done to deserve this, what have I done? Please, do something, I begged one night at the hospital as hopelessness seared through my veins.

Are you a Special Needs Mom? Are your children asking tough questions that you aren't sure how to answer? How do we teach our children to walk by faith? Tune in next week for Part 2 of Special Needs Mom and we'll tackle these tough issues. In the meantime share with us your stories, tips, and advice on how to teach children to walk by faith.

Looking forward to hearing from all of you!

suzie Says: mentoring, are we doing it?

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 07:42:01 -0700

Lindy* is a young mom with a 2-year-old and a baby on the way. The first child's dad is not a good man. In fact, he's still a boy, and an immature boy at that. He's made it hard for Lindy, financially, emotionally. Daddy #2 is better. He's supportive financially, but emotionally Lindy is still on her own.

The other night we were hanging out and Lindy pulled out a can of Mountain Dew and a bag of caramels. She poured Mountain Dew in the 2-year-old's sippy cup and handed her a handful of gooey candy.

I cringed.

At least on the inside.

But I also understood. No one has ever shown Lindy how to be a mom. Her mom is a meth addict, works two jobs, and invites bad men in for overnights and sometimes over years. Lindy's dad is in jail and won't be out for a long time.

So Lindy and I talked. About nutrition and what it does for her little girl. But more than talk she needed encouragement. Lindy does a lot of things right. She really wants to be a good mom.

Where can Lindy go when she needs answers on the practical stuff? I hope Christian Momlogic will be one place. I hope that church will be a place of caring women who love Lindy and her little girl, and this baby on the way.

But she also needs some one-on-one time -- friendship time.

Is there a Lindy in your life? Do you cringe when she whacks her child instead of showing her the way? Do you cringe when she yells at her child when she's overwhelmed or frustrated? Or do you see a young woman who could use a friend, a mentor, prayer, encouragement, and one-on-one time that says, "you matter".

Suzie Says: Interview w/Margot Starbuck: Girl in the Orange Dress {{GIVEAWAY}}

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 08:00:00 -0700

I loved this book titled The Girl in the Orange Dress. I was excited to meet the author this past July. Margot Starbuck is one-of-a-kind woman of faith. Gentle, funny, dressed in orange and green and crocs, standing out with her wit and unique style. Her book can be described in the same way. It's a memoir, but also an invitation to talk about what it's like when one family loves you like crazy, and another wants nothing to do with you -- and it's not anything you've done to deserve or not deserve their love. It's an honest book, and one I hope you'll pick up.

Suzie Eller: Margot, I loved your book. It wasn't a typical Christian book, but a cross between a memoir and a girl's search for God. What motivated you to write it?

Margot Starbuck: When my agent suggested that I write a spiritual memoir it felt so right. Though my journey had been a bumpy one, I’d become convinced that God had been intimately involved along the healing way. Certain that loving the brokenhearted back to life is God’s business, I wanted readers to hear that this is what God’s about—for me and for them.

SE: You describe yourself as the girl in the orange dress. Why?

MS: For years I’d heard the story from my adoptive mom that she’d received me wearing an orange dress. The first thing she did, she explained, was to change me out of it! (She’s not an “orange” person) When I was twenty-two, I was reunited with my birthmother. The first letter she wrote me was penned on beautiful salmon-peach stationery, reading, “This is the color you were wearing the last time I saw you.” When I did the fashion math, I realized that I’d been wearing that outfit, which had been chosen for me by a social worker, on the life-changing day when I was both released and chosen, loved and loved.

SE: What is your relationship like with your biological mom today?

MS: My birthmother and I have enjoyed a great relationship for eighteen years now. In fact, this summer we spent my birthday together. Because she did not bear other children, our relationship—and hers with my children—is very special. Because I know this isn’t the case for all adopted people, or even all reunited adoptees, I feel very grateful for the gift it is.

SE: How did your parents respond to your book?

MS: That’s a great question. It was very important to me that my adoptive parents and my birthmother were on board with the book. I would never want them to feel exposed or embarrassed by my writing. All three of them read the story after the first draft and gave me their blessing. I don’t think it’s always been easy for them, but each one has been very brave and supportive. Ridiculously supportive.

SE: Tell us a little bit about where you are now.

MS: I feel like someone who’s had an emotional marrow transplant. The process of a bone marrow transplant is grueling, but when it is successful, a patient is freed up to live life. What I’d learned as a child, in my bones, was that I wasn’t worth loving. That deep bone-felt knowing has now been replaced by the truth that—because of who God is—I am worthy of love. That’s pretty huge. It has reordered all of my relationships.

SE: What would you say to a woman who struggles to know God because an earthly father let her down?

MS: I used to think that a broken relationship with a human father made it hard to trust God. I’d heard that we all project our image of a “father” onto God, and naturally assume that God is like our human fathers. While that may be true for some, what I discovered was that God’s goodness was never at stake in my case. I believed that God was Love. The problem was that my theological orthodoxy couldn’t compete with what I’d learned in my bones. Though I was entirely convinced that God loved the poor, the weak, and the marginalized, I remained unconvinced that God loved me.

I want women to hear that they are worthy of love, simply because they are God’s own. The fact that they’ve been neglected, abused, abandoned, or forsaken has no bearing on their inherent value. That’s hard for us to receive into our deepest places. The enemy twists the reality of our experience and hisses, “You’re not worth showing up for. You’re not worth protecting. You’re not worth sticking around for.” Those are all lies.

I remember looking at my newborn daughter and being so entirely aware that she was worthy of love, worthy of protection, worthy of nurture. The discrepancy between her value and how I perceived my own was stark. I’d encourage women to turn prayerfully toward the face of Jesus, or his Father, and ask Him to reflect their inestimable worth back to them. Most human faces will fail, but there is One who never fails.

SE: I love that you describe yourself as colorful. Tell us what that means.

MS: Well, I do love wearing bright colors, preferably in bold stripes and polka dots. Lime green shoes are nice, too. I’ve always loved dressing funky. There was a day, though, when that joyful façade costumed and hid a girl who was in a lot of pain. To that end, it masked the truth. These days, though, aware that I’m usually not complying to the fashions which most find acceptable, I’m comfortable resting in God’s acceptance of me. (And I secretly suspect God has to enjoy the rainbow socks!)

SE: Can you share a typical day for you?

MS: In the mornings I help my three children, ages seven, eight, and ten, get ready for school. I’m a little bummed we just started to carpool, because I love those moments in the minivan with them. We have some fabulous five-minute conversations in there. During the hours they’re at school, I have the yummy treat of working on my writing and speaking. Aware that so few have the privilege of pursuing the things they most love, it is a gift which I never take for granted. I typically get a walk in during those hours, too, preferably with a friend. Afterschool the kids and I do reading and play at home. Though I’m not a fabulous cook, like my husband is, I do put food on the table. It’s usually edible. It is a blessing it is to be living this life.

SE: How can people find out more about you and your book?

I love connecting with folks, Suzie. They can get up with me, and send me a message, at my website, www.MargotStarbuck.com. The Girl in the Orange Dress: Searching for a Father Who Does Not Fail is available on Amazon and there’s more info at InterVarsity Press.

Thanks for sharing my story—well, God’s story—with your readers.

Hey CML ladies, one lucky person will win a copy of Margot's book. It's one of my recent fav's, so leave a comment letting us know you were here and we'll select a winner next Friday!

School is in Session - Do Our Children Have the Faith Foundation They Need? Part 2

Jill Hart — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 08:00:00 -0700

Last week I shared about one of my biggest fears - that my kids won't have a solid foundation in faith. We also talked a little about the importance of not only regularly reading God's Word ourselves, but sharing the stories of the Bible with out children. Here are a few other ways that I believe will help provide the foundation of faith for our kids.

Pray For and With Your Children
My daughter (7 yrs old) says the exact same prayer every night. I have to admit - it drives me a little nuts. I want to launch into a sermon on the subject almost every night. BUT, I'm learning to bite my tongue as much as possible as trying to lead by example. I'm hoping that she'll hear how others talk to God and it will hit her one day - we're talking to the God of the Universe! I've seen God do amazing things through prayer and I look forward to sharing in prayer with my kids more and more as they grow up.

Take Advantage of Teachable Moments
In our family teachable moments seem to occur most often in places like the car, at the dinner table or when we're spending time doing an activity together. It can be the simplest of things - we may be talking about their school day or we might hear a song on the radio and these things translate so easily into a quick spiritual lesson.

Our latest lesson was just this week. My daughter got in the car after school and was frustrated with one of her friends. We had a few moments where I had their full attention and we discussed being kind and how to handle this particular situation. These teachable moments are great times to infuse our kids with lessons about God and living a godly life.

Remember that God is in Control
In the end, the conclusion that I've come to is that God loves my children even more than I do. (Hard to believe, but true!) If we are doing what He has asked us to do, what more can we possibly do?

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Matthew 22:36-40

Carla's Corner: Staying in Touch with Your Child's School

Carla Williams — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

It’s that time again. Summer is over and the kids will soon return to school. In a society of playground bullies, sexual harassment, and gun shootings, more and more parents fear placing their children in the public school system. My husband and I held the same concerns, especially since we lived in the Denver area when the Columbine tragedy occured. Yet, we still felt that our children needed to attend public school. When we moved to a new state, I started homeschooling our temporary custody teens. We made a conscious decision to not give into our fears and strived to shine a light in the darkness. We held onto 1 John 1:4, “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” Becoming actively involved in our kids’ school helped us. Our sons say they were “school-homed” instead of “homeschooled.” For thirty years, and over a dozen children in various grades, we saw God work great things.

As the new school year approaches, here are some ways to become involved in your children's schools.

• Cover your children and their school with prayer. Pray with your children before they leave for school and when they get home. Ask questions of teachers and staff to find out situations that call for prayer.

• Stay involved. Join parent/teacher organizations or school boards. Volunteer whenever and wherever possible, grading papers, chaperoning fieldtrips, giving presentations.

• Serve outside your family. Make yourself available to help in the office or classrooms where you may not spend direct time with your own children. This tells the staff that you care about all the students and the school as a whole.

• Listen carefully to your children. Screen their complaints about school, separating the legit ones from whining. We never allowed our children to complain about school lunches, too much homework, or short recesses. We did listen and address complaints about practicing Eastern mediation, offensive material, or abusive behavior by other students or teachers.

• Know your rights. Parents have the right to question curriculum and programs. Students can share their beliefs with friends and in school reports and projects. Teach your children to discern and to speak up against false teachings and offensive behavior.

• Show love and understanding. Realize that many teachers hold the same concerns as parents. They deal everyday with children with educational and family problems and often become discouraged. A listening ear or an occasional hug can go a long ways for a tired teacher.

We have no way of completely protecting our children from the evils of this world. Staying involved, however, in our public schools provides opportunities to be part of the solution. Share with us how you stay in-touch with what’s going on in your children’s schools.

A Touch of Takiela

Takiela — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 10:56:41 -0700

My youngest son said some of the cutest things as a toddler. He didn't really talk that much because he spent most of his time sucking his thumb.

One day my son, being his usual mischievous self, found himself headed to my father-in-law's corner. I don't recall the exact crime in which he committed this time because my son committed many offenses at this particular age.

For my family the age of two wasn't terrible, but the ages two through four, that my household suffered through with this child.

My father-in-law (and mother-in-law) lives with us, therefore my son had grown accustomed to his grandfather's form of discipline, which happened to be a lecture and then a sentencing to his assigned corner. Yes, this child had an assigned corner.

My father-in-law started his lecture and Terryon (my youngest son) stood in front of him with his Rootbeer belly, thumb in his mouth, and eyes wide open. I must admit that he looked adorable, but I learned early on with this child that looks are deceiving.

Well Terryon had grown weary of the lecture that his grandfather went on and on about, I don't think Terryon understood a single word he said. Terryon reached his lecture limit and simply could not take it anymore. I heard the suction break with a faint pop as Terryon snatched his thumb out of his mouth and I immediately knew that this would not be good.

As my father-in-law carried on, Terryon rudely interrupted him and said,"Just be cow-it!" This translates to 'just be quiet." Well the look on my father-in-law's face alone had me scurrying off to another room to muffle my laugh. As I had done so, Terryon politely stuck his thumb back in his mouth as if he were innocent. My poor father-in-law didn't quite know how to respond, he did not say another word as he took Terryon's hand and lead him to his assigned corner and walked away. I peeked out from behind my bedroom door and covered my mouth to see what would happen next, Terryon stood in the corner, thumb in mouth, while my father-in-law plopped on the couch, defeated by his three year old grandson.

I would love to hear your funny stories about your family! C'mon share with us!

Suzie Says: Q: I'm angry at my mom and my daughters. When will I ever be whole?

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 08:43:56 -0700

I get a lot of e-mails from women who were raised in a dysfunctional past. Some are obviously hurting. Others have learned to hide it well. They look put together, composed, maybe even perfect. But the common desire is, "I want to get past this".

This week I received this note:

I am 62 years old and I really don't know where to start. I have been mentally and emtionally abused by my Mom. I am a Christian and I have tried turning the other cheek and forgivness and she still is always doing her stuff. Now my oldest daughter has called me a hypocrite and I am a mess.

Dear friend, I love your honesty, and I think your first question is the most important: where do I start?

Is it possible to begin with the understanding that we -- you and I -- don't have the power to fix anyone. Ever. We can't make them apologize for the past. We can't make them see things our way. We can't make them say 'I'm sorry". We can't make them behave in a way that is caring or nurturing.

Understanding that most important steps frees us to do the next. To take a look at our own lives.

At 62, when you look at your own life and no one else's, what is it that you need? Is it to feel validated as the person that you are, are want to be, or are trying to be? I want you to know that you are loved by God in the most powerful way. He sees you. He hears you. He loves you. When people fail us, He does not. That was my first step toward healing, reaching for God and realizing He had been reaching for me from the beginning. He knew me and my heart.

When you look at your own life and no one else's, what is it that you need? If it is healing, then take one step toward that. If it is counseling by a licensed professional that will help you gain new perspective, do that. If it is reading books that might shed a different light and help you see yourself differently, do that. If it is connecting with women who are strong and loving and healthy in a church, group, community, do that.

When you look at your own life and no one else's, what is it that you need? If it is to let go of the past hurts, then do that. If you don't know how (and who does?), be willing to let go. It's a conscious decision that says, "I have no clue how to do this, but I'm willing if that will move me forward". It starts the process.

Letting go means that you are free to move forward with your life. If no one else is willing to let go, then you are and it is a clear signal to you and the rest of the world that you are not going to be bound by the past, or other's decisions or choices.

When you look at your own life and no one else's, what is it that you need? If it is to set reasonable boundaries to work toward a more healthy relationship with your mom or daughters, then do that.

The book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend or my book, The Mom I Want to Be:Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future both discuss setting healthy boundaries when the people in your life are not healthy.

We'll talk more privately, you and I. But these first few steps are ones I had to take personally. It was a beginning, but one that helped me grow and mature as a woman, as a mom, as a daughter, wife, and human being. But especially as a woman of faith.

And the one thing I didn't expect? It changed others around me. When I realized that I couldn't change anyone but myself, it freed others up to start their own journey at their own pace.

I am praying for you today, my new friend.

Suzie

Meet our newest CML blogger, Takiela Bynum!

T. Suzanne Eller — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 09:43:46 -0700

I am so excited to introduce a pretty cool lady named Takiela. She will blog every week, along with Jill, Carla, and me. I first met her in Colorado and realized she was pretty special right away. She's enthusiastic about God, family, books, and life in general. She's had some struggles, and maybe she'll share more details later, but one word that comes to mind when I think of "T" is courage. This is what she wants you to know!

Greetings CML Sisters!

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about myself. First things first, I know some of you are wondering about my name. Well, I really think my parents decided to play some kind of sick joke on me, and the reason being is that I have an older sister whose name is Tina and a baby brother whose name is Isaiah. Why they named me after an alcoholic beverage, I can't quite figure out. I've asked them and the best answer they come up with is that they saw the name and really liked it. Well of course my next question was, "were you at the bar?!" They deny any foul play being involved but I beg to differ. One day I'll write about how I played a joke on my mother while pregnant and how I threatened to name my baby after alcoholic beverages too. I thought for sure she would pass out, but that's another story. LOL!

I've been married for 12 years and I have three children. My husband and I were high school sweethearts (awwwe!). I’ve known my husband and his family since I was about 10 years old. I lived directly across the street from him. I came from a single parent home and he grew up in a traditional family home with both parents. Terry (my husband) and I have weathered many storms together. I’ll write about some of our “overcoming” moments, but that’s another story. ; )

In addition to being a wife and mother, I am also a writer and speaker.Currently I'm working on two books, one is fiction and the other is non-fiction. I teach an all girls bible study at an urban youth center, they range from ages 11-13, and they are a great group of girls. I teach abstinence classes to at risk youth and counsel pregnant teens. If you hadn't noticed I love working with youth. However, another passion I have is for hurting women. There are many things that I've been through in my 31 years on this earth and I seize every opportunity to encourage others (women and youth). I feel a strong connection to youth and hurting women because of my life's experiences but that's another story. ; )

I am Founder and President of Books A Latte (booksalatte.com), which is a site for the Christian reader and writer. You'll find the latest book news and reviews, author interviews, book giveaways, blog tours, articles pertaining to writers and readers, etc. My other website is His Beauty 4 Ashes (hisbeauty4ashes.org), this is a website created to empower women, tween, teens, and twenty-somethings. It's still a work in progress that I'm extremely excited about. I have a few other WIP's that I am working on, but that's another story. : )

(I've got quite a few stories to share, eh?)

Well sisters, I've told you about my story (in a nutshell), I'd love to hear about you! Take a moment to tell share about yourself, let's e-meet each other and give virtual hugs. : )

Hugs to all of you and MANY blessings! Takiela

School is in Session - Do Our Children Have the Faith Foundation They Need? (Part 1)

Jill Hart — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 06:00:00 -0700

It's that time of year again. Time to make sure our children are prepared to begin another school year. Whether we choose homeschooling, a private school or the public school system we've got to make the lists and ensure that all the necessary supplies are on-hand.

Pencils? Check.

Paper? Check.

Glue? Check.

Biblical Foundation? Uhhhh....let me check.

One of my biggest fears is that my children will grow up and somehow miss the truth of the gospel. It terrifies me to think that my beautiful babies might someday abandon the faith that I cling to. So, how do we establish a Biblical foundation in our kids' lives? Here's what I've come up with as some of the ways we can plant the seed and help our children's faith take root.

Read God's Word
I have a certain time and place that I like to have my devotional time - after my morning shower, in the quietness of my room. My husband is at work, my daughter is at school and my 4-year-old is generally not awake enough to care what I'm doing.

I used to wonder if I should be reading my Bible in front of my kids. We are, after all, supposed to be modeling these things for our children, right? Then I realized that I rarely saw my parents reading their Bible. It certainly wasn't because they weren't reading it. I know they did when I was young and that they continue to do so. And then it clicked - that was the example they set for me. And if their quiet example was enough to guide me, I pray that my quiet example in this area will be a guide for my children.

Read God's Word With Your Children
Recently my dad brought a new DVD to our house. It was a great animated movie about David and Goliath (part of the CBN Superbook series). As we discussed the movie and how great the animation was, my dad mentioned that he'd heard an interview with the creators of the movie. In the interview they stated that one of the reasons that they brought the Bible to life through animation is because children of today are no longer brought up hearing the stories of the Bible.

Our kids may hear the stories from the Bible in Sunday School, but how often do we sit down and read those stories to them ourselves, explaining that they are true? I am making an extra effort in this area now to be sure that my kids know their "spiritual roots." The more intentional we are about planting a firm foundation of faith in our kids, the better off they'll be in the long run.

** Stay Tuned for Part 2 Next Thursday **

Carla's Corner: Why The Spiritual Mom?

Carla Williams — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:00:00 -0700

Big thanks to Suzie for inviting me to blog on CML! I feel honored to serve with this group of women.

Would you believe that being a mom was the last thing I ever wanted to do? Growing up, I had big career plans of working with special needs kids. I never wanted kids of my own. My own mother had serious mental and medical problems that kept her from being a whole mom, which soured my viewpoint of motherhood. In many ways, I fulfilled the role of mom to my siblings.

My senior year in high school I decided to throw my “good girl” image in the gutter and started experimenting with just about every temptation I had resisted. I became pregnant my first year in college—not a great thing when you’re the preacher’s oldest daughter. Fortunately, the father of my child had a real hunger to know God and took responsibility for our lives. We had a rough start and almost didn’t make it past the first year. Thanks to God’s grace, I’ve been married to that wonderful guy for almost 35 years.

So how did a gal like me, who ran from the very thought of motherhood, become a “professional mom?” By falling on my face before God and surrendering my views and fears to him, asking for his will in my life. Be careful what you ask. Two years into our marriage, Timothy and I (with our two year old son) became house parents for special needs adults—most of them older than us, but younger in heart and mind. After three years, we went into full time ministry, which included opening our home up to those in need—especially kids from broken homes. We had two more birth sons and I found that I loved motherhood!

Why The Spiritual Mom? As we took people into our home, it became apparent that many of them had a black hole that needed filled by godly parents. My husband has been a pastor for thirty years. On their own accord, our community of believers thinks of Tim as “dad” and me as “mom.” For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory, (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

While I fulfill the role of a spiritual mom in many people’s lives, the real image of a nurturer and mentor, is the Holy Spirit. He filled the mother shaped hole in my own heart, and made it possible for me to love and mentor others. We are all made in God’s image, but the Holy Spirit reflects the images that I see in women—giver of life, counselor, intercessor, and comforter. In upcoming blogs, I will discuss how we can depend on him to fulfill this role in our lives and set the example for us as mothers.

Takiela, the Redeemed Sinner...Not the Drink

Takiela — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:30:00 -0700

Greetings CML Sisters!
I would like to take this opportunity to tell you about myself. First things first, I know some of you are wondering about my name. Well, I really think my parents decided to play some kind of sick joke on me, and the reason being is that I have an older sister whose name is Tina and a baby brother whose name is Isaiah. Why they named me after an alcoholic beverage, I can't quite figure out. I've asked them and the best answer they come up with is that they saw the name and really liked it. Well of course my next question was, "were you at the bar?!" They deny any foul play being involved but I beg to differ. One day I'll write about how I played a joke on my mother while pregnant and how I threatened to name my baby after alcoholic beverages too. I thought for sure she would pass out, but that's another story. LOL!

I've been married for 12 years and I have three children. My husband and I were high school sweethearts (awwwe!). I’ve known my husband and his family since I was about 10 years old. I lived directly across the street from him. I came from a single parent home and he grew up in a traditional family home with both parents. Terry (my husband) and I have weathered many storms together. I’ll write about some of our “overcoming” moments, but that’s another story. ; )

In addition to being a wife and mother, I am also a writer and speaker.Currently I'm working on two books, one is fiction and the other is non-fiction. I teach an all girls bible study at an urban youth center, they range from ages 11-13, and they are a great group of girls. I teach abstinence classes to at risk youth and counsel pregnant teens. If you hadn't noticed I love working with youth. However, another passion I have is for hurting women. There are many things that I've been through in my 31 years on this earth and I seize every opportunity to encourage others (women and youth). I feel a strong connection to youth and hurting women because of my life's experiences but that's another story. ; )

I am Founder and President of Books A Latte (booksalatte.com), which is a site for the Christian reader and writer. You'll find the latest book news and reviews, author interviews, book giveaways, blog tours, articles pertaining to writers and readers, etc. My other website is His Beauty 4 Ashes (hisbeauty4ashes.org), this is a website created to empower women, tween, teens, and twenty-somethings. It's still a work in progress that I'm extremely excited about. I have a few other WIP's that I am working on, but that's another story. : )

(I've got quite a few stories to share, eh?)

Well sisters, I've told you about my story (in a nutshell), I'd love to hear about you! Take a moment to tell share about yourself, let's e-meet each other and give virtual hugs. : )

Hugs to all of you and MANY blessings,
Takiela

Meet Jill Hart, new blogger at CML!

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 15:54:23 -0700

When I first met Jill I loved her warm personality and her heart for work-from-home moms. Jill Hart's entrepreneurial career began in her teens when she spent a summer helping her father with his vending business, stocking pop and candy machine. When he put her in charge of a Coke machine and allowed her to keep the profits, she saw the benefits of being her own boss.

That entrepreneurial spirit motivates her to show other women how to begin and build their own businesses from home. Her popular website, CWAHM.com (Christian Work at Home Moms) reaches more than 15,000 women monthly and includes the best work-at-home tips and good clean mom humor you'll find anywhere. Jill is the host of the podcast, Christian Work at Home Moment and co-host of the LIVE internet radio show, The CWAHM Network.

Jill writes, blogs and speaks about finding a business niche, creative and inexpensive marketing, and finding balance while working from home. She is a featured blogger in the Guideposts Blogger Network. Jill and CWAHM have been featured in The Wall Street Journal and FIRST Magazine for Women. Her articles have been featured on websites like DrLaura.com and she is a columnist for a number of mom-focused websites. She is also a contributing author in four books and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom (Beacon Hill, Sept 2009).

Jill has spoken on work at home topics at places such as the LifeLight Festival and online at sites like CelebrateMoms.org, CWAHM and more. She has been interviewed on her local NBC station and speaks on the local Christian Talk Radio station once a month. Jill presents hope for moms who desire to be at home with their children. She also offers encouragement on how to live a godly life while running a home, a family and a business.

She lives in Bellevue, Nebraska with her husband and two kids and works in her pajamas as often as possible.

Meet Carla Williams, new blogger at CML!

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:25:01 -0700

When you first meet Carla Williams you realize that she is excited about two things: 1) her family. She talks about having a big house filled with food and fun and family members around the table. She's excited about her grandchildren, her children, and she is just as happy to share a story about the man she married many years ago.

The second thing that you realize quickly is that Carla loves books! She and her husband help authors find their niche as they publish books on all topics relating to faith, and get the word out to bookstores and distributors all over the globe.

She's one busy professional woman, traveling all over the nation to connect with writers, but she's also one of those rare women, someone you meet and you instantly realize that she's a spiritual mom. Someone who is not just mom to her own, but who nurtures others.

Her passion is to encourage women and families to live a spiritually fulfilling life. Her wisdom and insight flow from over thirty years as a mom to many. She and her pastor husband, Timothy, have been married thirty-five years, raised three sons, and maintained an open-door policy. They have shared their love and home with over a hundred people, including young moms, battered wives, college students, displaced families, and children of all ages, especially at-risk teens.

As a spiritual mom, Carla mentors other women to reflect image of God, The Holy Spirit—Life Giver, Nurturer, Spiritual Guide.

Carla has writing credits in curriculum, devotions, short stories, and articles. She has authored or co-authored of over 24 books including As You Walk Along the Way, My Bible Dress-Up Book, and Ears to Hear: Hearing the God’s Voice. She enjoys helping writers and editors through her position as Editorial Director for WinePress Publishing.

As Publicity Director, she helps authors build their promotional platforms and marketing plans. She enjoys partnering with her husband who is the Executive Publisher of WinePress to helping keep the standards high in Christian publishing.

She and her husband live in Buckley, WA, Their two grown sons and their families live nearby and work alongside them in their ministry and in the publishing business.

Carla's website: The Spiritual Mom

Give Away at The Spiritual Mom

Carla Williams — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

One of my favorite people is Dr. Mary Manz Simon. Her books have sold nearly 3 million copies and her advice to parents, teachers, and anyone who cares about children is phenomenal. I consider Dr. Mary a long distant mentor. I’ve admired her for years as a resource for parenting. Her presentations and blogs are packed with information and parenting advice and trends.

DaySpring graciously gave me several copies of both products—Five of the Family Planner and four of Realtime Parenting. Dr. Mary signed all of them for me. I'm giving them away at my website The Spiritual Mom.

Watch for more information and other give aways from Dr. Simon on my post on Christian MomLogic.

An Interview With Thelma Wells

Jill Hart — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 12:04:30 -0700

Thelma, you have had a successful banking and corporate career. You’ve spoken all over the country and around the world, done a lot of radio interviews, had your own television show, and written a lot of books. Many of our readers will be familiar with you from the Women of Faith conferences. It seems you’ve “done it all.” So when you left Women of Faith in February 2008, what was it that you were leaving them to do?
Thelma: Actually, I really did not fully understand what I was going to do. I was simply following the very clear instructions of God that it was time to go. I had a few speaking engagements on my calendar but certainly not enough to make ends meet. My total dependence was on God and waiting to see what He had in store for me.

Your new book, Don’t Give In…God Wants YOU to Win!, is based on a real life experience. Will you tell us a little of that story?
Thelma: I was in elementary school when one of my friends told people she was going to beat me up. I could not understand why but it was real. After school for two days I faced a crowd hungry to see a fight and a girl who I thought was my friend hit me and frighten me to tears. One the second day of my fighting ordeal my great grandmother who raised me gave me some strong advice, “Thelma, the only way to deal with a bully is to fight them. You better fight her tomorrow and beat her up. If not, you’re going to get a whipping when you get home. That was the determining factor. My Granny who had taught me that ladies don’t fight had just reversed the instruction to “fight the bully.”

I did fight her the third day and hit her hard, so she ran home, not me. I learned that when we are faced with the bully, the adversary, the enemy of our souls, the devil himself, the only way to win is to fight him with all the ammunition we have, the Whole Armor of God.

This book is about spiritual warfare, demons, the Holy Spirit, and some pretty heavy-duty areas. Why write on this topic?

Thelma: In this day and age when all around us seems to failing like our economic system, the government, relationships, health, self-worth, business and workplace situations, the church, wayward children, divorce and so much more, it is imperative that people have something sturdy and reliable to hold on to. Everyday we are fighting some kind of battle small, great or tremendous. When we don’t know how to fight against the disappoint, heartache, confusion, depression, and all the emotional and spiritual fall out from these issues, we become desperate, violent, vicious and vile. John 10:10 tells us that the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy us. But, Jesus has come to give us life and that life more abundantly than the feelings of no hope. This book teaches about the only hope we have and how to use that hope physically, emotionally and spiritually with a guarantee that we are winners when we do.

Will you share with us the chapter titles?

Thelma: Introduction: Time for Questions
Chapter One: Know How to Fight, but Never Start One
Chapter Two: Fight or Flight?
Chapter Three: Breakdown for a Blessing
Chapter Four: Weeds in the Garden
Chapter Five: Thelma’s Untold Rituals
Chapter Six: The Dynamic Duo
Chapter Seven: The Battle Is Not Yours
Chapter Eight: Winning Weapons
Chapter Nine: Fix Your Hair!
Chapter Ten: Pad Your Bra!
Chapter Eleven: Tighten Your Girdle!
Chapter Twelve: Put On Your Stomping Shoes!
Something Extra: More Winning Weapons

You’ve been known as the BEE lady, but it seems you’re evolving into more than that? Where do you see your ministry heading in the future?

Thelma: God has so many surprises for me that my heart is overflowing. I have a teaching and preaching anointing that has made my ministry one of integrity and worth. God is doing great things in my life and reinventing some vital things that will be seen by everybody in a few weeks. He has guaranteed me that the international travel I’ve done over the past thirty years, the seeds I’ve sown over my lifetime, the barriers and tough times I’ve overcome are about to pay off in many different ways. He has put Christian people in my life that have and are changing the course of my life in great and wonderful ways. I will be taking a group to Israel next November, on other Ready to Win tours throughout the world, working with World Vision in their child sponsorship program, presenting mini Ready To Win Conferences throughout the world, and whatever else the Lord assigns me to do.

Congratulations on your first Ready to Win Conference. We heard you had an awesome weekend in Garland, TX with a great group of speakers, musical artists, and attendees. Having done so many conferences in the past, why do another conference?

Thelma: This is not just another conference. This Ready To Win Conference does not just excite people or create positive thinking, it gives everyone, saved and unsaved, the winning weapons to fight off all the wicked in this world. People are not only encouraged to win the war against the evil one, they are given easy to understand tools that they have reported are so vivid in their minds that they can apply every day in every situation. Coming together in a group and learning these tried and true skills is so much easier to understand than writing it in a book or seeing it on DVD. The reports have been that this works because they were able to see it, hear it, feel it, and use it instantly and forever. In today’s world, another conference is not what we are about. We are about people joining together from different denominations, ethnicities, geographic locations, languages, and thought systems and getting insight and instruction that can bring people of all walks of life together to become a mighty army against the forces of evil.

As a follow up, how can people get the Ready to Win Conference to their area?

Thelma: People all over the world can contact me at contactus@thelmawells.com and we will get back with them with the details of how the Ready To Win Conference can come to their area.

In your book, Don’t Give In…God Wants YOU to Win!, you talk about doing rituals as it relates to fighting the good fight of faith. Will you explain that word to us and give us an example?

Thelma: The word ritual is used on to denote the routines we have in our daily lives like fixing our hair, dressing ourselves, and being prepared for the day. It means nothing more than that and nothing mysterious that would attract any evil forces.

Spiritual warfare and putting on the armor of God is a daily activity for you. Is this because you’re a nationally known Christian speaker and author, or is this something that everyone should be aware of?

Thelma: Spiritual warfare is the state of our lives whatever and whoever you are. We fight against anger, gluttony, smoking, frustration, and everything else that can make us less than our best. The warfare that we are in daily is because we live in a fallen world where Satan thinks he has power. Each and everyday he tries to confuse us into thinking that things are unfixable, out of control, etc. He is the greatest liar of all times and he lays tricks in our minds, if we let him. From the moment we were born until the day we die we will be fighting spiritual warfare. However, the good news is…people who have accepted Jesus as their Savior never have to fight alone. The end of the story is that Jesus and His people win and the devil is a number one loser!

Thelma, this book was released at a perfect time. So many people are struggling just to survive. They’ve lost jobs, money, health, marriages, and more. Many just want to give up! What can we do if we are in those situations to prepare for victory in the battle of life?

Thelma: When you’re in a battle these are the things that must be done in order to win:

• Put on the helmet of salvation to cover your thought life.
• Put on the breastplate of righteousness to guard your heart against devil and sin.
• Put on the girdle of Truth so that you will be able to understand what real truth is and be able to use the Sword of the Spirit (The Word of God – the Bible) in every situation as Jesus did when He was tempted by the devil in the mountain.
• Put on the shoes that have prepared you with the preparation of peace so you can march and stay fit as you tell other people about the goodness and the gospel of Jesus Christ.
• Hold up the shield of faith believing that God will keep every Promise He made for our good.
• Pray for each other and for ourselves by asking God for what we need, seeking His perfect will in all we do and knocking continually until we know God has answered our prayers. We must realize that God does not answer all our prayers the way we want Him to but whatever way He answers them, they are for our good and for His glory.
• Praise God with thanksgiving for all He has done and will do for us. The worship of God brings us into an atmosphere of being able to fight the good fight of faith and WIN.

Where/how does “submitting to God and the devil will flee from you” fit into spiritual warfare?

Thelma: God asks us to do a simple thing, trust Him enough to give Him all of us. That’s hard to do when you try to control your life yourself. It really amounts to us (you and me) worshipping ourselves instead of worshipping God. When we live in humble submission to God, Satan will try to attack but God is our Protector. This is not a one-time submission to God. Everyday and sometimes during the day we must ask Him to lead us not into temptation and to protect us from evil because evil is always near. We are told to pray without ceasing. This means that we must stay in the attitude of prayer 24/7. It’s simple but it presents a challenge for us because we are so distracted by our day, our desires, our dreams, our relationships, etc. that we often forget that none of this would be possible were it not for the Lord who grants it. Submission means to let God be the driving force and the guiding force in our lives and trust Him that He will do exceedingly abundantly over and above what we can ask or think according to His power that works in us. The most peaceful, contented condition of my life is when I actually and earnestly turned my entire life over to the direction of God. I can now recognize when Satan tries to tempt me, confuse me, and drive me into doing or saying things I should not. It has come about with trust in God and practice of His word. Satan will attack but God will counter-act.

Most of us are familiar with the list of spiritual weapons available for us to use as listed in Ephesians 6. You have a way to remember these that might be more relevant to today’s woman – as a mom, wife, business woman, etc. Will you share these five things with us that you do daily when you’re getting “dressed” in the morning?

Thelma, it seems you are all over the Internet these days. Anyone can find you on your web site, Facebook, Twitter, web casts, a blog tour, the You Go Girl Network, and other cutting edge things with technology. Why is it important for you to use all these various methods to spread your message?

Thelma: Technology is the way God planned for us to get His message to the world according to Matthew 28:19.

How did you get the name, Mama T?

Thelma: A young lady in my church named me that because she thought that was a fitting name for me and it has become a loving name for the ladies in my mentoring groups.

So what’s next for the Mama T and Ready to Win?

Thelma: My website (ThelmaWells.com) is being reinvented to a teaching tool for people to learn more and more about how to win the battles of life. There will be powerful tools available, I will be personally speaking with people and many other changes that will enlighten, encourage, inform, influence and empower people to fight the good fight and win.

Where can our readers buy your new book and register for the webcast?

Thelma: On my web site, which is ThelmaWells.com. They can click on the July RTW On-line Web cast button to learn more or register for the next series of web casts that start on July 7. You can also watch this video to learn more…click here.

My new book, Don’t Give In – God Wants YOU To Win! is also available online and at local bookstores such as, Family Christian Stores, Lifeway Christian Stores, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble Book Stores, Mardel’s, Anchor Distributors, Christianbook.com, and many other stores and vendors throughout American and the United Kingdom.

Is there anything that we didn’t ask that you’d like to share with us?

Thelma: In all we’ve said, we need to remember that Jesus loves YOU and has a plan for your life. This plan includes you living a life free from worry and anxiety. God is in control of everything. When we trust in Him, give Him our lives to guide, seek the will of the Father, ask Jesus to be the Lord and Master of our lives, and accept the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we are winners and nobody or nothing can take that away from us!

IN CLOSING, Thank you, darling, for having me today on your blog. I hope you and your readers will visit my web site at ThelmaWells.com. And remember always be READY TO WIN!

Conference Season Rollercoaster Ride

Carla Williams — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:49:24 -0700

I returned Thursday from my 10th conference since the first of March. It's been quite a roller coaster ride. The last one was the Oregon Christian Writer's Conference. Before that I attended the National Speakers Association Convention.

Although I came home exhausted and ill, it has been a great summer of learning, teaching, and networking. I've made some great new friends and connected with old ones. At the International Christian Retail Show I made some great connections and gathered some give aways that I will be posting on here and on my blog The Spiritual Mom. Watch for them!

Really Woolly: A fun-filled site and products for your kids {{GIVEAWAY}}

T. Suzanne Eller — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:05:08 -0700

Dayspring has created a cool line of products, books, and even an interactive site for kids called Really Woolly. I spent a few minutes hanging out on the site and wished I had a child beside me so we could play the games, like Sheep Shuffle, or make a Grandma, Mom, and Me memory book (download straight from site to printer!).

The best news is that they have provided three Really Woolly plush toys for giveaway so you can give it to a child or grandchild in your life!

Want to win? Just share one fun fact about your grandchild/son or daughter/nephew or niece/or a child that you love and we'll pick three lucky winners!

Stress Survival For Moms

Jill Hart — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 08:00:00 -0700

In 2000 when I married my Airman husband I had the face of youth – no worry lines (or at least very few) creased my face. The next year saw 9/11 and the calm life I’d known as a military wife was forever altered. We live in Nebraska, far from ground zero, and yet the effects of what happened and the war that began as a result deeply impacted us as it did every military family in one way or another.

I was pregnant with our first child at the time, only three months away from giving birth. I remember lying awake at night worrying about how the war would affect my husband, our child, our country. So many unknowns in an already uncertain world. During this time, and many other times of fear and worry, I learned a few things about surviving in the stressful world of a military wife - things that still help me today as I traverse the unknown waters of being a mom.

Know when to take a break
There are days when things seem to be going wrong from the moment my feet hit the floor. It’s days like these that I’ve been known to take a time out – whether that means putting myself down for a nap while the kids take theirs, or a long bath in the evening after the kids are in bed, or even an hour out in the swimming pool with them right in the middle of the day.

It’s amazing to me how taking time out to do something for myself or something that I can enjoy with my family helps me readjust my attitude. There are many things that are out of our control, so we must make the best of those things within it.

Know when you need a friend
At times, we must allow ourselves to admit that we can’t do it all. When our husbands are deployed and we’re left to handle the mundane tasks of each day there will be times when we feel overwhelmed. It’s at those times that we need to reach out to someone we trust. Call a friend and arrange to go out for coffee, or for them to to come over – whatever it takes to allow yourself some friendly conversation, some time to vent or a shoulder to cry on.

Know when mix things up
Sometimes life gets ’stale’ and a girl just needs to shake things up a bit. When you find yourself frustrated and stressed out, you many just need to find something new that will get your mind off of the stressful parts of your life and get you excited about learning. Take a class, join a club or find a new ministry to be a part of. You’ll be amazed at how a fresh perspective will make everything seem manageable.

Know when to give it to God
God knew when He created us that we’d need someone that we can pour our hearts out to 24/7. Psalms 62:8 (NIV) says, “ Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”

I have leaned on that verse so many times. It comforting to know that He expects and wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. In my mind that means I can tell Him anything, even the small details about how that rude guy cut me off in traffic. Some time spent pouring my heart out to God always leaves me feeling refreshed, renewed and ready to face life again.

About the Author:
Jill Hart is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com. Jill is a co-author of the upcoming book So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom (Beacon Hill, Sept. 2009). Jill welcomes work-at-home questions at http://AskJill.cwahm.com. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home/

She Speaks: a conference for women who desire to speak and write in ministry

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:00:00 -0700

I'm exhausted. And exhilarated. I just returned late last night from She Speaks, a conference hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. Six hundred women from all over the nation and five countries poured in to connect with others who have the same dream: to speak and/or write in ministry.

Mom bloggers all over the web are blogging about it: Like Chatting at the Sky and Mocha with Linda and Boo Mama.

I'm with the team of Proverbs 31 Ministries, but the new girl on the block, so in a sense I both worked this conference (teaching and evaluating), but I also attended it.

I fully attended on Saturday night when Jennifer Rothschild stepped up to the podium and began to speak. Her words were simple and profound. . . and they hurt, while they nudged and prompted me to action. I'm sure she had no idea that God was choosing to use her words to remind Suzie Eller of truth, or to make me look at some areas where God would like to step in--again.

I left that session and went straight into the prayer room. I found my name, prayed over by the team. They had prayed over all 600 women, and it sat next to a beautifully written page that simply said, "Jehovah Nissi" - He is my banner. And the scripture underneath showed that God was faithful to talk to his girls, to be a banner even if the message wasn't something you really wanted to hear, but he had been whispering in your ear for a long time.

So this after I'm transformed, challenged, humbled, and excited to connect all over again with the beautiful ladies of Christian Momlogic.

We have some really great plans for Christian Momlogic. Stay tuned for introductions of some new team members and some exciting, fun new things coming up.

Living Life as a Mad Mom: Hope and Help for Angry Moms

Jill Hart — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 06:30:00 -0700

I know firsthand was life as an angry mom is like. I spent almost two years trying to control my temper and failing miserably. It took a confrontation with someone close to me for me to really take a good, hard look in the mirror and realize that the problem was bigger than me. My anger was out of control. I had turned into someone that I didn’t recognize and my family was suffering because of it.

Soon after that confrontation, my kids and I were in the doctor’s office because one of them was sick. After the check-up, as the doctor was getting ready to go I mentioned to him briefly that I’d been struggling with anger. I remember saying, “I’m not sad or depressed. Just really angry…all the time.” Having known us for quite a while (in fact he delivered my son), he gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant and wanted me to try it to see if it helped. I really wanted it to help. I wanted to be a good mom, a loving mom, and at the moment I felt an ogre.

Fast-forward a couple of years. I was no longer taking the anti-depressants and the anger was still an issue. One day, during an appointment with a med-student (I had gone in because my hands were swollen), she decided to check my thyroid levels because of some other symptoms that I described such as weight gain and exhaustion. It turned out that things that I assumed were part of a mom’s normal life (what mom isn’t over-tired? and many of us are still carrying around a little ‘baby fat’, right?) were actually a medical issue with my thyroid. I’m thrilled to tell you that after a year of treatment, I’m on my way to being “normal” again and the anger is no longer an issue.

For me, it was a medical condition. For other moms it can be postpartum issues, the after-effects of giving birth or a traumatic event in their lives that changes them from the fun-loving women they know themselves as to stressed-out, angry moms. If you relate to any of the above, read on for a few tips that can help you find help … and hope.

1. Get Help – The first step, of course, is to recognize that anger is something that you’re struggling with and that you may not be able to handle it on your own. This was a huge hurdle for me and looking back, I wish I had done it much sooner. Make an appointment to talk with someone you trust – a close friend, your pastor, a doctor, a counselor or someone else that can help you find the cause of your anger.

2. Make Sure They Hear You – I made the mistake of mentioning my anger to our family doctor at the end of an appointment for one of my kids. As a result, he didn’t have time to spend with me and because he trusted what I said – that anger was the only symptom I was aware of – he did went ahead and put me on Prozac instead of having me come back for a screening.

Don’t do what I did. Make an appointment for yourself. Go, sit down and explain what you’re feeling and experiencing. In my case it turned out to be something that Prozac couldn’t help with – my thyroid.

3. Take Care of Yourself -When you’re dealing with anger one of the best things that you can do is give yourself a break. Build some time into your schedule to take a long walk, a bath or something else that helps you unwind. If you need to vent, call a friend or even write it out on paper just to get some of the anger out of your system (be sure to throw the angry notes in the trash).

4. Be Honest With Yourself – Looking back I can see that I was caught up in the game of pretending that everything was fine instead of letting my friends in on the struggles I was having. I had to get to a place where I was forced to be honest – with myself, with God and with those around me. I can tell you firsthand that it was a huge relief – a burden lifted from my shoulders – when I was able to sit and tall honestly about what I was feeling.

5. Let People Help – Another mistake I made was thinking that I needed to be super-mom. That I needed to have it all together and be able to do it all. Over the last couple of years I’ve learned that it’s okay not to be good at everything and that it’s okay to let others help once in a while. And now I’m strong enough to be able to reach out and help others.

It took sickness for me to be able to let go of the standards I had been holding myself to. It took getting to the point that I could barely get out of bed for me to go and get help. I was angry and frustrated for so much longer than I needed to be because I wouldn’t let myself reach out for help. If you see yourself in any of the above, please, please email me or reach out to someone that you trust. Find hope today!

About the Author:
Jill Hart is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com. Jill is a co-author of the upcoming book So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom (Beacon Hill, Sept. 2009). Jill welcomes work-at-home questions at http://AskJill.cwahm.com. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home/ .

A little about me.......

Jill Hart — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 12:06:57 -0700

Jill Hart's entrepreneurial career began in her teens when she spent a summer helping her father with his vending business, stocking pop and candy machine. When he put her in charge of a Coke machine and allowed her to keep the profits, she saw the benefits of being her own boss.

That entrepreneurial spirit motivates her to show other women how to begin and build their own businesses from home. Her popular website, CWAHM.com (Christian Work at Home Moms) reaches more than 15,000 women monthly and includes the best work-at-home tips and good clean mom humor you'll find anywhere. Jill is the host of the podcast, Christian Work at Home Moment and co-host of the LIVE internet radio show, The CWAHM Network.

Jill writes, blogs and speaks about finding a business niche, creative and inexpensive marketing, and finding balance while working from home. She is a featured blogger in the Guideposts Blogger Network. Jill and CWAHM have been featured in The Wall Street Journal and FIRST Magazine for Women. Her articles have been featured on websites like DrLaura.com and she is a columnist for a number of mom-focused websites. She is also a contributing author in four books and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom (Beacon Hill, Sept 2009).

Jill has spoken on work at home topics at places such as the LifeLight Festival and online at sites like CelebrateMoms.org, CWAHM and more. She has been interviewed on her local NBC station and speaks on the local Christian Talk Radio station once a month. Jill presents hope for moms who desire to be at home with their children. She also offers encouragement on how to live a godly life while running a home, a family and a business.

She lives in Bellevue, Nebraska with her husband and two kids and works in her pajamas as often as possible.

Little Picasso

Carla Williams — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:50:36 -0700

Do you have a little picasso who likes to color on walls? My three-year-old grandson Micah is going through this phase. My daughter-in-law has found drawings on window sills, on his bed sheets, in her bible (looked like he was trying to highlight like she does), just about every where but on paper. Her biggest concern is that he doesn't want to always tell the truth about his behavior. You can find out my suggestions on The Spiritual Mom website blog. www.thespiritualmom.com

I would love to hear your ideas and experiences.

Stupid About Men: Strategies for choosing the right man for the right reason

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 09:43:39 -0700

It's no secret. Women can choose the wrong men in their lives but never understand why. The cycle continues until they come to their senses, learn from their mistakes, or come to grips with their past.

"Smart girls learn from their mistakes," says author and therapist, Deborah Dunn. "The violent nature of our society has escalated, as has the addiction to sex, drama, and the worship of romantic love." Dunn is the author of a new book, Stupid About Men: 10 Rules for Getting Romance Right.

Dunn says that some women want to know how to have the power to make a man want them, because it's the only power they feel they have. But relationship mistakes don't just include sex and sexuality; they include choosing abusive men, weak men, dangerous men, or men we hope to change.

"Forget it," says Dunn. "It won't happen. Marriage only makes men more of what they already are. You don't marry potential. You marry the man."

In Stupid About Men, Dunn says happiness is not about getting a man; it is about finding your soul. And many women lose themselves in the process of trying to find a man. "It is when we aren't sleeping -- when we are content with our lives, our work and ourselves -- that we attract men who want to share real life with us," explains Dunn.

The rules for getting romance right are learning to choose a good man, not a financial plan; deciding to be happy no; learning to be smart rather than sexy; caring for yourself; not trying to be perfect; telling the truth; steering clear of bad boys; and finding your own soul first.

One strong lady: Guest blog by CML's ShaRhonda Crow

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:36:36 -0700

ShaRhonda Crow has been working out with one strong lady recently. Not only is ShaRhonda losing a few l.bs, she's being inspired.

She sent this to Christian Momlogic about a lady named Miranda, one strong lady.

Matthew 5:16 NAS Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven!

Whoa, what a strong and well said verse! And you know what else, how many Mothers can sit and tell you that one particular verse from the Bible is their family’s verse? If you can, you are one up on my family.

The above verse is also the family verse for 32-year-old woman of faith, wife, mom of 3, daughter, friend, trainer, National VP for Arbonne, future missionary, counselor, former University of Oklahoma College Basketball Player 1996-1999, MOPS table leader- Miranda Stacy Burcham!

From a distance you would probably think fitness fanatic, you know, a blond version of Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser, or at least that is what I've been thinking for the last say 8 months while I've been "working out/gabbing" with my girlfriends at First Baptist Church in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. While walking by myself pushing my dear two year old daughter in the stroller during the first week of June, I watched approx 40+ women boot camping it. When I found out child care is being provided for only $2 and the cost of class was going to be ZERO, I decided to do it!

What?

This is Miranda’s ministry! She has such a heart for fitness and health that she started a ten week- 4 day/week class on June 15th, 2 days at First Baptist Church in Broken Arrow and 2 days at the high school football field in Coweta, Oklahoma where her husband is the head football coach. Once the ten week program is over, when school starts back, she is prayerfully considering continuing the 2 a days at FBCBA!

I am not going lie to you, the class isn’t easy. It is not for sissies! It calls for karaoke’s, running bleachers, running sprints, burpees, rolling over tractor tires. Yep, I was begging for a handicap toilet after 2 days, but it was the best feeling ever! Miranda did not force me to do anything beyond my limits though, she encouraged me and told me how strong I was and what a great job I was doing! Just as she encouraged the other 50+ women who came on Monday and Wednesday and the 40+ that came on Tuesday!

The name of this ministry: Powerful-Hourfull! The main purpose of this ministry is to give Mom’s/Women one hour to themselves to work out and pour into them the time they need to be happy about them and to know that they are POWERFUL. It’s not about being fat or thin or what size you are but about whom you are and how you feel. Miranda often heard these things from women at the gym and wanted to make a difference.

“Not enough time.”

“I’ll never lose weight.”

“I can’t connect the dots, mentally, physically, socially.”

Miranda just wants women to get to know that their physical goals are possible. She wants them to know that they can take an hour in the gym and not only change the way they look, but the way that they feel inside and out!! It is about helping women push through their perceived physical limits, but also take every area of their life to the next level. Miranda is extremely goal oriented. Her Arbonne team is getting ready to earn its 21st Mercedes at the end of July, how cool is that! And of course she proudly drives her white Mercedes around and proudly displays the bumper sticker “Press On”, on the back!

Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

Helping you become a better you, will make me better.

One of her favorite quotes is: To be great, serve many.

Miranda has been a Christian since she was seven years old. She has been married to her husband Stephen for 8 years and they have three beautiful children, Bronson 6, Brelee 3, and Brax 1.

So, what is a typical Miranda day/week? Monday-Friday, workout, but if there is something that comes up, it is not earth shattering! Lunch at ChickFil-A, Souper Salad or home, naptime for the kiddos, shower, playtime, pickup time, boating, and no more than 10 hours a week devoted to Arbonne.

And for the question we are all dying to know, what is Miranda’s daily food intake? First of all, “Eat clean, eating sensibly no boxed food, shop the outward aisles.”

Breakfast

Water

1 Minute Oatmeal, w/honey, RAW sugar, flax seed, wheat germ, raisins, a few nuts,

After Workout, because you have to replace those carbs

Water

Fruit/apple w/ ½ t peanut butter

Lunch

Soup/Salad, bread on side, hummus, carb & PROTEIN

Snack

3-4 Ritz Crackers, ½ piece of string cheese

Dinner (smallest meal) around 6-6:30

Roast, carrots, corn on the cob

Big Glass of Water

Do her kids get junk food? Yes, and they love sweet tea! But, for the most part they make healthy choices, which I think for any Mother is very important!

So, in response to being called the blond version of Jillian Michaels? Miranda takes that as a huge compliment, especially as a Christian if she can make even an ounce of an impact in someone’s life as Jillian has, that is HUGE! Also, how many of us women have our own personal life verses from the Bible? Miranda’s is:

Phillipians 3:13-14 "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I PRESS ON TOWARD THE GOAL TO WIN THE PRIZE FOR WHICH GOD IS CALLING ME HEAVENWARD IN CHRIST JESUS!!

Miranda and her family have an opportunity to go on their first mission trip June 30-July 5th. They hope to one day take their family to Africa and after watching Slum Dog Millionaire, now have India on their list. However for now, God has directed them to Falcon, Colorado. Colorado has a LARGE un-churched population and the town has doubled in size in the last few years. Miranda and her husband Stephen will be running basketball camps, football camps, and telling Bible stories. They will be traveling as a family and will need prayer as a family in travel, prayer for the ministry team, prayer for safety and prayer for financial support. The ministry team consists of 15 team members.

Another huge passion Miranda has is for abused children, she is involved with a group called Royal Family Kids Camp, which is the nation's leading network of camps for abused, neglected and abandoned children. At this time there are only five camps in Oklahoma. Her goal is to bring one to the Tulsa area.

If you live anywhere near the Tulsa, OK area and are interested in joining this six-week program with the option of working out any of the 4 days of the week or all of them the classes each day begin at 9:30. M & W at First Baptist Church Broken Arrow and T & TH at Coweta High School Football Field!

If you are looking to join a MOPS group in your area, go to this link!

If you are led to help Miranda and her Mission Team as they spread God’s word into Falcon, Colorado

All contributions to First Baptist Church missions are non-refundable. To be tax deductible you must:

1. Make checks and Money orders payable to First Baptist Church Broken Arrow (FBCBA)

2. Enclose a note saying the project and/or individual you are supporting

3. Mail the check to : 4201 N Lions CT, Broken Arrow, OK 74012

4. Please DO NOT write Miranda’s Name anywhere on the check

Learning to Live Financially Free: Interview w/author Marybeth Whalen {{GIVEAWAY!}}

T. Suzanne Eller — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 09:51:55 -0700

Marybeth Whalen is a mom of six, wife, speaker and author. She's also a woman who cares about families and the financial strain that impacts many. Today Marybeth joins Suzie to talk about Learning to Live Financially Free, her new book, and shares tips with you on how to do just that.

Suzie Eller: What prompted you to write about your own financial life lessons?

Marybeth Whalen: My husband, Curt, and I learned that sharing our story is helpful to other people who are struggling. There's so much shame and hiding attached to issues with money. We decided that the best thing we could do is to just be honest and real about the mistakes that we've made and the lessons we've learned. People need to know they aren't the only ones struggling with these issues.

SE: You wrote this book as a couple. Why, and what were the challenges?

MB: I love to write, but I am not a financially minded person. Since my husband takes care of the bills and has lots of experience with financial counseling, it was a natural fit for me to have him involved with this project. I can tell stories, but he brings the nuts and bolts of financial management to the equation. As far as the challenges, it was not that bad. Mostly I had to learn to be patient with him while he juggled working fulltime and writing the parts of the book I needed from him. I had to not cross the line between "asking" and nagging. We are already brainstorming our next book so I would say it was a good experience overall.

SE: As the mom of six children, what advice can you give to mothers about spending?

MB: I would say that the best thing a mom can do is cook at home. When Curt does financial counseling with families very often he discovers a huge portion of their monthly spending is going to eating out. This is an easy enough fix. I encourage moms to make a meal plan and then create a grocery list based on the needed ingredients for those meals. I usually do all of this on weekends. I sit down in my kitchen with some favorite cookbooks and begin writing down meals and what I will need to make them. (I do this in the kitchen so I can easily hop up to check what we need.) After I am done, it's time for a grocery run with my list in hand. I might spend 1.5-2 hours doing this on a weekend, but I don't have to think about dinner again all week-- and that's a big relief to my stress level and our budget. No last minute pizza or takeout runs because I forgot to plan dinner! I post all our meals on a write on/wipe off board on the side of our fridge and each morning I look at the choices to see if I need to take meat out to thaw or start something in the crockpot.

This isn't just a money saving tip-- it's a time saving one as well! If you need some menu planning inspiration, I would check in at Organizing Junkie http://www.orgjunkie.com. She posts a roundup of menu plans every Monday and many people include recipes too. It really helps to see what a weekly menu looks like for other moms, especially if you've never done it before.

SE: What a great tip! Okay, here's a tough one. How can a mother teach their children about living financially free?

MB: By putting as much of the spending decisions as you can into their hands. We give our kids money for certain jobs, but we also have them use that money for things they want. Want to go to the movies? Sure! If you have the money for it. Want a milkshake from the drivethrough? Did you bring your money? They quickly see where their money goes... and how fast. It's so much more impactful than if you, the mom, are constantly doling out money. It's funny to see how quickly some of those things they used to beg for become not so important when it's their money. That's a lesson you want them to learn early on-- the difference between needs and wants, and delayed gratification.

SE: What made you re-evaluate your family finances?

MB: We were expecting our sixth child and were $95,000 in debt. We knew we were on a slippery slope and the reality of her arrival was weighing on us as we took on that additional responsibility. We sat in our car one night and dreamed of what it would be like to be debt free. Our dreams took shape as we plotted out what it would take to get out of debt once and for all. We were unified in our approach for the first time in our marriage and able to support each other as we took those first tentative steps. We knew it would be a long haul... and it was. It took us 4.5 years but now we are debt free except for our house.

SE: What would you say to a woman who is in that same financial spot now?

MB: Don't give up! If we can do it, anyone can! We paid off $95,000 on one income with six kids. It can be done with God's help.

SE: What's the first thing that families need to do to get a handle on their finances?

: MB: Set up a budget that your household runs on. Stick to that budget no matter what. Some people hate even hearing the word budget but we have learned that for our finances to work, it's a necessary thing that, in the end, can be quite freeing. You have something to keep you on track and parameters that lead to a sense of security instead of that feeling of not really knowing what's going on with your money.

SE: Living frugal often has a negative connotation. What is the most rewarding thing about living financially free?

MB: Being able to do things we've never been able to do before... and pay cash for it. We have to think ahead and make sure it's in the budget, but once we determine those things we can go out and make our purchase without that nagging feeling that we've just made a mistake like we used to.

SE: A fun question. What is your favorite food (don't count calories when answering!) and if you could spend one hour somewhere, who would be with you and where would you be?

MB: Favorite food: probably pizza, as teenagerish as that sounds! I also love strawberry anything! And chocolate, of course! As for an hour somewhere-- it's a close tie between on the beach at Sunset Beach, NC and in a great bookstore with a delicious strawberry blended creme drink in my hand. As for who would be with me-- my husband-- he is truly my best friend and we do most everything together. But believe me, it wasn't always that way. There were times I thought I would never be able to say that... but that's a whole 'nother topic for another time!

SE: Show us a glimpse of the life in the day of a writer, speaker, and mom of 6.

MB: No day is ever the same as the one before it. With school ending, we are looking forward to the lazy days of eating popsicles, going to our neighborhood pool, riding bikes, and catching fireflies. My oldest is driving now and will probably be working. On a good day, I get in a workout on the treadmill and get some writing done, too. Oh, and there's always meals to be cooked and laundry and dishes to be done!

SE: How can CML members find out more about your book, and where to connect with you?

MB: My personal blog, Cheaper By The Half Dozen, can be found at http://www.marybethwhalen.com.

Curt and I have started a blog dealing with financial issues at http://www.marybethandcurt.blogspot.com. We answer questions there and also post ideas for saving money. Our book Learning To Live Financially Free: Hard-Earned Wisdom For Saving Your Marriage and Your Money, is available at Proverbs 31 Ministries http://www.proverbs31.org or on Amazon.

SE: This is great information and thanks for the helpful tips as well.

And ladies, what would this blog be if it didn't offer a GIVEAWAY! Marybeth has agreed to give one lucky commentor a copy of Learning to Live Financially Free: Hard Earned Wisdom for Saving Your Marriage and Money.

Share one reason why you think this book might be helpful (to you, to others, to a Sunday school class, etc.) We'll pick a winner next Wednesday!

Real Moms: Real Jesus: Interview w/Jill Savage {{GIVEAWAYS}}

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 09:30:00 -0700

Today I’d like to welcome author and speaker, Jill Savage. Jill’s recent book Real Moms…Real Jesus, just released, and I wanted to ask her about her real mom moments.. Jill, tell us a little bit about yourself and your family. Mark and I have been married 25 years and we have five children. Anne is 24 and married to our wonderful son-in-love, Matt. Evan is 21 and married to our beautiful daughter-in-love, Julie. Erica is 18 and a college student at Heartland Community College. Kolya is 15 and in the 8th grade. We adopted Kolya at the age of 9 from Russia---the God story about his adoption is included in the Real Moms…Real Jesus book. And Austin is 12 and in the 7th grade.

Tell us about your newest book Real Moms...Real Jesus?
Real Moms…Real Jesus is a book designed to help moms understand that when Jesus lived on this earth he was fully God, yet fully man. We don’t often think about the fact that he was a human being and he lived the full human experience: pain, hunger, fatigue, frustration, betrayal, disappointment. He experienced it all!

There’s one verse in the Bible about Jesus that simply says “large crowds followed him everywhere he went.” Well, isn’t that the life of a mom? Large crowds follow her to the bathroom. They follow her to the kitchen. To the grocery store. She’s in high demand! And when Jesus lived on this earth, He was in high demand, too.

Why did you want to write this book?
Most of us long for a friend who understands. Yes, we need girlfriends who understand what our life is like. But we also need to understand that we have a friend who understands in Jesus. Too many of us think of God as being distant and unable to relate to our daily struggles. But nothing could be further from the truth! He understands and he wants us to build our friendship with Him. He wants to not only be our Savior, but also our Friend.

What do you hope your readers will gain from this book?
I hope that readers will gain a new perspective about their relationship with Jesus. I also hope to weave God’s truth into the daily life of a mom.

What unique elements will the reader find in Real Moms…Real Jesus?
Each chapter looks at some character trait in Jesus’ life that can help us in our life as a mom. In between the chapters are interactive vignettes that provide brief, refreshing glimpses into our real, messy, busy lives.

There are also questions at the end of the chapter for further consideration and suggested Bible reading in the book of Matthew. If the reader chooses to pursue the suggested reading, she will have read the book of Matthew completely by the end of the book!

There is also a leader’s guide in the back of the book so it can be used in a group setting.

This is a Hearts at Home book. What is Hearts at Home?
Hearts at Home is an organization that encourages, educates, and equips women in the profession of motherhood. Hearts at Home encourages moms through annual conferences, our extensive website (www.hearts-at-home.org), a free bi-weekly electronic newsletter, a radio program, and an entire line of books designed to meet the needs of moms all over the world!

Any closing thoughts?
I am very excited about this book! I believe that if a mom can strengthen her relationship with Jesus Christ, she will feel more equipped to be the mom she wants to be. I’m also offering an online book discussion on my blog beginning Tuesday, April 7. If you’d like to join us, you can subscribe to my blog at www.jillsavage.org.

I’d love to hear a reader’s thoughts after they read the book, too! You can connect to me through my blog at www.jillsavage.org.

Thanks, Jill, for taking time out of your busy schedule to share your real mom, real Jesus moments with us.

You can purchase your own copy of Real Moms…Real Jesus by clicking here.

And be sure to check out Hearts at Home, their conferences for moms, and all their online resources here.

From Suzie: We'll draw three names from comments left on this post to give away a free copy of Real Moms, Real Jesus! We'll draw a name on Friday!

Expert Guidance for Parents to establish healthy sexuality

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 09:07:25 -0700

Jim Burns is a parenting expert and is known for several family and youth books and his daily radio broadcast -HomeWord. Jim doesn't just focus on not having sex, he wants to inform parents on how to begin an ongoing dialogue with their children that will establish a lifetime of sexual integrity. He believes this conversation should begin young and extend throughout their entire life.

Today Jim shares his thoughts about teaching your children healthy sexuality with Suzie Eller of Christian Momlogic.

Suzie Eller: Many authors have written books to help children learn about healthy sexuality. But this is for parents. Why is that?

Jim Burns: A lot of studies show that only 10-15% of adults received positive, value-centered sex education from their own parents when they were growing up. However, the more positive, value-centered sex education that kids receive from their parents, the less sexually promiscuous that they'll be.

SE: What is the best time to begin?

JB: Age appropriate conversations can begin as early as age 3.

SE: My mom was pregnant with her first child before she turned 16. It was something she wanted to talk about, but it was from the negative aspect, which makes sense because she had a child before she was prepared to be a mom. Can you share one positive way to talk to our kids about sex?

JB: The most effective way to teach our children healthy sexuality is to engage them in an ongoing dialogue on the subject. The "one and done" approach isn't very effective.

The goal that we want for our kids is to aim for a lifetime of sexual integrity--not just a few years of fear-based abstinence. Parents say, "Don't do it until you are married." The culture says, "Have lots of sex--but use a condom and you'll be safe." And the church oftens says little if anything on the topic.

SE: So, start young. Talk about the God aspects of a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. Keep the conversation going, and age appropriate.

JB: Start by recognizing that, even thought we went to elementary school, middle school, high school, that we have no idea what it is like to be 6 or 8 or 11 or 14 in this culture. It has become sexually saturated. Become a student of the culture your kids are growing up in -- read what they read, listen to what they listen to, and watch what they watch.

SE: Let's get even more detailed in these conversations. Can you share some tips?

JB: Establish a basic framework for what you want your kids to understand. (1) God created sex -- it was His idea -- and He said it was good in the context of marriage; (2) sex outside of marriage is not His plan.

You want to teach your kids to commit to treating members of the opposite sex with radical respect and to understand the dangers of sex outside marriage.

SE: A question I'm often asked on Real Teen Faith is "how far is too far?"

JB: That's the question I get, too. Regarding "instant intimacy", help your kids establish safe boundaries regarding dating and relationships. No solo dating until 16. One study reported that kids who waited to date until the age of 16 have a 1-in-5 chance of having sexual intercourse before they turn 18. It jumps to 2-in-5 if they start dating at age 15. 50% if they start around 13 or 14. And a whopping 91% if they start dating at age 12.

SE: You encourage parents to create a pact with their kids regarding how much they'll use media like movies, music, and the Internet. Why do you believe this is helpful?

JB: It makes it easier for kids to know what their boundaries are -- and to live by them.

SE: I think parents would be wise to sit with their teens and watch an episode of their favorite programs with them. For example in the last season of Real World, there were issues such as going to war, transgendered identities, using someone in a relationship, and also a guy who had chosen not to have sex before he got married. Sometimes parents know their children are watching, but they don't talk about what they are seeing or how this is shaping their view of sexuality or the world.

What is the best advice that you can give to a parent?

JB: Don't let the failures of your past in this area keep you from engaging in an honest, open and age-appropriate dialogue about this subject. Listen more than you lecture. Help your kids find role models with integrity--starting with you. Remember that friends have a huge influence. Replace negative peer pressure with positive peer pressue.

SE: How can we find out more about this book and you?

JB: Go to HomeWord. There you'll find tons of easily downloaded tips and free articles and radio broadcasts, as well as ways to buy the book or ask questions!

I Wish There Had Been a Video Camera Pointing Straight into the Future

T. Suzanne Eller — Fri, 29 May 2009 09:12:50 -0700

I lost it. I admit it. I kicked a trashcan and it rolled down the driveway. I ran into the house, sobbing. It wasn't a pretty picture. My teen daughter came into the laundry room. "What's wrong, mom? What happened?"

It's one of a few scenes that I am ashamed of -- knowing that the scene could be painted in the Mom Hall of Shame.

My teen son and I were butting heads. He was a good kid. I was a good mom--at least, most of the time. But the taller he got, the more we clashed. I tried prayer. I tried reasoning. I tried discipline. I remained consistent, calm.

But nothing worked that day and the words he said in anger went right into my heart and my words flew out and went right into his. I raged. I roared. I kicked trashcans, and then I clearly saw myself as if looking through a lens. It was ugly. Nothing good was accomplished. That's when I literally ran into the house.

Later that night my son and I talked. I listened. He listened. We came to terms. I set some clear boundaries. He apologized, as did I.

I wish I had owned a futuristic video camera at that time. One that showed me the amazing man my son would become. One that showed us playing Wii bowling at lunch, laughing, him calling a couple of times a day just to check in, and even of us plotting a book to write one day about moms and teen sons.

Would it have changed anything? I think so. I think it would have told me that if I stayed on track -- calm, consistent, discipline, ecouragement, it would turn out okay. It would have removed the angst, the anger, the emotional backlash that said, "you're failing here, mom, and you're hurting your son and your relationship with him in the process...". I think the trash can would have been spared that day.

Maybe you're in the middle of parenting a teen who just said something hurtful or a toddler throwing a tantrum or a daughter that won't talk to you. Hang tight. Be calm. Keep doing what you're doing and love them like crazy while they grow into the man or woman they will one day become.

Parenting Is Your Highest Calling...and 8 other myths

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 25 May 2009 09:30:00 -0700

Have you ever had days that motherhood didn't feel like the greatest thing on earth? Have you ever wrestled with guilt when someone went on and on about the virtues of motherhood and it was your worst day as a mom? Leslie Leyland Fields just wrote Parenting Is Your Highest Calling...and 8 other myths that trap us in worry and guilt. The title alone made me want to read it. Join me and Leslie as we delve into what one reader titled "a delightfully smart book".

Suzie Eller: I receive about 20 books a month, but the title of yours made it stand out. What made you decide to write this book?

Leslie Leyland Fields: In some ways it didn’t feel like a decision. It felt more like an invasion! For the first fifteen years of my life as a parent, I went to bed weighted with guilt and failure. I hadn’t loved my kids enough. I hadn’t sacrificed enough. I wasn’t the perfect Christian mother I knew God expected me to be! And my kids! They weren’t where I thought they should be either! I began to realize that something was seriously wrong. I began searching the Scriptures on this whole question of parenting, and was shocked---and changed---by what I found. SE: There are so many parenting books out there already! Do we really need another?

LLF: We very much need another parenting book---a different kind of parenting book. One that doesn’t make you instantly feel inadequate for not making smiley-face pizza burgers for your children’s lunches, for not having devotions with your child every night. This book isn’t about doing more as a parent. This is not our problem. We’re already doing way too much! This is not about being more, either. It’s about believing more. Believing more of God’s truths about parenting and less of the cultural myths about parenting.

SE: What’s the fallout from believing these myths?

LLF: I see the fallout everywhere. I see it in the headlines. Just recently a news report went viral: “Kids Curb Marital Satisfaction.” 90% of couples report a decrease in marital satisfaction after their first child is born. Another study, done in 2006, found that parents were more depressed than non-parents. This is just the beginning. I speak to parents all over the country. I hear from new parents who are surprised that parenting is as hard as it is. From parents whose kids are grown, and they’re riddled with guilt because their children didn’t become who they expected. I hear from lots of women who think there’s something wrong with them because they’re not as happy and fulfilled as they thought they’d be. I see parents working so hard to be the perfect Christian parent, but the requirements, the standards keep changing! I see people raising their children by a particular system, believing the results are guaranteed. If I do ABC, then my child will become XYZ. And then the blame when that doesn’t happen. All of this is pandemic.

SE: Out of the nine myths here, which one would you say is the most dangerous?

LLF: I think the most dangerous myth is the one we stubbornly hold on to, out of fear, not faith. For me, I’d say mine is myth 8,”Successful Parents Produce Godly Children.” I’m a success-oriented person. I want so badly for all my children to become godly adults. I want so badly to have simple external ways and means of measuring their spirituality and my “success.” But I’ve discovered how dangerous this is. It leads to either a killing sense of failure---or to pride and self-righteousness. I’m trying, in effect, to earn my children’s salvation and sanctification. That’s God’s work. God’s word is so clear on this. He doesn’t require us to be successful parents; he requires us to be faithful parents.

SE: Who is to blame for the promulgation of these nine myths?

LLF: I see these myths coming from several places. From our culture at large, from our media, from our own self-oriented hearts, and yes, from the church as well. I think we in the church have absorbed many of our culture’s values. We need to take a harder look at the Scriptures---beyond the few verses we quote over and over---at God’s own parenting life recorded throughout the Old Testament. When we examine God’s parenting life, and families in the Bible, and Jesus’ own teachings on the family, we come away with some radically different expectations and understandings about the whole parenting enterprise.

SE: As the mother of six children, you must deal with your share of parenting challenges. In writing this book, what discoveries have made the greatest difference in your own approach to parenting?

LLF: That parenting is so much bigger than me and bigger than how I’m feeling about it in the midst of it. Realizing that my children are not here to fulfill my own needs and desires, but are here for God’s purposes rather than mine. This is incredibly freeing! I have much more confidence. I’m freed to love my children more----because I’m not looking to them to meet the needs that only God can meet. I’m freed from thinking my children will become who I make them. That’s an impossible burden to carry. My whole view has shifted from how I feel about parenting to what is true about parenting.

SE: What do you most hope readers will take away after they put the book down?

LLF: I hope the first thing readers say is—what a glorious God we serve! Because that’s really what this is about---seeing deeper into the heart of God and what he intends for us through parenting and the family. When we realize God is this capacious, this holy, this good . . . When we can see all the way to the end of the ages, and God’s beautiful plan for his own family, all these parenting traps fall away. We are freed, then, to worship and serve God fully, in every part of our lives, especially our parenting lives. For me, this means I’m finally I’m able to give back some of God’s glory that I was trying to steal for myself as a parent. It’s all His!

SE: Okay, let's have a bit of fun for a minute. If we were to look into your home office right now, what would we see?

LLF: Uuummmmmm, stacks of boxes everywhere, a desktop covered with books and file folders, kindergarten art projects made out of cheerios and cotton balls. Not to forget the huge fake palm tree in the corner. And of course, there’s a rational explanation to it all! I’m leaving for fishcamp in 3 days---to a remote island off Kodiak Island (Alaska) where I live and commercial fish with my family every summer. So my office goes with me in file boxes. I’ll have to leave the palm tree here, though. (It’s a pathetic attempt to feel warm through our very long, dark winters.)

SE: What's a typical day for you as a writing mom?

LLF: As soon as I return from dropping the kids off at school, I dash home---keeping the speed limit, mostly---and run to my office. I charge past the breakfast dishes, the dirty floors, the hungry cat, and the wilting plants. They’re all calling, “Clean me! Water me! Feed me!” But I’m struck---providentially, I like to think---with a momentary blindness and deafness that gets me on up into my office, where I shut the door, take a few deep breaths, and begin. For those few hours--- and some days it’s just two or three hours, other days it’s as much as five---I’m totally focused on the work. As soon as the kids come home, it’s piano time and wrestling practice and youth group . . . all that. We’re a super active family. It doesn’t end until about 11 pm, when the last teenager goes to bed. But all this is part of the writing life. I don’t stop writing just because my fingers aren’t on the keyboard. The chapter I’m working on, the theology I’m studying, all this goes with me, no matter where I am, It enriches my everyday moments and enriches my time with my kids. Writing, as with any form of art or discipline, forces me to pay attention to truths and questions when sometimes I don’t want to. It draws me into deep, risky waters. But we’re all called to love God with our minds as well as our hearts and our souls. And we’re asked not to sit on the couch, but to take up the cross every day. Writing is one way I know to do this.

SE: How can readers find out more about you and the book?

LLF: They can go to my website, http://www.leslie-leyland-fields.com. And I’m happy to befriend anyone already on facebook. I’ve got some links there to radio and TV shows I’ve done. I’ll be starting a blog this summer on my website. I’ve been resisting for several years---afraid I’d use up all my words. But I’m going to take the plunge—off the couch, back into the water!

When You Can't Afford a Conference {{GIVEAWAY}}

T. Suzanne Eller — Wed, 20 May 2009 08:00:00 -0700

I'm all about growing as a mom. I looked for resources when my teen son and I stood toe to toe, trying to work out the conflict that was tearing our relationship apart. I searched for books when Leslie was 10 months old and the doctor said, "Surprise, you're pregnant--with twins!". And now that I'm a mother-in-law of three amazing young adults, I'm reading and learning all over again.

I recently found a great resource for Christian moms who just might not be able to afford airfare, lodging, and meals to hear great speakers on issues like raising teens, how not to blow your top, strengthening your sex life or your marriage (or both), and more. It's the Hearts at Home University.

Jill Savage is an ordinary mom who wanted to connect with other women. She started a group in her home several years ago. Today it's an International organization that reaches women in Europe and across the United States. I've spoken at her conferences several times and it's amazing to see nearly 10,000 women flood the HAH national conference in Bloomington, IL each spring.

But as big as HAH is, Jill still has moms on her heart and she knows what it's like to parent in a tight economy. So she has developed webcasts that are just $15 each. She just completed "Is There Sex After Kids" and now she's hosting a webcast with Julie Barnhill, author of She's Gonna Blow!, who has spoke around the world and appeared on shows, including Oprah and Focus on the Family. The picture is of Julie speaking at a recent Hearts at Home event.

So, are you wishing you had a great resource? Are you struggling with losing your cool as a mom and wish someone would show you how to handle it a different way? I hope you'll check the next HAH University webcast here!

Now, for the fun news? HAH University has agreed to give away one free spot on the webcast to be held with Julie Barnhill on June 2, 2009 titled "She's Gonna Blow!". Leave a comment below and one lucky member will be chosen on Monday, May 25th.

My new book is available for pre-order!

Jill Hart — Mon, 11 May 2009 15:06:53 -0700

I'm so excited! My book, So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom, is now available for pre-order on Amazon! http://www.amazon.com/You-Want-Work-At-Home-Mom-Christians/dp/0834124661/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242078226&sr=8-7

The cover isn't finished yet, so it's not on there, but I'll keep you posted! :)

Angry Conversations with God: Interview w/Hollywood actress Susan Isaacs

T. Suzanne Eller — Mon, 11 May 2009 10:00:00 -0700

Susan Isaacs is an author, an actress, a comedian. She's been in a long list of TV shows and movies, including Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. But in addition to her career she's been a woman of faith. She's taken some interesting twists and turns on her search for God and those show up in her intriguing book, Angry Conversations With God. In it, she takes God to couple's counseling so they can work through some issues.

One reviewer put it like this: God in couples counseling? Sounds sacrilegious, but in the adept hands of comedian, writer and actress Isaacs, it’s a success. Isaacs moves easily between recounting her life story and her counseling sessions ... Isaacs readily admits to being snarky, but she’s honest about her quest and its conclusion: “I saw now all too clearly why I had married God: for the power and the glory. For the money.” Isaacs goes on a Job-like search for explanations from God, but instead finds the problem to be her.

As I read Susan's book I ranged from laughter to a raised eyebrow (did she really just say that?) to moments of clarity where truth, cloaked in humor, zinged me. It's a great book and interviewing Susan was just as interesting.

Suzie Eller: Hi Susan, thanks for joining us on Christian Momlogic. In this book you took God to couples counseling. How did the counseling session help your relationship with God?

Susan Isaacs: Many of us have been encouraged to view God in an intimate way: as our husband, as the lover of our soul, as the silent, invisible partner who's guiding us along in life. I did that, but I also imbued him with personality traits that weren't necessarily his. I anticipated how he'd react to my success, my failure, my longing ... based on authority figures in my life or based on biblical ideas I'd twisted around.

Taking God to counseling forced me to verbalize, out loud, that "god" in my head. Turned out he was a drill sergeant jerk, profoundly disappointed and annoyed with me most of the time. And Jesus was a really sweet wimp -- he cared about me but didn't do anything to help. Taking God to counseling forced me to realize my ideas about God had gotten tweaked. "He" had to change and start aligning with the God in the Bible, or he was 'out.'

SE: Did you discover anything about yourself in the process?

SI: Oh, what DIDN'T I discover about myself. Very painful discoveries. ... Of course I knew I'd given God and Jesus personality traits that weren't theirs. I had to realize how much I'd fashioned my faith according to my own convenience ... It's convenient to turn God into a jerk ... Because then you don't really have to take him seriously! But if he really DOES love you and wants the best for you, then you have to take him seriously. Ultimately I realized that if this was indeed a marriage, then I'd 'married' God for his money -- what he could do for me. I was a spiritual gold digger. Not a pretty realization.

SE: In your counseling sessions, you like Jesus but are pretty angry with God. Why was God getting the bad rap?

SI: It was a combination of cultural stereotypes and what was modeled to me as a child. Our culture pegs God the Father as the vengeful, Old Testament God (even though there's lots on the OT about God's redeeming, tender love) and Jesus as Tender Jesus, meek and mild (even though Jesus was plenty dangerous and he pissed a lot of people off). I did the same thing. I gave God all my negative, judgmental emotions and Jesus all of my positive, non-confrontational emotions. I turned them into the Good Cop, Bad Cop.

(A note about God being judgmental: I thought it was ironic last fall, when those greedy Wall Street CEOs got million dollar bonuses. We all went ballistic and demanded justice, even vengeance. Yet we think God is horrible if he dares to pass judgment. We've tried to eliminate good and evil in our society so we can go and do what we please and we sure don't want a judgmental God. And yet when evil happens we rise up and demand justice. We've kind of tied God's hands).

SE: God says to you (page 96) "sarcasm is a viable form of communication". I loved that line. Are you using sarcasm to point out deeper issues that many people struggle with?

SI: Absolutely! Think of all the great comedy and social commentary we've seen on Saturday Night Live, All In The Family, MASH .. Even in "The Office" or "Extras (BBC). Look at Mark Twain, Samuel Johnson, Steve Martin, Ricky Gervais, Eddie Izzard. Sarcasm is definitely a great form of communication. It catches us off-guard and makes us look at ourselves.

The American church knows how to communicate through logic, sincerity, fervor, righteous indignation. But we don't know the power of sarcasm and irony. We read every jot and tiddle in the Bible with so much reverence, that we overlook the humor or the irony. What about when Elijah taunts the prophets of Baal, "Where's your God now? Is he asleep? Is he off relieving himself?" or when Job respond to his accusers with, "Oh, so the book of knowledge ends with YOU, huh?" or even when God responds to Job very sarcastically, "Where were YOU when I separated the water from the land?"

DOH! When the man born blind is healed by Jesus and the Pharisees grill him, the guy turns into a real smart aleck. It's fantastic!

SE: You are (brutally) honest about the flawed people in the church. Sometimes it was hard to read, and at the same time I could put a face (sometimes mine) with your prose. But you also said that God used many of those flawed people to show you Jesus. Are you one of those flawed people, and how do you hope to use Angry Conversations to show people Jesus?

SI: There's a rule in comedy: "never make fun of a group of which you are not a member." By chronicling the church's flaws, I wanted to admit what the church has done, admit what I MYSELF have done, so people who've been hurt wont' feel alone. But I also wanted to highlight the good, the beautiful, the true, in each of those churches.

I am most definitely one of those flawed people! I learned an important lesson working for a pastor who was filled with holes: he was "just a guy." We are all "just a guy." I hope that those who read my book will stop and differentiate between flawed people and institutions, and the real Jesus. Flaws aren't exclusive to the church. They're everywhere in human nature: in families, in relationships, in every organization from PETA to the Girl Scouts to the Screen Actors Guild to Congress.

It's not the church's fault, it's not God's fault. It's OUR fault. It's our responsibility to own our flaws and move on.

SE: I want to thank you for taking the time to interview. I really loved the book. What are you doing now? And how can people connect with you or buy your book?

SI: Thank you, I'm so glad you connected with the book! I've got a few things going. First I'm very excited to report that I'll be going on tour with Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz! He's promoting his upcoming book, "A Million Miles in A Thousand Years," and I'll be his opening act ... Kinda like the Christian literary equivalent of opening for U2!

Also, Angry Conversations was a solo show before it was a book. I'm now reworking the solo show, and after The Don tour I'll tour my solo show.

If readers want to find out about the Book tour or my subsequent solo show tour, they can join the ACwG facebook group: http://bit.ly/c9Vro or visit the book website www.angryconvos.com or my website. I'll keep that information online.

Thanks Suzie, it's a pleasure to have your time!

SE: I hope you will check out Susan's website and I really encourage you to buy the book!

Lots of Books Giveaway! Happy Mother's Day!

T. Suzanne Eller — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:30:00 -0700

To celebrate Mother's Day Hachette Books is offering one lucky winner ALL of these new releases straight from the publishing house.
Want to win? Share your favorite Mother's day memory in the comment section below. One lucky winner will be chosen next week. You'll receive your package after Mother's Day, but you can celebrate for weeks as you cozy up in your favorite armchair and read (when the kids and work and and life will let you)!

These are the books:

1. Miracles of Motherhood By ISBN: 1931722927

2. Odd Mom Out By Jane Porter ISBN: 0446699233

3. Mommy Grace By Sheila Schuller Coleman ISBN: 0446545414

4. Beginner's Greek By James Collins ISBN: 0316021563

5. The Road Home By Rose Tremain ISBN: 0316002623

Bloggers Needed

Jill Hart — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:16:53 -0700

I need a few more bloggers to review Melody Carslon's book "Dear Mom." You get the book free! Contact me here: http://tinyurl.com/cwahm-contact if interested.

Book Give Away

Carla Williams — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:05:35 -0700

It's "costume season" and I'm giving a free copy of my book My Bible Dress-up Book" on my blog at www.thespiritualmom.com. This book has some great ideas for making bible era costumes--kid friendly and no sewing required! --Carla